CHAPTER TWO
THE MORNING AFTER
Consciousness comes in the form of a strong and heavy hand landing square on my face. I squeeze my eyes shut but the action sends waves of pain through my skull and a headache quickly makes my head throb unpleasantly. I push the offending hand away from me gaining an annoyed groan from the person lying beside me.
My breath hitches and a set of panic claims my senses when I repeat that line in my head. Someone is with me in this bed.
Without opening my eyes I reach out to feel the mattress and sure enough there is another body in the bed. I start bouncing my right leg and the bed begins to shake along with my movement. Who is in bed with me?
I try to remember how I got into bed in the first place but all I can think about is red solo cups and the vodka burning down my throat. This is exactly the reason why I don't tend to come to this parties, alcohol is inevitable in this specific house.
A blinding light forces me to close my eyes again when I finally manage to open them and I'm so thirsty, I feel so raw and my crotch is throbbing with a light pain. I just had my period so there's no reason for… my lower abdomen should be hurting, not my crotch if that was the case.
God, my head is killing me, I need to drink something but first I need to find my clothes.
Why am I naked? If I was slightly panicking before now I feel like crying and screaming because I'm terrified of remember what happened last night.
Suddenly I'm bombarded with a thousand images at once. Foggy memories of this very room and a boy on top of me.
I had sex with someone and I don't even remember his face. I guess this would be just another fond experience to add to my admirable and enviable list of tragedies before I even turn eighteen.
The loss of my virginity to a complete stranger in a party at the house of the two biggest players in school.
Just wonderful.
Then I remember that someone is under the sheets lying next to me. I guess I won't have to wonder who took away my innocence after all.
I reach out slowly, very careful not to wake up the person next to me but the first thing I notice is the long hair spread around the white pillow and the feminine figure. I didn't sleep with a girl last night, did I?
No, no it was a boy. I heard his voice and felt his… it was a boy.
"Stop moving around, damn it!" and I definitely know that voice. My best friend and the one who practically dragged me to this stupid party last night is in bed with me.
"What are you doing here?" I spit at her but she just rises up her upper body on her elbows and wiggles her eyebrows at me as her smirk grows wider. She knows what happened, now she wants the details of said act and I'd consider giving them to her if I could remember a name or a face of course.
"I told you all we needed was a few drinks for you to let lose a little bit" she suggestively says and suddenly I feel like slapping the smirk off of her face.
It's not that I don't feel like partying like most of my classmates do because that's not the case and she knows that, it's just that I don't have the freedom to do so and I won't let anyone here know that so instead I use my image of 'perfect little Christian girl' to avoid these kind of pointless celebrations that had now make me feel nothing but miserable.
"I didn't plan on losing my virginity last night, Santana" she looks a little remorse but as quick as it came, that look is gone.
I've known her since we were four and instantly became best friends on that dreadful first day of kindergarten; three teeth were missing from her wide smile as she hit a boy in the nose for stealing my gummy bears.
In my house I wasn't allowed - I'm still not allowed to snap or act in anyway less girly that what I'm supposed to-, so obviously she was that little sunshine that I so desperately needed and I clung to her until this very day.
My parents didn't like her when we were four and they definitely don't like her now that we're about to turn seventeen but that doesn't stop me from being best friends with her. She's more sister to me than my real older sister Grace ever was.
"It's not like anyone pointed a gun at your pretty little head to get you to open up your legs, right?" I'd roll my eyes as I always do when she is being crass or annoyingly blunt, which is the case right now but I don't have an ounce of bitchiness in me at the moment, not when I feel incredibly stupid for what I've done.
Her face contorts in regret one more time. She knows my parents, she knows their rules, she knows they are fanatics of the Christian religion instead of believers and that's why she knows that if they knew about this I'd be on the streets in no time. My parents have no mercy for anyone and that rule doesn't let me out. They'll only judge me harder because they're allowed to as my parents.
It's only when I try to get out of the bed that I realize that someone else is on this bed with us and I slightly panic, what if he is actually here?
"Who's this?" I ask her with a high pitched tone and she rolls her eyes so far up her head that it makes me wonder how that doesn't give her a headache every time she does it.
"Brits, who else was it going to be?" her frowning face only makes my chest burn with rage. I don't like her condescending tone, not now when I can't remember his face and a name doesn't ring any bells.
I think hard trying to remember but I can't, every little memory comes with a dark cloud and his face is always in the shadows. The thing that I remember clearly is the sensations that I felt with him, how good everything turned out to be and it makes me want to remember that much more.
He was amazing, not that I had any expectations because it was my first time after all but he made me feel everything at once. I look down at my half covered chest and I see two red marks on the swell of my breasts and the sudden image of a head between them comes to mind making me blush furiously.
It really happened.
"First things first," Santana's voice brings me out of my own head and I look up as I pull the sheet a bit higher on my chest.
"Who was it?" she asks me but she knows me too well and soon her expecting face turns into one of regret.
I'd dare to say that she feels for me, that my situation affects her as much as it does me by the way her eyes turn sad and a little furious. She has always been over protective somehow.
"No shit," she whispers and I detect the anger in her tone. She is already planning a way to find out who took my virginity and all the ways she could make him suffer for leaving me alone in the middle of the night, I know it.
"When did you guys got here anyway?" I ask her in an attempt to take her mind off things. I don't need to make this a bigger deal than it is. I've never been one to believe in huge romantic acts, so why would my first time be any special?
"As soon as we kicked Finn out, that boy cannot hold a drink," I'd know it, I've been dating him for seven months after all. "Seriously Q, I don't even know what in the world do you see in that guy!"
I don't answer anything back because I don't know it either. He is the quarterback and I'm the head cheerleader, it's meant to happen or maybe I've just watched too many stupid films.
He might not be the most caring boyfriend but he has his rare sweet moments that I like. I look down, holding the sheet with a bit more force than necessary.
I cheated on him last night, I gave away something that I promised will be his one day and now I just don't have it anymore.
"Wanna tell me how it was?" my best friend tries again and this time I smile at her. If there is anyone that I'd trust with this it's her.
"It was amazing" I tell her and she shakes her head in excitement.
"Go on, tell me!" she ushers me and I fall on the pillows one more time and get comfortable as she gets closer.
In the foggy state of my memories I try to remember the most important things that happened.
"He was so gentle," I remember as the flash of chocolate eyes flash behind my eyelids and the sensation of his hot breath on my neck makes me shiver.
"He went slow at first and made sure that I wanted to keep going," I remember his soft voice whispering in my ear, his delicate hands caressing my body and then the foreign pain when he finally took me.
"He apologized when… you know, he was so sweet," she chuckles and I slap her arm playfully.
"Sounds like love to me," she teases me and we both laugh for completely different reasons. "Did you cum?" she suddenly asks and I'm tempted to tell her off, to let me have some secrets but at the same time I want to tell her everything, so I nod my head and she laughs.
"I did, it felt so…" I can't find the right words to describe it and I probably never will. I wonder if anyone had put in words all those feelings that run through your body when you reach the ultimate physical pleasure.
"…heaven" I breathe out after a long second after finally coming down to the conclusion that 'heaven' it's the ultimate word to describe such a feeling for me.
"I know, it feels great, I can't believe you finally did it" she says with a smile on her face, and mine just drops, I don't remember who it was
"What am I gonna do?" I ask her "Did you see who got out of the room?" I ask her and she furrows her brow
"I did actually" she says furrowing her brow "Rachel was walking out of this room when Britt and I were looking for you" that doesn't help, she lives here.
"Maybe she was looking for something, she lives here" I say and she nods her head
"You're right" she says quickly "Maybe she saw who was here when she got in" she says and I nod my head, yeah, oh my god, I just hope she didn't see me naked, how embarrassing "Oh shit, we're in her room" she says standing up and looking around, we are in Puck's and Rachel's house.
"And where is she?" I ask her and she turns around with an ever bigger grin on her face.
"What if you slept with her?" she asks me, I shake my head furiously, there's no way, Rachel might be into girls, the entire school knows that but I'm not, besides I know what I felt
"It was a guy Santana" I say and her smile flatters
"I've heard she's pretty good" she says laying besides me again, I've heard it too, it looks like the entire squad has slept with her, and they're always talking about her, it's really gross actually
"What are you gonna do?" she asks me and I shrug my shoulders
"Let's just leave it at that, he'll call me Santana" I tell her and she raises her eyebrows at me
"This is clearly your first time Q" she says burying her face on the pillow "Put some clothes on before I touch you boobs again"
"Again?" I snap at her, she's chuckling on the pillow
"You just got fucked by a stranger and you're freaking out because I touch your boobs?" she asks lifting her head and I roll my eyes
"Just don't" I tell her closing my eyes again.
…
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