Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, any of the characters. I also don't own a Welsh Corgi (although I'd like to, because Ein is soooo cute! ^_^)
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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Spike and Jet sat down at their table and began to eat.
"What's for dinner tonight, Jet?" Spike asked.
"Same thing as always. I took money from your piggybank and used it to order food for myself, even though you explicitly told me not too," Jet said.
"What?" Spike yelled angrily.
"Bell peppers and beef," Jet said.
"Good," Spike said. He turned on the TV.
Bigshot- The Show For Bounty Hunters:
Paunch: Hello there, all you bounty hunters! I'm Paunch!
Judy: And I'm Judy! Today's bounty is a real catch, isn't he?
Paunch: He certainly is! Today's bounty is Abdul Hakim, a former frog-smuggler turned date dog-snatcher!
Judy: Oooh! He sounds like a real mean guy!
Paunch: He is! And he's got a mean bounty on him!
Judy: That's right! *puts finger to lips* One meeelion dollars! Er, I mean, um... eight million wulongs!
Paunch: That's right! Anybody that catches this guy is gonna be filthy stinking rich! Just like Judy said I'd have to be to get her to take off her jacket!
Judy: Grrr… Pervert! *punches Paunch's lights out*
---
Session 2: Stray Frog Strut
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"Wow, eight million wulongs," Jet said.
"If we had eight million wulongs, you wouldn't have to break into my piggybank to buy food," Spike commented.
"So, where is this Abdul-Jabbar guy?" Jet asked.
"Let's see here," Spike said, pressing a button on a computer console and running a search. "It says here that he was last seen on Mars."
"Then let's go!" Jet said.
---
MARS: A CROWDED MARKETPLACE-
Abdul Hakim walked through the streets walking a Welsh Corgi on a leash. He was carrying a suitcase with air holes in it.
"Bud."
"Weis."
"Er."
"Hey, pipe down in there!" Hakim yelled at the suitcase. The Welsh Corgi barked. "You too, you stupid dog!"
The dog growled at Hakim. A man walked up to him.
"Aw, that's a cute little doggy!" the man said. "Are you selling him?"
"If you have the right price," Hakim said.
"The right price?" the man asked curiously. "Exactly how much is 'the right price'?"
"Five million wulongs," Hakim said.
"Whoa!" the man yelled. "That's highway robbery! No way I'm paying five million wulongs for a dog!"
"Then keep walking," Hakim said.
"What'cha got in the suitcase?" the man asked.
"Bud."
"Weis."
"Er."
"Really? I could sure go for a beer right now," the man said.
"There's no beer in the suitcase," Hakim said. "Just frogs. I'm smuggling, er, transporting them out of Mars."
"Oh," the man said. "They can talk? That's a pretty neat trick. Can I see them?"
"If I open the suitcase, they'll all escape," Hakim said.
"Can I see the suitcase then? I could look at the frogs through the air holes," the man said.
"Fine," Hakim muttered, handing the man the suitcase. "But whatever you do, don't drop it."
"Alrighty," the man said. He peered through one of the air holes. Hakim looked at his watch.
"I don't have all day," Hakim said. "Look, just hold my suitcase. I'll be right back."
Hakim walked down the street until he arrived at a pet store. The man carrying the suitcase with the frogs in it followed him.
"What are you following me for?" Hakim asked angrily.
"I was just coming with you so I can find you to give the frogs back when I was done looking at them," the man said. "That's all."
"Fine," Hakim said. A little old lady walked up to the two men.
"What do you want?" the old lady asked.
"I want to sell you this dog," Hakim said, pointing at the Welsh Corgi. The little dog barked.
"Really? How much?" the old lady asked.
"Five million wulongs," Hakim said.
"That's too much money to pay for a dog," the old lady said. "Besides, you don't even have the dog."
"Eh?" Hakim said.
"Look," the old lady said, pointing to where the Welsh Corgi was supposed to be. In its place was an open suitcase with several frogs jumping out of it.
"Argh!" Hakim yelled. He turned around to see the man that had been looking at the frogs was now running off with Ein in his arms. "Come back here!"
Hakim pushed the old lady down and ran off, chasing the man.
"Hey!" the old lady yelled indignantly. "You can't push down an old lady like that!"
"Bud."
"Weis."
"Er."
---
The Swordfish landed in the middle of a crowded city street. The top of the fighter opened, and Spike climbed out.
"I'm here," Spike said. "Now to find Hakim."
Suddenly, two men bolted past Spike. One of them was Hakim.
"That's him!" Spike yelled. He ran after the two men.
---
"I've got the data-dog!" the man carrying the dog yelled. "I've got it! I'm gonna be rich!"
The man ducked around a corner and crawled through a window in one of the buildings. As he did, Hakim barreled past the window the man went through. He could no longer see him.
"Wha?" Hakim said, looking around. "Where did he go?"
Spike ran around the corner and took out his gun.
"Stop right there, Abdul Hakim," Spike said, pointing the gun at Hakim's head. "Where's the dog?"
"I don't have it!" Hakim said. "It was stolen from me!"
"Really?" Spike said. "That's what they all say."
"I swear! This guy stole it from me! You've gotta believe me!" Hakim begged.
"Fine," Spike said. "Well then, where are the frogs?"
"Huh?" Hakim said.
"Frog smuggling is a crime too," Spike stated. "Give me the frogs and nobody gets hurt."
"The guy that took the data-dog set my frogs free too!" Hakim said.
"Sure he did," Spike said. "And he's got one arm. The one-armed man did it."
"No," Hakim said, "he's got both of his arms."
"Suuuure," Spike said. "You know, I bet all this lying is making you thirsty."
"What?" Hakim said, confused.
"Thirsty for a… Budweiser?" Spike asked.
"What?"
"Bud! Weis! Er!" Spike yelled. "Admit it, you've got the frogs and the dog!"
"Argh!" Hakim yelled, frustrated. He kicked Spike in the groin and ran off it the opposite direction. Spike doubled over.
"Maybe I should be less intimidating in my interrogation methods," Spike said, slowly climbing to his feet. "Well, Hakim's probably telling the truth. Which mean that there's a two-armed dog bandit running around with that data dog. I'd better catch him!"
---
Meanwhile, inside the building that the dog bandit climbed into…
"I oughta be safe in here," the man said, tying the Corgi's leash around his wrist so that the dog couldn't escape. "Now to sell this dog for…"
The man put his pinky to his lips.
"Five million wulongs! Mwahaha!" the man said, laughing triuphantly. His laughing was interrupted by a loud bark from the Welsh Corgi.
---
"Eh?" Spike said, hearing the barking from the nearby building. "That must be the data dog!
---
Inside the building…
"Stop that barking, dog," the man said. "You want that crazy frog smuggler to hear us?"
"Somebody else already did," Spike said, peering through the window that the man had crawled through. "Ya know, that dog doesn't belong to you."
Spike took out his gun and pointed it at the man.
"Hey hey, let's not get hasty!" the man said. The Welsh Corgi barked and began to run. "Wha?"
The data-dog ran, dragging the man with him.
"Aaaah!" the man yelled as the Welsh Corgi leapt through a window, causing the dog bandit to be slammed into the wall under the window. The man passed out, and the leash tying the man's arm to the dog loosened and fell off.
"Uh oh," Spike said. "The dog's getting away."
---
Meanwhile, Abdul Hakim trudged through the busy city streets, hanging his head down as he walked.
"I can't believe that I managed to let that dog get stolen from me!" Hakim yelled. "Grrr… I'm going to get bloody revenge on the first living creature I see."
Suddenly, the escaped Welsh Corgi bolted past Hakim.
"Unless it's the dog!" Hakim yelled. He immediately gave chase.
---
Spike piloted his Swordfish through the streets, hoping to catch up to the dog.
"That dog's fast, and that dog is smart, but he's not faster than this spaceship and he's not smarter than me!" Spike declared. He spotted the dog and Hakim running through the streets. "There they are. I'll catch the smuggler and the dog at the same time. I get to kill two birds with one stone!"
The Swordfish chased Hakim and the dog through the streets.
"You again?" Hakim yelled exasperatingly. He pulled out his gun and fired at the Swordfish. The bullets bounced off, having no effect. "Darn it!"
The Swordfish extended a grabbing arm and grabbed at Hakim. Hakim barely managed to duck out of the way.
---
Back at the old lady's pet shop, the old lady continued to walk around the shop, looking at her pets.
"Business is slow today," the woman said. Suddenly, the Welsh Corgi darted in front of her. :"Hey!"
Next, Hakim ran after the dog, charging through the store and knocking over several cages.
"Be more careful, you rude-"
At that moment, the Swordfish crashed through the shop, crashing through all of the cages.
"No!" the old lady yelled. "I'm ruined!"
Only one cage remained untouched. It was the cage with the three frogs that Hakim carried around in his suitcase.
"Bud."
"Weis."
"Er."
---
The chase continued through the streets until they reached the outskirts of the city and the Mars Bottomless Pit. The dog stopped in front of it.
"Mwahaha! I have you now!" Hakim yelled triumphantly. The Swordfish flew up in front of him.
"No," Spike said. "I have you. Now, are you going to come quietly, or-"
And then, in a Looney Tunes-esque scene, the dog barked loudly. Hakim jumped about ten feet into the air and landed… in the pit.
"Nooooo!" Hakim screamed as he fell to his doom.
"Darn it," Spike said. "You stupid dog. You just lost me eight million wulongs."
The dog barked. Spike picked it up with the Swordfish's grappling arm, opened the top of the Swordfish, and dropped the dog into the ship.
"I think I'll call you Ein," Spike said. "Because that's the number of wulongs that I'm going to have because you just had to go and kill the frog smuggler."
Ein looked at Spike, confused.
"You see, Ein means one. And I'm only going to have one wulong instead of eight million because you killed my bountyhead," Spike explained. "Why am I explaining this to you? You're just a dumb dog anyway."
---
BACK ABOARD THE BEBOP…
"So instead of eight million wulongs," Spike said, "I've got a dog."
"The dog's worth a lot of money," Jet said. "You could sell it."
"C'mon now, Jet. Seriously, who would want a dumb dog like this?" Spike asked.
"I thought it was supposed to be a smart dog," Jet said.
"There's no such thing as a smart dog," Spike said.
Ein simply winked at the camera.
Bud... Weis... Er...
---
Faye: Next time on Bebop, you're going to meet me. I'm the only reason that males watch this series.
Jet: Are not.
Faye: Of course I am. 'Cept for those sickos that like Edward for some reason…
Spike: Ew.
Faye: Like I said, in this next episode, I meet a cowboy. Actually, he isn't much of a cowboy.
Spike: Why not?
Faye: Cowboys aren't jerks.
Spike: WHAT?
Jet: *chuckles* She's got ya there, Spike.
Faye: Next episode of Cowboy Bebop: The Funny Sessions… Really Hot Woman. This one's for all the men.
Spike: Yeah, baby, yeah!