Dear Edward,
It's my 20th birthday today, though you've probably forgotten me completely in two years. It's hard to believe that it's been two years since you left me in the woods, all alone. Two years since you stole my future from me, since you stole my life. I still have the nightmares of you leaving but I don't scream anymore. It still hurts though; it hurts as much as it did they day after you left.
Renee's here. She came to visit me for my birthday but she's about to leave. Phil's really gotten lucky in the minor league and now he has a chance to play in the MLB so she has to go back to him. She's been hovering over my shoulder all day and hasn't given me an opprotunity, until right now at 11pm, to write this. I can see the fear when she looks at me. Her eyes say 'that's not my daughter' over and over again. Right now, she's downstairs arguing with Charlie about what to do with me. She's already suggested me moving to Florida with her but I can't.
Forks is all I have left of you and your family...all I have left of my first boyfriend, my first kiss...I can't leave. Charlie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's not long ago, it hasn't been bad recently but he'll forget little things on occassion. His gun belt, where he left his keys, etc. Charlie says he doesn't need me but I know he does...
College is alright. I have a good GPA and my classes are nice but life is still grey and dull. I changed my minor. I can't do music, it hurts too much. When I just touch a piano, an ache runs through me, bringing back all the times you played for me and all the times you sang my lullaby to soothe me into slumbering. I guess I'll never hear the lullaby again...
As I heard the door close, I folded the letter neatly and hid it within my heavily used copy of Wuthering Heights, though I haven't read it in over two years.
Angela approached the small work desk where I sat, with her books and a coffee in hand. "Hey, Bella. Whatcha up to?"
Unsure what to say, I shrugged and lifted my book to show her I was reading. Did I feel bad for lying to Angela? Yeah, but I don't know how she'd react if I told her.
She sighed. "Bella, you don't have to lie to me. I know you weren't reading. You never read unless it's for a class." She walked toward her bed and laid her stuff down and placed her coffee on the nightstand. When I turned to face her to plead my case, she had a look in her eyes that spoke volumes.
Defeated, I sighed. "Alright. I was writing a letter," The awkward silence that followed screamed 'to who?' but I was reluctant to answer. "To Edward."
"Why? Didn't he leave you?" When I whimpered, she corrected herself. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I mean, why now?"
"It's my birthday today. I thought maybe on the day he decided to leave me each year, he would think of me. Maybe I'm wrong,"
Angela sighed and walked over to me, grabbing one of my hands. "Bella, I think that's a great idea! Has he responded yet?"
I lowered my head and started fidgeting with my hands. "Well, uh, I haven't actually...sent him one yet."
"Then what have you been doing with them?"
I bit my lip. "Uh, not...sending them," She waited for me to elaborate. "I've been keeping them, I'm too afraid to send one. What if he shows up here or something?"
She chuckled lightly. "Bella, I'm sure he won't show up here. Just don't put a return address on the letter and he won't be able to show up. Then again, he won't be able to respond either."
I sighed. "I don't know, Ange...maybe next year. The wound is still too fresh."
"I understand, Bella." She hugged me tightly and I felt the friendship radiate off her in waves. "No matter what you decide, I'll always be here for you." She gave me one last squeeze and then retreated to where her books laid on her bed.
I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Ange."
We ended the night by talking about our classes and even a little about Edward... After awhile, she could tell that I didn't want to talk anymore so we said goodnight and went to sleep. Well, she did. I, on the other hand, just laid in bed, staring at the dark ceiling thinking about what it would be like to see Edward again.