'How's it looking, Newbie?' came Doctor Cox's voice over the walkie-talkie.
'All clear!' I replied cheerfully. I was leaning on the wall of the roof, looking down at the parking lot, where Doctor Cox and the janitor had just gotten out of the van. I saw Doctor Cox looking up at me and I waved, but he turned away.
He hadn't really torn into me all that badly while we'd been conversing over the walkie-talkies, but I knew that he'd been focusing on the job he had to do; once he got into the hospital he would be storming up here at once to drag me down by the scruff of the neck. Every since this whole nightmare had started a year ago, he'd somehow managed to intervene every time I was going to take part in anything that was remotely dangerous. I wasn't allowed to go out on raids, I wasn't allowed to be on guard either on the roof or outside the hospital...I wasn't hardly even allowed to treat sick people, never mind that I was, you know, a doctor.
A year ago, I would have thought it was because he cared about me. Or I would have pretended to believe that, anyway. I'd become disillusioned with many things this past year; now I wasn't really sure what Doctor Cox's motive in protecting me was, unless it was to make me resent him. If so, it was working.
I lifted my chin, appreciating the fresh breeze, while still scanning the streets below. Doctor Kelso had never approved of Doctor Cox keeping me inside the hospital at any cost, and this morning had been quick to order me up to the roof to keep watch. I wasn't complaining. Sometimes I slipped away up here anyway, to pretend that it was just a normal day at the hospital and I was taking a quick break, getting some air. There wasn't really anything up here to remind me of all that had happened up. Apart from the deathly quiet of the city around me. And at night, the utter blackness, not even a single street lamp glowing in the distance.
But what was Doctor Cox worried about? There was hardly some sniper setting his sights on me right at this very moment. There wasn't a single person to be -
My head snapped to the left, registering a movement on the ground below. It took me a moment to catch sight of what had grabbed my attention, but then I saw a man, running at full speed across the road towards the parking lot entrance. And another guy, heading in the same direction. And they had guns.
And the others were obliviously unloading the van, in no great hurry.
My heart stopped for one brief second; in that short time my muscles locked. My mind went blank and I couldn't remember how to move. But then I shook myself out of it and was yelling into the walkie-talkie before I even registered what I was saying.
'Doctor Cox! Doctor Cox! There's a man running, I mean two, two men, they've got - '
BANG.
For a moment I thought the world had exploded; my vision was full of flying shards of black plastic, stinging my skin in a thousand different places. I couldn't see, couldn't hear, didn't even know if I was standing or not in the moment of raw panic that filled me then. Oh my God, my face, I've been shot in the face!
My back hit the ground, and in the next instant so did my head, bouncing off the concrete with a sharp crack. Grey sky was pressing down on me. My hands instinctively flew to the back of my head, and I groaned at the aching, mind-numbing throb that washed through my brain. But there was a sharper pain searing in my shoulder. I fumbled towards the pain and felt wetness; I held up a shaking hand in front of my eyes, and could dimly make out the glistening red of blood. Numbness was creeping over me now, and my next thought was distant: Oh. I have been shot.
I didn't know what happened after that. I probably passed out momentarily; the cloudy sky dimmed and brightened, and dimmed and brightened again, like someone was messing with a light switch. Dark splotches blurred my vision. I blinked slowly. The pain was receding, and I felt oddly weightless. I was drifting, drifting off the ground to float up into those soft clouds, leaving everything and everyone behind me -
There was suddenly a very familiar voice yelling, strong hands were gripping my shoulders and I was brought back to earth with a crash. Oh my God, the PAIN.
'OW!' I yelled. Doctor Cox leaped away from me as if he'd been electrocuted. Moaning through my gritted teeth, I half-rolled onto my side, clutching my left shoulder. I could feel the blood seeping between my fingers. The skin burned as if someone had applied a white-hot poker there. Make it stop, make it stop!
'Aaaarrrghh...'
'Newbie?'
I twisted my head to the side, gasping in pain. 'What are you doing?' I choked out. 'You're a doctor! Why would you grab a gunshot wound?'
'Don't you dare be a smartass with me, Newbie.' Doctor Cox's voice shook slightly, but colour was returning to his face. 'Let me see.'
'Don't grab it again!'
'I won't.' His fingers were more gentle this time as he examined my shoulder. I clenched my eyes shut, breathing shallowly, trying to think cold thoughts to distract me from the awful burning. After several painful minutes, I heard Doctor Cox exhale loudly. 'Okay,' he said. 'It's okay. The bullet didn't even go in; it just split open the top of your shoulder. You got lucky.'
'Yeah, real lucky.' I rested my head against the concrete. The sky was still spinning slightly above me. My head was pounding where I'd hit it. 'I feel dizzy...'
'Calm down, Felicity, you're not losing that much blood. Can you stand up?'
'No.'
'Well then, just sit tight for a minute until you feel ready, because there's no way I'm carrying you downstairs.'
I sighed, and remained lying motionless on my back. Doctor Cox got to his feet and went to the wall. I saw him looking down, briefly assessing the situation, before calling, 'Well?'
Someone shouted back up to him, but the words were too faint for me to make out past the buzzing in my ears. Doctor Cox came and knelt by my side again. 'What's going on?' I said. 'What happened?'
He grimaced and rocked back on his heels, running his hands through his hair. 'Was it just the two guys you saw? Was there anyone else?'
'No...' I tried to remember what had passed only five minutes ago. Already it seemed like an hour. 'It was just the two guys, I think. Are they dead?'
'Yeah. Of course, that means that they can't tell us anything.' He looked pained. 'I'd have warned the others to capture them if they could, not kill them, if I hadn't been busting a gut tearing up here to save your sorry ass. I guess you were too busy swooning and rolling around on the ground to think of telling me over the walkie-talkie that you were alive, but then again, I wouldn't really expect that to have occurred to you.'
I glared at him in irritation. 'First of all, my ass didn't need saving, I'm fine. Second, are you blind? My walkie-talkie is lying in pieces all over the roof! One of those guys shot it...I guess that was when they got my shoulder as well.'
'Oh.' Doctor Cox sounded surprised. After a moment he said, 'Are you sure it was one of the guys you saw running who shot you?'
Everything was so blurry and fuzzy already. I'd simply been in a state of panic, my vision clouded as I'd looked from the strangers to my friends and back again. I could barely recall the incident now. I swallowed. 'No.'
We looked at each other.
'Fantastic,' Doctor Cox said. 'I think it's about time we got downstairs.' Without waiting for me to reply he slipped an arm underneath my shoulders and pulled me to my feet.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
It took us a while to make it down the stairs. Newbie was as limp as a rag doll and kept stumbling over his own feet. I was practically carrying him, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he staggered along. When his feet went from underneath him for the third time I shook him and shouted that if he wasn't going to at least make an effort, then I was just going to leave him here on the stairs. After that he tried a little harder to support himself, but he was still leaning heavily into me.
I hauled him into the first hospital room we came to. It was dim and dirty; cardboard had been taped haphazardly over the window and the hospital bed was thick was dust. Probably no one had even been in here for a year. I wasn't going to abandon Newbie in here; all that dust definitely wasn't going to do an open wound any favours. I grabbed an old wheelchair that had been left in there and shoved him into it.
I didn't say anything as I wheeled him down towards what had once been the ICU; it was now the sleeping quarters for mostly everyone. Apart from the ground floor, most other areas of the hospital had been abandoned. Once we emerged into the light, bright area, people immediately swarmed around us, gasping and fussing over Newbie. Barbie was there, her eyes wide as she exclaimed loudly and tried to push her way to Newbie's side. I whistled, and her eyes snapped up to meet mine. I pointed at her. 'Get him stitched up,' I said loudly over the babble. She nodded, looking afraid. 'And for God's sake get the wound as clean as possible!' I clapped a hand on Newbie's shoulder. 'You'll be lucky to escape infection from this, Janet. It's not like we have any antibiotics left that we can pump into you.'
'Thanks, I feel so much better,' Newbie replied weakly. I strode off, leaving him in the less than capable hands of Barbie, and headed downstairs again. People were milling about in small groups, chattering excitedly about what had just passed, but there was no sign of Jordan or Carla. When I reached the ground floor and headed towards the exit that led to the parking lot, the light in the corridor was being gradually blocked off as others worked to pile up the barricades once more; the supplies must have all been brought in safely by now.
A covered body was lying just inside the door; Gandhi was standing beside it. His expression was solemn as I approached. 'There wasn't anything I could have done,' he said. 'He was dead by the time I got down here.'
I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes, clasping my hands behind my head. I had liked Stanley. He had always been cheerful, despite the grim faces surrounding him day after day, and I had never found it in myself to get sarcastic at all with him. Now he was gone.
'But where the hell did you go?' Gandhi was saying. 'I came down here, and people were saying you just ran off.' I opened my eyes. He was staring at me. 'Were you...trying to get away or something?'
I let out a sharp bark of a laugh. 'Excuse me? You think I was running because I was scared?' I had been running because I was scared, but not in the way he thought, and there was not a chance that I would ever admit that. 'Please, Gandhi, give me more credit!'
'Okay, why were you running?'
'Because...' I hesitated. Gandhi obviously didn't know about Newbie. I really didn't want to break the news to him; I had a feeling that I was about to witness a freak-out of epic proportions. I decided to try to break it as gently as I could. 'The guy who was keeping guard on the roof got shot too.'
'WHAT?' If Gandhi managed to look any more shocked, then his eyeballs would pop out and roll away. 'You're kidding! Who was it?'
I braced myself. 'Newbie.'
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Once Gandhi had paled, choked and taken off to find Newbie, I simply stood there for a moment, looking down at Stanley's body. It felt wrong to just leave him lying here. But there was nothing more I could do, he had no family here - they had all died - and the janitor or someone would be coming along soon to put him into the van and leave him somewhere in the city, or maybe outside it. He would just be dumped, with no funeral and no burial. It was too risky to linger anywhere outside the hospital. With a sick, angry feeling in my heart I turned away, deciding to go back to Newbie and check up on him.
It was uncharacteristically silent in the ICU. Those who were still there were standing as if frozen in a game of statues, looks of shock on their faces. Some people were crying quietly. No one said a word to me. Gandhi must have told them about Stanley. I didn't meet anyone's gaze as I made my way towards Newbie's room.
I heard his voice as I went to the door. 'Check out the scar, Turk.'
'Cool, man,' Gandhi said. 'Chicks dig scars.'
'They don't if you're a big pile of dead,' I said, leaning in the doorway. Newbie was lying on the bed, shirtless; Barbie was leaning over his shoulder, in the middle of stitching it up. The wound looked raw and red. Carla and Gandhi were sitting on the end of the bed, watching me. 'That's some God-awful work there, Barbie, but it'll pass. I guess all we can do now is wait for the ol' infection to set in.'
Newbie looked scared.
'It's not guaranteed that he's going to get an infection,' Carla said sternly, fixing me with the evil eye. 'So will you give Bambi a break?'
'Doctor Cox said there's n-no antibiotics left,' Newbie stammered.
'Oh, did he?'
'Well.' I shrugged. 'No one really knows what's left of the medical supplies, so I couldn't actually say.'
Carla shook her head. 'Isn't it time that someone drew up an inventory of what we have left?'
'Come on, Carla,' I said softly. 'You know as well as I do why no one will do that. They don't want to have to face that fact that we might be running out of everything pret-ty soon.'
She looked away, and Gandhi squeezed her hand. Barbie was motionless by Newbie's shoulder, her lower lip trembling as if she was about to cry.
There was a silence.
'C'mon, guys,' Newbie said suddenly. 'We're still alive right? We're better off than most people. We've got food, and warmth, and a whole hospital to live in. I think we're doing okay.'
I looked at Newbie in disbelief. It would never fail to shock me that even after all he'd been through this past year, even after getting shot, that he could sit on that bed with a chalk-white face and dried blood caked on his shoulder and still grin and be so infuriatingly optimistic. I wanted to strangle him.
But it seemed to lift his friends' spirits. Carla and Gandhi looked at each other and smiled slightly, and Barbie patted Newbie's arm before continuing to fix up his shoulder. His face was tight with pain, but he grinned at her anyway.
'You just keep telling yourself that, Newbie,' I muttered, shuddering at the sickly sugar-sweet atmosphere he had created. 'Anyway, I hope you've learned your lesson.' I spun on my heel towards the door, but he called angrily, 'What lesson?'
I turned back and pointed my finger at him. All the anger that had been welling up inside me, ever since I'd realised that Newbie was on the roof, that he'd been shot, that Stanley was dead, was refusing to stay contained any longer. 'I told you to stay off the damn roof, didn't I? Now look at the state of you!'
'It could've happened to anyone.' Newbie's voice trembled. 'I was keeping a look out as best I could, this wasn't my fault! I didn't see those guys till it was too late, I couldn't have...I couldn't have saved Stanley.' Now he was faltering fearfully, the self-doubt beginning to sink in. 'I couldn't have...'
Barbie and Gandhi were looking at him in concern; Carla was glaring at me furiously, mouthing, What are you doing? I sighed. I should have known that Newbie would take it this way; I hadn't meant to imply that he was responsible for Stanley's death.
Although...I wondered if pretending that I did think he could have saved Stanley would keep him off the roof from now on. But I looked at his tear-filled eyes and decided that I wouldn't stoop to that. Yet.
'That's not what I meant, Newbie,' I said, just managing to bite back my impatience. 'I'm saying, when you put yourself in danger like that, there are consequences.'
'I get it,' he shouted. 'Why are you so set on keeping me locked up in the hospital like I'm Jack's age? Turk's always outside on guard duty, Carla and Elliot have been up on the roof loads of times, but for some reason I'm not allowed! And what about you? You were out on a raid today! You're the one with a wife and son. I don't even have anyone - I'm the one who should be putting my life on the line, I have nothing to lose!'
There was absolute silence. Newbie was staring at me, his face flushed, and breathing fast; the others were frozen, all looking towards me. I only held Newbie's gaze for several minutes, and then I sighed.
'And there it is.'
Newbie blinked at me, looking confused as well as angry now.
'There's a reason I keep you out of dangerous situations, Newbie,' I said. 'And if you can't figure it out, then maybe you should get your friends to clue you in.' By now I was tired of him, tired of everything, and left before he could get another word in.