A/N several months later. I have trouble capturing Jacin's grumpy side so I hope I did a better job in this chapter. I think I may continue on with this story. I think it's starting to unravel with a mind of it's own. Let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions. I know this won't match up with the series entirely but it's a fun fluffy smut story.
The past months have been the most enchanting yet anxiety prone months of my life. My fantasies of holding winter are nothing compared to when it's real. But.. there's always this nagging feeling that the queen is watching. If she ever found out...
Winter will be used against me.
Or worse I will be used to hurt Winter.
We are just pawns for her cruel games and mercilessly at her disposal. The thought makes my jaw tighten. Every moment Winter and I are together, all I can feel is her watchful eyes.
This evening I am assigned to winter..as her guard of course. It puts me on edge, I take note of all the cameras posted around us. Every approaching shadow makes my blood tingle. This paranoia has to stop. At least I get to see Winter. I just want to reach out running my hands through her thick curls but protecting her will have to suffice.
As customary I walk ten paces behind but Winter is oblivious to all those her stare at her as we walk down the streets of Artemis. How many of queen's court will tell her of any suspicious behavior?
I close the gap between us by five paces. She smiles back at me as if this isn't a dangerous game we're playing. I try to keep my face blank but I raise my eyebrows as if to say Don't do anything stupid. She knows the look all too well.
We are approaching her favorite shop.. The one that sells the apple petites, she looks at me with a questioning look. I smile and give her a slight nod. I can't resist seeing her over something so trival.
I stride up past her so I can open her door.
"Princess.." I smile as she walks past me.
Her hand grazes against mine. I know it was an intentional move but this small but sudden gestures makes my head spin. My breath catches in my throat.
She's a bit more careless than I and I have to reign in the situation with such restraint. I don't want to pretend that all this could ever be is sly glances and quick kisses when no one is looking but I don't ever want this to end.
I stand off in the corner of the shop while Winter picks out her candy. The shopkeeper is delighted to see her, as is most of Artemis.
Winter aks for half a dozen of apple petites and gives the shopkeeper an embarrassed shrug.
How could you deny her of her sweet tooth?
My mood lifts a bit over seeing Winter's glee.
After purchasing the candy she half skips runs to a nearby grassy patch in the town center. She lays down with a smile on her face. Rolling on to her stomach she looks up at me and pats the ground next to her. It's an invitation to be caught. People are watching.
I sigh and sit beside her but keeping a respectable distance.
" I wish we could just hold hands without consequences" she says while staring dreamily at a couple across the courtyard.
My heart aches. That future could never be ours.
"Maybe one day" I say, hoping she doesn't recognize the lie in my tone.
Why can't we have some false hope to hold on to?
She just sadly smiles looking away from me, "maybe"
She takes out her candies and offers me one.
" Save it for me, for later."
Closing my eyes for a moment, I imagine pulling her close to my chest, it's so vivid I have to convince myself it isn't real. I can't take this anymore. I want her, but I'll never have any real claim to her. I want to believe that I'm not endangering her every time that we are alone together. I want, I hope with all of my being that Winter and I could be together. I put so much of my energy into this one wish that it leaves me drained. I know I shouldn't have allowed myself to believe. I have to push this daunting hopelessness down or I will drown in it. I swallow down the darkness and it will just have to wait till I'm alone before it can eat me alive. For now, I try my best to keep my face from showing Winter how hard this is for me. I need to be alert anyways. Sitting beside the princess while I'm on duty will have consequences if I'm recognized.
I get up and resume a formal stance keeping a enough of a distance that I won't be tempted to run my fingers over her hand. She doesn't question me, maybe realization of the risks are finally sinking in for her. She stares ahead, listening. For what?
She closes her eyes and breathes deep. I know this look. She's trying to fight the visions. She mumbles something I can't quite make out.
" It's not real" I whisper only loud enough for her to hear.
She nods her head in confirmation, the sad smile returning.
"This time I want it to be though" she says, tears pooling in eyes.
Don't do this to me Winter. I can't watch your heartbreak for us everyday. Not when I can't do anything to repair it. Only temporarily mend it…
" Winter..what can I do?" I mean this in a rhetorical way. What can I do against the queen? I can only protect her so much.
She answers me anyways, " take a walk with me to the lake."
" As you wish, Princess," Her request surprises me, maybe an evening stroll on the lake will do some good for her. Maybe the place where her father and her had so many memories, untarnished by the queen's presence will comfort her.
She stands and has an expression on her face, I can't quite read. Acceptance? Or hidden defiance?
Walking towards to the lake she seems more determined, which means trouble most likely.
I silently follow her, preparing for any potential dangers. No one would dare attack the princess in such a public setting though.
The walk to the shores of the lake is a short one but she continues on towards a small bluff further away from the palace. Very few people of the court venture this far away from stable footing. I notice Winter's weight shift awkwardly. I rush to her side and steady her with one hand.
She looks down the steep slope, smiling as if she find secret passage.
Now I remember why this spot felt so familiar. This is where our fathers had took us once to a small cave when we were young.
She can't be serious about climbing down there.
As if on cue, she begins the trek down the boulders.
"Will you escort your princess down to the cave? I wish to collect shells," She knows, I can't say no and I would never let her go alone, she would surely break her neck without out steady hands to guide her.
I roll my eyes but smile anyways. Taking her hand I lead her down the slippery rocks. Somehow she manages to scramble down with grace and confidence. The last boulders to the base of the slope are an easy climb but since no one is around, I pull her into my arms and pick her up with an arm behind her knees and the other around her back.
Hopping down from the rocks, she giggles against my chest. I can't resist a unrestrained grin.
" I missed that smile" she says
I can already feel my heart lighten from the burden. Setting her down, I give her a goofy crooked smile before pulling her into a kiss. Crushing my lips to hers, the heavy hearted feeling from earlier evaporates. I understand why she would want to come her. No one can see us from the palace and no one would guess (not even the queen) that we would be here. If only for a little while, we can just be together without rushed touches.
Of course, the worry never leaves me when I realize that it's going to be a lot harder climbing back up the rocks. Before I can voice my concern though, she takes my hand and leads me into a shallow cave. I relish in the idea of our own little sanctuary away from everything that keeps us apart.
The cave offers us some shelter from the cold evening. Though the memory is fuzzy, it seems nothing has changed since the last time we were here almost ten years ago. I wonder if being here makes Winter ache for her father. If it does, she does not mention it.
She pulls me up to a low shelf of the cave's interior. It's the perfect size for us to sit up in and hang our legs over.
Along with her candies, Winter pulls out a thin blanket from her messenger bag. I guess she had this planned along.
" How did you remember to come here?" I ask
" I had a dream a few nights ago of this place. This cave, it told me that it was lonely and felt forgotten." Her voice indicates that this was an unfaltering truth and she believed it.
" Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
" I wanted it to be a surprise" she says sheepishly.
She shivers and scoots closer to me. I can't believe that we actually have this spot and that we are alone together. Her thoughts seem to be following mine as she begins placing kisses along my collarbone and throat. I let out a breathy shudder but is quickly muffled by her lips on mine. I lean her back on to the blanket she spread out for us. There's enough room on this shelf for the two of to comfortably lay next to each other. I hover above her and place a minimal amount of my weight on her without breaking the kiss.
We don't have to rush, we could be here for several hours before someone would notice that we are missing.
She places her fingers in my hair to pull me from her lips and I give her a questioning look.
" I belong to you, my Jacin" she whisper in my ear.
My Jacin. The warmth from her breath makes my heart squeeze. I relish in this moment. Here, I am hers and she can be mine.
" I belong to you, my princess"
" You know I'm not really a princess, I'll never be queen."
" You'll always be my princess. Do you even want to be queen, anyways?"
She smiles, "No, I just want to be your Winter"
" Fine, my Winter then. Happy?"
" Mmmhmm" she nods in satisfaction.
I slide my fingers along her ribs down to her hip. Memorizing how her curves feel in my hand. My Winter. Sliding my body down I hook my arm under her knee, I hear her breath hitch which just inspires my desire for her even more. With her knee raised her dress slips down a bit revealing a stretch of skin, I kiss along the inner side of her thigh.
" Is this okay?" I ask
She just smiles and nodds. I kiss along her thigh moving down to her ankle, looking up I try to giver her my most mock seductive grins as I take off her shoe. She giggles at this teasing. I do the same to her other leg, again removing her shoe. I don't want to rush her. I'm trying to prolong inevitably hurting her for a long as possible.
She pulls me up to her and removes my outer coat. I bunch it up and place it under her head, an attempt to make her as comfortable as possible.
Kissing her again, I feel her hands begin exploring my back before untucking my shirt from my pants. How did I ever deny kissing her all those nights she slept next to me in my cot, when the visions were too much for her to bear alone? I should have held her closer and made it known how I felt, even back then.
I let her hands slide under my shirt while I place gentle kisses along her jawline and the corners of her mouth. I can hear her heart start to hammer in her chest and it's reaching the same beat as mine. She starts to unbutton my shirt and I feel like my chest will burst from anticipation. She takes her time, looking up at me with a calming stare.
Once she has my shirt pulled off, she immediately runs her hands over my chest and warmth from her hands are the only thing keeping me from shivering. I roll over her on top of me and pick her legs up slightly she can place them by my hips, straddling me. Sitting up, I rub my hands up and down her arms, hoping the friction will warm her up. I giver her a tight hug and lean my head on her shoulder, listening to our breathing. I just need a moment to work up the courage for what I'm about to do next.
Taking her by the shoulders and lean back to look at her. I want to make sure that she has a say in every step of this. Unzipping the back of dress, I ask her if she is alright. She gives me an encouraging smile to continue. Pulling the zipper down and slipping her arms out of the sleeves of her dresses, exposes skin I have long dreamed about.
Her head tilts back as I kiss her collarbone and move my lips along her chest. My hands find the curve of her spine and hip to hold her steady. She shudders when I continue to trail kisses down her chest and sternum. I place my head against her chest to her racing heart and feel heat of her body on my cheek. Inhaling, I try remember every sensory detail I can of this.
She places her hands on my face too soon and pulls me up for a deep kiss. I feel her wiggling around but I wrap my arms around her to hold her in place. I'm not ready to let go of this but I don't realize that she was trying to push her dress off. I'm reluctant to move forward. Of course, I want to, I want to feel close to her and make her feel all the things I've never said but doubts start breaking their way into the cracks. I'm afraid of causing her pain, I'm supposed to be the one person that will always protect her. I'm afraid that she will not forgive me for not protecting her against myself. What if I'm not enough? What if she doesn't feel everything she thought she would? I try stifling the fear and hold her against me, feel her breathing. It has an almost calming effect.
"Jacin?" her voice laced with concern.
"I'm okay, I'm afraid of how you will feel about me afterwards." I let my vulnerability spill out.
This time, it's her to that brings me back to reality. She chases away the haunting thoughts with a gentle press of her lips on mine.
" I'm in love with you, I will always be" she says lightly against my lips.
Those words alone are enough to regain my composure. I will always love Winter. I have this feeling of, its us against the world or rather it's us against the queen of the moon. I smile at the ridiculousness of it.
Kissing the scars along her cheek, that only enhance her beauty, I find the reassurance to continue. I help her pull off her dress and toss it the side of the wall. Feeling goosebumps on her skin I do my best to press my body to hers.
I've never felt this much of her before. Definitely never seen this much of her. Even with the minimal light coming into the cave, I know she is absolutely breathtaking. Running my hands from her slender hips down to her backside and thighs, I feel my pulse quicken. Her hands start searching for my the waistline of pants. I feel as though I can't get enough of her skin, I want cover her body with my hands. When she starts to struggle to undo my belt, I grab her arms and wrap them around my neck. I just need a little more time. I hold in his embrace whispering comforting words into her ear. Kissing her bare shoulder elicits a soft moan from her lips. She quickly reached for my pants trying to unbutton them, I let her take her take as she runs her fingers along the edge my pants.
Once pushing my pants down and taking my shoes off with them, she returns to her position straddling me. She starts rolling her hips into my, with only one layer of clothing separating us. My beautiful wonderful Winter, what did do to deserve you? She abruptly stops her ministrations and rolls to one side of me.
" You okay?"
She gives me a devilish grin and leans head down to kiss my chest, arms and stomach. She even kisses my thighs in the same manner I did. I'm thankful for these few minutes to steady my racing heart. She quickly sheds her underwear and pulls mine off only a moment later.
I could never tire of touching her or our of bare skin brushing against each other. Rolling on top I kiss her softly and spread her legs apart with my knees.
"Are you alright, love? Are you okay with this" I ask her quietly. I want her to feel safe and loved.
A/N Don't worry more will come. Please comment and let me know what you think or if you have any ideas.