She was also very sceptical about trusting him. She was afraid of the fact that he can be a player and only is after one thing from her, sleeping with her. She have never done it before and thinking that she might do it with him, gives her butterflies in her stomach.
Gabi has a family that makes her feel so alone, feel leftout from the school, the family and everywhere. She just wants to be happy with family and have everything, but she couldn`t. Ever since she was 13 years old, she has wanted to run away from home and just get away from all the problems, the pain the had inside her heart, body and soul.
But she knew that she jsut couldn`t. And that was all because of her little sister, Tamia. She had downsyndrom and ADHD. She was hyper all the time, and it was hard for the family to go out and have company at home cuz she would spit, curse, show the finger, and everything else a little baby doesn`t do when she`s 12.
It was hard for Gabi because she lived a double life, two personalities, but only one heart. She was one person at school, the class clown, really funny girl that never kept her mouth shut and always laughed and never show negative emotions, at least not infront of her friends.
And at home, she never opened her mouth, only looked at Tv, or sat on the computer or just got orders to get up and clean.
She was really miserable with her life. She just wished that she could be happy and live life, her life that she only lives once, but she couldn`t.
And the only time she felt haapy was when she was with him.
They were chatting and got into an argument about something that hurt her feelings.
There was something she hasn`t told Troy yet cuz she was afraid he would dump her and think she was wierd and stupid. It was something no one knew, not even Taylor.
And after the argument on the computer he asked her if he could call her. And she did.
He had this consurned tone and cept asking her questions she didn`t have the answers then it came;
« Is there something you haven`t told me yet? Don`t keep anything from me Gabi baby!»
She felt her tears come down the side of her face and didn`t wipe them away. She held the phone harder than ever and felt this urge to scream but she couldn`t cuz then the others would hear her.
She had to tell him, she just had to even though it was hard, even though she didn`t even trust him 100%, but she couldn`t keep it from him anymore.
« Yes there is» she said through the tears and pain in her heart.
« What is it Gabi? You can tell me. I promise i won`t tell anyone. I promise» he said softly through the 1 and a half hour distance air, into the phone and to her ear.
« Suicide» she whispered.
« I was afraid it was that! » he said.
He could hear her cry her eyes out and his heart broke in thousands of pieces.
She could hear that he was hardly breathing. He didn`t have the words to say. He had never been in this situation before. She had told him about her family problems before so that was how he understood the reason.
He could never emagine how she felt.
« Gabi? »
« Mhmm» she whispered.
«I`m here for you whenever you need me, day or night, you can call when you feel sad ok? »
She just felt the tears strolling down her face and into the pillow. She held her pillow so hard the feathers inside almost puffed up. She wished the pillow was him. She just wanted him to hold aroudn her so hard and tell her that everything is going to be ok, but he wasn`t. She was alone, she always has been. Even though she had friends she could trust, she could never tell them whats inside her heart. Never.
He just lied there and heard her cry her heart out so hard that is almost stopped.
« Baby, don`t think like that, there are people that are in worse condition than you »
« I know, but it still hurts. I`ve lived with the pain for so long and I just don`t know what to do with it anymore. I`m sorry but I have to hang up, i`m not feeling good. Bye Troy! »
« No Gabi wait »It was too late, she hung up.
He couldn`t fall asleep. He couldn`t sleep after what he heard.
He look around and spotted his guitar leaned against the wall. He went over there and grabbed it and decided to write her a song.
He wanted to write something that a meaning in what shes going through. He closed his eyes and began to write and work with the melody.
Th clock was 2 he just got done with the song.
He recorded it and sent it to her email. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.
At 4 am. Gabi couldn`t sleep so she thought that she would just listen to music on th computer. She opened her email and saw a message from Troy. She opened it and got a document.
Her heart started pounding fast and hard.
She opened it and heard a melody;
Your so confused.
When you know theres no one there who really understands.
Your on your own.
And the happiness is bleeding through an open wound.
You can`t control,
what goes on inside this hell that we call life.
You lost yourself
in everything, everything, everything you can`t find.
But it`s okay, just to be yourself.
Just as long as it`s alright
with you.
Your world has changed
to the point where you don`t seem to quite fit in.
Everyone seem so happy, then there`s you.
All alone with no one there to take your side.
And the lies, have taken every last breath out of your life.
But it`s okay just to be yourself.
Just as long as it`s alright
with you yeah, with you, yeah.
So you fly...
Away from all the hate inside your mind.
And you Try...
To find a place where you feel loved somehow.
Yeah
but it`s okay just to be youself.
Just as long as it`s alright
with you
yeah
with you
yeah
with you.
Gabi felt her tears run down her cheeks again, and she jsut lied down on the bed and cried more.