Here they were again, back in his office…alone…again. Tom had taken a seat perched on his office stool, spun around to face Rachel where she had slumped down on his couch upon entering the cabin with him. For all the world she looked like she was struggling to support a weight as great as the world on her shoulders. As he studied her distant eyes staring off into space…he supposed she was. It was a weight he sorely wished he had the power to unburden her of.

The last time they had been here, just before Baltimore, when she had personally given him the cure she had created, had been a time filled with so much hope…now that hope was all but dashed.

The time before that, had been just after the trials…that had been an infinitely more hopefully occasion too…even with the loss they suffered.

It had been on that occasion that Rachel had chosen…with the help of two of his Lieutenants…to voice her populace concerns to him…and her recommendations for taking action against those concerns. They had not been recommendations that he had been particularly willing to hear…then.

But so much had gone down in the interim since there last moments spent alone in this room. So much had changed...gotten worse…from a situation it had been almost impossible to imagine how it could get worse.

Discoveries of the atrocities of Baltimore obviously weighed heavily on him too. How could they not? His own children and father had been mere moments away from falling victim too them as well, but he had finally and thankfully found them in time…many, many others had not been so fortunate.

But what was impossible to remove from the forefront of his mind, despite all their other losses and unfortunate realizations, was that he had lost Darien. He had lost his wife to this plague. It was for sure now, not just the possible occurrence he had worried about…it had happened. He had lost his wife and his children had lost their Mother.

But that was the thing right there. He still had his children…and his Dad. Safe and returned to him, against all odds he had made it in time and saved them from that hellish place. For that matter, against all odds he had been able to cure them of the plague that was ravaging their bodies. That had been Rachel's doing, an immense accomplishment she had achieved against almost impossible odds too.

It killed him that she was now feeling like she had failed so dismally…after what she had really done was succeed so overwhelmingly. Succeed in doing something that the entire rest of the world had failed at completely.

For himself, he just kept thinking that maybe if he had done something…anything, just a little bit quicker, just a little bit different…he would have been able to save Darien too. But he knew better really, he knew doing anything different was infinitely more likely to have resulted in more loss…more death…not less. Probably with them not even making it to Baltimore with the Cure to start with, because Ruskov had blown them out of the water at any one of the numerous times that had been a distinct possibility.

No, he had personally beaten the odds to get his children and his father…and for that matter, Rachel as well, back with him. It was terrible to think, but he had gotten most of the people who meant the most to him back…saved them from this plague and the numerous other dangers that lurked around it. He had to be thankful for that…he was thankful for that.

Darien would always hold a special place in his heart…he would always love her...nothing would change that. But after six months without seeing her, spending the last month of that preparing for the very real possibility that he had lost her…lost everyone, he knows her loss does not feel as sharp and fresh as it would have had the circumstances been different.

Tom knew exactly where his focus had to lie in the future…on the future. His children were his future…the continuation of their mission to save the world was his future…and the woman before him was his future. It might be too soon to admit it, but there it was.

"Rachel." He spoke her name gently to gain her attention back from the far off place it seemed to currently be residing.

"Hmm…" She looked at him, and after a couple of seconds her eyes came back to focus on him too. "Oh…I'm sorry, Captain. I was miles away."

"Tom."

"Sorry?"

"My name."

She understood then, she offered him a weak smile and spoke her acquiesce. "Tom."

He smiled too…also rather weakly.

"I know we haven't had much of a chance to talk since…well…" He let the sentence hang there; he didn't need to say since when…they both bloody well knew since when. He attempted to start over.

"I wanted us to have some to time alone, there hasn't been much of an opportunity until now but I think there are quite a few things we need to talk about."

She was silent for a long moment, considering his words…considering her words…he wasn't sure. When enough time had passed that he was almost sure the proverbial conversation ball had been passed back to him unused…she spoke…her voice soft.

"I'm sorry."

The random and, he was sure, unwarranted apology confused him.

"What possibly for?"

"Your wife…"

Tom understood her demeanor then.

"I appreciate and accept the condolence, but you have nothing to actually be sorry for." And he very much suspected that had been what she actually meant. This woman collected guilt and responsibility like some people collected baseball cards.

"That's kind of you to say but we both know it's not true, Cap…Tom...I…"

He interrupted her then. "Is that what we know? I don't think so, Rachel. I'll tell you what I know. In a world where most of our population is already dead, and the rest are waiting to die by this plague…my father and my children were saved right out from its clutches. They are healthy and safe now, and amongst the first of the lucky few who will not meet their end by this plague. That was your doing Rachel, and you and no one else could do it, we know that because everyone else tried and everyone else failed…you achieved what the world believed impossible."

Rachel was silent for a long time, still eyeing him sorrowfully.

"But I was the one that stopped you form going to her sooner…"

"And what could I reasonably have done if I had gone for my family sooner, Rachel? My return to them was all but useless without bringing with me the means to beat this sickness…and only you could give me that… Your actions saved my family…those that could be saved... no blame for anything else lies on your shoulders."

He studied her as she studied him…eventually she nodded, eyes downcast, indicating that she would accept his words. But he wondered, and worried, if she really truly did. A moment's more silence lasted before she spoke again.

"Your children are wonderful, Tom" Apparently she had decided to take the conversation in a happier direction. He wasn't about to argue, with either the new topic direction or her very true sentiments.

"They are." He agreed proudly, smiling. She returned the gesture with a sweet smile of her own, her eyes holding more happiness than sadness for at least a moment.

"Your father is a character." She continued.

Tom couldn't help but chuckle at that. In one line and one look he could tell she had his old man pegged. He had noticed that his father had taken quite a shine to Rachel…he supposed it was easy enough to see why he would…even if she hadn't saved his life…which of course she had.

Truthfully, between him being kept ruthlessly occupied supervising repairs to the ship after their eventful departure from Baltimore Harbor…and her spending most of her time caring for and watching over the sick and injured after their departure…Rachel had spent infinitely more time with his family then he had since they had come on board a week ago. A situation he greatly bemoaned, but was regretfully unavoidable. Obviously it was not Rachel's presence around his family that he had any objection too, quite the to contrary, it was his lack of ability to join them…all of them.

Of course neither his father nor his children needed her constant medical care now. Within days she had pronounced them completely healthy, much to his relief, but she had continued to hover over them like a mother hen nonetheless…none of them had not complained at her continued presence and attention…quite the opposite.

"He likes you…they all do." He had been present enough to clearly see that.

"I like them too." And he had pleasantly made that observance as well. It made his heart swell…seeing them together…all of them enjoying each other's company. It just seemed so right.

He was sure they shared a moment then, sure both of them felt it, their gazes drawn together, smiles of their faces, silent but contentedly so. He could have happily kept up that moment forever…but Rachel broke it first, an almost self-conscious look on her beautiful features.

"You said there were things we needed to talk about." She prompted. Directing the conversation away from more personal directions he thought she could also feel that it was heading. Of course he worried about her reasons for wanting to direct their encounter away from such a direction. Was she just embarrassed? Self-conscious? Uninterested? He valiantly fought to ignore the last option.

Of course with her change of topic she was making the assumption that the business he had to discuss with her was not of a personal nature… And thus she was going to be disappointed…or not…

"I think we need to return to the conversation we started after the trials….the one I cut short."

She was silent a long moment…wide eyes blinking at him not unlike an owl's.

"You mean…?" She spoke hesitantly, brow furrowed.

"Yes." He responded definitively. He could see that their roles had practically been reverses since they last spoke. But now having long considered her words and their current situation…he knew he needed to own the decision he had come to.

"I'm surprised you're bringing this up, you seemed…very uncomfortable…with the topic when last we spoke."

"I didn't say I still wasn't, but I can and will get over that, and I did say I would think on it, and I have been. Frankly, I'm surprised you haven't brought the topic back up before now…I can't imagine your estimations of the situation have improved after Baltimore and the set backs we now face?"

She was quiet for a long moment; he watched as her hardly joyous features fell even further into a look of deep resigned depression.

"No…no they have not…"

"How bad?"

"Real bad…almost bad enough to make the argument completely moot anyway."

"How could it…" He spoke before allowing all the cogs in his brain to properly fit into their assigned places…and then he got it. She was saying they could already be too late. Repopulation a moot point… little chance of the human race surviving regardless…

Well that was not going to work for him. He would not let anyone give up on his watch… He would not let her give up on his watch.

"You said almost bad enough…"

"Well, we don't have the exact situation on the ground…the exact numbers of people who are left…but…"

"But?" He prompted.

"But I think you'll agree the indications we are in possession of are pretty damn bad… Nuclear bombs being employed killing millions…at least…poisoning the land… Millions more deliberately and systematically murdered in the name of bringing to fruition ethically heinous agendas… Oh, and then there's the billions already gone due to the virus itself…which let's not forget was made so much worse by epic human stupidity to start with."

She still felt resolute disgust when she thought of her Norwegian counterpart, the man had killed so many with his selfish reckless arrogance and outright stupidity. There was more blood on his hands than the people who had bushed the red buttons on nuclear weapons…more so than any one person in human history actually…. hardly a distinction to elate in.

Tom could tell that even thinking about Ruskov's scientist still angered her greatly…apparently more so than Ruskov himself. But Tom thought he understood, the man had been responsible for the deaths of so very many and he had been one of her own… a colleague of sorts. That was probably why it was so personnel for her….aside form the fact he had had her hunted, of course…he was like her, a doctor, supposed to be dedicated to saving lives and his reckless arrogance had instead caused him to be responsible for the death of billions. It only added insult to a rather mammoth injury, that man had not even been remotely remorseful for his actions when Rachel had questioned him. His attention returned to the current as she continued.

"And here we are! With not only a vaccine, but a cure. What should have been by far the biggest challenge successfully completed, and what have we got now? Massive road blocks being thrust up in our faces every time we are remotely close to finding a way to mass produce and disseminate it…and all of this is happening against a very fast ticking clock…"

She looked deeply depressed at her own words, he could absolutely understand it…but he couldn't allow her to wallow in it.

"Rachel, I know things seem bleak and hopeless right now, but you can't give up hope, I won't let you!"

She gave him a kind but sympathetic smile. He read it as 'poor fool still holds out hope'. Damn, she really was in a funk. Well it didn't matter, by the end of this she was going to be just as foolishly optimistic as him…even if it killed him.

"Tom, none of the information we do have about the current global situation bodes remotely well for maintaining the hope that the truth lies on the optimistic side of predictions…quite the opposite actually. Trust me, the more pessimistic…and frankly realistic approximations of what could be our true current reality outside this ship… for lack of more eloquent way to say it…truly suck. So yeah, I am feeling less than optimistic right now…less than hopeful. And one needs to have at least some hope to argue the course of action I was arguing before…especially against such strong resistance."

She finished her speech on a mild note, but he could tell that he had initially hurt her by not being seen to give her words and warnings more credence. And in that case he was just as responsible for her giving up, if a good part of the reason she was, was because she simply didn't think she would get any support from the main person she needed support from.

"And if I've stopped resisting?"

Wide eyes…suddenly with more light in them…swung to meet him.

"Have you?" She asked hesitantly…

He would swear there was in fact some remaining hope left in her…he could hear it in those two softly spoken words. Yes, she was feeling overwhelmed and depressed due to their current predicament…their losses…their disappointments, her scientific mind providing her with an unfortunately unrelentingly clear picture of how bad it could truly be…but she hadn't given up hope… The woman he had come to know so well never gave up…never.

Tom had already made up his mind, but in that moment, he wondered if he would have given an affirmative answer anyway just to see that look of hope on her face bloom…as it was doing right now gazing at his…apparently she did not need to listen to his words to read them in his face. He spoke them anyway.

"Yes, I have."

TBC

A/N: Thank you all for reading and for all the lovely reviews/follows/favorites. They always put a smile on my face.