PART II
My momma died when I was very young. Kaori told me that she died when I was
born...that I had killed her. Did I really do that Momma? or did you die afterwards? Daddy
said that she had been sick after I was born and that was what had killed her. If that was
true then why did Kaori say such mean things?
I rarely get to see my Daddy anymore since he started with his new experiments. He's
really into them. But every year, on one specific day we always have a day together. Just me
and Daddy...Kaori gets to stay home alone and make sure the experiments don't go awry. Daddy
and I always go out for a picnic by the lake and watch the ducks, and then we sit under the
oak tree and he tells me stories about Momma and what she did in life that made her so special.
I once asked him when he knew that Momma was the one for him. He said to me, that he knew she
was the one when she gave him the world...actually it was an old globe with a light in it, but
for the romantic that he was it might as well have been the world.
Afterwards, we would go to the cemetary and I would lay fresh flowers on Momma's grave
and we would sit and talk to her. We'd have a small dinner there and we would fill her in on
all the details of our lives. But...that didn't happen anymore...not since these NEW
experiments of his. Not since....Kaori moved in permanently. Now, it's just me.
It's just me, Momma. I'm all alone here this year. I was looking at her grave and noted
that nobody had been taking care of it as they should have. There were weeds everywhere.
Very carefully, I knelt down and started plucking them from the Earth and smoothed the grass
back where the dirt had come up. I laid my bouquet of roses down on top of her grave and sat
down to talk.
"*sigh* Well, I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here alone, huh Momma? Well, it's
Daddy...he just hasn't been the same since his NEW experiments...all he does is stay in the
basement all day and work. And that lady Kaori Night...she's not nice at all. She tells me
that I was the one who killed you...but that's not true, is it Momma? If it is, then I am SO
sorry. I sometimes think to myself that if you were here, then Daddy wouldn't be so alone.
Maybe I wouldn't be so alone...
I made a new friend! Her name is Chibi-Usa...she's a few years younger than I am,
but she's really nice. She's not afraid of me and she really likes me! She sees me as I am...
and not as a monster or a freak. Not like the kids at school do...maybe life is getting better.
I'm in a new school. The kids there don't know about...my abilities. Hopefully they'll
never find out...not if I can help it at least. I don't want others finding out if they're
going to hurt me...but Chibi-Usa knows and she likes me just the same.
Momma...I'm so confused. Tell me what to do...tell me what's going on..."
Then, as if my mother had heard my pleas a small breeze fluttered against my cheek.
My eyes opened just a little bit and I saw the flower petals dance in the breeze. Momma had
always loved seeing flower petals dance. I understood what she was saying...she was saying
that it was alright. Everything was going to be fine...just be brave. I understood.
I stood up to go, but not before saying one last thing.
"I love you Momma..."
------------
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye Hotaru
------------
She had only known her mother and father for a very short time. She was only eight and
they had died in that horrible accident. Now, she was sitting in a lawyer's office, being
read a piece of paper that had her parents last wishes on it. However, little Makoto wasn't
listening. It just wasn't important to her. She was all alone now and nothing that her parents
had left her would make up for it. Eight years old and all alone…she was just a baby. No child
should have to grow up this quickly, she thought to herself. Where was the joy and the laughter?
Why wasn't her main ambition in life to be able to ride the carousel without a grownup to hang
on to her as she rode? Why had this happened to her? WHY?! She had screamed at God. What had
she done to deserve to be left alone with no one to love her in the whole world? What horrible
act had she, an eight year old girl, done to deserve this?!?!?!
No one was aware of this inner battle between psyche and consciousness. Only Makoto…and
she refused to speak to anybody. She dimly heard the contents of the will that were to be
distributed to different charities and to herself.
"…and finally to our beloved child, Kino Makoto…"
Her head snapped up at the sound of her name. What had her parents left her now? A
fortune? Could it bring them back? No? Then she didn't want it. All of their stocks and
bonds? Could she sell them and bring her parents back? No? Then she didn't fucking want
it! With a determind expression on her face, she looked at the lawyer as he spoke.
"We leave her the sum of $2.3 million (no idea how much this is in yen) our stocks and
bonds, our mutual funds, our material possessions, and a letter that we have enclosed
within the will. Everything but the letter will be distributed to her at the time she
reaches her eighteenth birthday. Until then, an accountant of our choosing will give her
a monthly allowance to live off of and to take care of schooling."
That was all fine and dandy for the lawyers…but the only thing that had caught Makoto's
attention was the letter. They had left her a letter? What did it say? Was it a way for
her to bring them back? Maybe her parents were secretly wizards in disguise and had left
her directions to bring them back to life and they would all live together in secret.
Her mind raced with possibilities.
"Can I--Can I have it, pwease?"
Nodding to her, the laweyer handed her a small brown envelope, sealed with a bright
green wax seal bearing her family emblem. Her green eyes grew wider as she saw the
addressing on the envelope and she lovingly ran her fingers over it.
"Excuse me please," she said, looking at the table full of prospective money grubbers.
She quickly left the room and hurried down the hall to a room that she knew to be empty.
Quickly pulling up a chair to the lone table in the room, she very carefully opened the
letter and engulfed herself in her parents final words to her.
Dearest Makoto,
I am so sorry that we are gone now. But it is not forever. Do not fret, for
everything has a purpose in life, even the death of those we love. Just please remember
that we love you and we'll look in on you from time to time. To make sure that you're
doing well and you're happy.
It pains my heart as a mother to have to leave her child. I cannot stand that
I won't be there when you get married. I can't stand that I won't be able to hold my
grandchildren in my arms and I can't stand the fact that you're all alone now.
However, I promise you this...I love you. Your father loves you. I believe in
you baby. You're my everything. But now you must be strong. I know that that seems like
alot for a little girl but you must be strong. For your family and for yourself.
Please baby, always remember that we love you. I love you so much. I remember
bringing you home from the hospital, you with your face still scrunched up and not had
your first look of the world...not through your own eyes yet. I remember the day that
your beautiful blue eyes turned to their dark malachite green. How beautiful I thought
you were....and how right I am. You are so beautiful, and you're so strong.
Strong, just like your father. He was so proud of you. As I right this letter to
you, I can see you outside playing catch with your father. His little Louisville slugger.
*chuckle* You are your father's daughter.
Baby, I love you so much. I will always love you. You'll never be alone,
I'm always be with you. Even when you think you're all alone and there isn't anyone
in the world who loves you, I do. I'm with you, all you have to do is talk to me and
I'll hear you. Be strong for me baby. You tell me your weaknesses and I'll make it all
better. I don't know how, but I will baby. Believe me.
I love you.
Always and forever.
Momma
Makoto felt a wave of relief pass over her and felt her mother's spirit there with her.
Ever loving and ever protective. She raised her tear-stained face and looked at the
window and the rising sun. A new day had come for Kino Makoto.
'I love you momma'
Somewhere she heard.
------------
But the love you give always will live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will alwyas love you till forever comes Makoto
------------
Papa had died three days ago. It had been the cancer, the doctor said. Nobody had been
expecting it. He just...died suddenly in his sleep. Why hadn't that god-forsaken doctor found
it in time??? They could have treated it! Even Papa knew there was something wrong with him.
But what had the doctor said?
'Don't you worry about it. Let ME do the worrying for you,'
Yeah, well, that doctor didn't have to do the dying! He didn't have to be the one to
hold your screaming mother when she fell to the floor in uncontrollable sobs and wails because
her soulmate had left her all alone. He didn't have to be the one who rocked her own mother to
sleep at night because her mother was in so much pain. That doctor wasn't the one who couldn't
cry who her own tears at the death of her father, because she had to be strong for her husband,
mother, brother, child, and friends. He wasn't the one who would have to hear her mother talk
about suicide...and how life just wasn't worth living anymore. Not without her lover.
I wasn't sure what had possessed me to come over to the house that day. I was glad that
I did. Momma had been sitting in her chair...not looking at anything...just staring. As if she
had been an empty shell...and in a way she was. The shell of the woman she had once been. I
very carefully closed the door behind me and came into the room. She hadn't even acknowledged
my presence. Very slowly, I knelt beside her and placed my hand atop of hers. Feeling a gentle
squeeze, I reassured myself that she was indeed still here.
When she looked into my eyes though, I wasn't so sure. There was so much pain in them.
So many questions left unanswered. Why had this happened to her? Why had God taken away the
one she loved so much? Why? Why? Why? It pained me that I didn't have an answer for her. The
tears started again...not in my eyes. No, for once, the crybaby Usagi wasn't the one crying.
It was my rock. My strength, Ikuko Tsukino.
"Oh Momma..."
I reached up to hold her as she sobbed into my shoulder. Uncontrollable wails
erupted from within and her tiny frame shook with rasping breaths. All I could do was
hold her close and allow her to just cry.
"It's ok Momma. You go ahead and cry. I'm here Momma. I'll never let you fall.
You go ahead and cry. I'm right here...shhh......it's alright. Shh.........momma. It's ok,"
"Dont-don't leave me Usagi...I-I can't..." she said, between sobs.
"Never momma. I'll be here for as long as you need me. Come hell or high water,"
She chuckled slightly at my little joke but it didn't stop her tears.
"I love you baby,"
"I love you, Momma"
------------
And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there through the lonely days
I'll be there this I promise you mamma Usagi
------------
"I don't care! When I come home from work there is to be dinner on the table! Is that
understood? LOOK AT THIS SLOP!!! How the hell am I supposed to eat this?????"
"Dear, I'm sorry, but there was so much work ---"
SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"That's no excuse! Do you hear me? I'm the master of this house and you do
exactly as I say!"
Michiru heard the plate slam against the wall and shatter. The sound of a chair
slide roughly across the hard linoleum floor came next and was followed by her father's
shoes squeaking.
"Where are you going?"
"Shut up slut! I go wherever I want, whenever I want! When I get home, I want you
ready for me in bed and I want a hot meal ready and it better be right this time!"
Michiru heard the door slam shut. Her father was gone for the night and he wouldn't
be back until two o'clock in the morning...and that would be early for him. She silently
waited for a few more minutes and when she heard the sound of the car roar away she knew
that it was safe.
Very slowly, she crept out of her hiding place, which lately had been the broom closet.
It was the one place her father would never look. To him, it was the "woman's" room, full
with a broom and a mop complete with bucket. She was tiny enough that she could hide in the
corner surrounded by the protective shadows.
Heading to the kitchen, she saw her mother on the floor picking up the pieces of the
shattered plate. It had been her grandmother's china...very valuable. Her father had shattered
it like it was worthless, just like her mother's heart.
Her mother glanced up at her from the floor. Michiru saw the tear-stained cheeks and
the broken expression that adorned her once beautiful face.
Without a word, she ran into her mother's arms and hugged her tightly.
'Someday,' she vowed,'we'll be free, mamma. Someday...'
------------
I'll be your beacon through the darkest night
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you till forever comes Michiru
------------
END OF PART II
My momma died when I was very young. Kaori told me that she died when I was
born...that I had killed her. Did I really do that Momma? or did you die afterwards? Daddy
said that she had been sick after I was born and that was what had killed her. If that was
true then why did Kaori say such mean things?
I rarely get to see my Daddy anymore since he started with his new experiments. He's
really into them. But every year, on one specific day we always have a day together. Just me
and Daddy...Kaori gets to stay home alone and make sure the experiments don't go awry. Daddy
and I always go out for a picnic by the lake and watch the ducks, and then we sit under the
oak tree and he tells me stories about Momma and what she did in life that made her so special.
I once asked him when he knew that Momma was the one for him. He said to me, that he knew she
was the one when she gave him the world...actually it was an old globe with a light in it, but
for the romantic that he was it might as well have been the world.
Afterwards, we would go to the cemetary and I would lay fresh flowers on Momma's grave
and we would sit and talk to her. We'd have a small dinner there and we would fill her in on
all the details of our lives. But...that didn't happen anymore...not since these NEW
experiments of his. Not since....Kaori moved in permanently. Now, it's just me.
It's just me, Momma. I'm all alone here this year. I was looking at her grave and noted
that nobody had been taking care of it as they should have. There were weeds everywhere.
Very carefully, I knelt down and started plucking them from the Earth and smoothed the grass
back where the dirt had come up. I laid my bouquet of roses down on top of her grave and sat
down to talk.
"*sigh* Well, I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here alone, huh Momma? Well, it's
Daddy...he just hasn't been the same since his NEW experiments...all he does is stay in the
basement all day and work. And that lady Kaori Night...she's not nice at all. She tells me
that I was the one who killed you...but that's not true, is it Momma? If it is, then I am SO
sorry. I sometimes think to myself that if you were here, then Daddy wouldn't be so alone.
Maybe I wouldn't be so alone...
I made a new friend! Her name is Chibi-Usa...she's a few years younger than I am,
but she's really nice. She's not afraid of me and she really likes me! She sees me as I am...
and not as a monster or a freak. Not like the kids at school do...maybe life is getting better.
I'm in a new school. The kids there don't know about...my abilities. Hopefully they'll
never find out...not if I can help it at least. I don't want others finding out if they're
going to hurt me...but Chibi-Usa knows and she likes me just the same.
Momma...I'm so confused. Tell me what to do...tell me what's going on..."
Then, as if my mother had heard my pleas a small breeze fluttered against my cheek.
My eyes opened just a little bit and I saw the flower petals dance in the breeze. Momma had
always loved seeing flower petals dance. I understood what she was saying...she was saying
that it was alright. Everything was going to be fine...just be brave. I understood.
I stood up to go, but not before saying one last thing.
"I love you Momma..."
------------
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye Hotaru
------------
She had only known her mother and father for a very short time. She was only eight and
they had died in that horrible accident. Now, she was sitting in a lawyer's office, being
read a piece of paper that had her parents last wishes on it. However, little Makoto wasn't
listening. It just wasn't important to her. She was all alone now and nothing that her parents
had left her would make up for it. Eight years old and all alone…she was just a baby. No child
should have to grow up this quickly, she thought to herself. Where was the joy and the laughter?
Why wasn't her main ambition in life to be able to ride the carousel without a grownup to hang
on to her as she rode? Why had this happened to her? WHY?! She had screamed at God. What had
she done to deserve to be left alone with no one to love her in the whole world? What horrible
act had she, an eight year old girl, done to deserve this?!?!?!
No one was aware of this inner battle between psyche and consciousness. Only Makoto…and
she refused to speak to anybody. She dimly heard the contents of the will that were to be
distributed to different charities and to herself.
"…and finally to our beloved child, Kino Makoto…"
Her head snapped up at the sound of her name. What had her parents left her now? A
fortune? Could it bring them back? No? Then she didn't want it. All of their stocks and
bonds? Could she sell them and bring her parents back? No? Then she didn't fucking want
it! With a determind expression on her face, she looked at the lawyer as he spoke.
"We leave her the sum of $2.3 million (no idea how much this is in yen) our stocks and
bonds, our mutual funds, our material possessions, and a letter that we have enclosed
within the will. Everything but the letter will be distributed to her at the time she
reaches her eighteenth birthday. Until then, an accountant of our choosing will give her
a monthly allowance to live off of and to take care of schooling."
That was all fine and dandy for the lawyers…but the only thing that had caught Makoto's
attention was the letter. They had left her a letter? What did it say? Was it a way for
her to bring them back? Maybe her parents were secretly wizards in disguise and had left
her directions to bring them back to life and they would all live together in secret.
Her mind raced with possibilities.
"Can I--Can I have it, pwease?"
Nodding to her, the laweyer handed her a small brown envelope, sealed with a bright
green wax seal bearing her family emblem. Her green eyes grew wider as she saw the
addressing on the envelope and she lovingly ran her fingers over it.
"Excuse me please," she said, looking at the table full of prospective money grubbers.
She quickly left the room and hurried down the hall to a room that she knew to be empty.
Quickly pulling up a chair to the lone table in the room, she very carefully opened the
letter and engulfed herself in her parents final words to her.
Dearest Makoto,
I am so sorry that we are gone now. But it is not forever. Do not fret, for
everything has a purpose in life, even the death of those we love. Just please remember
that we love you and we'll look in on you from time to time. To make sure that you're
doing well and you're happy.
It pains my heart as a mother to have to leave her child. I cannot stand that
I won't be there when you get married. I can't stand that I won't be able to hold my
grandchildren in my arms and I can't stand the fact that you're all alone now.
However, I promise you this...I love you. Your father loves you. I believe in
you baby. You're my everything. But now you must be strong. I know that that seems like
alot for a little girl but you must be strong. For your family and for yourself.
Please baby, always remember that we love you. I love you so much. I remember
bringing you home from the hospital, you with your face still scrunched up and not had
your first look of the world...not through your own eyes yet. I remember the day that
your beautiful blue eyes turned to their dark malachite green. How beautiful I thought
you were....and how right I am. You are so beautiful, and you're so strong.
Strong, just like your father. He was so proud of you. As I right this letter to
you, I can see you outside playing catch with your father. His little Louisville slugger.
*chuckle* You are your father's daughter.
Baby, I love you so much. I will always love you. You'll never be alone,
I'm always be with you. Even when you think you're all alone and there isn't anyone
in the world who loves you, I do. I'm with you, all you have to do is talk to me and
I'll hear you. Be strong for me baby. You tell me your weaknesses and I'll make it all
better. I don't know how, but I will baby. Believe me.
I love you.
Always and forever.
Momma
Makoto felt a wave of relief pass over her and felt her mother's spirit there with her.
Ever loving and ever protective. She raised her tear-stained face and looked at the
window and the rising sun. A new day had come for Kino Makoto.
'I love you momma'
Somewhere she heard.
------------
But the love you give always will live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will alwyas love you till forever comes Makoto
------------
Papa had died three days ago. It had been the cancer, the doctor said. Nobody had been
expecting it. He just...died suddenly in his sleep. Why hadn't that god-forsaken doctor found
it in time??? They could have treated it! Even Papa knew there was something wrong with him.
But what had the doctor said?
'Don't you worry about it. Let ME do the worrying for you,'
Yeah, well, that doctor didn't have to do the dying! He didn't have to be the one to
hold your screaming mother when she fell to the floor in uncontrollable sobs and wails because
her soulmate had left her all alone. He didn't have to be the one who rocked her own mother to
sleep at night because her mother was in so much pain. That doctor wasn't the one who couldn't
cry who her own tears at the death of her father, because she had to be strong for her husband,
mother, brother, child, and friends. He wasn't the one who would have to hear her mother talk
about suicide...and how life just wasn't worth living anymore. Not without her lover.
I wasn't sure what had possessed me to come over to the house that day. I was glad that
I did. Momma had been sitting in her chair...not looking at anything...just staring. As if she
had been an empty shell...and in a way she was. The shell of the woman she had once been. I
very carefully closed the door behind me and came into the room. She hadn't even acknowledged
my presence. Very slowly, I knelt beside her and placed my hand atop of hers. Feeling a gentle
squeeze, I reassured myself that she was indeed still here.
When she looked into my eyes though, I wasn't so sure. There was so much pain in them.
So many questions left unanswered. Why had this happened to her? Why had God taken away the
one she loved so much? Why? Why? Why? It pained me that I didn't have an answer for her. The
tears started again...not in my eyes. No, for once, the crybaby Usagi wasn't the one crying.
It was my rock. My strength, Ikuko Tsukino.
"Oh Momma..."
I reached up to hold her as she sobbed into my shoulder. Uncontrollable wails
erupted from within and her tiny frame shook with rasping breaths. All I could do was
hold her close and allow her to just cry.
"It's ok Momma. You go ahead and cry. I'm here Momma. I'll never let you fall.
You go ahead and cry. I'm right here...shhh......it's alright. Shh.........momma. It's ok,"
"Dont-don't leave me Usagi...I-I can't..." she said, between sobs.
"Never momma. I'll be here for as long as you need me. Come hell or high water,"
She chuckled slightly at my little joke but it didn't stop her tears.
"I love you baby,"
"I love you, Momma"
------------
And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there through the lonely days
I'll be there this I promise you mamma Usagi
------------
"I don't care! When I come home from work there is to be dinner on the table! Is that
understood? LOOK AT THIS SLOP!!! How the hell am I supposed to eat this?????"
"Dear, I'm sorry, but there was so much work ---"
SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"That's no excuse! Do you hear me? I'm the master of this house and you do
exactly as I say!"
Michiru heard the plate slam against the wall and shatter. The sound of a chair
slide roughly across the hard linoleum floor came next and was followed by her father's
shoes squeaking.
"Where are you going?"
"Shut up slut! I go wherever I want, whenever I want! When I get home, I want you
ready for me in bed and I want a hot meal ready and it better be right this time!"
Michiru heard the door slam shut. Her father was gone for the night and he wouldn't
be back until two o'clock in the morning...and that would be early for him. She silently
waited for a few more minutes and when she heard the sound of the car roar away she knew
that it was safe.
Very slowly, she crept out of her hiding place, which lately had been the broom closet.
It was the one place her father would never look. To him, it was the "woman's" room, full
with a broom and a mop complete with bucket. She was tiny enough that she could hide in the
corner surrounded by the protective shadows.
Heading to the kitchen, she saw her mother on the floor picking up the pieces of the
shattered plate. It had been her grandmother's china...very valuable. Her father had shattered
it like it was worthless, just like her mother's heart.
Her mother glanced up at her from the floor. Michiru saw the tear-stained cheeks and
the broken expression that adorned her once beautiful face.
Without a word, she ran into her mother's arms and hugged her tightly.
'Someday,' she vowed,'we'll be free, mamma. Someday...'
------------
I'll be your beacon through the darkest night
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you till forever comes Michiru
------------
END OF PART II