Trying something a little different here, since there will be other characters that play bigger roles in this one, we're going to try other POV's on for size. So here's a little of Angel for your reading pleasure..........
They'd all died, all because of him. He'd stood before them and practically told them it was the only way to go. And they'd followed like sheep to the slaughter, he was their leader, always had been, even when he'd handed the reins to Wesley, they'd still looked to him. He'd gotten them all killed. One he could have chalked up to a casualty of war. But all of them? No, he'd should have known it was a suicide mission.
When he was feeling particularly honest, he'd admit that he had known. He known they were going to die, but he'd pressed on. The thing was, he hadn't expected any of them to come out alive. They were the demon hunting version of suicide bombers. Take out the Circle of The Black Thorn, hit Wolfram and Hart where it hurt, and then greet the firing squad with a smile. Go out with a big bang.
That had been his plan. Then he'd watched his family fall, one by one, until everything good, everything real in his life was gone. In the end it had just been Spike and himself, two of the most evil, despicable creatures to walk the earth and they'd lived. How? What kind of world did they live in? What kind of gods did they bow before that would allow Fred - beautiful, pure, kind, loving, Fred - to be possessed by a hell god - her soul ripped from her body and cast aside to make room - then allow atrocities like Spike and himself walk away?
He no longer felt compelled to fight for a world where things like that happened. Not only did he not want to fight for this world, he didn't want to exist in it. He'd thought at first it might be self-pity. Why fight so hard when what he wanted most was unattainable? Complete redemption that could only come by receiving his ultimate reward - Shanshu. But no, that hadn't been it, because he'd fought long and hard before he'd known that was what was awaiting him. Hell, he'd willing given it up just to kick Wolfram and Hart in the balls. A move he'd known wouldn't stop them, only stun them.
No, it wasn't because of that. It all came back to Fred. The others too, but none of them plagued his conscious quite like she did. Was it because she'd really been the first? No. Fred had held a part of his soul that no one else had been able to touch. He'd loved her. Never acted on it, never would have unless he'd actually managed to fulfill the prophecy. Too much danger in pursuing someone Angelus so deeply craved. He knew why the demon was drawn to her, it was for the same reasons he'd been so obsessed with breaking Drusilla. It was the innocence, the light that surrounded and filled her. Angelus had longed to corrupt that, to twist her. Angel had only wanted to be the kind of man worthy of her affections.
That's why he was here, in the bed. It was why he didn't leave his room anymore. Why he didn't concern himself with whether he'd eaten or bathed, wouldn't have even bothered with the blackout curtains if Spike hadn't drawn them the night they stumbled in broken and bleeding. No, Spike had stumbled in but Angel had been the one broken. Spike had carried him home, put him to bed and left a short while later to finish the mission.
Ever since that night Spike had been taking care of him. He made sure Angel ate and when things got a little ripe, he'd drag Angel out of bed and into the shower. The first time that had happened, Angel had just collapsed to the floor of the stall and sat there. When Spike saw he wasn't going to bother with actually bathing, Spike and stripped and stepped in to do it himself. Angel had been horrified to feel his body start to stir as Spike's fingers worked through the suds in his hair. Spike, though Angel was sure he'd noticed, had said nothing. He'd finished bathing him and then grabbed a towel for each of them.
When Angel finally emerged from the bathroom he was greeted with clean sheets and a nice view of Spike in nothing but a towel, beads of water still clinging to and running down his body. Once again he felt himself respond to the once beloved and then despised younger vampire. He'd eaten without argument that night if for no other reason than to get Spike out of his room, out of his view.
Angel had bathed himself after that, but only when Spike declared it "time to wash off the mold". Then, just as he had the first night, he'd come out of the bathroom to find his bed changed and fresh smelling. He knew his reaction to Spike's nakedness had been basically a matter of proximity and long forgotten memories resurfacing. He wasn't so crazy as to think it was something he should pursue and honestly it wasn't anything he wanted.
He and Spike had gone their separate ways years ago, had openly hated each other much longer than they'd loved each other. They hated each other more passionately than they'd loved as well. But when it came time to take on the law firm, he'd been happy to have the other vampire by his side, just like old times. He was still a little surprised that Spike was sticking around to coddle him, but he shouldn't be. Loyalty was something in which Spike had never lacked. He knew he should be grateful, any sane person would, but really, what he wanted was to be left alone. He wanted to wallow in his misery and waste away to nothing in this hotel. He wanted to turn to dust in the only place he'd ever felt at home. In the only place he'd ever been truly loved and fully accepted for what he was.
But, apparently that wasn't to be. Willow had moved in and if the way Spike smelled every time he walked in now was any indication, she wasn't leaving anytime soon. Though he'd scared her badly the first night she'd been here, he knew that wouldn't keep her away for too long. Soon she'd come and seek him out. She'd poke and prod until her all too clever brain discovered what was eating at him. Then she'd give him a dose of reality and probably have him up and out of this bed fighting the good fight all over again. He knew he needed to be rescued, knew he needed things put into perspective. He also knew she was the perfect person to do that for him.
If she didn't come looking before long, then he'd find her, just…………. not tonight. Not right now. But…….soon, very soon.