I can't describe the way she looked at me then.
Her vivid blue eyes were unfocused, her voice distant. The howling wind of childhood monsters grumbled and roared, bouncing off the walls and echoing out in to the night. The storm outside simply replied with a fresh gust of wind, filling the space with a bitter cold that chilled the very soul. It wasn't safe here. It wasn't right. The storm hovered above us and drew ever closer to ripping the very island itself apart, darkness clawing at the edges, creeping along wild shores.
Under any other circumstances, I probably would have done more. I know I shouldn't beat myself up so much, but there was so much more. It could have changed everything. Right here I set it all in motion, and I affected so many lives, innocent and guilty. They rip at me when I'm asleep, flashes of familiar faces, memories that refuse to fade. Even then I had trouble sleeping with the recurring dreams that never made sense. Those dreams pale in comparison to the horrors that fill my mind now.
But I was just a boy then. A 14 year-old child in an adult's world, trying to figure it all out. All I did was stand there. She looked at me, pleading, in her last moments.
"Sora..." She whispered.
And I could have done so much more.
With a roar, the floodgates broke and the darkness rushed past us, sweeping us off our feet and out of the cave, to where the raging storm awaited to devour us. I reached out a hand, trying to catch her, hold her safe and protect her; I only ended up grasping at wisps of smoke. Tumbling and turning, I lost sight of her. With a sickening crack my head collided with solid rock, and in an instant my world was plunged in to darkness. It would be hours before I would awaken, but even then one thing was certain.
She was gone.
~T W O D A Y S P R E V I O U S~
"Let's build a raft!"
It was summertime, and at first I thought she was joking. She had to be joking. It was insanity, a childhood fantasy made real by the potential our age gave us and the lack of peripheral vision that came along with it. "Come on, it'll be fun! Don't you want to get off this island?" She would tease, playing with her hair, twirling a strand of red round her finger as she had me pinned under her thumb. The momentary sparkle in her eye and mischievous grin that she instantly hid away won it over. She was a pro at getting her way - and Riku and I didn't mind one bit. After all, we had all summer long to kill, and not a lot of stuff to fill the time with – what's lost with a few weeks of dreaming?
And so with the sand sparkling between her toes as she sat in the sun and cheered us on, sunglasses hiding her eyes so we never knew which one of us she was looking at, we built. Needed wood? No problem. A sail? That old bed sheet won't be missed. Blinded by love, I craved her. I was driven crazy by how I couldn't get inside her head and work her out. And I knew Riku was too. He would watch her out of the corner of his eye, his expression studious, observant, and entranced. And Kairi would just smile at us, as she soaked in the sunlight, shinning like a princess.
When our day's work was done and the sun started to settle into the ocean, we three sat on the beach and watched the horizon as the world faded to a burning red, then to dark blue, calming and soothing with only the sounds of our thoughts and the tide lapping at the shore. Polaroid photos captured the moments, the sepia-tone flash of overexposure, of silly poses and group shots, tinged golden by the sun. We shared our hearts, our dreams and our desires with one another. But always bubbling away under the surface, threatening to boil over at any moment was the jealousy between Riku and me.
"So... how far do you think a raft could take us?" I questioned, the words floating along the evening breeze.
"Who knows?" Riku's words were sharp, puncturing and deflating my question, the breeze no longer in my sails. He didn't even turn to look at me, just continued to stare out to the ocean. Scowling, I leaned back on a tree nearby, Kairi sitting between us, unable to feel the electricity of tension she was in the middle of.
After several long moments of silence, Kairi stretched, yawned, then stood up to walk away. "It's cold, let's go." She didn't need to ask us twice, at once we were both to our feet, Kairi leading the way to the port where our little canoes would take us back to the main island. Just out of Kairi's earshot, Riku shouldered past me, dropping a piece of fruit in my hand.
"Come on Sora, I know you want to try it. Just you try." Riku teased in a low voice, not turning back to see my expression on my face. I had stopped in my tracks, the heavy Paopu fruit in hand. Its history, more mythology, was well known to children and adults alike. "If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They become a part of each other's lives, no matter what." Riku cooed, mocking me, adding a dramatic glare of his azure eyes.
I wanted to punch him right then and there.
Kairi broke the moment, cheerfully calling out for us to come to the boats, unaware of the kettle whistling in our ears as we reached boiling point. We held our glares a moment longer, the second slowing down to a grinding halt, until finally after what seemed an age Riku turned and resumed walking along the path. Light was fading fast, and the shadow of Riku's form grew longer and longer with every step he took towards the shore.
"Come Oonnn!!" Kairi yelled, and tossing the Paopu aside, I chased after them, the night's air already cooled and the first traces of stars glimmering in the auburn sky.
~*~
"He's changed." Kairi looked at her sandals, playing with them as her feet dangled off the edge of the pier. The waves moved slowly but rhythmically, the boards creaked with the sway of the tide. It was sunset again, and Riku had already headed home for the night. I looked at her with such a longing, my gaze unwavering from her. She must have felt it, as she continued to just play with her feet and stare out to the horizon. "Please, don't you change." It was such a strange thing for her to say then. Her voice seemed to break a little, as if she were frightened, by some unseen shadows. I should have held her then. If I knew then, I would have squeezed every last moment I had with her, holding her close, heartbeat to heartbeat.
That is, after all, the beauty of retrospect.
As we traped back to our boats, I should have held her hand, maybe kiss her as we said our goodbyes and headed home for the night. We would row side-by-side, and walk together again along the path from the shore to the suburbs, giggling at our silliness for saying goodbye already. And then we would finally arrive at a crossroads, and we would take our separate ways, looking back and laughing, waving happily as we went.
Of course, we didn't. I sat a long time on that pier, alone, mind ticking with all those possibilities, long past the last glimmer of sunlight. As the night grew colder, and the wind began to pick up, I finally unfroze myself from my position and set out over the tides, the boat bobbing and swaying in the sea. When I finally got home, my mother scolded me for being so late, and sent me to my room – which is pretty funny, and pretty petty a thing for me to have gotten upset about, but I was just a kid, after all. In a huff, I crashed in to my bed, still dressed, and drifted off to sleep, with dreams filled with her.
~*~
I awoke to the roar of thunder ringing in my ears.
I didn't know what time it was, but the darkness outside told me it was late. The whirr of wind whipped at my window sails, the rain spattering heavily against the house. I'm not sure how, but I had a feeling that Kairi would be out there, on the island, trying to protect the raft we had worked so hard to build. We didn't think about the dangers that such a storm would have in store for us, all that mattered to her was that raft. And so it became all that mattered to me.
When I got there, the rain had subsided, but the thunder and the wind remained, making every stroke along the way a battle against the raging tides. Struggling to tie the boat to the dock, I desperately looked around for her, spotting only her boat. And another, which only could have meant one thing: Riku was here too. Running along the shore, neither of them was in sight, and the raft was already lying ruined on the beach. Darkness was emerging from the sea, prying, waiting to claim a victim. Impatiently, I screamed out their names, but my voice was immediately lost to the wind.
Checking the shack, and the treehouse, they were nowhere to be found. At last I remembered, an old place where as children, much younger than we were then, we had discovered and covered the walls with our scribbles and games, a place hidden by the trees and the falls. Struggling to crawl through the small gap that I once could stand in, I made my way through the tunnel, which eventually opened up to a large cavern, at the very core of the island. For a moment there was silence, and the storm seemed to have faded away, as I realised she was there.
"Sora..." She whispered.
And I could have done so much more.
A/N: So... this may seem to be following the general KH storyline so far but it will digress soon enough... in a way, at least. I'd like to think I'm kinda "rebooting" the series, as it were, similar to the current Bond and Batman films, with a darker undertone, and more exploration of common themes - and most importantly a divergent storyline (it really wouldn't be fanfiction if it didn't, really). I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think.
I write with Notepad.
DDR1.