The last thing Rafael wanted to do was to start welcoming new people into the Institute. Preston Cartwright's arrival was only the beginning. In just under a month they would begin welcoming in several more young Shadowhunters who would be there for three or four months, depending on how well they worked with everyone involved. The program was just beginning, but the plan was that a group of young Shadowhunters would travel to three or four different Institutes over the course of the year, learning new things in each place. They were set to start out their training when the new year began, and Rafael wasn't looking forward to it in any way.
What Rafael was looking forward to was watching Preston take on his dad. Although he'd never met Preston, he'd heard a lot about him, and Rafael didn't need to meet him to understand that he was one of the biggest jerks of their generation. Rafael smiled at the thought of how hard Preston would find it to compete with his dad, stacking up his paperwork as he did so. As the oldest of the kids, Rafael had many more responsibilities, and his fathers had put him in charge of the new program for however long it would last at their Institute. With such little time left until they arrived, Rafael had spent the majority of his time split between training and paperwork.
Rafael didn't exactly mind the paperwork, or all the extra responsibility that he now had. He liked staying busy, having free time to think was what caused him trouble, and right now he was in trouble because he had almost an hour until Preston's assessment would begin. Instead of heading toward his own room, he turned toward George's, knowing that he was much better off having some company for the remaining hour. "Why do mundanes insist on thinking that magic can only be harnessed through inanimate objects?" George asked as soon as Rafael walked through the door. Rafael smiled when he saw the copy of Harry Potter that George was holding. "What makes the wands so special? Also, can you ask Max if he can make me a wand because I'm only ninety-five percent sure magic doesn't work that way, so I figured it never hurts to ask."
Sitting down on George's bed, Rafael idly wondered how long George had been waiting to ask these questions. Without another word, George sat his book down, waiting patiently for Rafael to begin talking. Before becoming George's parabatai, Rafael had often wondered how his dad and Uncle Jace could simply look at one another and have an entire conversation without a word. But now being tuned in to George's every mood was such a natural part of him that he often wondered how he had lived without it. Sometimes having someone who was so connected to you was a pain, but more often than not, it was as easy as breathing to Rafael, sometimes easier. "Did you ever ask your dad about Jon Cartwright?" Rafael asked, searching George's face for anything he might be able to pick up on.
"Yeah, he was pretty closed off about it all," George said, the tone of his voice telling Rafael what he was thinking even before he said it. "I think it had more to do with Uncle George than with Jon, though. He said that Jon was always a bit arrogant, but never really a true enemy; he always seemed quite harmless. Then he said something about Jon going to Uncle George's funeral and that was the end of that conversation. I was too scared to try to pry any further into it." Rafael couldn't blame him for that one. He'd rarely ever seen Uncle Simon closed off or reserved, but when he talked about Uncle George, it was like he was as far away from them as he could possibly be.
Rafael was quiet for several long moments, trying to pin down exactly what he needed to know about the situation. "Stop overthinking," George said, perfectly tuning in to Rafael's thoughts. "Everything is going to be fine. I know you. You overthink everything for no reason. I also know that once you meet Preston you're going to have him profiled so quickly you'll end up knowing more about him than he knows about himself." Rafael tried to flash a weak smile at that. For some reason, Rafael had always been able to pick up on even the most stubble things about people. It was part of the reason he had trusted his dad the first time they had met; he'd picked up on just how genuinely kind his dad was. "Rafe," George said, his voice suddenly softer. "Just relax for a bit. Then we can go enjoy watching your dad absolutely destroy Preston."
After several more seconds, Rafael finally leaned back on the bed, closing his eyes and trying his hardest to clear his mind. He smiled when George began reading parts of his book, asking Rafael pointless questions about it. He'd often heard his dad say that having Uncle Jace be so in tune to him was annoying, but Rafael had never felt that way about George. The only person who was ever able to clear his mind was George, even if it was with random, stupid questions about mundanes's ideas of magic. "Why do they have to make up so many mythical creatures, too?" George asked. "What on earth is a hippogriff supposed to be? They just mashed up a bunch of real creatures into one. It's worse than a platypus. And why couldn't they just use things that are actually somehow possible? Why do mundanes with the Sight never write books? Those would be enjoyable books full of educational information."
Rafael couldn't help but laugh at that, but it didn't seem to do anything to lift his mood. He knew George was trying, but that didn't change how anxious he was. Looking down at his phone, Rafael realized with some relief that it was finally time for Preston's evaluation. George followed him down the hall without another word, and Rafael hated to admit how relieved that made him. As soon as they walked into the training room, Rafael picked up on the fact that Preston was terribly nervous. Rafael almost smiled when he realized that Preston was not half as nervous as he should have been, not when it came to competing with his dad. Uncle Jace flashed them a smile that said he was simply waiting for the fun to begin, and his dad sent him a look that said Preston was most certainly about to get what was coming for him.
"I have no idea who came up with using a competition to assess children," Uncle Jace started as soon as he realized that everyone was there. "Because it genuinely sounds like something I would do, but I'm going to say good luck to you anyway. You'll need it." Uncle Jace's smile was his typically mischievous one, and Rafael wasn't the least bit surprised about that. For some unknown reason, the Clave thought that they should assess students by pitting them against fully trained Shadowhunters, as if to show how much improvement would be needed to fulfill their training. It had sort of been a unanimous decision that his dad would be the one to "compete" with Preston based on the simple fact that Preston's weapon was the bow and arrow. Uncle Jace was a pretty good shot, but it seemed like no one compared to his father. And Rafael couldn't wait to watch Preston struggle to compensate for that.
They'd decided to start with Preston's assessment of his bow and arrow skills, and Rafael smiled at just how relaxed his father was. Especially when he compared it to just how nervous Preston seemed to be. It wasn't obvious at first, and Rafael doubted that the others would really notice it, but he could see it in the way Preston was fidgeting with his own bow, the way Preston kept looking around at all of them. As Preston got ready to shoot his first arrow, Rafael watched him with scrutiny, analyzing every little piece of his technique. This was much easier for Rafael than he would have thought possible; the bow and arrow was also his weapon, and having his father teach him to shoot meant he was much more experienced with it than most his age.
Preston's first arrow wasn't exactly a terrible shot, but Preston looked much happier about it than he should have. It had taken him several long seconds to actually shoot the arrow once he'd loaded it, and Rafael could see the specific places he had trouble with his technique. The arrow hit just outside of the bullseye, which, Rafael had to admit, was pretty great for being all the way across the training room, and Preston visibly relaxed after that. But Rafael still smiled as he waited for his father to shoot his first arrow. Without looking, Alec lazily raised his bow and shot the arrow, not even pausing to aim, never so much as glancing toward the target. The arrow hit the bullseye almost effortlessly, and Rafael knew that if someone was to find the desire to measure it that they would find the arrow in the exact center of the bullseye.
Rafael tried to hide his smile when he saw Preston's eyes widen when he realized just what Alec had done. After that, Rafael moved to rest against the wall, idly watching Preston's every move, squeezing out every bit of information about the boy that he could. It was very clear that Preston didn't actually want to be there, and Rafael idly wondered if Jon was the one who forced it on Preston. The only problem was that he couldn't figure out exactly why Jon would have wanted to place his son in the New York Institute, so Rafael let that thought go for the moment.
Watching his father go through the motions of "competing" with Preston was terribly satisfying, but Rafael could also tell that his father wasn't exactly completely relaxed. Alec seemed distracted, even if it was very slightly, but Rafael knew that even if he asked, his father would simply tell him that everything was fine and to stop worrying. So Rafael shoved that thought aside as best he could, sharing a very meaningful glance with his parabatai as George came to stand beside of him. "Just like we thought, huh?" he asked, his voice dripping with amusement. Rafael only nodded, knowing that was enough, hoping that this would teach Preston some kind of lesson.
As soon as Rafael woke up from his dream, he knew he'd been screaming because of it. Mostly because Max was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at him with desperate eyes, as though he was unable to decide what to do to help his brother. No matter how often he had nightmares, Max would always come to him after one, comforting his older brother without ever being asked to do so. Rafael felt slightly embarrassed about the fact that he still had nightmares. But the one person who never seemed to judge him about them was Max. Of course, his dads understood why he still had them, but Max had always been so terribly gentle and understanding that Rafael had quickly grown to prefer having his brother by his side when he had a nightmare.
"What was this one about?" Max asked as he motioned for Rafael to scoot over. Rafael sat up and moved over enough for Max to actually sit down on the bed. Just like he did every single time, Rafael momentarily considered lying to Max, making the nightmare seem much better than it had actually been. But even if Max wouldn't have seen through it, Rafael knew that he simply could not bring himself to lie to his brother. Not when Max was so supportive, not when Max was always so remarkably gentle. "You know you can talk to me, Rafe," Max said, obviously mistaking Rafael's hesitance for fear of opening up.
"I know that, Blueberry," Rafael responded, taking a deep breath when he realized that his breathing was still uneven. "It really wasn't as bad as it probably seems it was," he continued, trying his hardest to at least downplay his nightmare, hoping that Max wouldn't pry too hard. What Rafael really wanted was to redirect the conversation. Talking to Max about literally anything other than his nightmare would help him much more in the end. Distracting himself was always the best way to move on for his nightmares and his worries. "You and I both know I'm a bit of a wimp," Rafael finished, trying to play it off as a joke.
Max immediately began shaking his head. "You're anything but a wimp," he said, his voice so final that Rafael couldn't help but smile at it. "I'm not sure I could handle having nightmares the way you do," Max said, moving to light up the room ever so slightly, soft light emitting from his hands that was just enough for them to see each other without waking them up. "Don't try to change the subject, though. I know you, Rafe. If you don't want to talk about your nightmare, then just tell me that, you know you can be honest with me." Rafael smiled at that, moving to rest his head on Max's shoulder. Sometimes Max was terribly like their dad in the way that he wanted everyone to be completely honest with him at all times.
Rafael took several more deep breaths, trying to steady his heartbeat, focusing on the feeling of Max beside of him, of the reality in having his brother there for him. "It was about George this time," Rafael finally replied, feeling his chest tighten just at the thought of the nightmare he'd had. "I couldn't save him," was the only thing he could bring himself to say about it, but it seemed to be enough for Max. The last thing Rafael wanted was pity, and that always seemed to be the last thing Max would feel for him, no matter how bad the nightmares became or how often he would have them.
For as long as Rafael could remember, he'd been having nightmares that seemed all too real to him. When he was living on the streets in Buenos Aries, he had nightmares about his biological parents and what had happened to them. As soon as he'd been adopted by his dads, Rafael had begun having nightmares about losing them or about them abandoning him. His nightmares seemed to evolve as his life changed around him, growing to include Max and even George and the rest of his cousins. More often than not, they were so bad that he would wake up everyone around him from his screams, waking up drenched in sweat, his heartrate climbing ever higher.
"George is fine, Rafe," Max finally said, his voice distant in a way that told Rafael he was thinking. "What's it like to have a parabatai bond?" Max asked after several loaded seconds of silence. Rafael knew that Max had always idly wished of having a parabatai of his own, and Rafael couldn't blame him for it. If he'd been in Max's situation, he would have most likely been very upset that he had to sit by and watch his family form these bonds without ever having the chance to do so himself. Rafael welcomed the distraction from his nightmares, the struggle to describe the indescribable very appealing to him.
"It's like having yourself literally tied to someone," Rafael began, closing his eyes in a sort of concentration, trying to feel his way to the right words. "You can feel the string that ties you in their every move. It's like knowing that string is one of the only things keeping grounded. You can feel both their mental and physical states through it, but, no matter how hard you try, you can never do anything about either of those without actually being there." Rafael took another deep breath, enjoying the feeling of having the memory of the nightmare slowly wash away from him. "It's like having a piece of your soul broken off and tied to you."
Max was so silent that Rafael first thought he'd fallen asleep, but the light was still emitting from his fingertips, so Rafael knew he had to be awake. "I'm glad you have George," he said at last, his voice carefully guarded in a way Rafael had rarely heard it. At that, there was a flood of things that Rafael wanted to say to Max; he wanted nothing more than to assure his little brother that his parabatai did not mean any more to him than Max did, that having this bond with George did not in any way diminish his love for Max. But Rafael struggled to find the right words, and by the time he finally had, the light from Max's hands had extinguished and Rafael knew his little brother had fallen asleep.
"Rafe, come in here and talk to me for a minute." Rafael heard his dad's voice from the other room. He and Max had been getting ready for their mission, and he was running out of time before the rest of them were supposed to meet them at the loft. But he knew that his dad was well aware of what time it was, so he threw his bow over his shoulder and walked toward his father's voice, hoping that whatever his dad had to talk to him about was more about business than it was about him personally. Rafael was only slightly surprised when he walked in and his father said, "Sit down and tell me how you've been lately."
Rafael couldn't help but sigh. He knew his dad meant well, just like his entire family did. But he also knew that his family worried about him much more than they should. Rafael hated feeling like he was annoyed by their efforts to keep him safe and happy, but the last thing he wanted was for them to constantly be focused on him instead of things that would mean much more in the long run. "I've been absolutely fine, Dad," he replied, trying his hardest to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "If this is about me having a nightmare last night, please don't worry about that. I'm used to it, Dad."
After he finished speaking, Rafael couldn't help but look down at his hands. The look his father was giving him was far too full of concern, and that was something that Rafael simply couldn't take at the moment. That was the sort of thing that would distract him during the mission, and distraction was the last thing he needed in life and death situations. "You wouldn't lie to me about that, would you?" Alec finally asked, his voice cold in a way that it rarely was. Rafael could feel the worry and the skepticism, and he wanted nothing more than to erase that from his dad's mind.
"Never," Rafael said, recognizing the waver in his voice and knowing his father heard it too. He hated doing this to either of his parents, but he also knew that if he was completely and utterly honest with them that they would likely never let him out of their sight. Before either of them could say anything else, however, George was at the door, motioning for Rafael to get outside as quickly as possible. Rafael tried to throw one last smile at his father, promising himself that he would take care of everything that was going on in his mind so that his dads didn't have to deal with it. That was the least he could do for them, and Rafael hoped with everything he had that he would actually be capable of doing it this time. He couldn't afford to fail at it again.
Sorry it's been so long since I updated this! Please, please let me know what you think of it! I have so, so many plans for my OCs and I want to hear all your thoughts on them because they're basically my children! I hope all of you will grow to love them as much as I do!