A/N: nessie is still a half mortal/immortal baby growing at a human pace. mental development..we'll just have to see. thank you so much to those who gave me my first reviews, they mean so much to me. now i am more nervous than ever. lol, just don't want to disappoint you guys.

DC: Twilight was shared and now Twilight inspired. Thanks Stephenie Meyer!

CHAPTER TWO: SO WHAT NOW?

Edward POV

The three of us walked back to the house at a human pace. Yeah, things were that bad. Emmett was even dragging his feet as he walked. Jasper was still looking stunned and gloomy.

"How can they do this to us?" Emmett all but wailed as he slumped to the couch. It almost broke in half at his weight. Jasper sat next to him and patted his shoulder. I just sat beside them.

"We'll be fine...we'll be fine." He kept saying. It was like comforting a child, which in Emmett's case is sometimes true.

Fine? It's going to be a disaster! Emmett thought.

"Will you guys quit it? You act as if my daughter's a brat." I felt the need to defend Nessie. I don't know if I should feel annoyed or amused by the entire situation.

"Come on, Eddy, you know that's not the case." Emmett explained, "What do we know about taking care of a baby?"

"And like duh, Edward. We have been in this world for like ages already, centuries even. We have done and seen a lot of things but this?" Emmett continued to argue. I just shrugged as a reply.

"Oh Alice, Esme and Rosalie better be enjoying their week off. I'm getting even." He really is acting like a child now.

"You didn't mention Bella." Jasper commented.

"Bella? She was held captive by Alice and Rose! She's not happy about leaving Nessie as we are. And I can't believe my Rose didn't even bother to kiss me goodbye!! I can't believe our own mother would do this! I hope it would stop raining in New York!! ...I can't believe I didn't finish watching Bourne Ultimatum! What is this?" He flicked on the TV and saw what was on.

"I think that's The Pacifier, man." Jasper answered him.

"OMG, Jazz! Look at that big guy! He's a nanny/super soldier??Ugh, I just can see myself in his shoes. This is one freaky, messed up world!" he is now officially panicking.

I felt a wave of calm come over me and I knew it was Jasper. I looked over to him and gave him my best Thank You look.

"Wow, man, this is nice...I feel so nice." Emmett gushed.

Jasper stood up. "You know what, Edward? I think we can pull this off. We'll show them that we are responsible and mature (he looked pointedly at Emmett) enough to actually do this. I mean Nessie's a good girl. How hard could that be?"

"And we have this." I waved the piece of paper Alice left. I scanned the list, Huh doesn't seem that complicated.

"And we have Carlisle to help us." Jasper said, feeling more positive this time.

"Hell yeah! Carlisle!" Emmett sat up straight.

That was how Carlisle saw us when he and Nessie came through the back door. They were both laughing. Clearly relaxed from their walk. He was carrying my daughter in his arms. our father just nodded in our direction. I think I saw him let out a sigh. He slowly placed Nessie on the floor next to her toys. Nessie went straight for her Barbie dolls.

"I guess they already left?" he said slowly.

We all looked at him not bothering to answer, our faces said enough.

Hmmm, they sure don't look good. How can they handle Nessie if they are like this?

"Whoa, Carlisle. What just crossed your mind?"

"I thought you guys don't look well." He answered carefully.

"After that... you thought we can't handle Nessie?"

Jasper and Emmett turned sharply in Carlisle's direction.

"What do you mean we can't handle Nessie? Of course we can. We may not know shit about taking care of babies but we are responsible and mature enough to do this." Emmett said.

Jasper and I gave him a wary look; both of us were shaking our heads. Emmett will be Emmett.

I had to glare at him too. He knows very well not to use crude words in front of Nessie.

Oooppppssss, sorry Eddy.

I just shrugged. Focusing again on Carlisle. He walked to us and sat on the opposite chair. He looked at each of us carefully.

Emmett POV

Carlisle looked at the three of us. He seemed uncomfortable. This doesn't look good. Suddenly Edward stood up like his pants were on fire.

"You can't be serious." He was speaking to Carlisle. As usual, Jasper and I are lost.

"Hello? There are vampires here who can't read minds." They both ignored me. They were staring at each other; a silent communication was going on. That I can tell. Edward's face changed from being incredulous to thoughtful in seconds.

Hell, patience is not one of my virtues.

"Okay, you guys can start explaining when you're ready..." I was going for subtle. But they seem not to get the hint. I stood up and took out my imaginary gun.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You choose." I said in my best spy voice and pointed my gun to Edward's head.

He swatted my hand away, "Stop being stupid for a sec will you?"

"Fine." Kill Joy.

I stood in between Carlisle and Edward, silently watching their exchange. My eyes went from left to right. Edward shrugged, Carlisle cleared his throat, Edward sighed, Carlisle shrugged, and Edward nodded...hell my eyes are starting to hurt.

"Jazz, Em."

"Oh, so you're talking to us now?" I sarcastically told Edward

"Emmett, stop being a girl and listen to Edward." Jasper said.

Whatever, Jazzy babe.

"What Edward was about to say is that I can't help you take care of Nessie." It was Carlisle who answered.

"WHAT!" Jasper and I both shouted.

"Carlisle!"

"Why?"

"That is cruel, Carlisle."

"You can't do this to us."

"You're mean." Jas and I seem to talk all at once hurtling arguments at Carlisle. He just sat there perfectly composed. Edward stood motionless.

"I really am sorry, sons. But the hospital is conducting a medical mission and I volunteered for it weeks ago. Didn't know that Alice would be able to pull off her plans until Esme called me earlier." He explained.

"But...but...but..." Words failed me now.

Jasper sat down again and closed his eyes.

Weird thing is that Edwards seems not to be upset. In fact I could see him almost smiling.

What's so freakin' funny, huh, Edward?

He just looked at me and shook his head, clearly fighting not to laugh now.

"Do you want me to crush the answer from your brain?" I flexed my muscles.

"Hey, I thought you guys are responsible and mature enough to handle this?" Carlisle said using my own words against me.

Duh, those were Jasper's words not mine. Shit why did I have to go and copy him? Now I don't have any good answer to that.

I was saved from answering by Jasper, "You're right Carlisle. We can handle this. As my wise brother here said," he placed an arm around my shoulders, "We are responsible and mature." I didn't notice he was beside me. Boy, I really am falling apart here.

Edward cleared his throat. Will you stay out of my freakin' head, Edward?

Carlisle gave a sigh of relief before standing up. "Well, I guess I'm off to the hospital then. You guys sure you can handle this?"

"Sure, sure. We can handle this." I said. Jasper's arm tightened around my shoulders. Owwww

Carlisle kissed Nessie on the forehead before heading to the door. Before he stepped out, he gave the three of us another skeptical look. I smiled my biggest smile and he just shook his head.

Jasper POV

I really am starting to feel good about this crazy scenario. I actually am looking forward to spending more time with my niece. Well, I guess the initial shock has worn off.

My arms were still around Emmett's shoulder. He must have noticed that too. He shrugged it off and stomped towards Nessie. He settled himself next to her and grabbed a Barbie doll. It was quite obvious that he will be busy for some time. I went to Edward.

"What is he thinking now?" I asked him.

"You know Emmett; he is so like a child at times. Right now he is contemplating why Barbie's anatomy can't be more generous." I had to laugh at that. Emmett sent us a withering look.

"Do you have to be constantly in my head, Edward?"

"Believe me, Emmett; I don't want to be in there more than you do." Emmett snorted and continued playing with our niece.

"So you ready for this, Jasper?"

"Of course I am. Well I do have some reservations and doubts but I think we can do this."

"Can I see the list?" I asked. Edward gave me the piece of paper.

"I don't know if I should be insulted or what. Seriously... things a dummy should know?" I said after reading the list. Apparently the four had their own separate instructions.

"Why, what's on the stupid list?" Emmett approached us. He was still holding a Barbie doll. I handed the list to him.

Things a dummy should know about taking care of a baby (by Alice, Esme, Rosalie and of course Bella)

Bella:

Feed Nessie on time. (chocolate and sweets are not considered meals)

Bath time is playtime. It's bonding time. (keep Emmett away please)

Put her to sleep on time (this includes afternoon naps, and yes Emmett you can sing to her Puff the Magic Dragon but not Hollaback girl that is not a lullaby)

Never get her out of your sight for even a sec

Never use her as a football (I know Emmett, but that is simply not just playing with her)

Take her to the park, she loves going out.

TV time is just for 30 minutes, an hour max. No violent movies, no porn, no scary stuff ok?

When she cries just pick her up and sing to her instead of covering your ears and running away.

Emmett, her Barbie dolls are in her toy bin.

Edward, please look after her, I know you will but I am nervous enough as it is.

Alice

Clothes are already arranged in her closet (so you don't need to worry if things won't match, if you find it hard to match call me!)

Never ever make her wear the same clothes twice. She needs to be changed at least four times a day.

Check her diapers. Always.

Emmett, please do not use her designer shoes as fish bait or bother hiding the other pair just to annoy me. I can see where you'll hide them.

Jazz, don't worry. Emmett won't drive you insane.

Esme

Low on diapers and milk formulas.

There's still some baby food in the fridge, but you still need to buy some.

Her baby soap and shampoo are labelled with her name (Emmett, dear, please stop using them for your bubble gun)

Sterilize her bottles.

You boys take care of her. I know you can do it.

Rosalie

Brush her hair. She loves that. (set aside your stupid manly egos for this)

Do not, and I mean you Emmett, make her play with you on your Xbox.

Stay away from my stuff (I know it's not relevant to this but do it!)

XXOOXX we love you guys!!

"This is stupid. I mean who are they calling dummy? Seriously, they should have just addressed the whole damn letter to me. My name came up more than the two of you combined!"Emmett said.

He handed the paper back to me. That was the last straw. Edward and I had to laugh. He really looked insulted.