A/N: This story was originally meant to be a one shot but I found it way too long. Thanks for the response, and as a reward the second and final part of the story. Please review!
On a different note- Quintanna?! Whaaaaaaat?!
Disclaimer- I don't own Glee, and right now I don't want to.
I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. After looking around the house I finally found her in her old room sitting on her bed. I let myself in and looked around. The walls were dark, her bed was dark, there were a few posters of musicians and on her nightstand a few of her family, her grandmother, her in cheerios, glee club and one with her and a leggy blonde with a bright smile- Brittany. Her room made me feel odd, unincluded, uninvited. It spoke of a time in her life where I wasn't around. I must confess I was happy we were sleeping in the guest room. She looked so lost so I went and sat next to her. She was staring at the picture of her in cheerios. I noticed that she was standing with her arm around Brittany, and a proud smile on her face. There was another one of her with the cheerios where they were staring at each other instead of the camera and Santana had the same smile on that she had when she met Brittany for the first time. She didn't meet my eyes but stared ahead as she spoke, "Sue was so crazy sometimes, but we wanted to be a part of something so bad that we'd do anything for her approval. We were so young then, so passionate. It's like the end of an era." Her eyes were now resting on the picture of her and Brittany and I knew that she wasn't just talking about her coach. "She seemed like she meant a lot to you" I tried tentatively, hoping she'd talk about what was bothering her. She gave a short laugh and said, "Well I never loved her if that's what you mean, but in her own twisted, slightly deranged way she cared about us. She got me that scholarship in Kentucky and then offered me a job when I dropped out. She always pushed for excellence which is why I push myself now. She made us stronger, though we all hated her at the time. When I got the boob job, she made fun of me for months. I realized later that she was disappointed I needed that to feel better about myself. She was there when I came out, asking if I needed time from school or help in any other way. And most importantly...if it weren't for her I'd never have met Britt" she suddenly looked up at me "...and Quinn ofcourse" she finished hastily. We both sat in silence after that speech till she decided to get up and make us brunch, changing the topic to work and asking me about my co-worker whom she was convinced was a lesbian and how we needed to find out for sure. We were laughing when the doorbell rang, and Santana went to get it. She was followed in by a bubbly Brittany and a sullen obviously hung over Quinn. Brittany bounced over to the coffee maker and started brewing coffee while Quinn sat at the counter. Santana continued cooking while she hummed to herself and Brittany went through the drawers handing Santana plates and other things, already anticipating what Santana wanted before she asked. I felt more than a little left out and Santana must have noticed because she gave my shoulder a quick peck before setting the plates on the counter and nudging Quinn's head with the end of the spoon. We ate in silence and the food seemed to perk Quinn up as she started narrating stories to me about their cheerio days. This set the mood for the rest of the time, with Quinn and Santana trying to outdo each other with stories about the cheerios, while Brittany would chime in now and then with some absurd detail. We'd opened a bottle of wine, and then another as we sat around talking. I was laughing hard at Quinn's impersonation of Santana going Lima Heights on a sophomore cheerio for calling her a bitch and then trying to take her place, when Brittany chimed in giggling, saying "Yeah that was the day coach caught us making out in the locker room and made us do laps till we could barely stand. Oh no wait, sorry, that wasn't it. Did she do that when we were making out under the bleachers and were late for practice? Or the time she found us getting it on in the janitor's closet? " she paused as she tried to remember, there was a sudden awkward silence at the table, although Brittany was still laughing to herself quietly. Santana and Quinn both tried to change the topic at the same time, but Brittany who was either a mastermind or just completely unaware of what she was doing went on to add, "Ooh what about the time we almost got caught in the shower together by Sue when she yelled through her megaphone at Kelly, and you almost fell out on to her." Quinn's expression by now appeared to be somewhere between a smile and a grimace, while Santana just looked at Brittany horrified. I cleared my throat, and got up saying I needed to take a shower. I couldn't sit there and listen to them talk about their glory days, and I also didn't miss the longing look in Santana's eyes. When I stepped out, I saw her sitting on the bed, looking at me warily and said, "I'm really sorry. Brittany sometimes...doesn't quite... feel the room" I looked at her incredulously, "Feel the room? Santana, she was saying that stuff on purpose. I just get the feeling she's trying to I dunno... upstage me or something." Santana's eyes narrowed, always a danger sign. "She didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. She was just trying to have a conversation." I looked at her in shock. "Are you taking her side? Seriously?!" Santana shook her head wearily, "I'm not taking sides, you just don't know her..." "Yeah like you do! Something she keeps trying to rub my face in" I yelled back. Santana looked a little shocked and then stood up, "Don't you think you're overreacting?" "I'm here for you Santana, I AM your girlfriend and I'm fed up of being neglected so some stupid blonde ex of yours can hold your hand." Apparently that was the absolutely worst thing I could say because Santana's eyes clouded over in cold fury and she stepped right up to my face and snarled, "You WILL not call her stupid. You don't even know her. You do not get to judge." And with that she walked out of the room slamming the door, followed by the slamming of the front door a little later.
I sat on the bed and buried my head in my hands. God Santana is frustrating and stubborn and ok maybe I was a little jealous and overreacted a little but Brittany was really pushing all my buttons and I didn't know whether the blonde was doing it on purpose. A little later, I heard a knock on the door and Brittany's head poked in. I looked up in surprise, "Brittany what are you doing here?" "Umm Quinn left earlier and I was a little distracted cos I was trying to solve the maze on the back of the puzzle box, when I heard Santana yelling and then she stormed out. I came up to check on you." I was even more surprised. "Why didn't you go after Santana?" I asked perplexed. She shrugged as she sat down by me on the bed and said, "Santana needs to cool down, so leaving her for a bit is for the best. Plus I guessed you could use a friend." I honestly didn't know what to say to that so I just gave her a tight smile and whispered a thank you. "I'm sorry, for what I said at breakfast. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I was just happy to see these guys back here after so long. We were really close in high school. I miss them so much. You're really lucky to be with Santana. She's like the coolest person ever" she said, her eyes bright and sincere. I nodded, Brittany looked at me and continued, "I heard a little of what you were yelling. I never wanted you to be threatened, and Santana is a little possessive sometimes." I looked at her, and said, " And I'm sorry for calling you stupid, that was mean. I was just a little insecure. This is a lot for me as well." She looked at me quickly, understanding dawning in her eyes and asked "Is that why she stormed out?" I nodded and was surprised to see Brittany's face light up in joy before she looked at me and composed herself. "I'll go find her and bring her back. You work on making her a nice apology dinner" she said and bounced away.
I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that chat but one thing I knew for sure, Santana still had feelings for Brittany, and Brittany didn't seem to mind at all. When Santana finally walked in, I was on my second glass of wine. "We need to talk" she said as she took the glass I offered her. I sighed, already knowing where this was heading. "Santana, I think..." she held up her hand cutting me off. "Kay, I need to tell you this now. I'm sorry I snapped, Brittany is...was very special to me and I think I'm still a little possessive of her. I shouldn't have taken her side like that, I'm sorry. You have been amazing, coming out here with me and being so supportive and I yelled at you instead. I'm sorry" she said as she grabbed my hand. I looked down at our linked fingers, and sighed. "You still have feelings for her Santana." Santana looked at me a little shocked then crossed her arms in her typical gesture of defiance. I continued, "You yelled because you still care about her." Santana looked at me for a minute before dropping her arms and saying in a defeated voice, "She'll always be special to me Kay but we had our moment and it didn't work, and now I'm trying to move on. I'm sorry I'm not the best girlfriend right now but I really am trying. I never thought that I'd want this with anyone after... well umm... I mean I never thought I'd want to be with someone, be someone's girlfriend. But now I guess I want to try, I want to try with you. " As Santana was talking she moved closer to me till she was standing in front of me, looking sad. I paused, my instincts telling me this would never work because she was hung up on someone else, but the really silly thing is that I was in love with her and I'd rather have a small part of her than nothing at all, so I smiled and hugged her instead.
When we got back to New York I'd hoped Santana would get over Brittany, hoped we could go back to what we were before, but that wasn't the case. Santana did try, but her heart was obviously elsewhere. Unfortunately since she'd met up with Brittany they'd talk on the phone everyday and text pretty often. I was insanely jealous but I'd promised Santana to give this a fair shot and that meant that I had to trust her. It was just so frustrating that I'd cook her a romantic dinner and she'd smile and thank me quite genuinely but a small text from Brittany would make her break into the biggest smile. Things didn't get better when Brittany came to visit in the summer. Although she stayed with Quinn fortunately, we'd still meet almost everyday, and truth be told I'd rather be there with Santana than sitting at home torturing myself with what they were doing. On the last night she was here we went clubbing, Brittany can really dance, like wow! She had boys and girls lining up to be her dance partner which only drove Santana wild. She sat at the bar fuming knocking back drink after drink. When Brittany was dancing with a tall blonde guy, I heard Quinn remark to Santana that he looked like Sam, and Santana looked up in alarm, fear in her eyes till she pushed herself out of her seat and headed for the dance floor and pushed the guy roughly away. Brittany who I have begun to realize is a very touchy-feely person pulled Santana to her and started dancing together, they were so wrapped up in each other that you could have poured gasoline on the floor and lit it on fire and they wouldn't have noticed. Quinn however did notice and after a quick apologetic glance at me, she headed for the dance floor muttering expletives, and pushed herself in between them while turning Santana towards me. I danced with Santana for awhile, till she needed to use the restroom. I waited outside and was soon joined by Brittany who held on to my arm and slurred "You're like amazing. You're so sweet and look out for my Sanny. She's so awesome and hot and knows everything. I wish I had her, like I wish I had your red hair. Do you eat food colouring? Is that what it is? I want some too." I was too stunned to react and Santana had come back and was trying to understand what Brittany wanted red food colouring for. I wanted to leave, things were weird now and I wanted to be home in bed, asleep, away from innocent blonde ex girlfriends of my current girlfriend who couldn't commit. I felt like a those people in a soap operas with unnecessarily complicated lives. That night after we dropped off Brittany and Quinn, I had to deal with another Santana weeping fit, and as usual it was about how she wasn't good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. This time as I rocked her back and forth which seemed to calm her (Damn! Her advice was spot on) she whimpered about how stupid she was for letting her go and then looking at me burst into fresh tears because I must hate her because she was a bitch to me. I just held her closer and tried to calm her down.
I spent most of the night awake and deep in thought. I'm not an idiot, I can see how they look at each other, how they behave, they're drawn to each other like magnets, how Santana can't help touching her, giving her little caresses, something I've never seen her do with anyone else, they even read each other's minds even after all these years. It was almost morning when I finally made my decision, which is why Santana found me sitting at the counter, waiting for her to wake up and come out. Santana saw me dressed and looking purposeful. "Uhh.. It's a Sunday, you don't have work. Where are you going?"she asked. "Santana, we need to talk. Can you sit down please?" Santana's face immediately took on a wary, guarded expression but I went on pretending not to notice. "Firstly I want to say something to you. I haven't so far because I didn't want to freak you out but I need you to hear it anyway. I love you Santana, I've loved you for awhile now." Santana's brown eyes locked with my green ones clearly surprised. "Kay... ..well I..." she started stuttering. I touched her arm stopping her as I continued, "I love you which is why I have to let you go. It's clear you still love her and still want her and I'm beginning to think that that's never going to change. I wanted to fight for you Santana, you're really smart and pretty and I'd be an idiot not to notice that but the thing is, I don't think I'll ever make you as happy as she does. You literally light up when she calls you or texts or even says something silly and inconsequential. I can never do that for you, no one can." I paused to look at Santana who looked really sad and guilty. "Kay..."she started again, before shaking her head a little forcefully. "Cady, why are you doing this? I thought this was actually going somewhere. I like you a lot and I really care about you even though I know you don't think I do. I'm grateful for all the things you do for me. I'm just not that great at expressing them but I do" she said. I smiled at her. "I know you care about me honey. I also know you wouldn't have left me or cheated on me which I deeply appreciate but the truth is, you love her more, you always will. It's her you really want to be with not me, and if it helps I think she feels the same way." Santana looked up at me, her eyes filled with hope before she realized and shook it off. "See what you felt right there? That's what I mean. You want to be with her and I think it'll be unfair to the both of us to continue this" I said as I got up preparing to leave. I picked up my purse, and started to head out hoping I would make it to the outside before I broke down. "What if she doesn't want me anymore?" I heard her say in a small voice. I looked up to see her sitting there with the most terrified look on her face. "Why would you think that?" I asked, just because I didn't know what else to say. My heart was literally breaking into pieces the longer I stayed there. "She chose Artie over me, then she chose Sam over me. What if she just chooses someone over me again?" she asked in that same tight terrified tone. Suddenly a lot of things made sense to me. Her weepy fits, why she always felt like she wasn't good enough, her not doing relationships and most importantly the thick walls around her heart. It all clicked, her heart had been shattered by the very person to whom it belonged to, to whom it still belonged. Sitting in front of me was a broken, terrified girl who was still in love with her best friend. She was waiting for her, all these years she was waiting and she didn't even know it. In that moment I felt sorry for her, sorry for all the things she must have gone through. Santana doesn't handle rejection well and being rejected by the one you love, twice, well I understand now why she's worried, why she missed Brittany giving her all the signs, the longing in the blonde's eyes when Santana kissed me or held my hand. How her fingers would twitch towards Santana's everytime they sat close but she held back, probably because she respected our relationship. Santana had missed all this because she was petrified to get her heart broken again. I walked over to her and gave her a tight hug, my tears falling freely now. "Well then Santana, since you claim she isn't stupid, I guess she'll realize how lucky it is to have someone like you waiting all these years to be with her" I whispered into her hair. I pulled back and then gently kissed her lips and rested my forehead on hers, "I'm going over to Kelly's, and I'll come over later to get my stuff. I'm going to miss you so much. Don't you dare screw this up" I mock warned as I tried to choke back the next set of tears, as I turned and walked out of the apartment.
I didn't see her for quite a few months after. I was pretty messed up and threw myself into working hard and partying even harder. I got over her though in time and even started dating again. I met her at Kelly's wedding. She was dancing with Brittany and looked so damn happy that it hurt. It hurt that I could never do that for her but I was also glad that she found what she was looking for. I smiled at them and they smiled awkwardly at me. We were at different tables so I didn't get to speak much. I ended having more fun than I thought I would. I even danced with Hayley (my date and soon to be girlfriend) for most of the night. Santana and Brittany were also on the dance floor keeping a respectable distance. What I did not expect was Brittany bounding over to me and giving me a big tight hug. When she broke apart there were tears in her eyes. "I can never ever thank you enough. I understand if it's awkward now but I would really love to be your friend. Santana wants that too. She misses you, a lot." I smiled at the blonde, not really feeling as upset anymore. "Maybe not just yet Brittany, but in time, yes, I would like that." She clapped her hands and gave me another hug while whispering, "This one's from Santana" before waving at me and going back to her girlfriend. I caught Santana's apprehensive look and smiled at her and I was awarded with one her beautiful genuine smiles, before turning back to dance with Hayley. They were perfect for each other. I knew that now. I guess that's all I needed. Time.