We walk in a comfortable silence. Sam hums occasionally to songs that are foreign to me while I kick at rocks and listen to the crunch of leaves under my feet. It feels weird, not having to run or hide. It's been so long that I've had to be stealthy; I've forgotten how to just walk. How to walk and clear my head. How to walk and not have to worry about anything. It feels . . . nice. And peaceful. I'm not used to peaceful yet. Instead of over thinking, Sam just enjoys it. I can see it in her face. The way she glows, and how her eyes have a slight crinkle in the corners. And in the way her mouth is permanently etched in that little half smile of hers.
We kept walking along the black, paved road, watching for cars. It was about three o'clock when the sun started to barbecue my head. I place my hand on top to quickly pull it away. I wish I had a hat. I thought to myself. But I should be grateful to even have shoes. In their hurry to escape, children back at camp had forgotten them. And escapee's usually had outgrown theirs, or they had fallen apart from the miles of walking and fleeing they had done. But one little boy that had run through the large metal gates had even forgot his pants. I laughed out loud remembering the sight of his little legs carrying him as far as he could go. Sam glanced my way, giving me a curious look. I only shook my head and kept walking. Where we were going, I didn't know. I only knew that I had a purpose and I intended to fulfill it.
I shook my head. That wouldn't work. I couldn't head aimlessly into the wilderness, not having the slightest clue where I was headed. I'd be a worm in a bird's nest before I found him. I needed to think. If I was looking for somebody, where would I go? And it hit me. It was dangerous – of course – but I didn't have any better ideas. But why risk Sam like that? I was willing to put myself in harms way. But was I really going to risk Sam?
At the end of the day, Sam and I found an abandoned, used car parking lot. We browsed the aisles of cars, looking for one to suit our needs. We decided upon a dusty black van. Sam thought the seats looked comfortable. I guess I took a liking to it because of its resemblance to Black Betty. I missed that van. There were so many memories tied to it. But then again, it was just a big hunk of metal. What I really missed, were the people inside it. I still remembered the "shopping spree" I took Zuze on. And her happy little face when I gave her those bright pink gloves. Not very inconspicuous, but they made her smile. And chubs screaming at the others that I was a bad idea. Some of the things he said, they hurt. That's why he wouldn't say them to my face. I guess you can't murmur about crackers every night. If only he knew how right he was. I'd give anything to see him gloat and tell the others he was right all along. I'd give anything to hear him tell me that he'd told me so. I'd give anything to see them all. But I couldn't. Not yet.
And Liam. I couldn't think about Liam right then. Any time I thought about him, a bomb was shoved down my throat, gutting my insides as it makes it's way down to my stomach, where it would wait to be set off. By a memory, or his lack of it. It will explode. And so will I. So I choke it down and let it sit for another time, when I can be alone. Sam and I settled into the grey cushioned seats.
"Ruby?" She asked.
"Hmm?" I answered. Sam yawned.
"Where are we even going?" She asked, mid-yawn. I looked over to Sam. Sam who had blindly – and mistakenly – put her trust in me. Sam who was willing to follow after me into the wilderness of West Virginia. Sam who had gone through the trouble of remembering us. Remembering me. She had done all of this, for me no less, and I couldn't even give her an answer. I didn't know why she had done it. And I didn't know why I'd let her. I'd been selfish. And I'd dragged her into my problems. She could have gone home. Right to her family, and security. And she had chosen to come with me. And I didn't have any clue why.
"I don't know," I finally answered. And it seemed a poor statement, when hers was so good.