My December
Whole months were passing by without me. I don't care. What was the reason for it all without Edward, without the Cullen's? Charlie is doing his best to be understanding but his patience is beginning to wear thin. Mike Newton's families sporting goods store is selling live trees. So at the break of dawn Charlie woke me up to go tree shopping. I've never seen him so enthusiastic about Christmas before, not since I was a little girl anyway.
Dragging myself out of bed, time to start the drill all over again.
Standing in front of the mirror staring at my reflection, my fair skin standing out against my dark hair. I look like I was born for Forks. "Your hair looks like a haystack. But I like it." I close my eyes squeezing them shut against the days past, the first night Edward staid with me.
I can't fall apart. The loose stitches holding my heart together start to rip apart. I can't fall apart right now; I have to hold it together for Charlie. I'll think about it later. Later when I can cry, when Charlie is asleep.
"Come on Bells shake a leg." I hear Charlie call from outside the bathroom bringing down another box of Christmas decorations from the almost non existent attic. Opening my eyes again, I ignore the girl that I see in the mirror and was my face. My teeth and hair brushed I walk out of the bathroom and back into my room for a change of clothes. Time to put the mask on. Although it doesn't fool anyone least of all Charlie. I'm surprised that he has put up with it this long.
Fifteen minuets later Charlie and I are in my truck driving to Newton's for a tree, I would have asked why we couldn't just use the fake tree stored in the attic but I didn't want to kill Charlie's buzz. I know what he's doing, he's trying to get my mind off Edward, show me that life still goes on. Charlie has a lot of room to talk about moving on, has he even dated since mom left him? But I don't say anything, it would only hurt him and I get out of the truck doing my best to try and look like I am having a good time. But I could really care less about picking out a tree even though there are some really nice ones for sale.
Silently as we look around at the tree's I wonder what the Cullen's would be doing for Christmas had they staid. Did they celebrate Christmas? Or would Alice and Esme simply put together the idea of making the house look festive and go out and buy a tree, decorations just for me. Because I had brought life back into there never faltering routine of life. The thought opening presents with them reminds me of my birthday and what happened when I cut my finger on the wrapping paper. The look in their eyes smelling the blood, Edward shaking to stay in control. Willing himself not to kill me.
Kill me. There are worse things you can do to the people you love than killing them.
"Hi, Bella." It's Angela. She's the only one who hadn't lost hope in me yet. Eric is still nice to me too and Mike but Jessica is giving me the cold shoulder. Do I care? I have to ask myself that sometimes and I always answer the same question with the same answer. No.
"Hi Angie." I put on a fake smile. "Merry Christmas." And what a Merry Christmas it is isn't? Not really.
"Are you and Charlie looking for a tree? The really good ones are in the back." Angela really is a nice girl, and I should feel lucky that she's still my friend after all the unreturned phone calls all the unanswered questions. She's genuine. "I wanted to ask I called the other night but you dad said you were sleeping but we're having a Christmas party at my house on the 23rd and well I thought maybe you might like to come. You and Chief Swan." Angela never would just call Charlie by his name, not too often anyways and a Christmas party just isn't up my alley right now so I make up a lie.
"No, I think we're going down to La Push that day to visit with some friends of my dads." So it wasn't so much of a lie, going to see Billy and Jacob it could very well happen but it's not a definite.
Angela looks a little crest fallen but she smiles and picks her hopes back up off the wet ground and nods reaching out and giving me a hug. Something I hadn't altogether expected.
"Well if you're plans fall through give me a call we'd really love to have you."
I wish that people would be more like Jessica, at least she doesn't feel the need to offer me comfort that I don't want but I can't blame Angela so I return her hug and walk off to find Charlie. He's talking with Mike's dad about a tree as I walk up next to him only to regret it a second later. Mike is with him, even though he is going out with Jessica he wont leave me alone. Now that Edward is out of the way he thinks that it might be his chance to swoop in and save the damsel in distress. But this isn't a fairy tale, it stopped being a fairy tale the day that Edward Cullen left my life forever.
Mike's smiling at me, I'm trying to be nice today so I smile back as I begin to slowly try to slip away from the conversation at hand but Charlie puts his arm around my shoulder sensing what I am about to do. Bolt. Charlie thinks that Mike is a good kid, a real stand up kinda guy. And I would agree with him, but I don't like Mike in that kind of way when he obviously seems to get stars in his eyes ever time he sets eyes on me. What is wrong with this town? Why do so many guys like me here when in Phoenix guys didn't even realize that I existed? Heartbreak would be easier away from this place but it would be worse still because I couldn't willingly torture myself by driving out to the Cullen's house and stare in through the wall of glass that covered one entire side of the house. But now it just looks empty, and it is. All the life that was once there is gone.
"Can we talk Bella?" Mike asks.
Charlie lets go of my shoulders then, of course. The traitor. Walking with Mike through the trees I press my hands into my pockets to keep Mike from trying to hold one of them, he probably wouldn't but I'm not taking any chances and I can only hope that Jessica isn't somewhere around here because I have a feeling I know what this 'talk' is about.
"So Angela is having a Christmas party." Mike tells me.
"I know, she already asked me to come." I reply pretending to be very interested in a sad little tree. If I were a tree that would be me. It's a Charlie Brown tree.
The look on Mike's face looks very excited, kind of like when he asked me to the prom last spring right before I turned him down.
"Yeah, about that well I was wondering if…" He paused to look down at his hiking boots for a second or two a broad smile gracing his face. "Well if you wanted to go with me?"
The Charlie Brown tree no longer holds my fascination anymore as I turn to look at Mike, he looks so hopeful. "What about Jessica?"
Mike looks a little confused. "What about her?" He's squaring his shoulders, he's preparing to be a take charge guy. "If I wanted to go with Jessica I wouldn't be asking you." He chuckles a little nervously embarrassed with himself. "So will you go with me?"
I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I shake my head back and forth slowly. "Charlie and I are going to La Push to see some of his old friends Billy and Jacob Black, you remember Jake you met him the day we went to La Push?" I'm trying to make my tone soft easy going but its hard to hide the slight edge on it.
Mike nods. "Yeah, yeah I remember." He says looking at his shoes again. "Spent more time with him than me." He mumbles.
So that was uncalled for. "Hey." My brows crease together. "It's not like we were on a date or something we all went down there together it was a group thing." I don't really know what to say, I have confrontations but somehow Mike seems to be bringing out the worst of me right now.
"Yeah well you seem to like everyone better than you like me. Cullen now the Indian kid." Mike smirks.
I can't take anymore, I feel the final rip in my heart when Mike mentions Edward and I feel my knee's weakening my eyes burning starting to sting from the tears getting ready to fall as I turn walking away from him. I can't stay there and say anything else to Mike. Something that I might regret later because it feels like he is right. Mike is everything a girl my age should like, should fall head over heels for. But he's just a boy and that's the thing. I feel in love with a vampire, a beautiful, charming, old seventeen year old wonder and no average joe will be able to fill the void Edward left inside of me.
I leave Mike standing were he was stumbling and fumbling my way through the trees tripping once I get out of them and onto the side walk hurting my knee and my palm but there's no real damage just clumsy Bella again and I stand up quickly on my own Mr. Newton and Charlie are securing the tree that Charlie picked out into the back of my truck.
Reaching inside of my jacket pocket I toss Charlie the keys. He catches them looking at me with a worried expression.
"You drive, I just don't feel like it." I say brushing mud and dirt off of my knee where I fell. Charlie doesn't ask questions. He just opens the truck door and gets in and so do I rubbing my palms together feeling the sting from the wet pavement on it.
"You alright Bella?" Charlie's looking at me.
"Yeah, fine. Just slipped."
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"Bells, why don't you make us some hot chocolate to drink while we're putting decorations on the tree." Charlie surprisingly was still in a good mood after getting the tree in the house and nearly breaking his neck because he wouldn't let me help him.
Although he did prove a point, heavy lifting, a tree, and caution combined with my hand eye coordination did paint a pretty dangerous picture.
"Sure." Carefully making my way out of the living room, all the boxes from the attic were covering most of the living room floor. The probably hadn't seen the light of day since the Christmas when I was four years old.
Filling a pan with milk I put it on the stove while I filled two mugs with chocolate mix. I wondered silently how long Charlie's Christmas spirit was going to last. As long as we were both pretending to be happy I decided to put on some music for it. A couple years back I had sent him a mix of Christmas music on a CD after he told me that he had broken down and joined the twenty-first century and bought a CD player. I wasn't going to think about Edward or at least that's what I told myself and I did a pretty convincing job of it as I poured hot milk into our mugs and went back into the living room to watch Charlie stringing lights onto the Christmas tree. Putting on a smile I brought my coco to my lips taking a sip.
"It's really starting to look good." I told him as I maneuvered carefully through the living room placing my cup on the mantel as I handed Charlie his, he smiled and took a sip. So he looked like I was fooling him pretty good, I just hoped that my mask of happiness would last until it was time for bed.
Hour's passed and Charlie and I almost seemed to be having a good time, we sang along to the Christmas CD as we put decorations on the tree by the time we were done the tree was covered head to toe in lights pop corn strings, glass globes, glitter icicles, and a few old decorations that I made in school when I was little. Charlie and I both had to stand back to admire our work and it did seem to bring a genuine smile to our faces.
It was just like when I was little and didn't have a real care in the world, when I thought that the world was a safe and fair place, before I found out that not everything turns out the way that you think it will. And then the phone rang.
Sighing Charlie shrugged, he was used to getting the phone these days. Because Charlie didn't have caller I.D. I made him answer the phone, I was screening my calls so I followed him into the kitchen as he picked the phone up. "Chief Swan." It was automatic for Charlie to say that but then again anyone that ever called the house all knew that Charlie was the chief of police so no one ever seemed to give it a second thought but I did, I wondered if sometimes he ever just said 'Hello' but I suppose it doesn't really matter Charlie will always be Charlie.
By the look on Charlie's face I could guess that it wasn't good news and by the series of 'yeah, mmm, and uh huhs' that were sent through the air waves I knew that it was time for Charlie to take back up his role of Chief Swan loyal protector of Forks.
Hanging up the phone he looked at me. "Sorry Bella, seems a bear there's been a bear sighting not far from La Push and animal control's been called and I gotta make an appearance."
It was just as well that Charlie go to work now, you couldn't keep the outside world outside forever. "Was anyone hurt?" I asked. I could at least act like I was concerned.
"No, just shaken up a bit. Some campers saw it."
And that was all it took to make all my memories of Edward and his 'Camping' trips to come flooding back into my memory. I couldn't disguise the pain in my face but I shook it off as best that I could. "I'll just stack up the boxes in the hall closet…I don't think climbing into the attic would be a good idea while your not at home." Charlie put on his holster and jacket his face torn between leaving me and his work. But there was nothing to be done about it. "Good idea Bells." He said kissing my forehead. "Be back soon."
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A/N: First of all I would like to thank all of the readers who added The Killing Moon to their favorites and story alerts. I was overwhelmed by the response that the story got by so many Twilight Fans. Here is the very first chapter of The Killing Moon, it's a bit long I'm not sure right now if all the chapters will be as long but I'll do be best to make them all enjoyable. Now remember, please review because without reviews I have no idea if the readers are enjoying the story and when I don't know I loose inspiration to write. Also remember this is my first Twilight Fan Fiction so please be gentle if I mess something's up.