3 weeks (and 2 sessions) later

"Sorry I'm late, guys," the DM apologized when he sat down at the usual table. "My other group has some scheduling issues. They are on a similar campaign though, so I figured I can merge the groups."Sandor grunted and poured down his ale, Thoros and Beric shrugged. Four men approached the table when the DM waved them over. They pulled off chairs and sat down with the others. "That's Jon, playing a Ranger," the DM began to introduce the new arrivals. "Tormund, Barbarian. Jorah, Fallen Paladin and Gendry..."

"Wait, what?" Thoros interrupted and he and Beric turned to look at the last person the DM had introduced. "Dude, that's the guy who 'joined' our last campaign and then never showed up again because he got a girlfriend!" Thoros said angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry, guys. I really want to play! I'm so over her!" Gendry apologized. "I swear I'll show up from now on!"

Beric reached for the character sheet Gendry had put on the table and read it. After a brief pause, he looked up in disbelief. "The fuck? You want to play this? What is this even?"

Gendry shrugged. "Warrior with mastery path in War Hammer. What's wrong with that?"

Thoros leaned over to look at the sheet himself, then back to Gendry. "That you put all other points in Crafting. That's what's wrong with it."

Gendry took his character sheet back and covered it with his hands. "It's my first campaign. I thought it might come in handy," he said defensively.

Sandor had quietly studied the other new players and listened to the conversation. Now he leaned over the table to grab the three other character sheets. "Just making sure these cunts aren't all crafters, too," he said.

Thoros and Beric nodded in agreement and Sandor handed each of them a sheet to read, then skimmed over the remaining one. "Great, a minmaxer," he sighed a moment later and glared at Tormund. "Dump stat Intelligence. That should be good."

Tormund shrugged. "I'm not a minmaxer. I've just played campaigns beyond the wall before. I know it's a waste to put anything in Intelligence. The undead aren't very talkative."

Sandor sarcastically laughed at that. "Sure, not a minmaxer. You just happen to have all points in Dual Weapon Mastery and Two-Handed Weapon Mastery for roleplay reasons, right?"

Tormund crossed his arms. "I don't. I also have one in Charm Wild Animal: Bear."

Sandor studied the sheet again and to his surprise, he found out there was indeed a point. "At least you're trying," he said and gave the sheet back to Tormund.

"Wish I could say the same." Beric handed him Jon's sheet. "A Ranger without Ranged Weapons Mastery and Animal Companion: Direwolf is crossed out." He looked over to Jon, who was busy drinking his ale and looking distressed.

"Cost was too high," he gave back. "I could only summon it once per session."

Beric sighed. "And you took what instead, Grand Mastery Long Sword?"

Jon nodded. "Got a Long Sword +5 in the last campaign. Can as well use it."

Now Thoros chimed in. "That's all fine and dandy, but your Fallen Paladin buddy here has Long Sword Mastery, too. You could give him the sword and respec to Crossbow or something. That way, we have least some ranged DPS and..."

"Absolutely not!" Jorah shook his head even before Thoros had finished. "Jon got the sword from my character's father. He asked me to take it, but I'm dishonored. I had to reject his offer to gain +2 rep."

Thoros sighed, but he nodded. "At least one of you is a real roleplayer. Better than nothing... Wait, am I the only one playing Support?"

"No." That was Jon, who now nodded half-heartedly to Gendry. "Guess he counts as Support, too."

2 hours later

After some early quarrels, the group had finally managed to progress beyond the wall and was now exploring the new area. "Your scout reports seeing a Polar Bear," the DM informed them. "It is very aggressive and when you get closer, you can see it is also undead."

"Fucking finally!" Beric leaned back and reached for his ale. "I thought we'd never find any undead enemies."

The DM gave him a reproachful glance. "I like to take my time with my campaigns. What do you do?" Jon, Tormund and Jorah simultaneously reached for the dice to roll for attacks, Gendry looked confused.

"Beric uses Summon Phoenix," Beric calmly replied.

Sandor slammed his mug on the table. "The fuck? You can't do that!" He dropped the dice he had picked up to roll for initiative and pushed them to Gendry instead.

"Oh, right. Beric can't play a thief, Beric can't waylay mercenaries, Beric can't summon a fucking phoenix!" Beric mocked him.

"Thoros uses Flame Blade," Thoros interrupted.

"Beric uses Flame Blade," Beric echoed.

"You can't fucking do that, you cunt!" Sandor got up, shouting now.

"Actually, he can do that," the DM firmly said and Sandor's eyes immediately jumped to him. "And you need to do your saving throw against Panic."

"Do I have to do that, too?" Gendry inquired and earned a collective sigh.

"No," the DM said. "He had to take Pyrophobic as flaw to afford the Minor Regeneration perk. It's a costly perk and the Disfigurement flaw alone wasn't enough to balance it. So he has to save against panic whenever he sees fire. It was either that or Greyscale flaw."

Tormund looked puzzled now and regarded Sandor for a moment. "So... You joined a group where everyone has Flame Blade, and took a flaw that makes you panic when you see fire? Isn't that... kind of... stupid?"

Thoros and Beric silently nodded in agreement. Sandor huffed and was about to go around the table to grab Tormund.

"Stop that childish bullshit!" the DM tried to hold him back, but Sandor was already halfway there. "If you don't stop, I let your healer die!" the DM tried again, without success.

"Wait, why do I die because he picked a dumb skill?!" Thoros interjected.

"Yeah, kill off the useless crafter if you have to be random!" Beric agreed.

"I'm the DM!" the DM explained, but it was too late and Sandor had grabbed Tormund by his shirt.

"A DM who has to say he is the DM is no DM at all," Jon mumbled into his beard, but was collectively ignored.

"Thoros is attacked by the Polar Bear! And the Polar Bear is on fire!" the DM threatened.

Finally, Sandor let go of Tormund. "Alright, alright, you made your point. Fucking cunt."

"You should have picked Lay Hands," Thoros grumbled.

"Oh, now it's somehow my fault the so-called tank can't handle random wildlife encounters." Beric picked up the dice. "Why did you need Flame Blade as Support anyway?" He rolled to cauterize Thoros' wound and the blossoming argument stopped when he succeeded.

"Why did the minmaxed cunt over there not use his Charm Wild Animal ability?" Sandor turned to Tormund.

"Can we just move on?" Jorah sighed and scribbled on his sheet, calculating how much XP he had received from the kill.

"Because I'm a Barbarian!" Tormund answered anyway. "I'd need Turn Undead for an undead bear. Why didn't your oh so divine buddies pick that ability?"

Jon slammed his mug on the table. "At least his oh so divine buddies tried to kill the bear, instead of pondering its attractiveness," he said, then turned to the DM. "Do we have any scouts left?"