I'm not exactly sure of what will happen in this story still, but I'm willing to press forward!

Did I mention that one of the things helping me get back to this is the fact that my wonderful boyfriend, chizdawg89, got me the entire series subbed DVD for my birthday?! Well he did! I absolutely love it! Hopefully watching it while working on this helps me concentrate on the original source material and characters.

I do not own Yugioh and all that stuff I've said sooooo many times before.

Days blend in with each other. Day turns to night, night into day. I don't even bother to pay attention anymore. Jichan brings me food as I stay in my room. I make the effort to go to school, but that's only to stop my mother's pestering. I often hear her ask Jichan to just tell her what happened to me, but Jichan refuses. She wouldn't believe. Even if she did, she wouldn't understand. They don't sound like they're far away or under water anymore. Though I take it as a sign I'm getting better, the pain resonates. It's physical and it makes me feel weaker than ever before. Every moment I realize he's not there increases it. I never rid myself of that weight on my chest.

Gone…gone…gone

Echoes will never let me forget how empty my room, mind, and chest are. While, in the figurative sense, my heart feels as if it has a hole in it, the puzzle used to hang in front of my chest. But there's nothing there. Nothing is all I know anymore.

This particular morning started out normally. Well, as normal as the previous three weeks had been. Jichan and I arrived home after spending two more days in Egypt. I couldn't tell you what exactly we did. I had reduced myself to a zombie-like state. I had promised him I would not cry, and if anything, my promises to him were all I had left to cling to in my post-Atem life. For now, I'm content to remain as numb as possible. The pain will come, but I'm learning to fight it.

My normal morning started out with me coming into consciousness. For a few seconds (or a full minutes if I'm terribly lucky), I forget. I roll over and think about waking up. Then I wonder if he's waking up with me. My groggy mind senses someone in the room. I assume he is sitting at my desk watching me sleep, waiting for me to wake up to prepare for the school day. My hand typically reaches out for the puzzle at this point. My eyes snap open in alarm when I find nothing.

Then I remember.

It's like watching him walk through the door again every single morning.

I bury my face in my pillow and will myself to go back to sleep as usual, but I'm far too awake at this point. In the beginning, when we first got home, I tried to comfort myself with memories. I'd remember how I would feel safe when he would watch me sleep. He never said it, but I caught him doing it enough times to know. That's how I knew it was ok to tell him I loved him. The night before we went to the museum to enter the memory world was one of the last times I caught him sitting at my desk as I slept. I wasn't about to let the moment pass.

"Mou Hitori no Boku?" my voice was strong. I hadn't been sleeping anyway.

He gasped and turned to me. "I'm sorry! Did I wake you?"

I smiled and sat up. "No, I can't sleep either. I'm…" I wasn't sure how to complete that sentense. I was thinking that I should say that I'm excited, but how much more can I lie to him?

He smiled sadly. "Aibou, have you ever wondered what my family was like?"

I shut my mouth and frowned. "What?" I started. "Um, not really, no. You never told me you wondered about that."

He shrugged. "I'm just thinking about what I may learn." His eyes wandered to the floor. "I never felt lonely here, so it never occurred to me that I would have people I once called family."

I smiled again. "Am I family then?" I bit my lip and awaited his answer. I thought of him as much more. They say love at first site is either non-existent or extremely rare. From the moment I met him, I knew I would do anything for him. He was my protector, but it was more than owing him something. It was something else entirely. I decided to love him quietly, and let the moment find itself. His response was intriguing to me.

He smiled warmly. "In a sense," he said simply.

I threw back the covers and turned to put my feet on the floor. He turned in his chair to look at me directly. I placed a hand on his leg. I wished that I could feel warmth radiating from him, rather than feeling a spiritual coldness. I wish I could get that without having to go through the next day. I pursed my lips. He raised an eyebrow.

"Remember what we once said in this exact spot?" I felt guilty as soon as the words escaped my lips. Fuck, am I going to guilt trip him now? I don't want to be the jackass!

His surprise turned to a calm sadness. "I know I made you a promise Aibou. But-"

Oh, here comes the but. Shit.

I interrupted him in order to soften the blow. "I also made you a promise."

He stopped. His expression softened. I bit my lip. He thinks he's the tough guy, but his expressions always give him away. It's not the mind link that allows me to know his every though, he lets me know anyway.

"Yes you did," he said, seeming to know what I meant.

I nodded. I suddenly realized my fingers were grasping onto whatever semblance of physical form his pant leg was taking. Only I could touch him. He felt real to me. Over the years, that feeling had grown as our relationship did. It was, in my mind, a realization and physical proof that I was falling for him.

The only other moment I had felt to tell him about that last part was when we awoke after our battle against Dartz. Or how in the valley, I had wanted to kiss him as I faded back into my abyss. The whole experience tested me in my belief in what I had for him. I passed, of course. I never regretted any of what I did for a moment. But that night, in my bedroom, the night before our questions would be answered, I never felt the desperate need to tell him. It could have been out of a desperate thought that he may stay because of it, or simply the idea that I wanted one less regret to live with.

"I promised…" I paused, unsure of how to put it. So I moved my clenched fist to rest on his hand. "I promised I'd help you find your memories. Or, at least help you find whatever it is you need to realize what you're meant for. I knew early on in Battle City that your heart wasn't in it for the rare cards. I didn't care. I wanted to help you. I still do."

I held back a frown. Remembering those days was a little troubling some days. He had lied to me for the first time when he made us join Battle City. He never told me what he was looking for. I would never tell him how much that hurt, even more than the idea that he would leave someday. I took a deep breath in and sighed.

His eyes met mine. Fuck, those eyes…

I began to stammer a bit. "I…I wanted to remind you of that," I said, trying to keep my composure. I didn't want to look like the shy idiot again, but it was going to happen. I had to say it. "There are a lot of things people need to say before they say goodbye to someone. I just…wanted to tell you…"

He tilted his head and brought his empty hand up to my cheek. I took a soft breath inward when I realized I could feel it again.

"Mou Hitori no Boku…" Looking in his eyes, I couldn't quite spit out the words. I leaned forward…

As soon as my lips touched his… Oh, the feeling. I realized when we first touched that I hadn't pulled forward as much as I had thought in order for our lips to meet. He was kissing me back. He knew what I wanted and felt the same way. Our first kiss was tender, slow, but not necessarily soft. There was still that quiet sense of urgency as he held my face in his hands, and I wrapped my hands to grasp his arms. Only touches breaths were exchanged until we finally separated for good. Our eyes were locked on each other's and I knew. I just knew.

I gave him one more longing kiss on the lips and sat down on the bed. He gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before he stroked my cheek. He smiled and I gave a nervous chuckle.

"Goodnight, Mou Hitori no Boku."

"Goodnight, Aibou."

That was then, this is now. Our last words to each other were 'I love you,' and that's what I'm supposed to be satisfied with for the rest of my life. This is going to take up more of my life than my actual time with him. Remembering the same few years with him over and over again until I die. I close my eyes tightly, as if trying to refresh my empty surroundings and make him appear out of thin air.

I lay in bed like this until Jichan knocks at my door to come down for breakfast. It's summertime now, but Jichan always wakes up early to make sure breakfast is on the table for me while my mom heads off to work. Most of the time, she's gone before I tear myself from my bed. At least in my bed, I am given the time to forget he's gone and imagine he's still watching me sleep. During the month between our battle in the memory world and the ceremonial duel, he would sit on the floor to line his face up with mine as I laid on the bed and stroke my hair and kiss me awake. In such a short amount of time, that routine became the greatest moment of my day. Without it, I already feel as shattered as that routine.

Knock knock.

"Yugi, you should eat breakfast. Your mother wants you to go job hunting today."

I hold in a groan. If I make any sound, it would now come out as one of those cries you don't know is in you until you have a reason to make it. I refuse to do that again. I simply get up, put on my clothes- who cares if they're dirty or not- and walk past the mirror to go downstairs. I can't even look in the mirror now. I think it's quite obvious why.

Downstairs, Jichan already has my breakfast sitting on the table. He motions to the newspaper next to my plate.

"This is your mother's way of telling you she thinks you're spending too much time in your room," he says.

Tucked under the corner of my plate is a folded up newspaper with the job openings listed in the classifieds. I roll my eyes and sit down. There's way too much food on my plate. He knows I haven't had enough appetite for this in weeks. Jichan sighs.

"I'm worried about that too."

I don't look up at him. I stare at my food and wonder why I should eat when I don't know what to do with the life that looks so empty. I don't want to starve to death. Hell, I don't want to die, really. I just wish I could see him again. Or, better yet, that I had never existed in the first place. Is there a way I could stop existing without dying? I break off a fingernail-sized bit from my bacon and rotate it between my fingers.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

"Your mother doesn't have to know what happened, but I already do," Jichan continues, and I hear him surprisingly clearly. "It's been weeks. It's time to leave the house. Call Jounouchi. He's tired of seeing you stay in here too."

I fight the tears. I put the bacon on the tip of my tongue, bring it in my mouth and chew slowly. It's been a long-fought battle. The tears will win one day. I don't want it to be today. When? I have no fucking clue.

Jichan always seems to know what I need. He can't read my mind like my other self could, but he helps in more ways than even I'd care to admit. Now is no exception. He leans his back against the kitchen counter.

"Yugi, I know you can't imagine life without him. But this can't just be it. If you're going to figure it out, then you have to take a first step. Your new life won't just start because you miss him."

My head is downcast, but I look up at him. He doesn't look stern at all. He kept that same face throughout the ceremonial battle. I get the feeling he understands everything that happened to me and Mou Hitori no Boku, even if I kept it from him for most of the time. I'm not always sure why.

He slaps the counter and stands straight.

"Do the dishes when you're done eating. I'll be in the shop. If you don't want your mother bothering you like me, I suggest you make at least one call from that list there."

He's gone before I have the chance to respond. Once I'm alone, I pick at my eggs and bacon. I finally decide to eat one slice of bacon and one bite of eggs. I know my mother hates me wasting food, so I find an old empty bread bag and dump my breakfast in it. I wrap it up in old newspapers and bury it at the bottom of the trashcan.

I grab the newspaper and tuck it under my arm. Despite my grandfather's advice, I retreat to my room again. I sit down in the same chair the love of my life sat in the first time we kissed. I toss the newspaper down on the same bed I laid in the night I retreated into the puzzle to make love to him for the first time. I hold my forehead in my hands and I stare down at the desk.

I know I can't move on without taking a first step, but the first step sounds about as painless as taking a step into a barbed-wire electric fence. The tears win. I may be more hopeless than I thought. The tears blind my vision and I begin to cry quietly. The world now looks like a wet blur.

I allow myself to feel sorry for myself. I cry for what I wanted for us. I cry for the lonely nights I will spend alone every night for the rest of my life. I get lost in the grief.

Suddenly, a flash of white interrupts the watery vision I see through the tears. My head jerks up and I'm suddenly searching the room for the source. The white is gone. The morning light floods the room through the window, but that is it. The room is unmoving. I see no one.

Yet, I feel someone. Not something, someone.

I choke on the tears, but still manage to let out the words I haven't spoken in weeks.

"Mou Hitori no Boku?"

It's a long shot if I've ever hoped for one, but if I'm actually dreaming, it couldn't hurt.

But I'm not dreaming. I'm alone. He's not coming back.

I hang my head and cry some more. Quietly.

Again, after some more tears have blurred my vision, the white comes in a flash again. I stand up, knocking the chair over. I'm angry now.

"The fuck did I do to deserve this!?" I'm suddenly yelling upwards. "Do I really deserve to be taunted? I'm already dead! You hear me? Stop reminding me you were here!"

I don't care if I was heard. I yelled this, feeling unashamed and unhinged. I laid on the bed, burying my face in my pillow, letting out the cries of someone who knows he has no future. Nothing.

Eventually, I wake up from a grief-induced nap. I groan, feeling stiff and gross. My face is probably an unrecognizable mess. I sit up and run my hand through my hair. I'm numb again. Perfect.

Welcome to my life.

I feel something odd under my leg. I lift my knee to reveal the folded up newspaper my mom left for me. I frown. I feel something I haven't felt in weeks. The drive to do something. I immediately lay on my stomach and start flipping through the want ads. For some reason, I readily accept this new feeling.

I'm so immersed in my newfound task that I fail to notice that the white shadow has not left me.

Ta-da! Whew, that actually came to me pretty easily! I'm publishing this real quick because I'm about to go to work for a looooooooooong time. Haha, welcome to me writing fanfics while holding a full-time job. Review so that I will feel motivated to keep writing after my next online class starts in two weeks!