A/N: Lily's nickname for James is Jay.

Chapter Two

TEN YEARS LATER

Lily's point of view

I watch my son, sleeping peacefully, almost lost in the mountain of blankets. I can't believe so much time has passed, so many memories have been made without James and I. As it turns from 11:59 to Midnight, I start to cry.

"Oh Harry, happy birthday." I whisper to my now eleven year old son, even though I know he can't hear me.

I don't know how this works, or where we are if it can be considered a where. James and I are together, still amongst the living, but separated by a barrier that only death can penetrate. We're able to watch over Harry, and it's the greatest gift.

But I would give anything to be able to just speak to Harry once more. That desire is somewhat satisfied when Sirius intervenes on our behalf. He never allows us to be forgotten and he loves Harry like his own son. This has given peace to both James and I - knowing that our son will always be okay so long as his godfather is around.

Harry constantly has nightmares about the night we were killed, and often times, he is withdrawn and more pensive then any boy his age should be. I believe my heart was fully torn in two the night Harry questioned if we had ever loved him at all.

FLASHBACK

Harry woke with a sensation of falling, covered in a sheen of sweat, and panting loudly. His eyes jumped around, frantic for a moment, until he realized the familiar surroundings. He settled but only for a moment, then he pulled his knees to his chest and began to sob.

A very tired, pajama-clad Sirius entered the boy's room with a look of concern.

"Harry, you okay?" Sirius asked.

Harry didn't reply, so Sirius sat on the edge of the bed and put an arm around the boy's slumped shoulders.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

Harry nodded as he sat up straight, and wiped the tears from his face.

"I'm okay ... promise." he said quietly.

Sirius chuckled at his attempt to be brave, no matter what.

"What was it about this time, love?"

My poor boy sighed and looked up at Sirius with watering eyes.

"Mum and Dad."

James squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. Watching our son in any type of pain, gutted us both.

"The night they were killed?"

"No." Harry shook his head, "In my dream, they just appeared out of nowhere and told me they hated me and that they were happier before I was born. I ruined everything."

Harry started to cry, harder even than before.

Jay pulled me to his side when I let out a sobbing gasp. I so desperately wanted to take Harry in my arms and assure him that we love him, and that he was the greatest things to ever happen to us.

Sirius hugged Harry to his chest before pulling back, and looking him sternly in the eye.

"Harry, your mother and father loved you more than anything in the world. I know it, I saw it. They adored you and they willingly gave their lives to protect you and I know that they did so without any thought or regret. Lovey, it wasn't your fault. You have to stop shouldering all of this guilt."

Harry looked at Sirius for a long moment and nodded. Sirius kissed the top of his head and jumped off of the bed.

"I doubt either of us will sleep any more tonight, so, you and I are going to go downstairs for a nice cup of cocoa and then we can watch some of those old quidditch tapes you love so much. Sound good?"

Harry smiled then reached for his robe. Sirius laughed, mussed his godson's hair, and led him out of the bedroom.

END FLASHBACK

Two strong arms wrap around my waist, and my husband's chin comes to rest on my shoulder. I lean back into his embrace and try to will away the tears that threaten to fall.

"I can't believe he's eleven," James says quietly.

I whimper and James draws his arms tighter around me.

"I want to be there, Jay. I want to be with him."

I turn so I can cry against his chest, and he rubs soothing circles on my back.

"I know, beautiful, I do too ... One day, we'll all be together again, but for right now ... Harry's got Sirius who loves him more than life, and Remus who teaches him everything he needs to know, and the Weasley's who are like a second family to him. He's got all of these people around him who love him and watch over him. This year, he'll go to Hogwarts and make friends and memories of his own. We need to be grateful for all of this and that our baby is alive and has this chance."

I stroke James's cheek until he catches my hand and kisses it. My wonderful husband.

"You're right, I know. It's just ... jealousy. I'm selfish and I want him all to myself."

James chuckles and kisses me quickly.

"That's okay love. I feel the same way." He kisses me again, "Look, I think that's his letter from Hogwarts!"

I put on a brave face. No matter much it hurts, I refuse to miss a single moment in Harry's life. Not even one.