Title: The Emperor's New Clothes
Author: ILB (or an ardent rain)
Chapter: Sense of Fashion (2/?)
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Rating: an overall PG-13
Pairing: Rayne
Set: post-BDM, in the "Suitor"-verse
Summary: River and Jayne are together and have been successfully keeping that from the rest of the crew. What happens when Simon, usually the least likely to notice, is the only one who sees what's really going on?
This follows "The Reluctant Suitor" and "An Undisclosed Courtship", but is completely stand-alone.
-A/N: Well... I'm going to be honest. I was planning on waiting a little while longer to finish this chapter, but I'm in a downright horrible mood and I wanted to post something so people might read and any reviews would make me feel better. (Well... They would! Heh.) I haven't really gotten much feedback on the last few things I've written, so now I'm all paranoid. Anyway, please review - because it would make me very happy. And, you know... other stuff. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter; you have no idea how much I appreciate that! Enjoy this installment! I realize this is a little "nothing" as far as plot, but I needed Simon to make this realization. Yup. Chapter 3 may take a little longer. I've promised myself I'm going to finish 3 of "Out of Sight" first. (It... Well, it's being difficult. Heh.)
Two: Sense of Fashion
Simon sighed.
He was trying not to stare - he really was - but every giggle or teasing remark would draw his attention, and inevitably his eyes would end up on his sister once again. On his sister and the large man sitting beside her. It made him feel a little ill - of all the men on all the moons all the way across the 'Verse, River had actually chosen to be with Jayne Cobb. The trained ape. The man-ape-gone-wrong-thing! The vicious, self-serving, uneducated mercenary who had once tried to sell her back to the very men who had broken her!
The doctor sighed again. Perhaps that was a little unfair to Jayne. Perhaps it was very unfair to Jayne, but Simon wasn't in any humor to give any credit to the big man, even where it was due. Just the thought of those oversized, fumbling hands touching his brilliant, baby sister was enough to make his skin crawl. Oh, sure, it made him feel worlds better to imagine theirs was the playground sort of romance, but if the way River had wrapped herself around the merc the night before was any indication, Jayne had definitely added another name to his lengthy list of women. But as much as Simon wanted to think Jayne was just after another meaningless conquest, the chemistry between the two was unmistakably passionate and - most detrimental of all to his rather sordid view of Jayne's intentions - he'd had the misfortune to witness the two share a warm kiss.
Jayne Cobb, as proclaimed by the man himself, did not kiss on the mouth. But he'd kissed River. Right on the mouth - lips to lips. And both of them had seemed to enjoy it. Simon inwardly winced.
He didn't need to know anything that had happened beyond that. But the idea of Jayne and River was so incredibly ludicrous... They couldn't really be involved! No matter how damning the evidence, surely there was some alternate way to explain what was going on between River and Serenity's largest, angriest gun-hand.
"You know somethin' we don't, doc?"
Simon blinked out of his thoughts and looked over nervously at Mal. "Wh-what?"
The captain rolled his eyes, but grinned to show he was in good humor. "You cooked and you ain't eatin'. Somethin' 'bout this meal we should be aware of?"
Oh. For a moment there, he'd been half worried the captain had tapped into his thoughts. "I'm... Just not very hungry tonight it seems. The dinner's fine, I assure you."
"Hell," Jayne said, "don't taste nothin' but good to me - healthsome, too." He took a large bite. "Even if the doc did make it."
River wrinkled her nose as she watched the spectacle. "You are disgusting. Stuffing your face like some uncultured animal."
The mercenary scooped up another enormous bite, shoveling it all into his mouth. He smiled at the girl, his cheeks puffed out and full of food.
"Cease this egregious eating behavior at once, man-called-Jayne! My appetite is diminishing!"
He swallowed his impossibly large mouthful of food. "Well that's the idea, ain't it?"
"Gorrammit, you two," Mal groused, "can't we get through a single meal without your snipin'? I am a very patient man but try me an' I ain't opposed to violence."
"He started it," River said, sticking her tongue out at Jayne.
"No, it were her!" he countered. "She's the one had a problem with my eatin'."
"Jayne..."
"Mal! I ain't done a - "
"No hope for the ape-man; his grammar as atrocious as his table manners."
"Shut it, you little - "
"All right," Mal said, standing up, "both o' you are excused. Y'all can eat later. If you can behave."
Both were sullenly silent for a long moment.
"Yes Captain-Daddy," River said with a sigh. Gracefully, she stood up and exited.
Jayne only scowled for a moment longer before getting up as well and following her out.
Mal looked pleased with himself, going back to his meal with a satisfied smile. Simon set down the fork he'd been using and sighed once again. They certainly put on a good show; he'd have to give them that.
But how much of it really was a show? They couldn't act any differently around the crew and he realized that, but how was he to know their behavior when they were alone underwent any sort of dramatic change? The only time he'd seen them alone together they'd - unfortunately, Simon personally felt - been interested in nothing more than the physical. And that, though it vaguely disgusted him, also gave him hope. They were friends, true - everyone could see that; liking each other was a change too fundamental to hide. But Simon was absolutely certain they weren't in love. Maybe River - for reasons no brother really wanted to think about - was only interested in Jayne because he was the picture of a strong, virile male. With no one else to turn to, he was the perfect means for exploring any new, physical urges.
"I'm not feeling well," Simon announced suddenly, standing up. "If you'll excuse me, everyone, I think I'm going to... turn in for the night. I hope you enjoyed dinner." Barely hearing Kaylee's "feel better!", he headed to the infirmary. That was his own, private domain - the perfect place to think.
Absently, he rifled through his supplies - he could claim he was organizing, though really everything was already in its proper place. The real reason for his departure was a need to mull over things; his mind turned back to his sister.
The first thing to determine was the level of River's attachment. No, he didn't particularly want her to be interested in men, but she was certainly old enough to date and decide things on her own, and he didn't want to be over-bearing. Well... He knew he shouldn't be over-bearing. Inara was correct; if River merely wanted to dabble with physical intimacy, a male Companion seemed like the perfect solution. Simon's own first sexual encounter had been with a Companion, so he could at least speak from experience when he suggested such a course of action to River. That talk, or any derivation thereof, was not a conversation he looked forward to having. But it might end up being a necessary evil.
And, if she was indeed attached to Jayne, then she'd probably decline the offer. He'd save that idea as a last resort.
Jayne. He shook his head, trying to see where any appeal could possibly lie. Perhaps Jayne was handsome; he'd have to ask Kaylee, because if he were a woman Jayne would probably be the last type of man he'd want. Sure, Jayne could physically overpower multiple opponents - but on that same token, so could River. Perhaps she wanted someone who could nearly equal her in combat, then? Fighter-types were a dime a dozen, but maybe Jayne was nearer the top of that hierarchy than Simon knew.
If a Companion wasn't what she wanted, then finding a man to replace Jayne in his sister's eyes seemed to be the obvious solution. And perhaps he had the beginnings of a good list of criteria. Someone strong - probably good with weapons. Reasonably good-looking, as well, since River certainly deserved the best. Intelligence - there was something Jayne clearly lacked. Maybe if he could find someone with high intelligence, River would realize how limited prolonged communication with Jayne would be. Then intelligence was definitely something to add to the list. Clean, as well. Well-groomed. Simon was willing to overlook fashion sense. Maybe a pilot. Comparing notes on their jobs could be a very nice conversation starter.
Quickly, he grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and jotted down what he had so far. The list was based on the idea that River was attracted to Jayne physically - surely there was nothing beyond the exterior that could catch her interest.
"Great," Simon said, running his hands through his hair and surveying his work. "I'm actually trying to set my sister up." He let out a puff of air. "I had always hoped I'd be the one discouraging men, not trying to find them."
Luring Jayne away would be a much easier task, he was sure, but that might hurt River. If there was anything in the 'Verse he didn't want to do, it was hurt his already battered sister. She'd recovered further than anyone could have expected her to, but it would be nothing less than cruel to allow her to feel any pain that he could possibly keep her from. So, with rather resigned determination, Simon slipped his list into his pocket and headed to bed.
The next few days brought with them some unusual behavior. Simon, with as much stealth as he could muster, had taken to watching his sister with even greater frequency. This turned out to be hurtful rather than helpful because River, having noticed the bizarre scrutiny, had taken to avoiding her brother.
Simon was getting frustrated. River and Jayne still acted as though nothing were going on between them; Simon had caught them smiling at each other once, had accidentally gotten kicked in the face trying to see where Jayne's hands were at dinner one night, and then inadvertently took River's turn watching Bonny - which left even more time for her to spend with Jayne. But no proof either way - River's emotional interest in the mercenary could be lukewarm or blazing hot, and Simon would never know which.
She suspected something. She could read minds, it would have been foolish to think he could hide his motives from her completely. But she didn't know precisely what he was up to.
Everyone else noticed, as well. In fact, he'd so concerned Mal that the crew was actually being given a longer bit of leave time for "recuperation purposes".
"Now I expect y'all to use this time to rest up," Mal said, looking directly at Simon. "Mayhap I've put us on too strenuous a schedule - so now's the time to get back to workin' right."
"Sounds good to me, sir," Zoe told him, hefting her daughter into her carrier. She raised a brow and quirked a smile at Mal, holding up a small box. "Even packed us a picnic."
"Well ain't that shiny." He hooked a thumb under his suspenders and grinned, walking briskly down the ramp.
Inara rolled her eyes at him then hooked arms with Zoe and followed.
"Come along Simon," River said, bouncing up and down on her toes. They'd parked the ship near a lake used for recreational swimming, and she was eager to test the waters. "Time to depart."
Kaylee chuckled at her sister-in-law. "Y'ready to go swimmin', huh, River?"
"Indeed. But Simon-flower insists on slowness."
"Gorrammit you whiny moonbrain," Jayne said sullenly, stomping over, "if'n your ruttin' brother won't take you, I will if you promise to shut up about it." He pushed his sunglasses on and grunted. "Ain't got time to listen to your complainin'."
River stuck her nose up at him. "Hmmph. Company from the ape-man is not desired. Want to swim only with those who desire to swim, as well. Butterfly, back, breast, free - cannot take my water from me!"
"Breast, huh?" Simon rolled his eyes. "What're you talkin' 'bout tits for? You gon' be nekkid when you swim?"
River glared. "No."
Jayne grinned coarsely. "Ain't like anyone could tell the diff'rence anyhow." Her eyes narrowed and one hand tightened into a fist. The merc seemed unfazed. "'Sides that, you gorram crazy-girl, I wouldn't 'a offered if I weren't goin' there myself. I ain't exactly in th' habit o' doin' favors."
"You will be swimming, too?" she asked with a pout, seeming disappointed over the prospect of his company.
"Hell yes. Ain't had a nice dip in seems like forever."
Simon, sick of the banter, stepped towards his sister. "I'm ready now! Let's be off then, shall we?" He offered one arm to his sister and one to his wife. Both women took the proffered appendage and they all started walking down to the others. Jayne followed, slightly behind.
Simon and Kaylee settled down near Zoe. He spread out a thick, old blanket onto the ground and made quite a show of helping Kaylee onto it. She giggled, enjoying the act. He would always retain some of his old "appropriate" habits, and exaggerating them always amused her.
The crew of Serenity all settled down to enjoy a pleasant outing on the warm, breezy day. Simon wasn't precisely sure what planet they'd landed on (his education of the systems hadn't included many Rim planets or moons), but it was nice and relatively green; he wouldn't mind visiting again.
After a quick bite, Jayne and River headed off to swim. Simon noticed with some dismay that he seemed to be the only one worried; apparently, the rest of the crew were fine with the idea of River wearing nothing but a bathing suit in front of the large, crude man. Only about ten minutes after they left, Mal and Inara got up as well. They both professed a desire for a walk in the fresh air and set off, a good two feet between them.
"Bet they's goin' to make out," Kaylee told her husband with a saucy grin. "Captain's been tryin' to get 'Nara alone for awhile now. O' course, he's gotta be nice to her now that he's got her."
"Yes, he does have a tendency to make her angry, doesn't he?" Simon smiled. "He's nearly bad as me when it comes to putting his foot in his mouth."
"Bad as you?" Kaylee snorted. "Bao bei, he's 'bout a hundred times worse! You should hear the stuff 'Nara tells us he says. You don't gotta worry 'bout a thing, Simon." She gave his cheek a wet, smacking kiss. "Least you always knew you liked me. Captain weren't even able to admit that!"
"Mmm. That's right, I suppose. At least he's learned."
They chatted for a little while longer before Zoe interrupted with a request. "It's good to have a bit o' time to myself," she said. "Feel like having a bit of a lay down. Would you watch Bonny while I get some sleep?"
"No problem at all!" Kaylee said happily, thrilled to be able to practice her mothering. She still wasn't pregnant, and she took any opportunity she could to take care of Bonny. "C'mere little one - aunty Kaylee's gonna watch you for awhile."
Zoe carefully handed her daughter to the mechanic, then stretched out on her own blanket, one arm pillowed under her head.
"Ain't she cute? Can't wait until we get one o' our own."
Simon smiled as Kaylee waggled her finger at the laughing baby. "I know what you mean. Impending fatherhood frightens me just a little, but... But I think I'd like it. I can't believe how lucky I am that someone as wonderful as you wants to have my children." He kissed her softly at the corner of her mouth.
Kaylee sighed happily. "You best stop bein' so wonderful yourself, Simon Tam, or I'm jus' gonna have to marry you again! Course I wanna have your kids. You're so pretty ain't a chance they'll come out ugly!"
He laughed. "And here I thought it was because you loved me." They shared a grin. Kaylee was one of the best things that had ever happened to him and he would be eternally grateful to whatever forces had led him to her. "I wish..." He sighed and looked away.
"What is it? You okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I... I only wish River had someone as well. I am so lucky to have you to share my life with. But... She doesn't have someone to share that bond with and I wonder if she feels that empty space." She certainly wouldn't get any sort of appropriate life partner out of Jayne. It was selfish of him to want to keep his sister to himself; he had Kaylee. River deserved someone to share her life with, as well.
"Oh Simon..." Kaylee leaned against him, trying to comfort him with her weight and warmth. "I know you worry, but you can't find anyone for her. She's gotta meet him herself. I'm sure River's gonna find the best boy in the world - an' then you'll be jealous he's tryin' to take her away!"
"I... You don't think I've kept her too close? I've been a bit overprotective, I think, and I don't know if she feels like she has the freedom to go find someone."
"Well o' course you kept her too close! But you're a worryin' big brother - that's your job!" She gave his arm a little pat. "You know what, though? I bet she does wanna have a date or two. Maybe me an' 'Nara an' Zoe can take her out next time we're somewhere with lots o' people." Kaylee gasped happily. "Oh, we can get 'er all dolled up an' everything!" She giggled. "You just better not try to scare none o' them boys off, Simon. They're gonna be all over her!"
'As long as it's not Jayne all over her,' he thought. He felt somewhat guilty for meddling, but he only had River's best interests at heart.
She and Jayne came back a little after that. Both were grinning madly and sopping wet.
"Guess y'all had fun," Kaylee said with a little laugh.
"So much," River assured her, nodding happily. "Water was optimum temperature - depth was appropriate, as well." She grinned and looked sneakily over at Jayne. "Man-called-Jayne perfected his belly flop."
"Hey," he retorted, poking the girl in the side. "Y'weren't too graceful yourself, at first."
Simon sighed to himself. Surveying his sister, he hadn't been able to ignore the tell-tale mark on her neck, just obscured by her hair when it hung down. It had obviously been too much to hope for that they'd only swim.
'Yes,' he thought, watching as they fought over the last sandwhich on real bread. Jayne, who never gave up food, surrendered after only minimal pressing. 'It's definitely for the best.'
-End A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed it; don't forget to review! Also, check out my LJ community acidandink (link in my profile) for drabbles and some pieces I think are a little too short to post alone here. And feel free to friend me - I like journally things, so I'm over on LJ a lot. :)