In the morning, Carol woke to a loud bump against her door.
"Shit," someone who sounded like it might be Tara whispered loudly. "Sorry."
It took a minute to remember where she was. And why Tara was bumping into her door. As the events from last night came back to her, she could only assume Tara was hungover. She had actually still been drinking in the living room with Rosita, Aaron and Jesus when Carol had gotten back to the big house. None of them had even noticed her coming in. She had no idea when any of them had gone to sleep.
She stretched, yawned and stretched again, willing herself to get up. She had slept maybe three hours and was still very tired. But she'd never been able to sleep in much, so three hours would have to do.
She threw the covers off of her and sighed. She took her time making the bed and then changing, her mind working through everything that had happened the previous night. She felt silly for letting Daryl's behavior affect her so much. His "I don't want you to be lonely" and "I don't want you to go." It had all made her feel so very lonely, filled her with a longing that she hadn't felt since the night he'd come to see her in the Kingdom. He was drunk last night, Carol. It was the wine, she told herself now. Nothing more than that. Nothing to get so worked up about.
She glanced in the mirror that hung above the dresser in her room. She'd begun to think of it as hers only because it was the only room she'd ever stayed in at the Hilltop.
Her reflection seemed older lately. Which perfectly matched how she'd been feeling. The time of peace the communities had experienced since the war with the Saviors had given everyone a chance to breathe, which she was grateful for. But it also gave her a lot of time to think and she was trying to come to terms with the last few years of her life. It seemed like the more time she had to work through everything, the older and more worn she felt.
She touched her hair briefly, wondering if she should cut it. There were times it really did look quite wild, something she wouldn't have even thought about a few months ago. But maybe it was time to start caring about those types of things again. Part of her still liked the rebellion of growing it out. Ed had always forbidden her to have long hair, accusing her of trying to get another man's attention. She'd finally given up and kept it super short just to avoid his anger.
She gave her reflection another glance and headed to the kitchen. On her way, she passed the living room where Tara and Rosita were passed out on two of the couches. She was fairly certain Maggie had given them both rooms but she wasn't really surprised they hadn't made it back to them.
Maggie was already in the kitchen making coffee.
"Morning," Carol greeted the younger woman.
"Good morning," Maggie returned. "Coffee?"
"Please."
Maggie poured a cup and handed it to Carol.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Carol asked.
"Exhausted," Maggie answered, smiling.
Carol smiled back, sipping her coffee. Maggie was carrying quite the belly these days, only a month and a half from her due date. Pregnancy suited her. She did look tired, but she looked happy too. Carol felt a pang of loss at the thought of Glenn, at all he was missing. She quickly pushed it from her mind.
"I went ahead and brought in the eggs," Maggie continued, nodding to the full basket on the counter. "Gracie was up at the crack of dawn and I knew Aaron was in no position to take care of her. So we went for a walk."
"She back asleep now?"
Maggie nodded and yawned, "Thankfully. I forgot the set of lungs that girl has." Her hand moved to her belly. "I don't think I'm quite ready for all the crying and sleep deprivation that's headed my way."
"Maybe yours will be more like Judith," Carol suggested. "That girl never made a sound."
Maggie crossed her fingers. "One can hope."
"Why don't you go lay down?" Carol said. "I'll start the eggs."
A look of gratitude crossed the pregnant woman's face. "Thank you."
Carol nodded as Maggie left the room. She grabbed a bowl and began cracking the eggs. Cooking was such a mindless activity for her that she found her mind wandering back to Daryl, despite all her efforts not to.
She wasn't quite sure how she should act around him this morning. She wondered how much he would remember about their conversation.
She played the whole evening over in her head as she stirred the eggs on the stove. His words, his smile, his hand in hers. He had been so at ease, so... himself. As much as she loved the man as he was, it just made her think of who he could have been had his life been different. It was a shame it couldn't always be that easy to talk to him. She was sure that when she saw him all the tension and awkwardness would be back, and it hurt her.
Maybe that was why she felt so lonely this morning. Seeing him the way he could have been made her wonder how they could have been. He had flirted with her last night, had held her hand, had talked to her in that maddeningly seductive voice of his. If he was always that relaxed, maybe he would have already made a real move on her. Maybe they would actually be together by now.
She sighed. There wasn't a whole lot she could do about it. She couldn't very well force the man to relax. And she really did love the man the way he was, complexities and all.
She turned off the burner and scraped the eggs into a serving bowl. She placed a towel over the bowl and moved them to the oven to keep them warm.
She took another sip of coffee and looked out the window that faced the Hilltop's gardens. There were a few people out working, which was good. She was glad to see that not everyone was hungover.
Carol decided she would do her best to act normal around Daryl, give him the option to pretend nothing had happened. She wouldn't bring it up if he didn't. No reason to make it weirder than it had to be. No matter how Daryl may or may not feel about her when he was drunk, sober Daryl would most likely be just as awkward and quiet as he ever was.
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Daryl woke up with a groan. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. He couldn't remember why. Or why the sun was already up. He never slept past sunrise, preferring to wake in the hours just before when the world was still dark and quiet.
He lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, confused. Bits and pieces of the night returned to him as he lay in bed. Jason, a man who had been with the Hilltop since the beginning of the war, and Allison, a woman originally from Oceanside, had gotten married yesterday. The community had used the excuse to have a big feast and the celebration had continued on into the night. Maggie had brought out the wine they had salvaged from a vineyard raided earlier in the month. Spirits were up, the few instruments owned had been brought out, people had even danced.
Daryl remembered all of this clearly. Once the wine had come out, he'd chosen a bottle all for himself and retreated to a wall to observe the celebrations. He knew basically nothing about wine, but the one he'd chosen tasted alright and he never had been too picky about alcohol to begin with.
At some point, the room had begun to feel too loud and too small. The bottle in his hand was empty. He wanted to be away from the noise, and all the people. Besides, Rosita was giving him the eye from across the room and even though it had been a lifetime and a half since he had gotten laid, that was not a road he wanted to go down.
On his way out, he grabbed another bottle of wine. It was considerably cooler outside and much easier to breathe. He decided to go ahead and walk to his trailer. No telling when this wine was going to catch up to him and he wanted more space between him and the others.
He remembered getting comfortable. He remembered Carol coming by. That was when things started to get fuzzy. He groaned again and sat up in bed. Carol. That couldn't be good. He remembered her walking in but he didn't exactly remember her leaving. From the looks of his coffee table, he had finished that second bottle at some point. He did remember Carol saying she wasn't drinking, which meant she hadn't helped him finish it. Two bottles of wine? He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could erase that decision.
He was certain all they had done was talk (he was still fully dressed, thank God), but even that made him nervous. He hoped he hadn't made a complete ass of himself in front of her. Or worse, been rude or angry. That was all he needed with the way things already were between them.
His head was pounding. Trying to remember things was not helping. He felt like shit. Their friendship was already barely there anymore in his mind. He never knew what to say to her or how to act around her or if she even wanted him around at all. And now he had gone and gotten drunk around her.
He ran his fingers through his hair and sat with his head in his hands. He had never once done anything smart when he was drunk.
He needed food. And coffee. And they were both in the big house where Carol was (unless he had done something so bad that she had already left just to get away from him). He couldn't very well stay in his trailer all day, no matter how much he wanted to.
He was embarrassed. "This is going to be bad... but you gotta face it," he thought, and forced himself out of bed.
Thankfully it was cloudy outside. Full sunlight would not have helped his headache.
Life outside was quieter and slower than usual. Daryl figured he wasn't the only person hungover this morning. There were only a handful of people out. A couple of them waved at him as he passed. He nodded in return, not stopping to talk. All he really wanted to do was crawl back to his trailer and sleep. But he knew he wouldn't get away with that no matter how shitty he felt. There was still quite a bit to do at the Hilltop before winter set in.
He climbed the steps of the big house. As he walked through the door, he was hit with the strong smell of coffee and the fainter smell of eggs. His stomach growled and all but pulled him towards the kitchen.
God bless whoever had made breakfast, probably Carol. Walking into the kitchen, he saw that it was her. Of course it was. She was always taking care of other people. Even now when she was technically a guest here.
He watched her move from the doorway, chewing his bottom lip. Despite his vocal stomach and desperation for caffeine, he felt frozen where he stood. He wasn't sure how to even say good morning, not knowing how they had left things last night. He wished he didn't have to deal with this while his head was throbbing. He felt tempted to turn around and walk back out. But then she turned and saw him.
"Hey," he said quietly.
"Morning," she returned. "How are you feeling?"
"I've been worse," he awkwardly answered, still chewing his lip. He couldn't seem to stop himself. He felt strange in her presence. Exposed. Like he wasn't quite sure how much of himself she could see.
"You want some breakfast?"
He nodded and she went about the kitchen getting him a plate and cup, grateful for something to do. It was just like she'd thought. Old Daryl not knowing what to say and feeling uncomfortable. She felt flustered. Upset. Like her heart might pound out of her chest and she might throw up or cry. All at the same time.
He studied her while she moved, trying to get a feel for how she was towards him. She seemed nervous, which he hadn't expected. Angry? Sure. Teasing him for something he'd said or done? Absolutely. But nervous? He wasn't sure what to do with that.
She turned back to him with a timid smile, and handed him the plate and cup. He found himself unable to fully meet her eyes.
"Thanks," he said quietly. And when she nodded, he turned and left the room.
Carol breathed a sigh of relief. She stood in the middle of the room trying to get ahold of herself. "So much for being normal," she thought, hoping she hadn't seemed as weird to him as she had to herself.
Daryl sat alone in the dining room, taking small bites of eggs and sipping his coffee, hoping it would lessen the pounding in his head. Hoping even more that he'd be able to keep it down. Not having regular access to alcohol these past few years had made him such a fucking lightweight.
He tried to put a finger on Carol's behavior. While their friendship had at times been strained and awkward, he couldn't remember her ever being shy and unsure of herself around him like she had been just now. Maybe that time he had found her in that little house outside the Kingdom.
He slowly finished his breakfast, rolling the whole thing around in his head. He was sure more of the previous night would come back to him as he worked. "Or you could just ask her," he thought and inwardly scoffed at the idea.
He would just have to figure it out later. His headache had mixed with a bit of nausea that was stronger any time he tried to use his brain.
When he returned to the kitchen with his dishes, Carol was gone. He felt kind of relieved and instantly hated himself for it. He washed and rinsed the plate and cup, placed them on the laid out towel to dry and got the hell out of there.
When Carol got back to the kitchen, she saw that he'd finished, cleaned his dishes and left. Looking out the window, she could see him walking out to the outer fence.
She felt sad to watch him go and started wishing she was back in her own little house, away from all these uncomfortable emotions. She almost wished their conversation last night hadn't even happened... almost.