A/N Wondering where I've been? Let me first state that I have absolutely NO patience for rewriting a chapter. I loathe it. Well, I wrote this chapter and it was great. Then I went out of town (a friend of the family died, which made it hard to write... I'm okay though). I planned to post my already written chapter on Tuesday when I got home when, lo and behold, my flash drive goes out and deletes everything on it.
So I'm left with nothing else to do but rewrite the chapter, knowing that I hate it and dreading it more than looking forward to it AND knowing that I promised my readers fast updates. So of course, it took me forever to suck it up and sit down to rewrite the chapter, knowing that it wouldn't measure up to the last.
And as the last part to my story... I found the right flash drive and realized that the chapter I had written had actually not been deleted at all. So today I took both chapters and combined them which resulted in the below chapter. Because of this, it may be less eloquent.
And THAT, ladies and gentleman… is why this chapter is so late. I apologize and promise to update faster in the future or at least give you all updates.
Hopefully, it will still measure up.
Enjoy.
The birds were chirping, lone newspapers covered the sidewalks, and to his right children laughed as they ran through the park. It was all beautiful. But he missed all of it. It was hot. Too hot. Drew stubbornly focused on this rather than the raging emotions running through him. He told himself he was not upset. He wasn't hurt that his first real friends had decided to drag him to a counselor. That the first people he had ever really opened up to hadn't accepted him.
No, he wasn't hurt. He was angry. Angry at them and angry at the counselor who stared at him with such lack of interest, as if he were just another customer. (because of course he was. Why would a complete stranger give a care how he felt?)
Drew sighed out loud. Nearby he could hear birds chirping. The park was usually busy this time of day but was eerily silent. He could usually hear children laughing when he passed by, teasing and yelling as children often did. He had felt a strange sense of loss almost every time. This change was welcomed. Drew sidestepped a stray newspaper and turned to score the stairs of the house before him. He pulled out his key, because of course he always locked his door (who didn't in the city), and slammed the door behind him. All at once the noise of the outside world was blocked out. No cars. No birds. Just him and welcoming silence. For once it was ominous rather than comforting, as if the silence itself was speaking, telling Drew that he shouldn't be alone, that there should be others with him filling up that silence.
Drew vaguely agreed but tried to ignore the idea. Instead he threw his coat on the couch and made himself at home. His hands were shaking. After a moment of stifling his annoyed thoughts he stood from the couch and took a deep breath. It was like testing the weather. He paused, tilting his head to the side and nodded to himself.
All better.
May ignored the fountain. She didn't like it to start with. It was beautiful, to maybe an artist or a historian. It featured a classic fountain top, just a circle spewing water. The water rose and fell onto a large disk and made a constant splatter as it hit the concrete. But below the disk holding it up was the form of a small girl. Or a young girl, as the statue was obviously much large than what she would have been. The girl was bent over, hands behind her as she held the weight of the disk on her back Her eyes were upturned as if looking for a way out, though that feature was hard to see behind the water. Peaking from behind her back and beneath the disk were a pair of angel wings, crushed from the weight of the disk. May supposed it was symbolic. That people were coming here to remove their burdens so that they could be free. Like the girl with her tied down wings. May could look at it with nothing more than sorrow for the little girl. It was one of the few features that she was aware of in her own personality. It was hard for her to wait for someone she cared about to heal, to look at a depiction that depressing and feel hope for what she would be someday. Instead she wanted to pull the little girl into her arms and weep with her.
It was hard to realize that she couldn't fix everything she wanted to. That she had to stand to the side and let someone else do what she wanted to because they could do it better. Instead of holding him ,,,all she could do was watch and hope. And she wasn't good at that.
May walked numbly behind Ash and Misty as they passed over the cobbled stones that just passed the gate of the large building behind them. From their position beside the thin iron bars that would close the building off at night, she could still hear the fountain behind her and knew if she turned she would see the girl. Bent and sad. Her thoughts went to Drew as he had left the building, the almost imperceptible hunch of his back that possibly no one but her had noticed. She wondered if they had done the right thing, if they weren't just adding more to Drew's burden. Crushing his wings. . . .
Ash and Misty were nearby ahead of them. Ash glanced back, his hands behind his head. His feet stopped on the cobbled sidewalk. Misty paused, a few steps ahead of them and glanced back. When May stopped without realizing it as they did, Ash looked at May with concern. "You alright?"
May jumped and looked up at him. Straining a smile, she nodded.
"It'll be alright," he went on.
May blinked at the words but Ash only gave her a half smile. "Really. He'll get over it. It's to be expected. It's going to be hard for him, but he'll be alright."
Somewhat warmed by these words, May smiled sincerely and nodded, unable to push more words from her throat through her emotions.
Misty looked at them both and frowned, placing her hands on her hips in more of a thinking posture than scolding. "Maybe this isn't what he needs."
Ash turned to her slowly, but May's gaze switched to her in an instant and took on a look of concern. Ash frowned, looking a little bothered himself. "Why?" He asked.
Misty bit her lip, gaze wandering to the ground in thought. She shrugged. Ash took note of the fact that she suddenly looked a lot less confident then she usually did. "He reminds me...of me...sometimes," she admitted softly.
Ash blinked. "Of you? How?"
May only watched with bated breath.
She shrugged. "Well, if you had pulled me in there at his age I would have fought it. I don't think I would have even shown up."
Ash only stared. He glanced at May to see if she had found the hidden meaning, but found the same look of concern. Turning back to Misty he finally stated. "So where's the similarity?"
Misty looked up in annoyance. "I'm saying that he's going to fight it. He might have shown up, but they can't help him if he won't let them. That's probably why he came out early. And if they can't help him all he's going to do is resent us because we pushed him in there."
There was silence for a moment and then Misty whispered. "I'm just not sure it's worth his friendship."
There was a moment of silence with only the water splashing behind them and the birds singing in the park nearby. May looked back to the ground, her shoulders coming around herself. She had been nervous about it to start with. None of them had really dragged him in on their own. They had all gleaned support from each other with the idea and given him little pushes. But all together it was enough. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of loosing him altogether. And Misty was right. Drew was stubborn. What if she was hurting him more than helping?
Misty's eyes widened at the shudder that ran through May, tell-tale signs of tears. "It's alright," she stated quickly. "Let's just give him some space. Ash is right. If he wants to go back, he'll go back."
May wanted to run to him and apologize and tell him there was no pressure on him to do anything that he didn't want to do, but something held her back. Despite all of their words, a part of her knew, Drew did need this. He just didn't know it yet.
It would be worth it, she told herself.
Drew spent the day by himself, hid up in the house he now called home. A gift from his late parents, though he saw it as less of a gift and more as something that just came with death.
Death didn't bother Drew. Not really. What bothered him was the stuff that came after it. Wills and working out who deserved what and who had been loved the most. Drew was an only child but that didn't stop him from being nervous. He had half expected the house to go to some unknown stranger rather than receiving it himself. It would be just like his father to pawn it off just to spite him for leaving. At the same time it could be some sick joke in which the man pretended to care. At times he could hear his voice around the building, taunting him. "See? I gave you a house," it stated. The voice sounded kind but was thick with an overly caring tone that spoke of false sincerities. Either way, Drew didn't much care for the sentiment. Still, the voice taunted him.
His mother had been a different story altogether. She had been kind. Inhumanly kind. At times so sweet that only Drew could tell it was unnatural. She had never hurt him, as far as she knew…. Almost like his so called friends…but no that was different.
And that was just it. Who cared what he had been through? It was more neglect than anything else. Some people would tell him it was just their way of loving him, but Drew knew better. His parents were controlling, and they always made sure that Drew knew just who was in charge. He had decided as a young teenager that he was old enough to make his own decisions and left the house permanently. So really...
…why, out of everything his so called "friends" could have done for him, did they decide he needed counseling? Drew couldn't wrap his mind around it. Especially concerning Misty and Ash. If anything the one who needed counseling was Ash. A kid raised without a father who then supposedly saved the world single-handedly. Drew still didn't understand that…. It was Misty who had brought it up. Ash had merely stared at her with a mixture of acceptance and confusion. As if he couldn't understand why it was extraordinary to mention him saving …well, everyone.
Whose idea had it been to send him to counseling? Drew couldn't remember. But once it came up it was impossible to squash the idea. Each of his friends had offered similar agreements of consent and everything had gone downhill from there, till Drew was sitting in an office staring at a man who was asking him questions no man should ask another man, and Drew didn't know what to think. Did he need this? What could those stupid questions possibly do for him?
"Tell me about your childhood."
Drew scoffed out loud this time. It was like a joke from a children's TV series. Why was that always how the sessions began on TV? What was it about that question that made a counselor think that they were getting somewhere?
Drew paused and honestly thought about it. If it wasn't awkward, what would he say about his childhood? What was there to say other than it had been boring? He supposed he would tell him what had accidentally slipped to the others. His parents hadn't cared. He had taken care of himself. And why was that a bad thing? The neglect…that was hard. He could admit. Not to anyone else but to himself. Your parents are the ones who are supposed to take care of you. And they hadn't.
But May…May had noticed other signs. She was concerned that he didn't eat like she thought a guy usually would (Drew personally thought that she had her comparison to Ash who frankly ate too much). She was concerned that past insults and a rough shoulder he didn't know how to start a conversation (he had no words for this). She was worried about his sleeping habits (Drew didn't sleep till late at night, but always woke up around four in the morning. He didn't know why but he wrote it off to insomnia). She was also worried about his obsessive competitiveness (Drew honestly wanted to smack her for this one. She was more competitive than he was in a moment of battle. She had tried to explain it but he still didn't get what she was trying to say.)
Nothing had really been brought up in anger or frustration. May didn't treat him like there was anything wrong with him, she brought the issues up casually, like she would with another friend and stated that he should think about it. Was it annoying? Yes. But it was just May's way of caring. And he could live with that. The really annoying part was that these were the same things that May had stated she was impressed with him for. The closer they got, the more the features became issues instead. And Drew wasn't sure what to think. Was there a problem or was May just not accepting him?
But May wasn't like that. She accepted everybody, She loved everybody. And while that last point would sometimes make him nervous, it also made him think that maybe, maybe he could do this. He could try.
For her.
He would bring up the issues she had pointed out and work them out with the counselor. As much as he hated the idea, maybe it would be good. He might get more sleep. He might be able to eat more. He would just have to put up with that stupid counselor a couple of more times. A couple more sessions and he would be done and he and May would get on with their lives
That was all he would need, right?
A/N The last chapter was so short because it was a prologue of sorts. This one is short because I had you all waiting so long and this is all that I have time to add at the moment. Stay tuned! Updates will be much faster in the future. Because of all I went through with this chapter, it's kind of all over the place. The next ones will be far more organized. Sorry about that. I wanted to go over it a bit more. But I've had you all waiting so long that I decided to just post the chapter anyway. Because of this, there will probably be mistakes. Again, I'm sorry about that.
And by the way, THANK YOU! I so appreciate every single review! I received so many and I am very thankful to each and every one of you (really, all of you). I sincerely hope that you will continue reviewing and that I will do your expectations justice. Thank you for reading.
In case you were wondering what happens when I rewrite, here is the same scene written afterwards which was in Misty's view rather than May's. Some of the quotes may be different, and some of the thought processes may be the same. Feel free to see this as an addition to the chapter as it all ties in, in the end.
Misty's View:
Misty's feet hit the concrete outside the building a step or two behind Ash. May was already outside, standing on the large top step and staring off into the distance where Drew had disappeared. For a moment Misty felt so wretched for her that she wanted to say something but May took a brave step down the stairs and the moment was over.
Ash didn't need the moment to stand still to offer his concern, When May paused again at the bottom of the short staircase he leaned in towards her right to see her down turned face and frowned.
"Alright?"
May pursed her lips and shrugged.
Misty sighed and scaled the stairs behind them, coming to rest to Ash's left. It hadn't been a good idea. She knew it hadn't so why had she pushed it with them? Drew was so much like her, especially when she had been a younger teenager. She didn't know what she would have done if Ash had tried to drag her in to see a counselor, concerned for her mental state. She would have been annoyed certainly, but anger may have even been a part of her reaction. You just couldn't question a person's mental stability without hurting them somehow. Even for good reasons, there were so many ways that it could be taken, and most were self-depraving. And judging by Drew's reaction, he hadn't found it the best course of action either.
But then again why would he as the patient?
Ash brought her out of her thoughts when he attempted to give May a boost again. May stood silently and offered him half smiles that did nothing to relieve Ash of his constant internal nag that told him to help everyone and everything (Misty had discovered this part of Ash quite early in their journey together).
Misty's eyes strayed to their right and she frowned. There was a fountain. She supposed that it might have been beautiful to an architect or a historian. To her it only filled her with annoyance and concreted her feelings that Drew shouldn't be there. The fountain featured a large flat dish shape, on top of which was a bulb that spewed water. Beneath the dish was the form of a young girl (much larger than life size of course, but the form showed that it was in fact a child's body). The girl's hands were behind her supporting the dish, her body hunched forward as if to show the weight it put on her. And then showing from over her shoulders were the shapes of wings. The feathers were crushed beneath the large disk, and if she looked closely Misty could see the pain in her expression.
She supposed that it was probably meant to be symbolic, showing that anyone could come here and release the burden they were carrying, but she only felt distaste and annoyance. No one wanted to think of themselves as a crushed and hurting child, especially not one so close to being a man, like Drew.
May looked at the statue as Misty did and frowned. Her eyes kept straying to the wings, to the great detail in each crushed feather. Some were hard to see through the water splashing over her back, but what she could see was quite intricate. She couldn't help but think of what the girl might be feeling, helpless, holding so much on her small back. Unable to break free or fly anymore. She could see the symbolism. It made her want to wrap the girl in her arms and tell her that it would be alright. That someday her wings would heal fully and she would fly again. The feeling raised her own feeling of helplessness with Drew. She would like to do the same thing with him, but he didn't know what he was carrying yet. He hadn't yet recognized the burden on his own back, and he wouldn't understand her concern. She thought of his expression as he had left. She looked at the girl intently and couldn't help but compare her to Drew. She had to wonder if they were actually helping Drew, or if they were only pushing him deeper into his own world, pushing him away from them and making him feel even more alone.
Crushing his wings.
"It's okay, May."
May blinked at the words but Ash only gave her a half smile. "Really. He'll get over it. It's to be expected. It's going to be hard for him, but he'll be alright."
Somewhat warmed by these words, May smiled sincerely and nodded in comfort. "Okay..." she whispered.
Misty looked at them both and frowned, placing her hands on her hips in more of a thinking posture than scolding. "Maybe this isn't what he needs."
Both Ash and May looked at her in surprise. May's face was a mask of concern while Ash's was one of simple but wary confusion. "Why?" He asked, sincerely wondering.
Misty bit her lip, gaze wandering to the ground in thought. She shrugged. Ash took note of the fact that she suddenly looked a lot less confident then she usually did. "He reminds me...of me...sometimes," she admitted softly.
Ash blinked. "Of you? How?"
May only watched with bated breath.
She shrugged. "Well, if you had pulled me in there at his age I would have fought it. I don't think I would have even shown up."
Ash only stared. Finally he stated. "So where's the similarity?"
Misty looked up with a look of annoyance. "I'm saying that he's going to fight it. He might have shown up, but they can't help him if he won't let them. That's probably why he came out early. And if they can't help him all he's going to do is resent us because we pushed him in there."
There was silence for a moment and then Misty whispered. "I'm just not sure it's worth his friendship."
May looked back to the ground, her shoulders coming around herself. She had been nervous about it to start with. None of them had really dragged him in on their own. They had all gleaned support from each other with the idea and given him little pushes. But all together it was enough. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of loosing him altogether. And Misty was right. Drew was stubborn. What if she was hurting him more than helping?
Misty's eyes widened at the shudder that ran through May, tell-tale signs of tears. "It's alright," she stated quickly, feeling badly at upsetting her. "Let's just give him some space. Ash is right. If he wants to go back, he'll go back."
May wanted to run to him and apologize and tell him there was no pressure on him to do anything that he didn't want to do, but something held her back. She glanced to the statue, to the great burden and the pain on the girl's face. Despite all of their words, a part of her knew, Drew did need this. He just didn't know it yet.
It would be worth it, she told herself. She hoped.
A/N And there you have it. Thank you for reading. I promise to update faster. Please continue to review for me. I appreciate every review. Thank you so much! I promise to give a great story that will keep you reading if you stick around. A lot to promise, but I'll try for you! :)