March 10th

Jett was so close to telling Mom he was gay. I'm so proud of him.

His boyfriend is so sweet, his eyes are the color of the sky and his skin is almost as tan as Alejandro's. He told me his name was Garrett, an appropriate name for such a cute boy. I took them to Garrett's house, where they hung out for the better part of the day. Now I'm in the bathroom pretending to shower but really writing this. Mom keeps trying to look for you! I won't let her find you, though. I'm going to splurge on a safe tomorrow so even if she knows its in there, she cant get to it. Ha! You lose, Ma!

I wasn't going to write anymore tonight, but Jett was sleeping on the couch when I got out of the bathroom and he looked so cute. His hair was pushed back, the hat he was wearing has fallen onto the floor. I noticed the giant hickey on his neck, and pulled a blanket up over it.

Damn, I am such a good sister! So Evelyn, what else would you like to know before I head off to dreamland? Oh, I know! Alejandro told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever met today. It was over text, but the butterflies still flew around my body. Just thinking about it, writing it, gives me the shivers. Monday Alejandro works from 7-5, so hopefully we can hang out. Maybe I can get a hickey like Jett, if I'm lucky.

March 11th

Bought the safe, and I'm writing this before I put it away to go over to Alejandro's. Evelyn, I know you can't respond, but if you were a real person would you think I was bad? For some reason, I'm waiting for you to write back like in Harry Potter. That would be so cool! Seeing as that's not the case, though, I guess I should just go.

Am I a bad person?

11:20 PM

I was reading a book where the girl writing the diary put the time. I guess if I'm going to write twice in one day I should put the time. Jett was asleep when I came in, to my surprise. He's usually up half the night. He must've been pretty pooped, but he's not the only one. Alejandro and I made dinner for his Aunt and Uncle. It was some Spanish dish with a really long and complicated name. It was delicious though, so the name doesn't matter to me. His Aunt doesn't like me, for some reason. She has a flat round nose and thin lips, her skin wrinkly and dark. She doesn't speak much English, and I don't speak much Spanish, but I did catch her calling me odd and telling Alejandro he could do much better.

I don't think I'll be back over for dinner for awhile. The comments didn't bother me to much because once the plates were clean, Al and I disappeared to his bedroom. He stroked my cheek and told me how gorgeous I was, and I ran my hands over his shirtless torso.

We didn't have sex, much to my disappointment, but he did give me a wonderfully mean hickey on my upper thigh. I was tempted to take a picture and put it in here, but I think that might be sort of weird. Anyways, I just got home, and I'm wide awake. I want to call him, but when I left he was half asleep. I guess I should go shower, wash all the sin from tonight's adventures off my body. Or, maybe not.

March 13th

I love acid. I love ecstasy. God, I love cocaine. I love it all.

My head is spinning and I have no clue what I'm writing. All I know is that Geoff and Alejandro are next to me, singing some stupid song. Geoff is as shitfaced as me, but I think Alejandro is sober. I love that boy. We are supposedly headed to a party, but all I see is the desert. Why are we in the desert?

Why are we on a chocolate boat, and how are we moving? Uh oh, Geoff is eating the boat!

It's getting hard to write now, because we are swaying and I think I might be desert-chocolate-boat sick.

March 14th

It's noon. I just woke up. My head is throbbing and I feel half dead. Fuck acid. Fuck ecstasy. God, I fucking hate cocaine. I have to work again tomorrow. It's only Thursday. May I be struck with lightning…now!

Hell, I'm going back to sleep. Later Eve!

March 16th

I lost the key to the safe yesterday, but found it in my back pocket just a few minutes ago. I am getting used to writing in this, almost needing to write it in. Geoff offered me some weed at school, and I took it. I don't plan on using it, however. Maybe sell it back or give it to Jett. He could use it more than me. Oh yeah! Yesterday, he told Mom. She fainted. Yup, plum fainted, right there in the living room. Just missed cracking her head open on the coffee table. I had to drag her dumb ass up to the couch and shake her with Jett crying, then Mom was crying and I just wanted to punch them both in the face.

Mom promises she loves Jett and nothing can change that, but today she barely spoke to him. Even when she did, she never looked at him. Jett noticed it too, because I heard him hold back tears and sniffle. I bet if I walked in the room right now, he'd be crying. Poor babe, I feel bad for him. I feel like every day now I get more and more antsy about leaving here, this stupid house. I just want to graduate and get this over with. I still have one more long school year to go, I'm afraid. Evelyn, can I tell you something? Ugh, what am I saying? Of course I can.

Eve, I'm scared.

I don't want to screw up. I can't screw up. Jett depends on me! The best I can hope for is Alejandro helps pay for some stuff of mine, but who knows how long he will be around? I haven't talked to him since yesterday morning. My brain is frazzled and I just want to shoot up and have sex. I need help. I'm scared. I don't even know why I'm scared, really. I just am. I hate life. I'm going to talk to Jett.

2:40 AM

I guess technically this qualifies for a March 17th entry, but I don't care. I don't see sleep in my near future whatsoever.

I was talking to Jett for…two hours? Three? I don't know, but it was a long time. He told me he loved Garrett, even though he shouldn't know what love is yet. I told him that I'm pretty sure I'm madly in love with Alejandro. It felt weird coming out of my mouth, like jelly just squeezing out. As if my body wasn't sure if I could handle saying the 'L' word out loud, even more so when I declare my love for someone. Jett hugged me though, happy for me.

We just sat on his bedroom floor, silent tears coming down his cheeks onto my shoulder while we hugged. His hair smelled like Old Spice and sweat, but I thought it was comforting. Don't get mad, Evelyn, but I told Jett about you. How I write how I feel. How it helps.

He said he wanted to get one, and I promised I'd buy him one.

Then we smoked the weed Geoff gave me; for that last hour, there were no tears.

I liked it.