You gonna get that?
No.
Why?
Cause I'm lazy.
That's not good enough.
How about I'm staring so deeply into your eyes that I cant move?
We're three miles from each other.
Then how am I close enough to it to pick it up?
...Cause you're the most amazing guy in the world!
I think it's because you're so lazy and scared of falling.
SHUTUP!
The two materia scientists were having another one of their conversations filled with contradictions, daydreams, and innuendo.
Sooo, I'm thinking spaghetti tonight.
I'm thinking of aspirin. Doing this for too long gives me a serious migraine.
Maybe it's just a side eff-OOWW!
Blame it all on the materia clumsy.
SHUTUP!
GAH!
While Alexander was walking home (and poppin' aspirin), Alice was out buying groceries and supplies for fusing, copying, and experimenting on materia. On the way back to their apartment, Alexander bumped into Vincent Valentine.
"Hey Vincent!"
"Hey."
"I've been meaning to ask you for a Fire materia...Could ya spare one for some gil?"
"Why not just go out and buy one?"
"They take so long to break in when you're experimenting, but you go into battle all the time so yours are all just fine!"
"Sigh...Why do you need one immediately?"
"Mmm...No reason you should know."
"You are going to kill somebody with this and it's gonna be bad, but I will give you this one."
"THANK YOU! Here's 250 gil!"
"Sure."
At the House
While Alice and Alexander were making dinner, Alexander got out the new materia and started using it to heat the food. The brunette stared in utter shock at how he got a Fire without using it thousands of times to get it going properly. He simply said Vincent and she figured. And tripped.
"Maybe somebody will create a Balance materia for you one day."
"Maybe I'll make you a SHUT THE HELL UP materia!"
"Try not to drop it dear~"
And so the poor bluenette with a top hat was kicked in the shin by the angered and clumsy woman. She called it Karma. He said it was PMS. Everyone else in the world simply said it was excruciatingly painful. Tripping and falling on every little thing gave the girl great legs. When they finally went to sleep, they dreamed a hybrid of each others' dreams. They awoke screaming from purses, manga, men, and women. Alexander got slapped.
On the Streets
"So I found this weird knife-sword thing on the way home yesterday."
"That's the big surprise?"
"Yeah."
"Aaaww I thought it would be earrings!"
"Why, so you could lose them?"
"I never lose jewelry."
"But gravity is an entirely different matter."
"I think there's something written on the knife's blade" Alice said hastily, trying to avoid the subject.
"V...P...L... Vorpal?"
"I guess so."
"YOU THERE!"
The pair spun around fast enough to see a man summon a strange looking dragon.
"GET THEM JABBERWOCK!"
The so-called Jabberwock came whiffling at them at an incredible speed with its mouth roaring with flames. They were in so much shock at being attacked by such a strange man with an even stranger monster that neither could utter a sound. Without mouths nor minds communicating, Alexander raised the strange blade and pointed it at the Jabberwock. When the hideous monster realized just what was about to happen, it was too late. The second the blade's tip grazed the fire, the horrid flames disappeared. When his wrist was in the burbling beast's neck, Alexander twisted it around, decapitating it.
"How DARE YOU! You wont live to see another frabjous day."
"Well callooh callay to you too D-Bag!"
"WHO ARE YOU, WHADDYA WANT, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT THING, AND, and... Are those Paul Jacreau boots?" the confused woman shouted without thinking.
"Cyrus Heart. You out of the way. You are in the way. Found it. And no, they're knock-offs but I think they're way better."
"You're right! I need a pair of those..."
"ANYWAYS! What are we in the way of?"
"My wife, Clara, and I are trying to get Avalanche out of the way so we can rule Midgar!"
"You mean Queenie?" The blonde-minded-brown-haired blurted.
"Yeah. She's gonna freak and yell my head off..."
As the silver-haired male finished, he pull out a purple materia and a strange mist surrounded him. When it cleared, he was nowhere to be seen. Alice recognized it as a Transport materia since she used one to take Alexander's old rusty watch somewhere far, far, FAR away from Midgar. While she reminisced, he gave her a serious Death Glare.
"Hey lemme see the Vorpal Blade!"
"Are you gonna teleport it somewhere?"
"Drop it."
"That's the thing though..."
"What?"
"I was holding it tightly. My knuckles are still red but it's gone!"
"Maybe your stank breath drove it off!"
"Maybe you fell on it!"
SMACK
"You. Are. Violent."
"Screw you!"
At the House
"Fire, Ice, Lightning, Gravity... Got it all!"
"What about Time?"
"But that one is my favorite!"
"Give it."
"I don't wanna..."
"Now."
"NO!"
"It's rude to yell at a lady you know."
"It's rude to take other peoples' stuff!"
"..."
"Its been a long day. I'm gonna go lay down and watch TV."
"I'll come with you."
When Alice got into the room, she shrieked as loud as possible and jumped behind Alexander.
"Cheshire! Come to daddy!"
"Meow."
"He pops up out of nowhere, scares me, and smiles about about it! And you're gonna just CUDDLE him?"
"Yeah pretty much!"
"Black cats are adorable though."
"They aren't the only ones," Alexander said, smiling and turning his head.
"You too." She replied, leaning in.
Before they could kiss, Yuffie threw the door open and ran in. When the small materia ninja ran into them, they all fell over. Before he hit the ground though, Cheshire jumped onto a nearby bookshelf and blended into the shadows.
"You two weren't about to get it on were you?"
"Actually we were experimenting on the-SHUTUP YOU MIDGET NINJA WHADDYA WANT?"
"I'm not that much shorter than you are Alexander."
"Answer the question!"
"Dudes are so grumpy...Anyways! Tifa is sick with something We've never seen before and we think you two might have a good materia!"
~The End Til Time Allows Again~