I would always be there for him, no matter what happened. From the moment we met, I knew I would always be his. There was no way around it. I would always help pick him up when he fell, give anything he needed from me.
At Wammy's when the ranks would come out, I was always there to talk him down from his fits of rage. Convince him the he was better than Near, and he would beat the sheep next time. I would hold him at night when he woke up crying from his nightmares, and let him sleep with me. I would drag him away from fights he got in the the other students, and calmed him down before he completely beat the shit out of anyone.
Of course I got my shared of punches from him for all of this, but it was worth it. I kept him out of too serious trouble, and we each got a close friend in return. We kept each other sane in that orphanage.
When he left after L died, I knew he needed some space from everything and everyone, so I gave him a few months. But I couldn't bear being away from him, and found him again about 5 months after he left.
I expected some kind of happiness from him, an apology, anything. I got nothing. I got a nod and "Hey Mattie," but that's it. He treated me almost the same as he had before he left Wammy's, as if it was just days had gone by instead of months.
He ordered me around, had my hack for him, and had me live with him. I knew this was still my Mello, but he was different. Colder, more deadly, fearless. But I still loved him. I was still there for him. I did everything he needed me to do.
Sometimes I would go out with telling him, and he would freak out when I got home. It was never pretty. A few times I was almost sure he was going to kill me. But then he would take me in his arms, relieved I was alive and well. Those were the times I lived for. He would still have the occasional nightmare, and I would hold him through the night.
This was the reason I would do anything for my Mello. He was terrifying, deadly, not someone you wanted to mess with. But he was still human. Along with his anger and intelligence, he had fears and love. I was meant to be there to support the parts of him he would never let the rest of the world see. The only one he let close to him.
As I lay here, in a circle of officers, heart stopping, breathing slowing, bleeding to death from all the bullet wounds, I guess I always knew it would come to this. I was always there to help him up when he fell, giving him a leg up when he needed it. It was my purpose in life, so it only made sense that it would be the last thing I did, the cause of my death.
The dark blotches in my vision took over, and I saw his face. My golden-haired angel. I took my shallow last breath, and whispered "Mihael."
The only important thing in my world as I left it.