Wow guys, the response has been overwhelming, and I cannot express how glad I am that you all enjoyed the first chapter! I found writing Peyton's part was a little more difficult, strange as that is. Next chapter is the last, I hope this is as enjoyable as the first!
I awoke
Only to find my lungs empty
And through the night
So it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down
Mia's her one and only client. She's all the talent this label contains at this time, but the stress of the label breathing down her back, the constant strain of the impending movie and Julian being in town, and now the mystery illness or whatever her body was going through - causes her to snap at Mia.
The dejected look on the young singer's face hits home with Peyton, but she stays stoic, sticking by her statement of life's too short, while falling back to the couch.
Today has been filled with nothing but thoughts of what could be happening. The doctor had asked about family history of cancer, as soon as the words had left the elderly man, she'd felt like someone had punched her in the gut, and fought against every instinct to not double over. Cancer wasn't something she'd been thinking about.
It is now.
There had been very few times in her life where she ever even considered the possibility that one day she'd be stricken with the illness. When Ellie had revealed her diagnosis, and when her birth mother had subsequently died.
Once her and Lucas had talked about children. She worried, albeit then only slightly, about passing the gene down.
Since they'd been back together, along with the topic of their impending wedding and marriage, the subject of children had risen a few times, but brushed aside for future discussion. It was definite they both wanted to have kids some day - Lucas will make an amazing father, she thinks.
Her head pounds and her heart nearly stops - if she has… ovarian cancer - the word is all together painful to think at this point - it's possible she'll never be able to bear children… or be around long enough to think of that option.
She closes her eyes, images flashing through her mind - Lucas moving on, marrying another, being the father to another woman's kids.
She wants him to be the father to their children.
Willing herself to calm down, she stands, shaking her limbs, trying to bring relief to her stiff body and worried mind.
Lucas. She feels horrible for keeping him in the dark, but she doesn't want to worry him for nothing.
She knows that once this has all passed, and they can - hopefully - put this behind them, he'll lightly scold her for not letting him bear the brunt with her.
Peyton feels a sob rise in her throat, desperately choking it back. She's not sure why, but today she has been so determined to be void of emotion.
So far it's not working.
This is the twelfth time today the urge to collapse into a fit of tears has overwhelmed her.
Peyton tells herself for the twelfth time today that nothing is certain. The doctor hasn't called her, she doesn't know for sure what - if anything - is wrong.
But she feels it. There's something.
The pain has subsided for the past few hours, but the lingering dread hasn't.
And I'm afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainty
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down
Moments after the doctor has dispensed the results and hung up, she's still holding the phone to her ear, unbelieving.
She'd been exploring all of the possible scenarios all day. But still his words threw her for a loop.
Can this really be happening to her? To them?
Feeling faint, she dials a more familiar number, waiting to hear his voice. As soon as he picks up, she wastes no time.
"I need to tell you something…" she whispers, trying hard to keep her stomach from churning. "I collapsed the other day at work. The night you had that weird dream."
She hears his sharp breathing and squeezes her eyes shut. "Why didn't you tell me? Are you okay - what does that mean?"
Part of her starts to smile at his obvious concern for her, but the other part starts to crumble.
"I've been having pain for a few days… I didn't want to tell you in case it was nothing. But I went to the doctor's…"
Sobs are no longer of concern, as she lets them go, almost unchecked. She just needs him to hold her.
It's been a long day, and things are never going to be the same.
"Peyton, I need you to please tell me what's going on - what happened at the doctor's?" His voice has taken on a slight screech, and if this were under any other circumstance, she'd tease him for being so damn cute.
Peyton doesn't know how much to reveal, or even how she feels - slightly numb, maybe - disguising what she really wants to feel.
"They ran some tests, took some blood. And then this picture of Ellie. I've been looking at it all day. I can't stop thinking, worrying…" Picking up the picture once more, she runs her fingertips across herself in the picture. She's babbling and she knows it. She's as lost as the words she can't seem to form.
She doesn't need to see her fiancée to know he's wearing his worrying-broody face on.
"Are you okay, Peyton?"
Knowing he can't see her, she shakes her head frantically anyways. "I… no. Yes. I don't know - I just… I need you, Lucas."
She hears him exclaim that he's leaving right away, and guilt eats at her heart. This movie is everything he's been waiting for - it's everything that he wants and needs, and she doesn't want to take that away from him. She knows him, though, and after this conversation there's nothing she can say to make him stay there. So she tells me she loves him and sets the phone down.
A wave of dizziness washes over her, and so she decides a walk home in the fresh air is what she needs.
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?
She's been tossing and turning for hours. Honestly, she hasn't even begun to process what the doctor relayed - she doesn't know how to feel, how to tell Lucas, how they're going to deal with what lies ahead.
To her, none of it seems okay. It all seems jumbled.
Peyton had closed her eyes once to try to fall asleep - she'd woken up gasping for breath, lingering remnants of her dream clouding her thoughts: She and Lucas were years older, sitting at the river court, watching a little curly blonde girl dribbling a basketball, while doting on a blonde baby boy. Her heart constricts as her mouth runs dry. Tears spring to her eyes, and she tries desperately to fall back to sleep.
Then she hears the front door open, and moments later, she can feel his presence in their room. He's taking in her form - and she's sure that if this were any other moment, he'd be peeling the clothes from her frame and settling on top of her. She craves that warmth.
But it isn't. And he won't.
He's much too worried; she can feel it flowing off of him in waves.
After he's settled and kissed her neck, she realizes that she has almost drifted off, his presence soothing her - but they need to talk. Forcing her eyes open, she looks down, seeing his arm draped over her stomach, and then it hits her - he's home.
In an instant, she finds herself buried into his arms, trying not to break down - his scent and the warmth of his chest bring a sense of calm to her before she feels him pushing her away slightly.
And here it comes. The dreaded talk.
She hears him speak her name and snaps it together, "I need to tell you something, Lucas."
He makes a quick joke, trying to lighten the tension within the room, and for a moment she feels grateful - almost smiles, even. It's short lived as he moves them into a better position for a serious talk - and he sees everything that has caused her sense of panic the past sixteen hours.
Tears flood her eyes as he catches on - although she's sure he's been thinking this over the course of the flight, and when he asks the question he's been mulling over all evening, her heart sinks.
"I have to ask. Peyton, do you have cancer?" His voice trembles and she wants to comfort him, despite the turmoil she's been in all day.
Taking his hands in hers, she breathes deep - they might not be ready for this, but it can't be avoided. "We need to talk."
Someone come and, someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?
I realize this might be repetitive for some of you, but I felt I needed to show her side of the story, I didn't want to rush the story - the next update won't take long, I've got it all planned out.
Let me know what you think!