'Sup, guys! babbitrulez, here with the first chapter of KP's Father of the Bride 2! Here's something I promised you guys. The people who guessed the answer to my question in Tell Me the Story were all correct!
Michael Howard--great guess! plus... thanks for the lier-liar thing...
CajunBear73--let's see how Sunny takes it...
screamingphoenix--that she is...
rebafan4ever--yuperooney!
Thanks for reviewing! You rule! Now... On with the story!
Chapter 1: Important News
I had gotten a call from Anne that Kim and Ron were coming over to our house with some important news. She also said that Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable, who were allowed by Ron to use naco royalties and buy a mansion, were coming to hear the news, too.
As I drove in my car, I wondered what the news would be.
Are they buying a new house? Are they getting another puppy? Are they giving away Sunny? Are they going to have a baby? Where did that one come from? I'll just get the news when I get the news... Oh! Here's the house!
I entered the house and saw a family gathering in the living room. Anne, Jim, Tim, Ron, Kim, Laura, and George. All in our living room. All looking up to see me when I opened the door. Waiting for me. So the big news could be given. Yup.
I sat down on the couch next to Anne, warily eyeing the others.
Kim and Ron were sitting on the loveseat together, George and Laura were next to Anne and I on the couch, and Jim and Tim were seated on some collapsible chairs from the garage.
Kim nodded to Ron as soon as I settled down. He smiled and said, "Kim and I have graduated from college. We've had a wonderful honeymoon and are settled down in a decent home. Our marriage has been going on strong."
Kim took over. "But now we are about to start a new chapter of our lives."
Ron and Kim looked each other in the eyes and smiled.
"So... George and I have been just dying to know. What's the big news?," Laura --Ron's mother-- asked.
"I know it. I'm positive," I said. "You two are going to buy a better house."
I think I'm actually starting to grow... fond of Ron being my son-in-law...
"W-w-well...," Ron stuttered, looking at Kim nervously.
"Oh. We thought you guys--"
"--were gonna have a baby!"
"Well... We... kind of thought that, too...," George --Ron's father-- said.
Surprisingly, Anne added, "I was... sort of hoping that was the news, too."
"Actually...," Ron started.
"Your wish came true! We're gonna have a baby!"
I was shocked at this and expressed it. "What?!" I crossed my arms. "Well... I can... see you two didn't use my gag gift..." I crossed my arms in disapproval.
That comment got the right reaction. The two blushed intensely.
I never liked that Ronald Stoppable. Ever since I first saw him. I'm going to--
"James!"
"What, honey? It's true."
"So, you two do have a steady income, right?"
"Yes, Mom...," Ron said.
"And... you do have medical insurance, right?"
"Yes, Dad...," Ron said.
"We're gonna be fourteen-year-old uncles!," Tim said.
"Hickabickaboo?," Jim asked.
The two high fived each other and said in unison, "Hoo-sha!"
"I have a concern." Everyone looked to me as I stood up and walked towards them. "What are you gonna raise the baby in? A shoe box?"
"Well... Actually, Ron has some of his Bueno Nacho naco royalties still left over with more still coming in," Kim said.
"I decided to use it to buy a better house for the three of us."
"Hmmm..." I contemplated this. "Alright. I'm still not... totally sure of this, but..." I placed my hands on their shoulders. "...I trust the two of you." I smile at the two twenty-one year olds and they smile back.
"Thanks... Grandpa!," Ron said as he pulled me in for a hug.
When he said "Grandpa", I grimaced.
First he marries my daughter, now he's trying to make a 'Grandpa' out of me.
"I feel old, Anne."
"Well, we are getting older...," she replied, scrubbing a pan from our meatloaf dinner.
"No, Anne... I feel... extremely old. We're going to be grandparents soon. Aren't grandparents supposed to be at least 60?"
Anne sighed and dried her hands. Then she walked over to me. "People don't have to be sixty-years-old to be grandparents. Look at you and me. I'm 43. You're 45. There's nothing wrong with us being grandparents at this age."
"Really?"
"Really." She gave me a quick peck on the lips.
I smiled weakly.
"I guess you're right..."
"Good. Because remember..." She quickly and lightly tapped my nose. "...I'm always right."
"You're right..."
She smiled and went back to work on the pan.
In the weight room, there were men of huge stature lifting 100 and 500 pound barbells, not making more sounds than the occasional grunt.
I, on the other hand, groaned every two seconds, struggling to lift the other side of a ten pound barbell. A young lady with blonde hair in a white sports outfit came up to me, picked it up with one hand, and placed it into the holder.
"You might wanna take it easy there, Pops."
Pops?
"What do you want?," a gruff voice asked me.
"I don't know...," I answered.
"You want the forehead, the sides, or what?" The tall man with tattoos and a nose ring spun me around in the chair and put a hand on it to immediately stop it so that I was facing him. Or... at least his rock hard abs... He leaned down into my face and said, "I need to know."
"Well... Could you just... make me look younger?"
He stared at me through narrowed eyes. He then stood straight up, stuck his arms in the air, smiled, and said, "Of course I can!" All in one fluent motion, I might add.
For the next few hours, he washed my hair, added some kind of substance to my hair, then rubbed it right to my roots and into my scalp.
"And lo... It is done!," he shouted with a deep voice that rivaled Steven Barkin's. "I'm sure you'll find that you look much younger."
I looked in the mirror. He was right. I did look younger. My graying hair was all brown. My hair had been dull, but he had shined it up. With a hair change, I looked years younger.
"Thanks, Jack." I tossed him a half-dollar coin. "Keep the change."
He caught it and said, "James? There is no change."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Oh." I pulled out my wallet. "How much do I owe you?"
"Oh, let's see." He began to mumble. "Carry the one... add the ten... minus the six... times the eight... divided by three..." Then in a more audible voice he said, "About 49.50."
"Forty-nine fifty?!"
"Uhhh... Yeah. That's what I said."
I sighed, pulled out a fifty-dollar bill, and gave it to Jack. He gave me back my half-dollar coin.
"Thanks, Jack!" I said, leaving the barber shop.
I walked to my Ocelot and got in. After I had started it up, I lowered the top. Then I began the drive back home.
On Williams Street, I had to stop at an intersection because of a red light. Three shapely young girls with long flowing hair looked over at me with half-closed eyes, coyly smiled, and wiggled their fingers in a flirtacious wave. I turned to look at them, then focused back on the road. A few seconds later, I jerked my head back in their direction, realizing their actions.
They noticed and seized the opportunity. The black girl with light brown hair and teal eyes blew me a kiss. The blue-eyed peach-colored girl with black hair tossed her flowing tresses behind her shoulder with her hand. The red-headed girl with brown eyes and freckles tossed a piece of crumpled up paper into my lap like a professional basketball player.
I opened it up and read it. It said:
Serenity S.
770-123-4567
I was surprised. That was... Kim's old cell phone number.
She does look like a cross between Ron and Kim though... Let's see... Red hair... Brown eyes... Freckles... Unnoticable, but large ears... Basketball skills... She really does--
Hoooooooooooonk! A large tractor-trailor driver was mad. I had gotten lost in my thoughts. The light had been green for a bit now.
"Sorry!"
"Ah... Darn newbs... Don't know how to pay attention... Gettin' distracted by pretty gals..."
Slumping over in my seat, I continued driving.
"Aloha! I'm home!"
Not looking up from folding clothes, she said, "Hello, James. The boys are over at Mark and Bethany's house. They'll be sleeping over there, too."
"Alright. And Anne?"
"Yes?" She looks up at me. "Ahhh! James! What happened?!"
"It's the new James Possible. The younger, stronger, James Possible. Nice, huh? Jack said it made me look twenty years younger. Why there were even these girls who..." I trailed off when I saw Anne's withering look. "Nevermind."
"Oh, James..." Anne stood up, walked towards me, and chuckled. "I know we're old, but we're not that old... You don't need to dye your hair to feel younger. I'll always love you, even when we're old and gray." She placed her hand on my chest and softly kissed my nose, making me smile.
"Oh. And I bought you something at Victoria's Secret."
She pulled out a sheer black teddy. "No. No, I am not wearing this. I'm a grandmother."
"Doesn't mean you're too old to wear it."
"Old? I know I'm not old."
"Well... I know this house is pretty old for a house."
"James... This house is about twenty years old. What was it? Twenty-four years old? There's nothing wrong with this house."
"What about the creaky floorboards that the house inspector said there were?"
"There... may be some creaky floors... but at least there aren't any--" Anne flinched. She then looked up to the ceiling. She closed her eyes and jerked her head to the side when a drop of water fell on her head. "Leaks." She flinched again when another droplet dripped onto her head. But this time she scowled.
"Why don't we just sell our house?"
"How could we sell it?"
"Maybe because it leaks, it has creaky floorboards, and... and... um..." We had failed to notice that it was raining hard, so when we saw a flash outside the window, heard the thunder half a second after, and saw the electricity flicker out, it took us by surprise. "...Electric problems. Leaks, creaky floorboards, and electric problems."
"Oh, James...," she said, teary-eyed.
I brought her close to me and we sat down by the living room wall. I wrapped my arm around her and she nuzzled her face into my neck. I rubbed her arm up and down with my hand making a small smile appear from behind a curtain of red hair.
She sat up, her eyes partially shielded by red strands. I used my free hand to push her hair out of her face and behind her ear. We kissed lightly on the lips.
"Alright. If one more thing happens, you can sell the house."
We looked at each other with small smiles and half-lidded eyes and kissed once again although this time it was deeper and more passionate.
The cold rain poured down outside, but our love for each other kept us warm through the night.
Two weeks after Anne and I's amorous night in a leaky, creaky, and electrically challenged house, we had a termite infestation. Anne let me put it out there, but if there weren't any takers in a month, we'd have to take it off the market. Three weeks had passed; there were no nibbles. Then one Saturday, we got a bite. A big bite.
Jim, Tim and I were playing basketball with me on the court when the realtor came into the yard with two people. One man and one woman who looked like they were from India. What? They had wavy black hair and burnt sienna skin! That doesn't sound like a person from India to you?!
"This is Mr. and Mrs. Haviv. They're looking to buy the house," the realtor said.
"Really?," I asked.
"Yes," Mr. Haviv said with a thick accent. Yup. Definitely Indian. "We... want house."
"Really?" I was still in shock.
"Yes," Mrs. Haviv said. "We pay top dollar for dishes. Extra 15,000 dollars, yes?"
"Wait, does she mean--"
"--Mom's favorite dishes?"
I shooed them back with my hand. "Quiet boys. Your father's negotiating."
"We'll give you whatever you want for the house."
"Yes," Mrs. Haviv agreed with her husband.
"How... How much would you be... um... willing to pay?"
"Let's see... How about..." Mr. Haviv turned to his wife.
"How about 50,000 dollars?," she whispered to him.
He turned to me. "50,000 dollars?"
"Fi- Fifty- Fifty thousand... D-d-d-dollars?"
"Yes. As long as you're out of house week from Weddenedday."
"Fifty thousand... Dollars?"
"Yes."
"Deal!"
"This is great, you guys!," the realtor said. She seemed as happy as I was.
"Okay. We leave now."
"Take care!," I shouted after them.
"Dad? You know how long we have to get out of here?," Tim asked.
"No, how long?"
"Ten days," Jim answered.
My smile turned into a grimace.
"You've already--"
"--discussed this with Mom."
"Right?," they asked expectantly and in unison.
"Uhh..."
"Dad!," they shouted at me.
"Shhh! Let's keep this between the three of us, okay?"
"But sooner or later--"
"--you're gonna have to tell everyone else."
"Let's just make that later. Alright, boys?"
"Sure," they agreed.
"Careful with the dishes."
We were all at the dinner table. George, Laura, Hana, Ron, Kim, Jim, Tim, Anne, and I.
"Well, for girl names, we were thinking of Alexa, Serenity, Celine, or Chloe," Ron said.
"Chloe?," Jim asked.
"That's not even American," Tim said.
"We know that," Kim answered.
"And... For boy names, we were thinking of Adrian, Thomas, Zachary, or Ken."
"Like a Ken doll?"
"That goes with the Barbie doll?"
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!," the twins said in unison.
"Um..." I tried to turn the subject away from dolls. "What will the last name of the baby be? It's going to be Possible-Stoppable, right?"
"Dad, think about going through school with a name like that. It sounds like a law firm."
"Besides, we were thinking of... alternative last names," Ron said.
I was confused as to what an alternative last name was. "What's an... alternative last name?"
Ron answered my question. "Well... an alternative last name is where you take the letters of the two last names..." Or... he started at least...
"...mix them around, and get a name out of them."
"Oh... So, what are these... alternative last names?," I asked.
"We were thinking of Spats or Tappible or..."
"Hold it, Ronald." Everyone was surprised at me calling him 'Ronald', but I decided to ignore it. "Are you telling me that I could have a grandson named Ken Tappible?"
Everyone was still in shock, so I waited a few minutes for an answer. Finally, Ronald spoke up.
"It doesn't... have to be... I mean... we could... you know... drop one of the last names..."
"Let's drop Possible," Laura suggested, snapping out of her 'Ronald'-induced stupor.
"Let's drop Stoppable," Anne angrily snapped back.
"What? That's stupid," George said.
"It's just as stupid as dropping Possible," Anne spat back.
The room erupted into controversy.
"Let's change the subject," Kim whispered to me.
A subject... A subject... A subject... A subject... How Sunny's doing...? No... The red-headed girl on Williams Street...? Maybe... My mid-life crisis...? No. Way! What else? What else?! What else?! The house...? Sure, why not?
"Hey, everybody! I sold the house!"
The room was instantly quiet.
After an entire minute of silence, light sniffling could be heard.
"Hey. Why is Kim...--"
"--crying?!"
"I-- I'm sorry. I just... I just love this house. I didn't know you were serious. I just thought this was another one of Dad's goofy ideas..." She continued sobbing. "...like your hair...," she said directly to me.
"Hey...," I said, slightly offended.
Ronald rubbed Kimmie-cub's back as Anne said, "It's okay, honey. At least we have a month to pack up our things..."
"Actually...," the twins started. I swiped at their shins with my foot, stopping them from letting the cat out of the bag, but making them flinch.
"James...?," she trailed off expectantly.
"Yes, Anne?"
"How long do we have?"
"Well, we should have at least 40 more years, since we're only in our forties," I said as I stood up with my plate and headed for the kitchen.
"James... I mean how long do we have to get out of the house?," she asked, slightly irritated.
"Uh..." I slowly walked out of the room. When I was in the kitchen, I quickly shouted to the others in the room, "Isoldthehouseforfifteenthousanddollarsandwehavetobeoutintendays."
"Ten days?!," Anne asked.
"Yeah."
"And..."
"...he tossed in Mom's favorite dishes."
"To seal the deal."
"James!" Yeah. Anne was mad.
"Mom, did you take a picture of the tree?"
"Only a whole roll, Kimmie."
"Yeah... These are leaves from the tree we carved our names into, Dad," Kim said.
"C'mon, people. Stop being downers. Look at the bright side. We should be glad to be leaving this old shack." I pointed to the house which suddenly had a bright blue sky --complete with big yellow sun and beautiful rainbow-- behind it, colorful backyard birds flying past it, and a slight wind blowing the leaves of the tree in the backyard --that grew much faster when the boys were in high school, for some reason-- in a beautiful scene. "Huh."
"Ow."
"Anne?"
She was clutching her lower stomach, grimacing as if she was in pain. "I'm... I'm fine." She straightened up. "I'm fine."
We were all skeptical, but let her alone.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Kimmie-cub?"
"I wanna do one last thing before we leave."
"Oh no. You're not going to dig up that dead bird, are you?"
"No," she said laughing. "C'mon. I'll show you." She grabbed my hand and we ran to the basketball court. She let go of my hand, picked up a ball, and began dribbling.
She ran down the court, still dribbling, as I followed. I guarded her as she dribbled and pivoted at the same time.
I remember you were four. You had a red ribbon tied in your hair.
There she was, four years old, two ponytails --tied with red ribbons-- swinging, dribbling carelessly. "Look, Daddy! I can dribbow! Watch!"
I smiled as she became twenty-one again.
"Dad, you better watch out!"
"I don't think I have to!"
"But you're standing right under the-- Heads up!"
"What?" I looked up to see the ball sailing towards the hoop. "Ah!" I moved over. "Ah..." The ball bounced off the backboard and onto my head, sending the world into a swirling mess.
"Dad! Are you okay?! I'm sorry!" She rushed up to me.
"I can throw... pudding... with my... nose..."
"Dad?"
I shook the confusion out of my head. "I'm alright."
"Good, because I--"
"Sorry to interrupt," said Mr. Haviv, a cigarette in his mouth.
"Oh. Right. Sorry. We'll be going now. C'mon, Dad..."
I felt terrible as the two of us walked away from the court.
"James. Wait."
"Huh?" I turned around.
"Your money?"
"Oh. Right." I shuffled back over to him.
He blew out a big puff of smoke, tossed the burning cigarette to the ground, and stomped it out. Then Mr. Haviv pulled out a large wad of crisp bills and started counting off, slapping another thousand dollar bill into my open palm as he went. "One-tousand..."
I wasn't shocked at first...
"Two-tousand..."
Wow... that's... a lot...
"Tree-tousand..."
Ummm...
"Four-tousand..."
My eyes went wide. Oh... my... God!
I knew I had made a mistake in selling the house on the condition that Mr. Haviv gave, but... I didn't want to look like I had failed my family, so... I didn't tell them that...
Because of my terrible decision, we had no house of our own. Luckily, Mark and Bethany let the boys stay over at their house for as long as they needed and the Stoppables let us live in their house until we could get another of our own.
George carried out the suitcases while Laura held Hana's hand.
"Alright. We'll be leaving," George said.
"If you need anything, just call our cells," Laura said cheerily on her way out the door.
"Bye Uncle James! Bye Auntie Anne!"
"Bye, Hana!," Anne called out to her.
I was snapped out of my somber state by Hana's bright personality. I had to say something, so I hoped that this was an okay time to say... "Bye Hana!"
She giggled.
...Just as the rottweilers, Mary and Jerry, entered the room.
"Let's just hope that they're a little nicer to me this time."
"Oh, James," Laura said, dismissing the problem with a wave of her hand.
They galloped right past me and to George, then began to whine, like they knew the family was leaving.
"See, James. They've completely forgotten you," he assured me as he rubbed the bellies of the two now-on-their-backs dogs.
I decided to take a shot. "Hey guys. Uncle James is--"
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr... Obviously they're getting ready. Roof!Roof!Roo-Roo-Roo-Roof!Roof!Roof!Arooooooooooooo!
I sighed. "Or not," I said dejectedly.
"Sorry about that James," George called as he left the house. "I'm sure they'll get over it sooner or later!" That was the last thing he said before leaving Anne and I with the twin terrors...
"Or never...," I mumbled.
Twin terrors. Well... at least the animal version... You've got to admit, although Jim and Tim are the smartest of the bunch, they can be one heck of a disaster, all the same. Poor Mrs. McDonald. Two genius twins of her own, a four-year-old, plus Jim and Tim. But anyways... I highly doubt that those two will get over it... 'sooner or later...'
"What was that, honey?"
"Um... I love you?"
"Right."
I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't entirely convinced.
Late that night, as I walked in from the bathroom after brushing my teeth, I was about to get into my side of the bed when I noticed that the dogs were in it.
"So... now what?"
"I don't know, honey. Just... push 'em off."
"Push 'em off?"
"Yeah...?," she drawled, trying to make it sound as if it was the most evident thing in the world.
"Okay... Get off. I... I don't wanna have to get tough. Go on. Amscray."
They just curled up next to Anne. Mary laid her head on one of the pillows while Jerry laid his head on Anne's shoulder and his paw on her forearm.
"Oh... James...," she cooed as if they were the cutest things in the world and not evil little monsters.
"Hey. Get your filthy paw off my wife."
Roof! Roof! Roof! Roof!
"I'll just sleep on the floor then."
Considering the fact that George and Laura were --and still are-- about twelve years older than Anne and I, Laura had some books on her nightstand that brought Anne to her... different... conclusion.
She looked over the edge of the bed and whispered,"Oh, James. I am so naive. I know what's wrong with me. I'm going through menopause."
I was... how should I put it... shocked. "You can't be going through menopause. My mother went through menopause."
"James, I know we're not old, but we're not young, either."
"You're still young to me."
"Oh, James..." She slipped from under the covers, off the bed, and into my arms.
"You'll be okay."
"I'm making an appointment for Monday."
I sighed. "Fine..."
She fell asleep in my arms, and I dozed off a few seconds after she did.
"It's okay. Unless... Unless they found something..."
"I'm sure there's nothing wrong."
The two of us were walking down the hallway of the hospital on Wednesday, heading for Doctor Phillips.
"Well, of course there's nothing wrong, James. I'm just getting called back to the hospital two days after my appointment with Doctor Phillips saying that it'd probably be best that we both come together! No. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that sentence."
"I'm sorry..."
She sighed. "No... I shouldn't have exploded at you like that. I'm so... so... so sorry..."
I wasn't used to being the calm one...
We entered Doctor Phillips' office and sat down.
He looks awfully happy for the kind of news he has to deliver.
"So... Just tell us straight, doc. What's wrong with her?"
"Oh. Nothing's wrong with her. Well... Nothing that won't go away in nine months..."
"What does that mean, Doctor Phillips?," I cautiously asked.
Nothing... Absolutely nothing could prepare me for what I was about to hear.
"Kids, you're gonna have a baby."
"What? We haven't done it in six weeks!"
"She's six weeks pregnant, James."
"James. Remember tha--"
"That... that was a moment of pure insanity!"
"Do you know how many moments of pure insanity I've delivered in the past few years?"
"Listen to me. Things like this do not happen to men my age. I was just adjusting to being a grandfather!"
"Well, Picasso had kids well into his seventies." He looked pleased with himself.
"Oh! Picasso! The one guy in history who had kids into his seventies. I'm not sure I can deal with this. Pre--" I passed out. The manly version of the faint.
"James!," Anne called out.
Important Message Incoming...
END OF CHAPTER
Okay. It's now time for me to give you guys your props for giving me name suggestions.
Katsumara--thanks! i used Adrian as one of the names. it's one of my favorite tv char. names!
SmithChick()--thanks! i used Ken and Alexa as some of the names. Ken added something for the tweebs to talk about!
anabri--thanks! i used Thomas as one of the names. r u a fan of Thomas the Tank Engine? jk!
familygirl96--thanks! i used Serenity as one of the names. if i evr had a girl, i would seriously give her that name!
estelin--thanks! i used Zack and Celine as some of the names. Zack. Celine. simple, yet simple. i luv it!
Thanks you guys! You're awesome! I'm really glad that you decided to help me with this. I am highly grateful!
The names Mark and Bethany McDonald come from my real life. In elementary school, we were friends. They really are twins, too!
Right. So... Uh... From now on, I'm only gonna write ANs at the end.
Phew. Good news. I finally got this chappie up! But... you already knew that... It took forever, but I got it! I had to watch the movie again to refresh my memory. When I saw part one, I was like, "Whoa. I totally messed up that part. And that one. And that one... And that one! Geez..." Yeah... So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review, my awesome readers! babbitrulez, out!