A visitor

Spent, I lay down and my thoughts went blanc. I just lay there and saw sun and moon circle the sky. My heart, that had felt so wonderful for a short time, lay as a cold stone in my chest. What if I just turned into stone completely, as legend says a dragon can do?

My stomach growled. Silence!You have become lazy, you knew periods of starvation before, so keep quiet! Again the sun arched up. That day I saw dragons with people on them, clearly a search party. One spotted me and came near. I growled him and his human away. Another night and a new day. At the end of the morning I heard a rustling in the wood, people coming my way. Keep away, you all. Aah, if I just could fly away! I turned myself around to give them a run for their lives and roast their heels. The rustling stilled and just one human came near with an light uneven step. Ooooh no. Not YOU. You least of all.

But, to my surprise, the village elder came shuffling out of the trees. So you brought the elder! How smart of you, how very clever! She is the only one I would not chase away, for a dragon always respects wisdom. So I curbed my snarl and gave her a bow, the proper thing to do. "Tat, tat, don't you wear yourself out, dragon". And she passed me by. "It's just me, I sent the men off, they will pick me up later".

She shuffled over to a boulder to seat herself. Being too amazed, I had not respectfully accompanied her, as I should have done, but now sat down politely nearby.

"How polite! What a well-behaved dragon you are."

Thank you..Oh. But NO, these cunning elder, they play with you. Polite! If she would have been anyone else, I would have given her more politeness than she could chew!

"Nice spot you picked, Toothless".

Oh, PLEASE, elder!You came to lecture me, what else did you come for? Though . . actually, now that I realize it, it IS a nice spot with a beautiful view.

Don't go stupid, you. The elder always do that: they unbalance you so it clears the way for their message to hit the target. Clearly it is the same with the elder of the human kind.

Just a bit of curiosity crept in. How would she lecture me? What angle would she choose?
"Hiccup loves you?" So what! That does not grow my tailfin back. Love. If this is what it means, I most graciously decline. His precious love bound me tighter than the iron chains his fellow-humans put on me once! What is love when it smothers your instincts, bends you down until you are nothing more than a pet, happy to lick the hand of its master. Gah...
"He and everyone else cared for you?" True. Oh shut up. They stole from me the secret of the way to the dragons nest, using my instincts against me, against my kind. They stole every bit of dignity I had. Thieves, thieves, all of them...
Black thoughts, that, dragon. SO WHAT. I am a black beast, black thoughts SUIT ME.

Then the elder spoke: "It doesn't suit you, such an ugly face".

Ah, you put me down as if I were a yearling dragon. A little slap in my face to start with. What comes next?

But nothing more came. In fact, the elder just happily sniffed the air, made herself a bit more comfortable and enjoyed the view. "Nice view, it is a very fine day."

Oh, COME ON. Will you just start and have it over with!

"If I were a fish, I would jump out of the water, just to see the beauty of the clouds."

FISH. My stomach answered with a growl. Quickly I flattened myself on my belly to still the noise.
She had a point though: it was a very fine day. Not often is it clear like this, you know. You could even discern the little islands far off. The sunlight reflected from the surface of the sea as beautifully as it would spark off the scales of a dragon. I sniffed the breeze and relaxed somewhat.

Actually, it is nice to have her near. In the village she mostly ignores me, while the others give me curious looks, always from a distance: such a unique beast, once such a formidable enemy. But she only on very few occasions gave me a full glance, her eyes probing me. They enrapture me, your eyes, having the depth of the truly wise. Oh, how I wish you would talk to me, share your wisdom, TELL ME STORIES. But the only thing we did was to sit quietly together.

"Ah, I should be going back, it gets a bit chilly now. Will you do me the honour of walking me back to the trees? There the men will show up soon to pick me up and carry me home".

Yes, please, elder. Place your hand on my head, I will steady you. But how is it that she had not lectured me, and went off now? Does one ever understand an elder?

We had arrived. "Bye now, Toothless. Thank you for walking me over. Bye! Ah, by the way, I have been wondering: how is it that Hiccup lost his foot? I could never figure that one out. But, off you go now, off you go!"

And off I went. Behind me I heard the men come. A strong one would pick her up and carefully carry her back. I would carry her to the village on my back, if she just could hold on to something.
Ah no! NO. She has you, you stupid! This is how humans do it. They do a bit of this, talk a bit of that and they have you curled up at their feet. It's infuriating! Hiccup got me in such a way, scribbling a bit in the sand, having me engaged and GONE sane judgement. Aaorrrrr.

You be a bit more honest though, dragon, this is beneath you. He puzzled you, you got curious. A new feeling all of yourself made you touch his outreached hand. That was your own doing, and not his. And that new feeling brought wonders to your heart. You are not being fair. Not to yourself. Not to him!
The anger wore off. But as soon as it did, grief surfaced. I do not want to grieve. Do you want to stay angry then, to keep the grief away?

Just to think of something else, I started to think about the elder's question. How was it that Hiccup lost his foot, anyway? We crashed, it was an accident. We, I, . . . I never thought about it really. How did it happen? He fell out of the sky into the roaring fire with two feet. I dived after him, grabbing him, folding my wings around him to protect him from the heat. Then we crashed, which he survived for I cushioned him. And after that, still holding him to my chest, one foot had been mangled so badly it had to be cut off. How?

I never gave that proper thought. I was badly bruised, then, and suddenly surrounded by many enemies. Or former enemies, it was all very confusing. Then, I just was very concerned about my friend being so badly wounded and staying unconscious for such a long time. I could not have been happier when he woke up at last. But now memories about the fall itself came back.
. . Then I remembered, finally realizing it. My head bowed down with shame: I DID THIS, oh, I did this to you. Oh, my friend! I had grabbed for him with claws and fangs. My fangs caught him first. Only now do I hear, no, feel the snap.

Stricken, I slumped to the ground. How convenient it had been, not to remember. Oh, my friend. You must have known it all the time and you never said a word. You never accused me. No, you cared, you played with me, you tried everything to make me fly better. You were happy with me, with my friendship. That was after I crippled you. I owe you so much. Without you I would have starved to death in that cove to begin with. When you played with your life to hand me over a fish. And I would never have flown again. You restored so much of my flight to me with your flying gear. And you didn't steal my heart. You touched it and held me in respect. I wronged you, wronged your motives. I am so ashamed.

I AM SO SORRY.

I will tell him. I must. Will he see me? He called after me, now I remember his desperate calls. So off I went to go back. First I ran, then I walked, then hesitated. How can I face him? But I must. One more turn, then I am back to the meadow and the house.