Disclaimer: Please, don't make me say it. Don't make me say I don't own Harry Potter! I just said it...now I'm going to go be "Emotionally Hardcore"...i know it's lame...it's also about 2:00ish...am...

Hey Roy, what's up?

Not much Lily. So how are you today?

Fine…so lets see what happened today…

My friend Severus picked a fight with Black and Potter

I managed to successfully turn Black's hair brown during Transfiguration! Yay me!

I gave Potter a detention for bullying a first year!

I comforted said first year, and got his snot on my best shirt

Then, late at night, Remus and I went on Prefect duty

So, overall, not too bad a day!

Details then…Severus pointed out the fact that Black basiclly lived at Potter's during the summer. Which I would never do…but Black decided that he was better than his family, for some reason. At this point, Remus was holding Black back and chanting under his breath, 'he's not worth it, he's not worth it, he's not worth it' Then Severus started talking about how Black wasn't wanted at his house. Which I can understand. Then Black broke free of Remus' hold and hexed Severus. (Potter was in detention with McGonagall. Otherwise he would have joined in). So Severus sent back some sort of evilish looking hex, which shrivlled Black's wand hand to a little skeletal looking thing. At this point, I being a prefect, intervened and gave them both detention (giving Remus a scolding look for not giving it sooner. So Black got sent to the hospital wing, and Severus (who was only sporting pink hair, not to bad) was sorted out by Remus after I asked very nicely.

"It's almost a pity that a talented mutt like you can't get a job!" Severus told him

Severus is convinced that Remus is a werewolf. I say that he's too quiet. But that's just to Severus. There's something off about Remus, but he's a nice guy, I don't want to get him in trouble.

Next item then…Transfiguration…We weren't actually doing human transfigurations, but Black made me blond yesterday, and McGonagall took the opportunity to teach us the basics of hair color spells "Or goodness knows some of you will end up like Mr. Black"

Half the girls in Hogwarts are mad at me for ruining Sirius Black's hair. It's just hair, as pretty as it is!

So, Black used this spelly thing on me, I don't remember what it was, but then I used it back on him, and his hair turned like, Remus' color, and it was incredibly not hot. Remus looks much better with light brown hair. Sirius' face has the wrong structure, and he's just a shade too tan. Remus also has sexier scars.

I just analyzed why Remus looks better than Sirius with light brown hair. Did I just call Black Sirius, like twice? This is slightly disturbing, considering he's the closest thing to a person I hate except for Potter!

Let's move on shall we…

Let's, I'm a manly man. I don't like to hear about pretty boys.

Oh, btw, Roy is looking particularly fine today. Hair and eyes like Remus Lupin, but a more macho facial structure and he's muscled and well built, not as skinny as heck like Lupin. DROOL!

Next…giving Potter detention! Fun fun fun!

Okay, so Potter had started teasing this Ravenclaw first year about how Potter could pick him up and stick him inside his book bag and carry him around to classes. Then he did pick him up and stuff him inside his book bag, and he actually fit! The kid was only eleven, but still, he's very small. Quite cute actually, and I would tell him, except his feelings would be hurt. So I ordered Potter to take the kid back out. And he said no. So I told him to again. And he said no. At this point, I just got out my wand "Accio Potter's bag!" And then I took the kid out and held him on my hip, while I lectured Potter and gave him a detention with Flich.

At this point, all the people watching cleared out and then Potter sulked off in the other direction. Then I put the first year down and led him over to the stairs and sat down and pulled him into my lap.

And he started crying, said he wanted to go home. And I just held him and let him cry for a bit, then he said he doesn't really want to go home, he's just very homesick, even though he loves Hogwarts. I told him I felt the same way my first year. And then I walked him to class.

And only at the end of the day do I realize that the little punk got a huge wad of snot on my shirt! Little…grrrr…

So then…Prefect Duties with Remus.

We met in the Common Room and then left to patrol the halls. I was so excited to be doing prefect's duties for the first time ever! I mean, sure it'll be hard work, but it'll be worth it if I get to give Black detention…hehe…wheee! I'm evil!

…

Yes I do have issues Roy, that's why I have you!

Anyway, we found Black and Potter and Pettigrew coming out of the kitchen. They glared at Remus who just shrugged and said that it was his responsibility at least on his nights on duty to make sure they were in their dorms, and didn't he ask them to stay in for the night so that he wouldn't have to give them detention?

Black: you don't have to Remmie-kins

Potter: Sirius, no wonder people think you're gay

Black: Girls don't

Remus: Well girls have seen you…*sighs* Sirius, we've had this conversation before!

Black: Have we?

Me: All of you, get back to the dorm or get detention!

The three we found start to shuffle back sheepishly

Me: ALL OF YOU!

Remus looks at me strangely, then gives a mock bow, as I give him a dismissive sign, a grin on my face as they leave.

Then I complete my rounds in peace and go to sleep for the night.

The End

Actually I don't feel like going to sleep right now. So I'll make a list of Potter's issues. And Black's issues. And Pettigrew's issues. And Remus' issues if I'm still mad at him for not giving his friends detention.

So…Potter's issues:

1. he is an egotistical prat

2. he's a slacker

3. he has a problem with how much he messes with his hair

4. he won't stop bragging about his broom

5. he's a Quidditch addict

6. he picks fights

7. he picks on younger children

8. he's friends with Black

9. he loves having Pettigrew as a follower, and bosses him around too much

10. he's a womanizer

11. he doesn't listen to authority

12. he goofs off in class

13. he's a bully

14. he's too damn hot for his own good – and he knows it!

15. he's a prankster

16. for some reason, he doesn't get in trouble for half of his crimes

17. he refuses to leave me alone

18. he asks me out too much

19. and after he asks me out and I say no, he goes and messes with other girls

20. he has no respect for books

21. he has an unfair bias against Slytherins

22. no matter what, he can't get his big fat head around the fact that I loath him

23. he eats like a slob

24. he um…he…has messy handwriting!

25. he has dorky ears

26. he's a Marauder

27. he has an ugly nose

28. ummm…um…he's Muggle challenged!

29. um…uh…he…he's friends with Black! Wait…I already used that one…oh yeah! He spelled his own name wrong once! He spelled it Jameses…like he forgot that he had already put in e and s

30. he's stubborn

31. He's immature

32. he…um…refused to tutor a Hufflepuff girl in Transfiguration! Just because she was sharp enough to dump Pettigrew!

33. he made fun of Remus for becoming a prefect…like it was a bad thing!

34. he calls McGonagall Mom

35. and he calls Dumbledore Dad

36. um...um…uh…wow…I didn't think I'd get this many issues…

All of the above correspond to Black too!

Plus these ones

1. he's a womanizer!

2. he's got a warped and disgusting sense of humor

3. he gets rid of dates he doesn't want by saying that he's gay and James is his "partner in happiness"

4. He performs boob growing spells on girls if they're not big enough for him, then gets into their pants

5. then he humiliates them, by pointing out that he had to, in front of the whole school

6. he's a git

and other things that I'm to tired to write. Good night.