For Notes and Disclaimers see chapter 1
"Well?" B'Elanna demanded impatiently before Chakotay could even close the hatch of their junkyard runabout. "Did you find her? Was she there?"
He gave her an exasperated look even though he understood her impatience. "No, I didn't see her, but," he hesitated, "she might have been there."
Her eyes narrowed. "What does that even mean?"
"I met her contact," he admitted, "and I'm supposedly going to actually meet her tomorrow."
"So you didn't see her?"
"No."
"But you think she may have seen you?"
He nodded warily.
B'Elanna folded her arms across her chest. "If she saw that it was you, why wouldn't she have come forward? Why wouldn't she have talked to you?"
"I don't know." He ran his hands through his hair. "Maybe she's being watched. Maybe she couldn't."
"Or maybe this woman isn't Kathryn either."
When he didn't meet her eyes, that was as good as an admission of guilt. He wasn't sure.
"Damn it, Chakotay!" She threw her hands in the air and stalked towards the front of the runabout. "We've been out here for three months this time. We're running out of supplies, we're running out of credits, out of materials to keep this bucket of bolts running, and I haven't seen my husband or my child in all that time." She turned back around to face him. "We can't keep doing this."
"I know," he tried but had to step out of her way as she barreled back down the short deck of the ship.
"We can't keep chasing phantoms, Chakotay!"
"I know!"
She paused to gauge his sincerity. "Do you? Do you really?"
He held her eye. "Yes. I do."
B'Elanna softened. "I love her as much as you do…and I want to find her, but if this isn't her..."
"We'll go back to Earth."
"Well…okay then," she nodded. "Okay, if this isn't her then we'll go home, and we'll start looking for new leads." She disappeared into the cockpit.
"New leads," Chakotay repeated but he knew there wouldn't be any. It had taken them months to get this one. And it had been and still was…slim.
B'Elanna's head poked back out of the front cabin. "Do you really think it could be her this time?"
Her voice was almost a whisper, and Chakotay didn't want to answer her truthfully so he just shrugged. He had a gut feeling that it was indeed Kathryn they had finally found, but given the woman's deadly reputation he almost hoped…that it wasn't.
At the designated time the next day, Chakotay stepped once again inside the dingy, hole-in-the-wall bar. There seemed to be the same occupants as yesterday, and he briefly entertained the notion that they had never left. But at least one occupant was different. A lone hooded figure sat at the far end of the bar, concealed partially in the shadows. Chakotay couldn't be one hundred percent sure but he would almost swear that figure was the person he was here to meet. He was decidedly less sure if it was Kathryn or not.
He moved further into the bar, casting his gaze around but walking past the booth he had been instructed to sit in. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the figure at the bar hesitate slightly in lifting their drink. Whoever it was, he or she had been surprised when he'd moved past the booth. Chakotay circled the bar completely until he was able to slide onto the stool next to the figure that he could now easily discern as feminine despite the long trench coat that concealed much of what she was wearing.
He made sure not to stare, but he managed to catch a glimpse of very dark red hair escaping from the side of the hood she wore. It wasn't Kathryn's normal shade, but as he took his seat, a single glance down told him that if this was indeed Kathryn, she had not given up on wearing heels to appear taller than she actually was. Her solid black knee high boots were faded and worn in spots, but they also sported a thick heel that was at least three inches.
Chakotay signaled the bartender to bring him a drink and watched as the one hand she had resting on the bar tightened around the glass she was drinking from. A fingerless glove covered the majority of her hand, but her nails still looked properly shaped with a clear polish on them. He snorted into his drink at the sight; Kathryn had always been furtively vain about her nails. Her head turned slightly in his direction at his reaction, but she said nothing.
Setting his glass back down, he noticed that due to a strategically placed mirror behind the bar, she had a perfect view of the booth he was supposed to be sitting in. Glancing sidelong at her, he gestured to the mirror and indicated the booth. "If you're waiting for someone to take a seat over there, you might be sitting here for a long time."
"If you're Chakotay," a husky unmistakable voice clipped out, "you're a pretty arrogant bastard."
Chakotay forced himself not to react to the sound of her voice. It had been two and a half years since he'd heard it, and it took every control he had not to jump to his feet and sweep her into his arms. Instead, he took a bracing sip of the drink to give himself a minute before he had to speak. He wanted desperately to see her face, but considering he was pretty sure her hidden left hand was already poised over a weapon and the fact that she was acting as though she didn't know him, he remained facing the bar.
With a million questions racing through his mind, he thought it best to continue the charade until he was sure she wasn't being watched. "I've found over the years that when dealing with someone of your reputation, a little arrogance never hurts."
"I don't suffer fools lightly, and I've found over the years that arrogance is fueled by idiocy."
This time when she spoke, she had turned her head toward him, and from the corner of his eye he could just see the tip of her nose and chin. Slowly he faced her, his pulse racing as he laid eyes on Kathryn Janeway for the first time in over two years. The sight of her took his breath away.
Her skin was ivory white and her hair was redder than he'd ever seen it, as though both of her natural hues had been taken to extremes. Her lips were painted a deep crimson and her eyes were darkly lined, making the crystal blue appear colder than he'd ever seen them. A puckered scar ran along her jaw line on the right side, and another fainter line spanned half way around her neck.
He blinked and before he could stop himself, he whispered her name. "Kathryn."
Something dangerous flashed in her eyes but disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Her head cocked slightly to the side. "You've been looking for me?"
Chakotay had wanted to kick himself for slipping up and calling her by her real name instead of the contact name he'd been given, but she didn't seem all that concerned. In answer to her question, he nodded. "Every day since you disappeared."
Her fingers played idly with her glass. "We can't talk out in the open like this."
"I have a ship in the hangar. It's only half a kilometer away."
"No." She shook her head. "I have an arrangement with the bar staff here." She motioned with her head to what looked like a dark ceiling-to-floor curtain. "Pay for the drinks and then follow me."
Chakotay nodded, watching her stand and cross the room. She paused at the curtain, looking back over her shoulder at him. He threw some credits on the bar and saw her disappear behind the curtain when he stood. Trying not to break into a sprint, he crossed the bar and ducked behind the curtain as well, surprised to find himself in a dimly lit hallway. Kathryn stood at a doorway a couple of meters away and motioned for him to follow her.
As soon as he reached the door, she pulled him inside, quickly closing it behind him and slamming him up against it. For a moment he was stunned and alarmed by the jarring motion, but then her warm body pressing into him, her hands running through his hair, and her mouth crushing against his brought him to an entirely different realization.
And for a brief moment, he knew they shouldn't do this. He had no idea what she'd been through while she'd been missing. No idea what kind of trauma she had obviously endured if the scars on her face and neck were any indication. This was definitely not the time or the place for this sort of reunion, but her single moan of frustration at his inattention had him acting otherwise. In an instant, he had his arms wrapped around her small frame, holding her tight against him as his mouth slanted over hers.
She moved to the side slightly so that she was straddling his thigh, and her hands never stilled as they slid from his hair and down his chest, pulling his shirt free from his pants. Shifting her weight to her outside leg, she snaked one hand underneath his shirt and around his back while the other began to play with the clasp of his trousers. "There's something I need to tell you," she panted into his ear.
"What is it?" he groaned, trying to wrench his mind back to what she was saying even as her hand stroked over him through the front of his pants.
Her hands stilled and he heard a faint click. Pulling his head back to look into her face, he felt cold metal press against the bare skin of his back just as she hissed, "I don't play well with 'fleet anymore."
Chakotay heard the hiss of a hypospray a scant second before her knee slammed upwards into his groin. She stepped deftly backwards, allowing him to double over in agonizing pain, collapsing ungracefully to the floor. But more than just pain was washing over him as he watched two of her tuck the hypospray back up her sleeve.
"Kathr…what did…shoo…" His words slurred together and his head dropped heavily to the floor.
She lowered herself until she was crouching near his head. Her eyes raked over him with nothing but pure malice. "The only people in the universe that know my name is Kathryn are 'fleet. You should have never come after me again." She grabbed a handful of hair and pulled his head up so he was forced to look at her. "You tell your bosses that if I so much as smell 'fleet anywhere near me again, I'll kill them all." She released him, letting his head drop painfully back to the floorboards. "And since they're the ones that trained me, they know I'm capable."
Chakotay felt her delicate hands rifling through his pockets and the pain in his heart was worse than the physical pain that was pulsing through his body. He was completely powerless to stop her. He couldn't even speak, explain, to try and talk some sense into her. Her feather-light touch was gliding over the lines of his tattoo, and he strained his eyes to the side to at least try and catch a glimpse of her.
"It's a damn shame you're 'fleet," she whispered in his ear as she held up the comm. badge she'd found in his pocket. "I think you and I could have really had some fun together."
She patted his face and stood. He watched helplessly as she dropped the comm. badge to the floor and used the heel of her boot to crush it. "So long, Chakotay."
The last thing he heard was the whine of a disruptor and then energy blasted into him, knocking him completely unconscious.
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