The Ultimate cliché catalogue

Summary: You remember those gawd-awful clichés that just keep coming back? Well, they are the inspiration for this series of stupid and pointless tales. There will (eventually) be one for every genre. I hope.

Warnings: Will be very stupid. Very, very stupid. Also, in the spirit of the original, random CAPITALISATION.

Author's notes: Inspired by the awesome Harry Potter Cliché Catalogue by Clam Chowder1, sadly removed from this site. And I don't hate Tea, (Well, I'm annoyed by the dubbed incarnation), it just seems everyone else does.

Disclaimer: Not my characters, and if Clam Chowder1 objects to me stealing this, I'm sorry and will take it down. But then imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and blatant plagiarism is what fan fiction is all about.

No offence is intended to people who have written stories like the ones I am parodying. I'm sorry if it upsets you. This is just meant to be funny.

Chapter 2 – Humor/Self-insertion

AUTHOR: Hey, you know what would be really KEWL?

READERS: What…?

AUTHOR: If I wrote a fic where me and my friends actually went to the YUGIOH world!!

READERS: Please don't. It will suck.

AUTHOR: No, it would be really funny! Or what if all my favorite characters came and lived at my house!?!

- READERS WHO VALUE THEIR SANITY franticly hit the back button. But it's too late…

ANNOYING OC 1: HEYA! I'm going to talk in a really ANNOYING and HYPERACTIVE way! WHEE! Don't you just want me to DIE!?!

ANNOYING OC 2: I also am ANNOYING and HYPERACTIVE!!

AOC1: I'm BORED!!

AOC2: I also am BORED!!

AOC1: Wouldn't it be KEWL to meet the YUGIOH CHARACTERS!?! I bet we wouldn't be BORED then!!! Imagine the wacky hijinx that would ensue!!

- Suddenly, to everyone's COMPLETE surprise, the YUGIOH CHARACTERS are sucked through a MYSTERIOUS portal and end up in their living room.

JOEY: WOW! Where are we!?

THAT GUY WHOSE NAME NO ONE BOTHERS TO LEARN: I don't KNOW!

AOC1: HEY! LOOK! It's YUGI-CHAN!!! KAWAII!!!!!

AOC2: LOL!! So it is!! WOW!! How UNLIKELY and SUPRISING!!!

AOC1: You guys wanna stay at my house for no good reason!?!

ALL: OK!!

- Wacky hijinx ensue.

YAMI: As an ancient Egyptian, I have no concept of how to work modern appliances!! Watch me humorously fail to work a microwave!!!

- He accidentally blows it up. This is funny.

YAMI: Ooops.

AOC2: Oh, Yami. That was silly. KAWAII!!

- JOEY and KAIBA watch TV. They want to watch different programs. An amusing argument ensues.

JOEY: FRAISER!!!

KAIBA: No, WILL AND GRACE!!!

JOEY: No, FRAISER!!!

KAIBA: Well, I have the remote, so we're watching WILL AND GRACE. Loser.

JOEY: Damn it.

AOC1: I will teach you to forget your differences and compromise!!!

KAIBA: Like HELL you can.

- She uses her amazing powers of being an OC, and forces them to reconcile.

JOEY: Hell, lets just watch BAYWATCH.

KAIBA: Fine.

AUTHOR: Damn, this isn't random enough!!! FOOD FIGHT!!!!

- There is a food fight. People get covered in food. It is not very funny.

YAMI: Hey, how about I wash everyone's clothes?

- He amusingly fails to work the washing machine. Their clothes are shrunk.

ALL: Oh, YAMI!!

AOC1: You guys will have to borrow my clothes!!!

- The male characters are forced to wear dresses. Sadly, even cross-dressing doesn't make this funny.

AOC1: Well, we'll have to go buy some more. KAWAII!!!

- They go to the mall. Wacky hijinx ensue.

MARIK/MALIK (they're interchangeable): I want to ride the pony outside Wal-Mart!!

- He/they do. Still not funny.

- A highly contrived series of events, possibly involving BAKURA getting sugar high and the trying to steal a plushy tellytubby, lead to them all getting chased by the police.

YAMI: This is ridiculous! I am the pharaoh!!

- He accosts the police, and is arrested, along with the rest of the cast. AOC1 uses her infuriating MARY-SUENESS and talks them out of it in an annoying and patronizing way. By now, even the slightly retarded people that are still reading this want to KILL her.

- They go home. More wackiness ensues, possibly involving YAMI and a VACUUM cleaner. The slightly retarded people still reading this have hung themselves with their mouse cables.

- SUDDENLY, as the AUTHOR runs out of ideas, the ELEPHANT PINEAPPLE MEN from the planet SMARTIES attack with their CHEESE GRATERS OF DOOM™

ELEPHANT PINEAPPLE MAN: Give us your marmite flavored m&ms or DIE!

JOEY: Never! You can take our lives but you can never take our marmite flavored m&ms!

- Fortunately for our heroes, AOC1 uses her sheer cunning and awesome powers to defeat them with half a TWINKIE and a pair of SOCKS. What an amusing and clever twist. But TEA dies.

- Suddenly, PEGASUS enters. He is wearing a dress.

PEGASUS: Hellooo, daaaarlings. Turns out I'm queer and in drag. Look at how comically gay I am!

- This is not funny or at all surprising. The AUTHOR quickly moves on.

- YAMI tries to make toast. It gets burnt. This is funny.

-The rest of the story goes unread as the final remaining READER throws her computer out of the window and then jumps out after it.

THE END

Thank You, and Good Night.

To my reviewers (all 2 of you) thank you, and to Growing Pain; I plan to write a parody of every major genre first, but after that I would be happy to take requests, and Seto/Jou will certainly go on my to-do list.