From this episode on, this story diverges from canon, since it will be updated alongside the actual show. So screw the show canon, it blasted a hole in my ship so I'm patching it up the way I want to. Anyway, thanks for reading.
"What is she doing here?" Ontari hissed at Titus, looking as though she was all but ready to murder the blonde who was making her way into the circular Proving Arena. It was the ass-crack of morning and for a moment Clarke was tempted to rethink her entire plan. A morning person she was not. "She's no Nightblood, she bleeds red like normal people."
Titus took a deep breath to steady himself for what was bound to be a barrage of questions and complaints. And not a second later he was almost blown backwards by a dozen voices raising themselves to question his judgement. "Wanheda earned her title by slaughtering the Mountain Men and saving not only her people, but ours as well. Lexa was not one to question her spirit and her deeds, so I shall not either."
The Proving Arena in which they stood was a secret location, a wooded clearing an hours walk from Polis that was hidden from sight by the sheer waterfall that surrounded three sides of it, and a dense thicket on the fourth. To the general population of Polis and visiting Clans, this spot was a sacred ground meant only for Commanders, and carried a swift and brutal punishment should the rules be broken. It was also where potential successors would gather if the Commander died.
"Not like it matters," Ontari huffed, her feathers clearly ruffled. "I doubt she'd last through the first trial."
Clarke had stayed uncharacteristically silent, letting the insult slide over her head as if she hadn't heard it. She knew what she was here for, and Titus internally commended her on her approach to the whole thing. Neither she nor the rest of the recruits knew the true process that lay before them, the trials and tribulations they would have to endure to see if they were worthy of the title.
"Now, I imagine you are all familiar with the three Pillars of being Commander," Titus continued, taking a second to look at each novitiate. "They are?"
He was surprised when Clarke opened her mouth and recited in a monotone voice. "Wisdom. Compassion. Strength."
Titus was suddenly transported back to the day Lexa had been challenged by the Ice Queen in combat. Clarke had wanted to meet with her to try and talk her out of fighting, and had instead come face to face with Lexa teaching her novitiates. He recalled how, with wide eyes and a small smile, Clarke watched Lexa talk about the Pillars, and how important they were to being Commander. It was one of the few times he had seen her truly happy, seeing a side to Lexa that most people didn't have the privilege of seeing.
"Correct. A commander needs to have these three things in order to rule well. They need wisdom, both on and off the battlefield, to outsmart enemies and keep the peace between the clans. They need compassion, to be able to connect with and understand their people. And they need strength, to prove that they are strong enough to weather any storm."
He gestured behind him, where thirteen pillars of grey stone stood, each one with a single clan symbol carved into it. "Lexa united twelve previously splintered clans, and even added a thirteenth," He pointed to a pillar that looked as though it had just been placed, "The Skikru. She walked the path of a leader, and she died like one. As is tradition, a new Heda must be chosen. It is fitting, perhaps even if slightly ironic, that we have thirteen novitiates. Whosoever succeeds her as Commander will be doing so in a perilous time and will need to remember the Pillars."
Clarke seemed to be staring through him, as if she was hearing his words but not really paying attention, irritating Titus to no end. But he understood, he supposed. It had now been a week since Lexa's death, and from his observations, the blonde had hardly slept, and was only eating occasionally. She was not yet used to how the Clans treated death, and her mourning seemed almost alien to him.
"Each of you will be tested as many times as there are Pillars. Wisdom, Compassion, Strength." Titus approached each candidate and handed them a small token, carved with the sacred symbol. "There is a cave past the waterfall behind me where you will proceed to swallow this token and begin the trials. Are there any questions?"
No one said a word.
"This Conclave is now in session. May the Commander's spirit choose well."
XXX
Your Fight Is Just Beginning
XXX
"Again!" Indra barked, watching Octavia fight with another Second and scrutinizing her every movement. "You forgot to block his other attack, Octavia. What did you do wrong?"
Octavia lowered her practice weapon and met her mentor's gaze, ignoring the blood that was falling from her mouth as a result of her failed assault. "I didn't notice when he tensed the muscles in his right shoulder, signaling another incoming strike."
Indra grunted, satisfied with the response and waved her hand, telling them to continue sparring. As she took in the fight before her, she thought back to how much Octavia had improved since becoming her second. She took to Grounder culture like a duck to water, seamlessly integrating herself into their society and throwing herself into her duties as a Second. Octavia was evolving into a fierce warrior and Indra couldn't help but feel a little proud.
Indra shifted, feeling the bandages around her arm tighten. She should feel honored that she was still here today to train the young woman in front of her, but she kept flashing back to that horrible night. She spit on the ground, remembering how insult had been added to injury when Bellamy Blake spared her of all people to deliver a message to Lexa regarding the Thirteenth Clan's secession. In fact, Indra couldn't believe that Octavia shared any blood with him, she was everything her brother wasn't.
"Better," she called out as Octavia managed to block her opponent's second swing that time and deliver a blow of her own to his ribs. "See how your body wants to instinctively re-adjust in order to keep itself out of harm's way?"
Poor Octavia, she didn't know what the future was to hold for her. Indra was one of the few people privy to the knowledge that Clarke had joined the Conclave in an attempt to succeed Lexa. The seasoned warrior suspected there was more to Wanheda's plan than to become the leader of the coalition, but she dared not air those suspicions out loud. So she did the next-best thing, she threw her Second into an intense training camp, knowing that if Clarke did manage to succeed her lover as Heda, Octavia would likely be her right-hand.
"Jhared, I need to talk to Octavia, you are free to go. But send over your brother so we can run one last drill." Octavia's opponent nodded, bowing his head in respect and sheathing his practice weapon before running off to fetch his older brother.
"Indra? What's up?"
"Walk with me for a moment, Okteivia kom Skikru." Octavia immediately straightened at her mentor's use of her more formal name. "How is Clarke doing?"
The young woman shrugged, falling in line a step behind Indra. "She doesn't seem to sleep very well, and I've caught her more than once in Lexa's old room. Similarly she doesn't seem to be eating, and I haven't seen her out on the streets since the pyre."
Indra's eyebrows furrowed as she processed the information. "I ask because what I am about to tell you is of the utmost importance. And it needs to remain a secret. Clarke has successfully managed to join the Conclave."
Octavia let out a surprised huff. "No shit? I mean, really? She could succeed Lexa?"
All but rolling her eyes at her mentee's small blunder, Indra nodded. "And in the case that she succeeds at that as well, you should be prepared."
As the answer dawned on Octavia her jaw dropped. "You're saying that if Clarke becomes Heda, she'd want me as her right hand? Like you were for Lexa."
"Yes. And it is not a duty to take lightly, hence all the training."
A look of steely determination crossed Octavia's face and in that instant Indra knew that she had made the right choice in telling her. Octavia was fierce, stubborn and powerful, not unlike a wild stallion. She would make a good balance to Clarke's more restrained, think-first act later personality.
It made Indra a little prouder when Octavia said, "Then tell me what I need to work on."
XXX
Bellamy Blake tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Raven to notice him over the small pile of work orders she had stacked precariously on her desk. He noticed that over the last several days her mood and general outlook on life had dramatically improved and wondered what Jaha had done to her.
He wasn't stupid, he noticed her hanging around the growing crew of converts, and how much she smiled now. It seemed the promises Jaha made were actually working, and it scared him. Arkadia did not need another threat right now, especially since Clarke had literally barged into Pike's office to assault him.
Warning my ass, he thought, clearing his throat noticeably and calming down when he heard Raven sigh and put down her current project, a broken irrigation hose for one of the gardens outside. Clarke wasn't the kind of person to ignore all the risks and put herself in jeopardy for a measly warning. Or was she? He couldn't tell anymore, whatever bond they had once shared as co-captains of the 100 was gone.
"Can I help you, Blake?" Raven gently shoved the irrigation hose aside and pulled out a worn oil-stained notebook to take notes. "What did you break this time?"
He smiled at her not-so-subtle dig and pulled out his own notepad. "Pike wanted to commission some things for our next excursion outside the walls. Ever since we failed last time he wants to make sure we're prepared."
Raven nodded and scribbled down notes while Bellamy rattled off the rather long list of commissions. She whistled. "Bell, some of what he's asking for is…I don't know if I can do it."
"If its materials you need, Pike said not to worry, he'd get that sorted out."
The engineer shook her head, tearing off the list and standing up to tack it to one of the many workboards that lined her office. It didn't escape Bellamy that the movement no longer made her wince in pain. Whatever Jaha had done to her seemed to help with her leg, and while she still needed a brace to walk she was able to get a lot more work orders finished. "It's not about the materials, it's about me doing this. This shit's against any sane person's morals."
Bellamy sighed, not wanting to get in an argument with her right now. But he had seen what had happened last time, watched Monroe choke to death on the aerosolized poison the grounders had set as a trap. They were at war now, and there was no time to play peacekeeper. "I'm not gonna get into it with you, Raven. But last time we weren't prepared, Monroe died."
He could see the retort about to come out of her mouth, and held up his hands in surrender. She closed her mouth and waved him off. "Fine. I'll start working and get you a list of things I need by the end of the day."
"Thank you Raven."
"Don't thank me, if this blows up in your face, literally or figuratively, it's your fault. I was just—"
"Following orders, I know."
XXX
When Clarke opened her eyes she was no longer in the cave behind the waterfall, but in a very familiar building, the muted sounds of a bustling camp through the closed door making her heart thump happily. The war room in tonDC looked just like she remembered it, the main table covered in worn maps and metal figurines that represented the armies of the Twelve Clans. Her clothes had changed too, to those she used to wear when she was living in Arkadia. She gasped, remembering when she had last worn this outfit, whirling around to look at the person standing behind her. "A missile? You're sure?"
"Lexa," she stuttered, not believing her eyes. She was somehow alive and it felt like the hole in her heart had suddenly been made whole again. This is a vision, the rational part of her mind said. One of your trials. She's gone.
"Yes, I'm sure, we have to evacuate now." The words sounded alien coming from Clarke's mouth, she didn't want to be talking about this, she wanted to be sweeping the Commander into her arms and kissing her for all she was worth. But her body wouldn't obey her and she understood that she was merely a witness to her own memories, powerless to do anything but relive them. She knew what would happen next.
"No."
"What do you mean no, Lexa?"
"If we evacuate, they'll know they have a spy inside our walls." Clarke remembered that she wanted to wring Lexa's neck when she first insisted they tell no one of the missile headed straight for tonDC.
She found herself saying that the mountain men wouldn't exactly know they had a man on the inside, but Lexa had shut her down, saying it wasn't worth the risk.
A commander needs wisdom, both on the battlefield and off. Lexa had made the calculated and difficult decision of a ruler to sacrifice her people in order to keep Bellamy safe.
A decision Clarke would not have made in that moment. She recalled Lexa once saying to her that she was driven to fix everything, and not everything could be fixed. She was naïve then, but perhaps that was because since she had landed on the ground, it had been about protecting the people she had come to love.
I wanted Lexa to warn her people in order to escape having more deaths on my conscience. Too many people had died since she first stepped out of the space pod, too many names that she had since forgotten, people who had had dreams, lives. But sometimes death was inevitable. And being Commander meant that she would have to make those tough decisions, all for the sake of her people as a whole.
Lexa sacrificed those two-hundred and fifty some people to keep one safe. She took a calculated risk that having Bellamy as an inside man would pay off, and while present day Clarke knew that that had been the right decision, this past version of herself couldn't see past the fact that many people wouldn't be coming home to their families.
Clarke had tuned out of the rest of the conversation her vision-self was having with Lexa and instead focused on what it all meant. The First Pillar was Wisdom, and to her it meant not only having a honed mind, but knowing how to react to all manner of situations. To know when to attack, to retreat….or even when to betray.
Should she become Heda, she wouldn't just be responsible for the lives of thousands, she'd be responsible for knowing what to do with those lives. Clarke began to understand why Lexa left her on Mount Weather. Some sacrifices are necessary.
The blonde turned back to see Lexa grab a traveling cloak and toss it to her as they bickered back and forth about what the right solution was. "It's time to go."
The vision of Lexa began to fade away and Clarke couldn't help but let out a whimper. She had control of her movements again and she made to grab the Commander's hand, but hers slipped through Lexa's as though she was a ghost. "No, don't go. Don't leave me again…"
Don't leave me again, don't leave me again, don't leave me….
Clarke woke up with a strangled gasp, and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers as she levered herself into an upright position. The pounding in her head felt like she had gotten horribly drunk off Monty's Moonshine. Turning to her right to see past the falling water, she noticed the sun was beginning to set, sending beams of sunlight into the cave. It had just been a dream, but she felt as though she had learned something important.
There was a shuffling sound in one of the darker corners of the cave, and soon Ontari popped out of the shadows, looking drained but victorious. Soon several other bodies began to wake and Clarke knew the first trial must have ended.
"Ow, my head," Aden whined as he jolted awake next to Clarke, regretting the sudden movement. "That was…not pleasant."
"Tell me about it," Clarke offered him a sympathetic smile and he returned it shyly, seemingly still a little in awe that Wanheda herself was sitting next to him. "I wonder if—"
"Well done, novitiates," Titus called from the clearing, gesturing for them to join him. "Please. Return to the clearing so we may speak."
Slowly standing up so as not to send herself into a dizzy spell, Clarke carefully picked her way past a few of the still-slumbering novitiates and through the waterfall, the cold, fresh water hitting her face and giving her a jolt of awareness.
"You have passed the first trial, in which you were tested on the first of the three Pillars, Wisdom. There are bedrolls, water and food to my right, feel free to make use of them for you will be back at it tomorrow."
The five other Nightbloods standing with Clarke and Ontari nodded and made their way over to the makeshift camp to grab something to eat. Ontari soon followed, making a point to take one of the bedrolls and settle as far away from everyone as she could without losing the warmth of the fire that was beginning to burn. Clarke turned to Titus.
"So, what about the other recruits still in the cave? Should we save some food for them?"
Titus blinked and shook his head. "There is no point in saving anything for them, Wanheda. They failed the first Trial. They will not be waking up. Have a good evening."
He walked away, taking the winding trail back to Polis leaving a very stunned Clarke in his wake.