Chapter 2

Lily was alone now. This fact was haunting. She knew that she could not control the will of her heart, but part of her wanted to go back and tell James she didn't mean it. It was tempting to try to return to him and act that everything was normal. In her heart, she knew that she could not do this, so she fought against that thought. She would only be worth people's time if she tried to be strong through this and not cave in.

The truth was that James was all that she had anymore. It made her sick that she had wasted so much time and effort into something. She had wasted so many years of her life and after life fighting for something that did not mean as much as she thought it should. More sadness came from all the time wasted and how many years she had spent with James and how he had her fall in love with him. There was no remorse for her new feelings, more for her past.

She knew that the past was what hurt. Maybe if she would have done things differently things would not be the way they were now. Lily shook her head to herself; she knew these thoughts were irrational and stupid. Yet, she kept looking for why it was this way. There was something wrong with her since she wanted to give up so much just like someone that she knew she may or may not even want to be with after they came here.

Lily looked around at her surroundings and it seemed to be that she at found herself on the grounds of Hogswarts. The people that were roaming the Earth looked like ghosts, a lot like she would have looked like one if she would have stayed on Earth. She walked passed many people and walked through most of them and shivered every time she did. It was just as cold doing it this way as it was when she was living and ran through ghosts. That had been something that Lily had always tried to avoid no matter what. This was where memories of her past were the most vivid. She may have no choice but to take a trip down memory lane.

Then the adult Snape came into her sights. She quickly put all her hesitance about going into the castle itself aside and followed him into the halls that she used to be wandering in as a student. It seemed that he was going towards his office alone. Lily knew that he did not know that she was watching, but that did not matter to her in the least bit. Once inside, she looked over at Severus, seeing how what he had done, both good and bad were showing on his face and deep within is dark brown eyes. Both heartache and guilt were in those eyes.

Her eyes drifted to the Lilies preserved away from where most students could ever see. Lily starred at them for a bit, and she had a feeling that it meant that she still meant a lot to Severus. The girl's attention quickly snapped out of it though when she heard Severus sit down. Severus actually looked over at her and her heart started to pound in her chest. Did he see her? If so, she would need to hide very quickly because she was dead after all.

He looked away and Lily could not help but take in a sigh of relief. It must have just been a bit of bad luck on her part that he had looked over that just then. She saw him start to work on papers but there was no joy in it like she remembered when he taught her things. Severus was a talented wizard that she had to admit. It was not like she lacked intelligence herself, it was just they both helped each other through their work until, that day he said that one word.

This was something that she needed to get over. She had forgiven everything else, but this was one thing that she had never heard him apologize for yet. Lily looked over at him and then perked up hearing him mutter. Her patience she hoped would pay off. All she wanted to know was that he was sorry for the one word that started all of this mess. After that, she could start to try to fix what they had in the past once he came to heaven to join the ranks of the dead.

Lily could not help but to let out a groan of frustration when he went quiet again. Maybe there was no point in her being here. She may not have it even pay off for her at all. The girl started to head for the door and then freezes and turns to face Severus as he starts to speak. "I am sorry that I called you a Mudblood, Lily. I can never forgive myself for it, and it is why I am where I am now." Tears started to roll down her face and she raced to him to hug him. Instead of hugging him though she phased right through him and fell on to the floor.

Now she looked like a fool but Severus could not even see that. For a moment, she had forgotten that she was dead. She could not comfort him even if she tried. Lily stumbled back up to her feet and seemed to feel a bit defeated. This headmaster's office was so alone and empty and she wanted to fill it with happiness and joy but she was dead. That was something that she could not do for him, and he would have to suffer thinking that Lily Evans hated him. She could see that in his eyes.

After that she left the office and just starred at the lake that was ahead of her. There was no dying here because you were already dead. Lily knew that, but she felt like she wanted to die. She could not be close to the person that she forgave and needed the most now. The girl didn't feel dead, and she wanted to. It made no sense that what she thought was a perfect paradise, had now become the barrier separating her from what she wanted, Severus Snape.