A/N: The OC 'self-insert but not really' in this one is a sweary little thing. Be warned. And you may need to keep in mind the attention span of children, here, you're going to need it to understand the jumping of thoughts and time.
Disclaimer: Also, I am so obviously not the creator of Naruto, despite how I might have wished to be just that.
Death is a terrible thing that takes everyone, eventually. How do I know this? Easily. It has already taken me.
I think, anyway. I'm not sure about the details, the last thing I remember is going to bed. And waking up as another person in a terrifying moment. Thus I am going to assume that I died. First order of business, accept that there's probably no way of getting back to my family. Not for me, not without ending up a ninja.
There is no way in Hel that I am going to end up a ninja. I'll swear to any God or Goddess needed, I refuse to become a murderer.
Even if I am a canon character, the plot will just have to go on without me!
...Damn it, there's literally no way I'm going to be allowed to not be a ninja. Fuck. Why, Fate? Why?
I know, I know. I sound like a whiny little bitch, pathetic and too used to a good life. Well, guess what! I'm not. And my denial of that does in no way prove anyone's point unless they agree with my opinion. I learnt the lesson of making sure to acknowledge that, early on. Before this new life.
But seriously, Fate, why? Of all the people, why Uzumaki Naruto? Why the kid with a demon sealed within him?
Why not Hinata? Kiba? I'd take even Shisui! He died early on, after all, and wasn't really important except for his eyes being special and giving Itachi the Mangekyo. And all the Uchiha except Sasuke died in the massacre, so it wouldn't have mattered if I'd been Shisui and hadn't been the awesome and understanding friend he clearly was. Probably.
Well, fuck the plot, then. If whoever put me here or let met get here wanted the plot to remain, they should've considered their actions more clearly. I am definitely not going to run around practically killing myself to protect a village of morons. Morons that didn't consider me their problem. And by me, I mean Naruto, of course.
What kind of idiocy even was that? If Naruto was the Kyübi, wouldn't it be better to stay on his good side? If he really was a demon, why nail themselves into his memory by hurting him? How stupid were these civilians? Was it because they were from Konoha? Was this the end result of a village where the civilians were happily shielded from the pain of the outside world? Fucking hippies.
Okay, so, technically I could've somewhat been considered a hippie in my previous life, but I'd learnt my lesson! No judging people for something they couldn't control - I'd nailed that into my mind as quickly as possible!
Second order of business. Make sure I don't end up a ninja. I don't particularly even want to go home, anyway. My family can do without me, even if there's a ridiculous amount of ways of me getting embarrassed by what is found in my things. I don't have to be there to get embarrassed, so that won't be a problem. So long as I don't think about it, I'll be just fine.
Luckily, I don't remember the Kyübi attack or Tobi, not as Naruto, so that's okay. I can pretend to not know anything about the seal on me or, well, anything. I'm not going to be buddy-buddy with Kurama, either. I can't afford to have myself discovered, I don't want to end up locked up and prodded until I spill all my secrets. The thought of it is terrifying, even if I probably could've made a deal where I'd be allowed to read and write and whatever.
Even I, an introvert, need to stretch my legs and live life as if not being watched. If I spilled, I'd be watched for the rest of my life. That's way too embarrassing.
Selfish of me, you say? Yeah, it definitely is, but so what? This is my life, after all, I should be allowed to make my own choices.
...Oh Gods, what if this ninja world really was Japanese? I didn't know kanji or any of that, except the one for love! Crap! No! Okay. Calm down. I am calm. I am not going to freak out. I may never learn to read here but does that not mean that there is more a chance that I won't be a ninja? I'm not an auditory learner, I have to write things down to understand, so clearly I won't be learning-
Oh. I'm not alone.
...Are those other children? Am I.. In the orphanage?
Fuck.
It took me no less than half a year at the orphanage to discover that I loathed being male, despite the fact that in my previous life, I'd always thought that being a male would've been easier and better. Well, now I knew what I'd use that perverted henge of Naruto's- Oh. That meant having to go to the Academy.
Well, I'd just have to learn and then purposefully fail. No one was bothering to teach me to read, after all, because I wasn't anybody's problem, and that meant it wouldn't even be difficult to fail. So long as I passed enough to be allowed to learn of 'Chakra' and the three E-ranks.
Good thing the Sandaime did, a few times, come visit. Every month or so, which was surprisingly more often than I'd thought he would. And a relief, because that meant I was safer from the matron and all the other adults. Lonely, but safer.
"Naruto-kun," He said something more in that fond tone of his that I was beginning to always expect, but I wasn't really listening anymore, and didn't completely understand anything, anyway. And it was stupid of me, really, to enjoy his fondness, since I'd be disappointing him soon enough, but I felt comfortable with the man anyway. He was trustworthy. For now. And because he clearly expected something of me, I blinked at him, staring blankly otherwise. Showing emotions that I didn't quite know how to label was an art I hadn't managed even in my previous life, so obviously it'd be difficult as a little boy. Who wanted to be a girl, not that it showed in how I dressed.
Or that I had a choice of what to wear. I'd been handed some clothes that had apparently been picked out for me and it always happened when I outgrew my previous sets. Always a white t-shirt, of which I hated, and black shorts, which I liked.
On the one hand, my inability in that matter meant instant poker face, on the other hand, no puppy eyes to get out of trouble with or as much trust as the original Naruto had had with the old man - he'd had that 'Will of Fire' thing and I'm pretty sure I don't have even a drop of it.
Honestly, I think I'm just relieved that he hasn't decided to think the Kyuubi is in control, or anything like that. Clearly he either trusted the Yondaime a lot or Jiraya's checked the seal while I was sleeping. Or both. That wouldn't last, though, if I didn't stop being so strange. So I dropped my head on his chest and closed my eyes, my tiny body trusting this man instinctively enough to keep relaxed.
And before I knew it, I'd gone and fallen asleep. On his lap. Which wasn't even remotely as embarrassing as waking up and remembering it.
Or waking up and realizing that I was still there, and that he'd brought me along to, give me a heart-attack now please, his office in that big tower-place. I didn't remember what they called the building, y'know, other than a building, but I'm pretty sure this was, along with being an important place all on it's own, just above other important places. Like, the mission office. And wasn't the Academy here or was that elsewhere?
At least I would get lost less, as I grew up, if he continued doing this. Though it was strange that he'd not just left me at the Orphanage, did he want me to get used to seeing ninja and maybe admire them? Maybe he thought that if I saw that they didn't glare at me, I'd like them and want to be 'just like them!' or something. It sounded sneaky ninja enough, anyway.
And damn it all, it was working.
I had swore to myself I wouldn't be a ninja, but everyone and their grandmother expected me to still go to the Academy, and without realizing it was where we were going, I'd gone ahead and gone with the Hokage straight there. Sneaky old man, not having told me. I should've expected it, after he failed to make me show clear excitement about ninjas.
Not that I hadn't been in awe, it kept getting more and more awesome, but with the constant reminder that they were murderers? I could do without.
I didn't complain, though, if nothing else then I wouldn't be so bored, anymore, even if I expected the loneliness to continue. None of the other kids would be my friends, and with how childish most of them were, I didn't want them to be, anyway. Sure, I know the original Naruto was on friendly terms with a few of them, even if it only lasted on the playground and in class, but I couldn't find it in myself to skip and be rowdy and run around to play all day long. It sounded exhausting, even if my legs twitched in the excitement of actually having someone to do that with.
I suspected I had a minor, at least, case of ADD. Or was that ADHD? I could never really remember the differences, but I guess with all that Chakra I no doubt had due to being Naruto, it had to be one of them. No doubt, it was only my well-developed spiritual side, probably, that allowed me to keep still more than he had. Probably.
I wasn't going to be as stupid as to go to the Hospital and actually inquire about it, it'd be way too difficult to explain away how I figured that one out all on my own, and I didn't want them to think of me as smart. That might mean early graduation, if I didn't stay stupid long enough for the massacre of the Uchihas to happen.
And about the Uchiha massacre? Well, as much as I felt guilty about letting a lot of people die - in a way, that could be argued as making me a murderer, too - I just didn't want to make things any easier for the various villains after the Sharingan. Case in point, Danzo, who would be taking first Shisui's eye (and if Shisui couldn't stop him, I had no hope), then several from the dead. Though letting them die... Well, I guess I could always think of it as not making it so the Uchiha went missing on missions. Besides, they were planning a coup. I, as Naruto, did not think that would end well for me. It was pure self-preservation, to be honest. I didn't want to be controlled, I didn't want to murder, I didn't want to die.
This world was my version of Hell.
Which was very much proven by the stares from many adults as my, Naruto's, name was called for a class. None of the children had seemed to immediately care, but I squashed the hope of peers immediately from my mind, since I didn't doubt for a moment that the parents would warn their children away from me.
It wasn't like I'd mind much, I kept cringing at having to deal with so many children, every day, for so many hours. Growing up a second time was mortifying and terrifying all at once. Puberty, too, would be Hell. I would never manage to survive that embarrassment as a male. Never mind that Naruto probably hadn't truly had time for that, I wanted time for that even if I didn't want to go through puberty.
On the plus side, I'd gotten to choose my 'ninja wear'. The Hokage himself had gone shopping with me. And there was definitely no orange on me other than the spiral that seemed to be on everything. I'd taken a little time to find something, because I'd never gone shopping for boys, but satisfaction brought this kitty back with the colors of blues and greens. Which would have been way better if he'd let me buy 'girly' clothing, but no matter, I'd manage that whenever I was allowed to shop on my own. Just wait and see.
Still, none of my classmates were giving me a disgusted look for my clothing, so it was a tentative win. Especially since there didn't seem to be any hatred of a kind on their faces, as far as I could see. I think one of them even smiled at me, and I had to double-take on that, surprised to note that it had been some child I didn't immediately recognize. Weird.
Roll call got even weirder. I recognized a lot of the names, and didn't, for many others, but some things stood out to me, like Shikamaru. I felt like someone had walked over my grave, at that announcement - and Hell, maybe someone did - and a part of me just knew he'd figure things out if I didn't watch myself.
This. Was going to be Hell.
My nerves distracted me for most of the time that I wasn't struggling with remembering how this alphabet worked, but when the time came for a break, my luck ran out, and the children were everywhere. I was one of those unlucky ones that didn't really know anyone here, and it showed.
Still, I slowly followed the stream, hands in my pockets to hide my fear with nonchalance. No one wanted to be the bullied kid in class, and there was always one of those, for as long as I could remember. This being a Ninja Academy, I suspected they weren't as strict on it, since we were supposed to learn to fight, and being too afraid to stand up for yourself made you pretty pathetic.
That doesn't mean I didn't go straight for that swing, when I noticed it. I'd loved swings when I was a child the first time around - a fact that hadn't completely stopped as I grew up. I didn't care if it would be a point against me as Naruto, somehow, the swing used to give me peace back then and hopefully it could continue to do that. With a lot of speed. So here's hoping that the rope was tight and strong enough to take it. Otherwise this was going to get painful.
I wasn't planning on letting the idea of pain stop me from one of my favorite things, I was young and light enough that I should be safe and if the Sandaime was stupid enough to not place an ANBU on me that could catch me if things went badly, well, then Konoha deserved to have the Kyübi unleashed on them again. Maybe they'd learn from their mistakes.
Or not. What did I care? I'd be dead, I'm sure. Again. And hopefully, if I absolutely had to be reincarnated once more, it'd be somewhere a lot more peaceful. Like that school with the Host club. Those were some crazy people, but at least there was no murder involved, as far as I could remember.
Speaking of crazy people, though, I was getting a lot of attention, now. There was actual cheering at the height I was gaining, but no one thought it safe to try to stop me, so when I, in a moment of inattention, failed to keep a hold of the rope, I was successfully thrown off the swing and was falling towards the ground in a slightly - if I am going to be honest, it was terrifying - scary speed.
It was pretty painful to land, because the kids had all gasped in awe as I flew and then squealed in terror and all but disappeared as I seemed to be crashing into the ground. I'm not sure if they all just left me there or if someone ran to get a teacher who might actually care, but I'm pretty sure I was going to the Hospital eventually today, if I lived.
I figured it would probably be a good idea to not have to be awake through that, so I let myself black out and the last thing I saw was a flash of blue.