Summary: AU. ...er... Harry is kidnapped before he ever even sets foot in the dursleys home, and is raised by the most unlikely of people.

Author: Quick disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, or any character and locations associated with it. I do, how ever, own Ash, Ravinie, Aimee, and Midnight academy(as well as a few other things. Basically anything you don't recognize from the books. Please don't use anything of mine, unless you ask.)

Chapter 2: welcome to hel... I mean, suburbia.

"But I'm his godfather!"

"Dumbledore told me ta take Harry ta him!"

"Lily and James gave me the responsibility of taking care of him if anything were to happen to them, there for I should take him!"

The hansom young man and the half giant continued to glare at one another, neither eager to give up possession of the child that rested in the mans arms. But once again, we are beginning in the most inappropriate of places. Our true story rest a mile away from the ruins of Godric's hollow, by a stream in the nearby woods. Two bloodied figures laid by the stream, one long dead and cold, and one all too eager to be joining it soon.

"Oh god Ash" the still living child spoke in a raspy voice, "God I'm so sorry. I never thought it would end this way. If I had only known, I never would have let you join him. Hehe... well this may be the end of us. We lived good lives, very good live. Even the time where you were a death eater wasn't so bad." She coughed and slowly closed her eyes, as the dark figure of Thanatos swooped down beside her

"Let's just hope the next one is even better."

(this next bit is a direct quote from the book... am I allowed to do that? Eh, the story looks so much better with the direct quote though...)

"Well," Said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."

"Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back G'night Professor McGonagall – Professor Dumbledore, sir."

Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine to life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.

"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.

Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.

"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone.

A breeze ruffle the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect any astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, no knowing he would be woken in a few minute time by... (end direct quote from Harry Potter and the Sorcerers stone) the shriek of:

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE THOSE PEARLY GATES!? AND AREN'T WE SUPPOSE TO BE STANDING ON CLOUDS OR SOMETHING?"

Two figures in long black shrouds wandered along the sidewalks of Privet Drive, each with dangling long hair, swishing back and forth as they walked. At first glance, one would have thought them related, they did, after all, look remarkable alike with the same pale complexion and build. But one with a keen eye could tell the difference. The skin was more sallow on one, their heights were off by inches, Ones hair was several shades darker that the other (though they could both pass as sandy blonds) and the facial expressions and eyes both told very different tales. One had a stern look, and dark, brooding emerald eyes, where as the shorter of the two had eyes that seemed to glow the brightest shade of green, that were on a face that was clearly that of a jolly child. It was the brighter of the two who began giggling quietly.

"hehehe... now now Ravinie, there's no need to lose your temper. Besides, we weren't exactly the most kind of people. Maybe we're doomed to spend eternity wandering around the most suburban area of suburbia, forever searching for heaven." The dark eyed girl looked horrified,

"What!? Spend eternity with –you-! My Ra I'll go insane before the end." She continued to glare as her companion merely giggled.

"Oh come off it. Who knows, maybe we didn't die."

"Oh yes, of course Ash. You somehow are living off a now punctured heart, and neither of us have any blood. That just makes such perfect sense. And even if that were true, I'd like to ask HOW THE BLOODY HELL WE ENDED UP IN THIS SUBURBAN HELL?!" Ash laughed in response, "Well, you seem pretty bloody cheerful for someone who just committed suicide! Well? Do you plan on answering me, or are you just going to stand there laughing like the bloody lunatic that you are!?"

The shorter girl opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by the sound of a child's sobs.

"Oh, wonderful job Ravinie! You've woken some poor little baby now! I hope you're proud of yourself! Now lets see, were -is- that pathetic little crying coming from" She wandered off, leaving her companion standing in the middle of the street before she growled and dashed after her friend, who was approaching one of the tidy little houses. As she looked closer she saw a large silver number one the door which simply read: #4.

When she reached the other girl, she grabbed her shoulder lightly "Um...Ash? I really don't think anyone will want you messing with their children, I..."

"Oh don't worry Ravinie! Look!" Ravinie followed her finger to see an oddly familiar bundle sitting by the front door of a house. She walked forward to inspect the bundle, while Ash continued rambling on, "Awww! The poor child! Just left on a door step?"

"Holy... hey Ash!"

"I wonder what happened to..."

"Ash! Look at this!"

"...his parents? Why did someone leave him here?"

"Damn it Ash!"

"Oh, hopefully they didn't expect the child to live in this suburban hell! Huh? Oh, did you want something Ravinie?"

Ravinie rolled her eyes and growled in frustration before speak slowly through clenched teeth, "Yes Ash. Would you be so kind as to pay attention for just one stupid little moment?" Ash grinned and nodded her head vigorously, causing Ravinie's anger to grow at the other girl's obliviousness. "Alright Ash, now look down in that bundle and tell me what you see." The girl bent down and pulled back the blanket slightly, only to see the curious face of a now silent child staring up at her with bright green eyes.

Ash's eyes widened in shock as she leapt away from the child as if she it had sprouted horns, and planed to murder her.

"That... that child!" She shrieked, pointing down at the now exposed face.

"I know Ash, I know. But the question is, how he got here." She bent down to examen the child, and the area around it, in hopes of finding some sort of clue as to why he was there.

"But he! He... HE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY LORD!" Her renewed hate and anger practically radiated off of her as she glared down at the child. Ravinie stood abruptly, and gently griped Ash's shoulder, "Ash, calm down. Don't do anything rash until we have the whole story." She paused for a moment, as a slight flutter caught her eye.

"Hello, now what do we have here." She snatched up the piece of paper that had come free on the blanket. "Ah ha! Exactly what I've been looking for! A letter, and I'll bet my throwing daggers this is from whoever left him here."

She quickly unfolded the paper and began reading, mumbling here and there, and with the occasional blink of surprise. All the while her shorter companion was bobbing around, trying to read over her shoulder, as Ravinie kept turning at just the right time to prevent such a thing from occurring.

Just as the girl finally gave up her attempts and settled for sitting down where she stood, Ravinie folded up the letter and placed it in her pocket, "Sorry about that Ash," she sighed, and absently looked down at the child still on the ground, "well, he most certainly is Harry Potter, and he was the child who defeated your lord. This," she jerked her head to indicate the house" is apparently where his last living relative live, and Dumbledore has sent him here to be raised by them. Says that is he sent him to live with any trustworthy wizarding family, he would be raised to be a spoiled, pampered little prince." It was here that Ash raised her hand, and said,

"whoa whoa whoa. Hold on minute. Are you saying Dumbledore wants him to come live with i muggles /i !?" She waited until Ravinie nodded, before she continued, "What the hell is he thinking, having him raised by muggles!?" Ravinie sighed and nodded her head in agreement.

"You're right, but so is Dumbledore. If he were to be raised by any of the wizarding families that wouldn't kill him on sight, the he'd be spoiled rotten, and no one likes a little brat, especially one that's suppose to be such a symbol as he will one day be, hell, as he already is." They sat in silence, both pondering what to do with this new predicament.

Ash suddenly jumped up, and bounced on the tips of her toes as she exclaimed, "Heeeeey! I know I know I know! We could take care of him! You know, you and me! Cuz he'll still grow up in a magical environment, but he sure as hell won't be spoiled!"

Ravinie blinked up at her in surprise, and for a moment she just stared before raising one eyebrow, and stating, "Well Ash, that would be a wonderful idea if it weren't for one little thing." "And that is...?" Ravinie sighed and glared, "Could it be the fact that you HATE THE CHILD, AND ARE LIKELY TO TRY AND KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP!?"

Ash laughed and waved Ravinie off, "Oh silly silly Ravinie! I wouldn't do that! I've gotten over my anger! Really, do I seen like the type to hold grudges? And here I thought you knew me!" (1)

Ravinie rolled her eyes, "Ash, you really do surprise me sometimes." She walked towards Harry, but was stopped by Ash's arm, "wait a second, I want to know something first. There wasn't a lot of information on that letter, yet it took you nearly fifteen minutes to read. Mind explaining any little secrets you're keeping from me?"

Ravinie blushed, and looked away while scratching the back of her head, "Er... well, I actually kind of finished the letter in a minute or so, but... it's just so fun seeing you bounce around like that, trying to see what I was reading..." Ash's eyes narrowed as she studied her companion, "so... you were just using my unnatural shortness as entertainment?" Ravinie looked abashed, and decided to study the ground "well... yes. If you must put it that way"

Ash's eyes narrowed further. "I see... Well then, I only have one thing to say to you." A wicked grin crawled across her face, "You had better put a damn lot of locking charms on that bedroom door of yours before you go to sleep."

Ravinie visible paled, knowing Ash's expertise was indeed, stealth, and assassinations by any means. Ash just laughed, and then turned around to collect the child now silent child into her arms, "well, now that we have that problem out of the way, shall we go?"

Ravinie just rolled her eyes, and shook her head in disbelief, "Sure Ash, lets go...now all we have to do is find a way out of this hell hole."

End chapter two

(random symbols)

AN:

(1) well, if you haven't noticed by now, Ash is a bit prone to mood swings... very extreme mood swings.

Author: well, that was a bit more humorous that the first one, or at least, I think it was!

Ash: Yeah! Ash is back to normal! And She's scaring Ravinie! Yay for Ash!

Ravinie: me, intimidated by that little midget! What the hell are you writing?!

Ash: pulls out her handy dandy flame thrower who's a midget?

Ravinie: pulls out the BBDOPE (big blue dictionary of pure evil) why you are Ash dodges flames as quickly swings the BBDOPE at Ash's head

Author: Wonderful, now those two are at it again. Well, to anyone who is reading this, thanks! And please leave me reviews! Fare-thee-well!