"Jo, wake up baby girl." The tiny girl stretched slightly before turning over and snuggling into Kate's leg where she sat on the bed.

"I know it's early, but Mommy has work today. And hey, you get to go to school. That's fun, right?" The only response she got was a shake of the head against her leg. Kate began running her fingers through the curly brunette hair. She knew Jo hated pre-school, but there was really no other choice. She needed to get used to other kids and the noise and chaos of a classroom.

She left the girl to snuggle a bit longer as she opened the set of drawers opposite the bed and picked out Jo's clothes for the day. A black skirt with black leggings and a mini pink leather jacket. There were little pieces of both parents in little Johanna.

One of her Beckett-isms was her style. At three years old all she wanted to dress just like her mommy. When they went shopping for her birthday the previous month Kate had found her little girl staring up at the pink jacket, her neck craned all the way back. Jo had worn it at least twice a week ever since that day.

Returning to the canopy princess bed, Kate smiled down at her little girl who had already fallen back asleep.

"Okay you've had your five minutes. Let's get you dressed." She lifted the girl into her arms and turned her upright on her hip. Johanna started awake before realizing she was in her mother's arms and snuggling back down.

Kate was adept at dressing and undressing a sleeping child at this point and she was willing to admit 6:30 AM was a bit extreme for a three year old. So she dressed Johanna and strapped on her little Mary Jane's before carrying her down the stairs.

They lived at the loft. It was their home, and if Beckett was honest with herself it had been her home for years before Johanna was born. Johanna had a family. Martha and Alexis had been an integral part of their lives since day one. Well not day one, but shortly thereafter.

She called Lanie first. As soon as she returned home from her appointment. She gripped the ultrasound pictures in her hand like they were her lifeline and curled into a ball on the couch.

"Lanie," she practically sobbed into the phone "I need you."

She was there in less than 30 minutes. Even though, Kate found out later that, she was in the middle of an autopsy.

She used her key and found Kate still curled into herself on the couch. Kate didn't even have to explain, she just shoved the pictures into Lanie's hand and continued with her crying.

"Oh honey." Lanie slipped under Kate and deposited her head onto her lap.

"Is this good news or bad news?" Lanie asked after Kate had cried herself dry and managed to sit up.

"Good. I mean I think. This is what we wanted, it's what he wanted. Even if he…" She couldn't find the strength to finish her thought, but Lanie understood.

"You are gonna have to tell them, you know." Lanie didn't have to name the people she meant, Beckett knew.

When Lanie left the next morning Kate showered and thought about the awful day that was today. She hadn't seen Martha or Alexis since she left the loft. In the middle of the night. Just days after the wedding. She knew they this was going to be one hard conversation. But Lanie was right. She couldn't avoid it.

She wanted to throw up the entire way to the loft, and it wasn't morning sickness. Morning sickness. She was still shocked that this was real. There was no change in her body. No bump or stretch. She had checked in the shower and in front of her mirror that morning. She dreaded and couldn't wait to be able to watch the changes at the same time. Her heart dropped as she thought about how Rick would react.

Would he take pictures every month and put them in an extremely cheesy collage on his phone? He would definitely be the first to notice, even though it was her body. She could almost feel his hands on her stomach warm and big and….

"Ma'am? We're here." The cabbie brought her out of her thoughts as she looked out and saw they had arrived at Castle's building.

'Now or never' she thought as she threw money at the guy and climbed out. The building looked impossibly big at that moment. She sucked up her fear, insecurity, pride, and just about every other emotion as she made her way through the familiar lobby and into the elevator.

Just like everything these days the elevator was almost a breaking point. She couldn't count the number of times Rick had grabbed her hand in the elevator after a hard day at work. The number of times he had grabbed her and shoved her up against the wall, invading her mouth after they had exchanged one too many hot looks and "accidental" touches at work. Sometimes they would just stand in each other's arms and hold each other up as the elevator rose to his floor. A rebel tear streaked down her face just as the elevator announced it's arrival.

She took a moment to gather herself at the door and knocked with a heavy hand.

Alexis was the one to answer the door. There was a long moment of shock on both faces before Alexis took off up the stairs.

"At least she didn't slam it in my face" Kate mumbled under her breath as she came in and closed the door.

The loft itself had not changed. The same furniture and pictures on the wall. Only it was haunted it seemed. With the memories of all the conversations on the couch, the dinners made and eaten in the kitchen, the lazy Sundays spent reading and… not reading. They were the best memories in her life and yet the most painful. Just like the reason she was here now.

Kate trudged up the stairs and went over her speech for the umpteenth time. She wasn't sure what was going to be behind the door. She and Alexis had never been that close. Sure they lived in the same apartment and had the occasional dinner together, but there was still tension and unresolved issues surrounding their relationship. They had never had the important conversations. They were getting there, but now there was no telling.

She had failed Alexis and Martha. She couldn't bring Rick home. She couldn't put their little family back together. Who was she kidding, she couldn't even sleep in their bed. She wasn't worthy of their family, no matter how broken.

"Go away!" Alexis practically screamed at her through the door when she knocked.

"Alexis, please…"

"Why," the door swung open forcefully to reveal a red-faced and crying Alexis. At that moment Kate wanted nothing more than to pull her in for a hug and make all of it go away. Though she knew all too well that was impossible. "Why should I listen to anything you have to say? You're just going to run away the next chance you get. Anytime something goes wrong you just run off. Like a scared puppy with your tail between your legs. We were your family, or so I thought.

I thought you cared about me. I had just begun to believe that you weren't just here for dad. I thought we were all going to be a family. But I was wrong. So no I don't want to talk to you now. I want you to leave. You are going to anyway!"

They were both practically sobbing against the door frame at the end of Alexis' outburst. The worst part was the fact that Kate knew Alexis was right. She did abandon them. She thought it would be better that way. She was too broken. She left so that everyone could move on.

"There is no excuse for my actions." That got Alexis' ear. "I agree with you. I am a coward and I did run away. I made a huge mistake. But please just let me explain." It was more of a question that a statement.

Alexis made a non-committal grunt and backed into her room and basically collapsed onto the bed. Kate followed and stood in front of the broken girl.

"Alexis, I love you. I know that probably isn't what you want to hear, but I do. I know that you are all grown up and independent. And in all honesty you are one of the strongest people I know. It was you that held me at the crime scene. It was you that hit me over the head and started me on the track to find answers. You never gave up on him. Even before that. We loved having you at the loft. I wanted you to be with us. I wanted that family. I failed you. I couldn't bring him home. I still haven't stopped trying, but I have no leads and I couldn't bear to come home empty handed every night. I couldn't stand sleeping in our bed alone." She realized then she had digressed from the subject.

"On Thanksgiving, your father and I spent all night talking about the future. And I realized in every picture that I had in my head you were there. He loved you more than anything in the world. And he was the love of my life. You are a part of that life. I love you and I just want a second chance. A second chance to be the person you used to think I was. Before the shooting and the wedding and everything that has gone so horribly wrong."

It wasn't the speech she had planned. She was just going to apologize and then tell Alexis and Martha about the baby. But once the words started they just wouldn't stop. She couldn't control them and she realized at the end, as she stood there a mess in front of her almost step-daughter that she meant every one.

Looking up she locked eyes with Alexis. Her face had softened considerably. Alexis launched herself into Kate's arms and clung to her as she sobbed with renewed vigor.

"I thought… I thought you didn't care about me. I thought I had lost my whole family."

"No, no sweetie. Never." The moniker slipped out without her realizing, but it felt right somehow.

They held onto each other for another minute before Alexis pulled back slightly.

"This doesn't just fix everything, you know? I still don't know what to think or if I should trust what you say. I believe you its just…"

"I know. You've been hurt. It is a feeling I am intimately acquainted with and one I wish you had never known. But I'm here and I am not going anywhere. Not anymore I am home now."

It had taken a while after that for Kate and Alexis to get back on solid ground. There had been a lot more bad days between them than good in the months that followed. It was Johanna that had brought them together for good.

Kate had told Martha and Alexis together at dinner a few nights after she had come home. In her first night back at the loft. Alexis was upset. Martha was overjoyed.

Alexis thought Kate was on some twisted mission for money or babysitting. That she had only come back because of the baby. The first was ludicrous. Kate didn't know just how much she had missed the Castle/Rogers family until she was back with them. The second had a ring of truth.

The truth was Kate didn't know what would have happened if she wasn't pregnant. Would she have come back? Would she have driven herself to madness or gotten herself killed trying to find answers? After all Rick would not be there to pull her back out of the hole. But he had left behind someone who could.

Kate moved through the kitchen, living room, and office into her bedroom. The loft had changed considerably through the years. From the more obvious changes, toys among the pillows on the couch and the extensive art collection that covered the fridge, to the more subtle changes, new pictures of Johanna and Alexis mixed with the old ones and kid proof everything. The loft had taken a turn away from the severe and sophisticated to the more soft and family-like.

Johanna was a little more aware, no doubt from all the bouncing and swinging that came with walking down the stairs and through the loft, as they reached the master bedroom. Kate sat her on the edge of her bathroom counter and began putting the finishing touches on her make-up for the day.

Beckett had become an entirely new person with the addition of Jo. The pregnancy had been hard on her emotionally as well as physically.

At six months, Rick was presumed dead. It was the families decision. Kate had promised herself, and Rick, that she would stop investigating his case. She didn't want it to affect their child and didn't want to be sucked down into the rabbit hole again. It was Martha's idea to hold a service and have a symbolic burial. They all needed closure and even if they didn't have answers they all needed to move on. As awful as that sounded at the time. Having to say goodbye was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

In her seventh month of pregnancy she began feeling faint and breathing twice as hard. She thought it was just a normal part of growing a human until she fainted at work. One minute she was writing a new lead on the board and the next she woke up in the hospital with a hysterical Alexis and three doctors, including her OBGYN. They told her that her heart just wasn't working. They were concerned that it just wasn't strong enough to withstand the pregnancy.

It was her worst nightmare. They gave her a choice. They could deliver her now and risk the chance of her not being fully ready or she could stay in the hospital for as long as she could to give her a little more time. Either way there was no way Jo would be full term. The latter held more risks for Kate and the former was more risky for the baby. She chose the latter.

She was in the hospital for Christmas and New Years that year. Alexis was with her the entire time. Kate had to force her to go home to shower and sleep in her own bed. Most nights she just crawled in with Kate. That month was the turning point for them. They became as thick as thieves.

Martha was very involved as well. She had moved out of the loft and into an apartment above her acting school before the wedding. She moved in to the loft in the months Kate was absent and then out again once Alexis was no longer alone. She took on the role of spoiling grandmother. Before they even knew if Jo was a girl or boy the closet was already almost full!

Johanna Alexandria Castle was born on January 4th 2015. She went into labor in the middle of the night. She did well for about four hours before her heart began giving out. It ended up being a C-section. Both she and the baby were in distress. She made Alexis leave just in case things went wrong. She didn't want to scar Alexis even more. She didn't think she was in grave danger, but the thought of Alexis having to endure the blood and knives was just too much.

Jo was only 4 and a half pounds, but she was fully formed and didn't even need incubation. She was perfect. They were in the hospital for a week to make sure Kate's heart had no damage and that Jo could eat.

The first time Kate held Johanna she made a promise to make sure she had the very best childhood possible. The first thing she did was take a full year off of work. She didn't want to miss a second and it wasn't like she didn't have about 2 years of overtime built up.

After a year, she only tried to go back. It only lasted two weeks before a perp pointed a gun in her face and she saw her little girls clear blue eyes pleading with her to come home. She walked straight into Gate's office and almost resigned. She made a deal and became a part-time profiler. She was basically a consultant who only came in three days a week. She went to crime scenes and worked a mostly desk job.

If you had told her before her wedding that she would have given up her entire life for her little girl she would have laughed in your face. She and Rick took great care in preserving her life when they made future plans. He was to stay home while she continued to work full-time. She couldn't imagine giving it up. Until they all met Johanna.

Kate came out of her memories by a little tug on her shirt. She looked down to the little girl sitting on the counter in front of her. Her middle and ring fingers were folded over while her thumb, pointer finger, and pinky stuck straight up. 'I love you'.

"Awe, I love you too Baby Girl." Johanna could only say three things: yes, no, and I love you. It wasn't that she couldn't speak it was that she didn't. There were no problems with her brain and she wasn't damaged in any way. She was just silent.

The doctors say she just has nothing to say. That when she is ready she will just talk. She had a slight attachment problem when she was little and would only quiet in the arms of her mother. They had worked extremely hard to make her comfortable with Alexis and eventually Lanie and the boys.

Alexis had been easy, seeing as how she was a constant presence in the baby's life, and the two girls were practically inseparable. Everyone else was harder and they were still working. Hence the importance of pre-school.

"So grandpa will pick you up from school," she started as she finished her make-up and turned Johanna around to work on her pigtail braids. "He is going to take you out to lunch and bring you back here. Maybe you can show him your new Elsa doll. He does a pretty good Olaf impression."

That elicited a smile from the tiny girl. In every sense of the word she was a mini Beckett. Except for her eyes and her smile. The first time her daughter smiled at her she broke down in tears. Even the tiny version was all Rick.

Her phone began to ring just as she fashioned the pink bow to the end of her second pigtail and lifted her into her arms. She ran into her room and located her phone, on the unmade bed, before answering on the last ring.

"Beckett!" She answered as she turned off the lights and began gathering her things for the day and helping Jo into her coat.

"Hey, Kate it's, uh, Ryan." The use of her first name stopped her in her tracks.

"We found something."

Hope you enjoyed it! I would love to hear what you all would like to happen next. Please Review!