The lush, green fields came into view as Jace sprinted toward the horizon atop the mountain. His bare chest gleamed as sweat dripped down his muscular torso. He doubled over, letting the sweat trickle through the golden locks that clung to his forehead as he caught his breath. The wind swept over him, cooling his body as he felt his heart-rate begin to slow. He stood up, stetching his neck to the side, rolling his shoulders back and shaking out his hands, he began to walk toward the edge of the cliff that stood at the opposite end of the valley from Alicante.
Jace loved this cliffside. He ran here every chance he got between training, eating, and sleeping, which consumed his entire life for the past year. Training was the only escape from his own mind and regrets, and Clary. The run from the shadowhunter training center to this cliff is rugged and dangerous, allowing Jace to shut his mind off to the world outside this trail and let the pain consume his body. He needed to feel it, he needed to know that he could still feel.

He reached up and clasped his hands behind his head and let out a longing sigh. This cliff brought him both peace and agony. This place was an escape and a prison, the journey here was treturous, but the arrival was freedom, because this was the only place he could truely find Clary.

Off in the distance, he heard the sound of labored breathing and heavy footsteps trudging up the dirt trail behind him. He turned around with a smirk to meet the face of a very annoyed-looking Alec. "Glad you could join me, I thought you gave up and went home!" Jace jested at his exhausted parabatai.

Alec raised his index finger, though he considered using another as the more appropriate response to his brother, up at Jace as he bent with his hands on his knees and caught his breath. He had also taken his white t-shirt off at some point during the run, and was using it to wipe away the sweat that was pouring off his face and dripping down through his dark patch of chest hair. Alec stood and met the eyes of his brother, "What happened to a light jaunt?" he heaved. "What's going on Jace?", raising both hands in the air, quirking that one eyebrow that always shoots up when he is annoyed or worried, or both in this case. "I have never seen you take off like that, diving over logs and vaulting over those huge gorges without a care, are you trying to break your legs today? Where is your head at?"

Jace didn't respond, he just turned away from Alec and back to the scenery ahead of him. Staring out at this emotional sanctuary where he had been able to close himself off from everything for the past year, but the safety this place provided was beginning to crumble more and more every day as their time here was coming to an end. Soon he would have to face up to what he did and who he did it to.

Alec sighed louder yet, "Jace!," he shouted! He watched as the glaze over Jace's eyes cleared and his mind came back to present. Alec had been watching his brother become more unstable and distracted lately. From his constant brain-fog, severe agitation whenever someone asked if he was excited to return home to New York, to his newly acquired fury when it came to training, Alec knew something was eating away at Jace. "Is this about Clary?" he asked carefully.

"Is what about Clary?," Jace snapped.

"Oh I don't know Jace," Alec snarled, annoyed at Jace's avoidance, "Maybe this change in your attitude, or the fact that just this week you have broken numerous bones in 3 other shandowhunters during brawling, or maybe your complete lack of care for your own safety, I mean more than usual. I have never seen you this reckless before! Something is bothering you and it appears to be getting worse the closer we get to going back to the Institute. You don't have to talk to me, but you need to deal with whatever it is that is eating at you before you do something too stupid for me to fix!"

Jace let out a laugh at that. "Okay Doctor Alec. I had no idea you were taking up psychology! Any other pearls of wisdom you wish to bestow upon me oh wise one," his voice oozed with sarcasm.

Stepping forward, tilting his head slightly to the side to look down into his parabatai's eyes, searching for an answer with concern, Alec put a hand on Jace's shoulder. "Look, I don't know what happened between you two before we left, and you have done a damn good job of avoiding it since we came here, but you're going to have to deal with it when we get back."

"You don't think I know that!" Jace burst out. He jerked away from Alec's reach and turned back toward Alicante, folding his hands across his chest. Jace knew there was probably a lot of turmoil headed his way, he had buried all of his emotions so deep he had hoped that he would never uncover them, but the nearer the trip home came, the more those emotions kept creeping into his soul. A typhoon of feelings was headed his way, he had hoped that he could maintain his cool, stoic outward appearance, but just the thought of Clary set a new crack in his wall. He let out a sigh. Staring out at the magenta skyline, sunsets were the most beautiful when he watched them with his arms around Clary. "I don't know what to say to her." He looked down and stared at his boots, praying his brother would have an easy answer for him.

Once again, Alec placed a supportive arm on Jace's shoulder, giving him a little shake of assurance. Alec looked out over their home for the past year. "Just tell her what your heart needs her to know."

"Mr. Sensitive," Jace smirked, "You have been spending too much with our fluttery Magnus," batting his eyelashes at his brother.

With a shove, Jace toppled forward a few paces. He turned around to see Alec's eyebrows raised and a finger pointing at his chest. "You're just jealous that my boyfriend can portal here when he pleases. It's a good change of subject Jace, but you really do need to get yourself together," he sternly spoke. "So I'll meet you down at the house, I still have some packing to do before we leave," and with that, Alec turned on his heels and jogged back down the path.

As annoying as his brother was, he was right, though Jace would never let him know that. As he stared out at the vast hues of reds, oranges, and pinks steadily turning to purples, blue-violets, and midnight blues, his brain took him away. Why had he left her that night? They had had the perfect night, he was ready, she was ready, they were more than ready to be together. Why had he returned all of Clary's letters to her unopened? All she wanted was answers. Magnus had colorfully explained the torment that he had caused his beloved Clary, which he tried to brush off to others when it literally tore his heart out from behind his sternum. Why had he avoided all of Alec and Isabelle's questions and pleas to talk to Clary? It was just that simple, all he needed to do was talk to her and explain everything, but why was that so hard for him? He has never been sure if he had done the right thing, it felt wrong since the moment he had made the decision to leave Clary in his room, alone and confused. Then the assignment to leave for Alicante came just hours later, and he jumped to leave so fast that he never made the time to explain himself to Clary. Could he even do that? What the hell is he going to say when he sees her again? With a deep groan he rubbed his hands over his face and dropped them to his sides, lifting his head up to the sky, praying for guidance, as he enjoyed the feel of the wind sweeping across his face, neck, and bare back.

Suddenly, his head snapped forward, eyes wide with fear, and mouth set in a firm line. Oh God, what if she has moved on! What if she is in love with someone else now? A giant knot has found its way into his stomach, and it is not from the running. What did he expect though, he left her with no explanation, no sign for hope. But his heart had never let him believe what his brain knew was a possibility. Did he even have hope? Did he want to have hope? Of course he did, she was his entire world, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, but how is he going to fix this? Is it even possible to fix.

"Well, I'll know tomorrow," he whispered on the wind.