So, what did you all think of the first chapter? Even if you don't like it, I'm writing it anyway! So HA! Um, anyway…hope you all like this one.
Disclaimer - As we discussed in the last chapter, I don't own Twilight. But I will soon…..as long as I beat Mikayla at DDR…
Chapter Two: Exposing the Truth
Random Announcer Guy: Welcome back to The Amazing Adventures of Aro the Arotastic!
Other Announcer Guy: For this episode, we decided to tell you our names, so that anyone who had the decency to show up for episode two can feel closer to us.
(A/N: Do you know how irritating it gets to write Random Announcer Guy and Other Announcer Guy over and over again?! And I've only done one chapter! So, I decided to name them. Hope you don't object.)
Random Announcer Guy: My name's Jeff.
Other Announcer Guy: And I'm Mr. Kittywhale.
Jeff: Woah. Seriously?!
Mr. Kittywhale: Yeah seriously.
Jeff: Whatever. Anyway, let's go see what our good pal Aro is up to!
(Scene cuts to someplace very snowy, where Aro is seen making a snowman - er, snow fish.)
Aro: So you see, back three thousand years ago we never made snowmen! We made snow fish instead!
Seal: And who gave you this knowledge?
Aro: The fruitcake.
Seal: I see….
Aro: Yep. (sits there for about three minutes, admiring his snow fish) Well, I gotta go. I'm late for my pedicure.
Seal: Goodbye, young grasshopper.
Aro: It's vampire!
Seal: Yes, yes, vampire. I forgot.
(Aro somehow magically poofs outside a salon, and we watch as he enters and takes a seat in the first chair.)
Salon Manager: Hello Aro, how are you today?
Aro: Good, good. Just got back from making a snow fish.
Salon Manager: Sounds like fun! Here, I'll be back in a minute. I just have to finish up with another customer.
(Salon Manager is seen walking to the back and buffing up an elephants toenails. About seven hours later, Aro is finished with his pedicure and returns to his home with high spirits)
Aro: Hello everyone!
Jane: Oh God, he's back.
Aro: Nice to see you too.
Felix: Aro?
Aro: …Yes?
Felix: I'm sorry, but I'm leaving the Volturi.
Aro: Why?!
Felix: I want to join the Cullens.
Aro: Oh? And why is this?
Felix: They have an army of rabid squirrels. It's awesome!
Aro: Okay, have fun!
Felix: Kay bye.
(Felix leaves and the rest of the Volturi stare at Aro in disbelief.)
Alec: You let him go? Just like that?
Aro: Yes. Why wouldn't I?
Jane: But now we need someone to replace him!
Aro: No problem! Follow me! To Australia!
(Aro poofs them all to Australia.)
Vampire Ninja Waffle: Hey guys, what's up?
Aro: Join the Volturi!
Vampire Ninja Waffle: Okay! Alexa?
(A/N: Long story short, me and Vampire Ninja waffle live in my evil lair in Australia. I promise I won't add myself to the story anymore, I just needed to give him permission. He's so polite, asking if he can join a group of human-eating vampires before he leaves. And by the way, Jill is one of my friends. Just for future reference.)
Alexa: Yeah?
Vampire Ninja Waffle: I'm joining the Volturi.
Alexa: Knock yourself out. Literally. You're boring me with your Jill favouritism anyway.
Vampire Ninja Waffle: Okay bye.
(Aro and Vampire Ninja Waffle poof everyone back to their lair, where anyone who was left behind is currently running around in circles, babbling in Smurfish.)
Aro: What's going on here?!
Dimitri: Smurfs are attacking Volterra!
Aro: You don't say?
Jane: Um…Aro? You think maybe we should, oh, I dunno….save the city or something?
Aro: No, why would we do that?
Jane: Because we'll give you credit, then Marcus won't be the only one with a day named after him.
Aro: Alright! Let's go then!
(They surface back to Volterra, where people run and scream as they are chased by small, blue, human-like creatures)
Aro: Hey you! Smurfs!
Smurf 1: Yeah?
Aro: Stop! In the name of love!
(The Smurfs all stop)
Aro: That's better. Now, who wants a marshmallow?
Smurfs: (in unison) Oh! Me! Me!
Aro: Well too bad! Avada Candelabra!
(Smurfs all turn into jellybeans and roll into the gutters.)
Alec: Wow Aro, where'd you learn that from?
Aro: Watching Harry Potter forty-six times over.
(Scene cuts back to the place where the hosts are.)
Jeff: So, how did you like episode two?
Mr. Kittywhale: I hope it was random enough for you.
Jeff: Tune in next time, as -
Camera Guy Whose Real Name Is Gustaff: Don't tell them what's going to happen this time!
Jeff: Fine! Roll credits!
(credits play)
Random Voice: This show was brought to you by I.O.U. A Million Dollars Inc., where our rubber ducks explode!
I know this chapter wasn't as good as the last one. At least, I didn't like it as much. But I hope you enjoyed, it all the same. Oh, and in case you didn't get that, the truth was that, way back when, they made snowfish instead of snowmen.