RE-diculous Ebil 2

Part Two; S.T.A.R.S Office

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"Somewhere...in the depths of time and space, only two will go to where no man has gone before! Only two will survive! Only two will make it out alive!" A series of strange sound effects sounded before Claire kicked her foot right into Leon's back.

"What are you doing?" She attempted to look around him but he hid the items in his hands, her eyes narrowed, "Are you playing with dolls?"

"No! They're action figures!" He turned around quickly, tossing the "action figures" into the drawer of the desk he had found them in.

"Dolls." Claire smirked and put her hands on her hips proudly.

"They are action figures! I found them in-" He looked at the nameplate on the desk for what seemed like several minutes, his face contorting strangely as he tried to read the name, "Kirrs...Red...fil-edd's desk."

Claire looked at him like he was a zombie, "Kirrs Redfiled?" Suddenly it clicked and her eyes widened, "Chris Redfield! That's my brother's desk!" She pulled open the drawer and removed a blue journal book and opened it to the first page and read aloud.

"Dear Diary, Today we went on a stake out, and Captain was checking out Jill's butt like the WHOLE time. It was totally uncool, dude. That's my lady and he knows it. He better be careful or I'm going to steal his action figures-"

"Told you," Leon beamed proudly and Claire merely flipped through the entries until she came to the most recent one. At first all it did was rabble on about Jill and a daydream he had about being naked on his desk when he walked in but finally it got to something important.

"It's says he's run off to Europe to find Umbrella." She said, closing the book. Leon looked confused.

"Why does he need to go there to find an umbrella? What's wrong with American umbrellas? Is he an umbrella terrorist?" Claire rolled her eyes at him.

"Could you get any more stupid?" She asked, searching the desk for other items of interest.

"I don't know. Do you have any weed?"

Claire ignored him and finally she found a grenade launcher in the cabinet and a photo of a blonde man with a party hat on who was surrounded by the rest of the STARS members at Chuck E Cheese.

Somewhere in an undisclosed location...

"Sir! I have terrible news!" A man dressed in tactical gear ran into a large office and presented himself in front of a man in black with blonde hair and sunglasses.

"What is it HUNK?" He asked, straightening his sunglasses.

"You know that photo of you at Chuck E Cheese on your birthday? The one you said that no one was ever supposed to see? It's missing!"

...

...

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Back at Raccoon...

"Hey," Leon looked up, "Did you hear that?"

Claire shook her head and reloaded the grenade launcher, "No. Hey isn't there a cheat code where you can get like 255 grenade rounds if you do something with the box?"

"Nah that's just on the REmake. They didn't make anything like that for this game."

"Damn. Alright, we have to get out of here before Mr. Prissy Pants comes back." She declared making her way to the door. Leon looked indignant.

"Hey! I thought Mr. Prissy Pants was my nickname!" He put his hands on his hips.

"No, your name is Senor Dislocated Shoulder."

"That's a stupid name, why would-ARGHHHHH!" Suddenly she twisted his arm behind his back, and he was on the ground struggling.

"SAY UNCLE!" She cried out, laughing.

"Uncle! Uncle!"

Somewhere downstairs Mr. X heard the commotion and-in the middle of a slapping his hand to his face- briefly wondered if instead of trying to kill them he should be trying to kill himself.

A/N: I just write the weirdness as it comes haha. 2 reviews already! Awesome! Thanks guys!