Chapter 2: Gravity
The Normandy is splintering into pieces.
This is the worst nightmare a quarian can have on the Flotilla. Looking around, Tali can see that the terror isn't limited exclusively to quarians. There are explosions everywhere. In the Flotilla, this thought was always at the back of her mind. That's why the disconcerting silence often scared her; dead engines spell disaster waiting to happen.
Saren is barely gone. The Council has blown off Shepard and her warnings of the Reapers. After everything she has done, they still don't believe her, not even after she saved them. They've sent her out on geth clean up. Tali's stayed a little longer to help. Any geth material she can find will help. And if she can spend more time with Shepard… Not that Shepard feels as warmly to the geth clean-up assignment.
"I should have said to hell with them," Shepard told her angrily, leaving the Citadel after an angry confrontation with the Council.
Shepard…
An explosion calls her back to attention. Soldiers push past her, shouting orders. She walks calmly while others run. Maybe a check on the Normandy systems would—Engineer Adams takes tight hold of her arm. Where has he come from? She's in a fog. "We've got to move Tali, it's all coming down, everything's at critical. We have to gather everyone and go. Get to the emergency pods."
"You too," Tali swallows the lump in her throat. That's it then? The Normandy is lost? She walks, dizzily, the ship blasting, teetering, sending her violently to the side. She crashes into a hard wall, takes the stairs to the crew deck. Looks towards Shepard's cabin. Shepard rushes out; her normally unflappable expression tight and serious. "Shepard—"
Just seeing her reassures Tali. If Shepard is on the mission, then everything will be all right. Shepard stopped Saren, defeated a Reaper. A malfunctioning ship should not be a problem. But this is no malfunction. She checked the system status only minutes ago. Everything was green. She doesn't make mistakes. Engineer Adams doesn't make mistakes. This is something else.
"I don't know what's happening," Tali tells her.
"We're under attack," Shepard looks up when she hears a screaming of metal. Another explosion and they both go reeling. Shepard grabs hold of her at the last moment, using her body as a cushion as they slam into a hard steel wall. It passes but everything is shaking. Shepard's armor is hard. Tali wonders how much pain she'd be in if Shepard hadn't shielded her just now. "You all right?" Tali can see the cracks in the Normandy. She has never been so terrified. "Tali!" She blinks. Looks at Shepard's face. Nods numbly. "Get to the emergency pods. I don't want you around for this." She releases her and a giant chunk of the ceiling comes down, sending electrical wires every which way.
There are sparks, dangerous wires, everything is so bright it lights up her face. "What can I do? Let me help."
"Negative. I'll round up the rest of the crew. You didn't come all this way on your Pilgrimage to die on my ship."
"But Shepard—" A loud boom sends them both tumbling again. Oh, Keelah. This is bad. This is so bad. She wants to cry. She won't cry. This isn't the end. Shepard will take care of it. They won't lose the Normandy. They can't lose her or the crew. Not after everything.
Shepard goes to Tali, takes her firmly by the shoulders. "It will be okay, Tali. I promise. But you have to be a big girl now and follow my orders. Get to the emergency pods. Now. Understand? Nod and tell me you understand."
Tali stares at her. She's never seen Shepard look so tense. She nods again. "Yes, Captain." Shepard smiles and for a moment, Tali can believe everything is going to be all right. "Shepard—promise—promise, be careful. I'll meet you at the pods."
"You go ahead. I'll catch up. When this is all over, we'll have a drink."
"Aye, aye," she mutters nervously. Shepard gives her another smile. Then they separate. Shepard goes one way. Tali goes another, running past the mess hall, running towards the battery. There are soldiers shouting. There are people screaming. There are even dead bodies she has to step over, people she has known, good men and women. Oh, Keelah. Oh, Keelah, help them.
Amidst the smoke and the fire, there's fire everywhere now, she sees Shepard talking to Liara, no doubt having the same conversation with Liara that she just had with her. Liara leaves her side reluctantly and Tali watches as Shepard slips the helmet onto her head. For a moment she swears that they look at one another and then Shepard is gone.
Tali waits for some of the younger crewmembers to get into the pod (though she imagines she is one of the youngest) before stepping in, Liara slips in beside her. They are the last to board. There are a few other pods available, enough for Shepard and Joker. Where is Ashley? Wrex? Garrus? Hopefully they were smarter and left quickly. Tali glances at Liara. She is on the verge of tears, her blue eyes shimmering. They strap in and the pod blasts off, gaining distance from the Normandy.
Looking at it from afar makes it all the more agonizing. The Normandy is a burning star. Whatever attacking ship that is, Tali doesn't recognize it, but it dwarfs the Normandy, making it look more like a speck than one of the finest vessels to ever exist. The mysterious ship shoots a ray of burning light and the Normandy blasts apart.
Tali's eyes widen. The black of the skies and the stars are engulfed in flames. Shepard is still on there. No, no, no. Shepard grabbed Joker and got into an escape pod. Yes. Shepard would not survive what she has survived to die in a ship, to die without a battle. She wouldn't just break her promise.
Tali checks the news reports but finds no mention of Shepard. It is a terrible thing; worse than exile, it is as if Shepard has been wiped from existence. She sends messages to Ashley, to Wrex, to Garrus but they don't know any more than she does.
Tali tells herself that Shepard is all right. No news is good news. Without the Normandy she had nowhere to go. She hitched rides on vessels until she arrived at the Neema. Han'Gerrel is a friend of her father's and she isn't ready to return home yet. She presents the data to him, the one Shepard let her keep only months ago, after teasing and probing questions. Han'Gerrel accepts it. He'd be a fool not to. Any advantage they can have over the geth will be an asset. Her gift is a worthy one.
She's accepted into the ship, her new home. Tali'Zorah vas Neema. It will take her some time to get used to the name. She has only ever been Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. She gets her new suit, to reflect her entry into adulthood. The quarians aboard the Neema are friendly. That is something to be said about her people. Her Pilgrimage taught her that other races are not so accommodating and warm.
"I just sent word to your old man," Han'Gerrel tells her. "Who knew that his little girl would end up on the Neema?"
Tali smiles, as if he'll see her face if she doesn't, but cringes inwardly. She hadn't told her father what ship she'd planned to join. Honestly, she only wanted to talk to Shepard again before reconnecting with him. If she returned to the Rayya first and Shepard resurfaced—he'd make it very difficult for the both of them. "I'm just grateful to be aboard."
"We're happy to have you, Tali. You took down Saren Arterius and stopped a Reaper! You'll change the reputation of quarians everywhere!" He says enthusiastically. Normally he sounds bored or put out.
"Thank you," she says, "but Shepard did most of the work."
No one ever listens when she tells them that. It makes sense. They want someone to be proud of, someone to rally around. It isn't so bad—its good for her people to have something to be happy about, but she doesn't like it if it has to come at Shepard's expense. She would never want to take credit where it isn't due. Shepard hadn't let her go with her in the end, to confront Saren. Tali had been angry.
"When will you understand that I'm not a child?"
"This is serious. I don't need to be worrying about you in the middle of a firefight. Some of this squad has been fighting since you were in diapers." Shepard told her, droll. Tali wanted to hit her. "You're good, kid, but this is above your pay grade. Stay. Here."
Tali glared, oh had she. She wished Shepard could see it. But Shepard only touched her fingers lightly to her helmet, leaving Tali breathless, leaving her to imagine what they might feel like against her face, along the curve of her jaw.
Shepard left, turning and leaving her on the Normandy, delegating her to waiting, while Shepard protected her. Tali turned her attention to the Normandy systems, to the positions of the fleets, not wanting to be crippled by worry.
She sighs. Keelah. Where is Shepard?
She can't isolate herself and think about her. Being aboard a quarian vessel makes it impossible, even if she wanted to. Tali takes her time getting to know the ship. She meets other quarians and makes friends. She tells them about Shepard, how she acts, her quirks, how she fights in battle. A saucy quarian girl asks if Tali would link her suit with Shepard's. Tali face nearly melts away.
She checks the radio feeds, the extranet, the logs and still no word.
It's possible Shepard is on a top-secret op and hasn't bothered contacting her. She never talks to her mother, why bother with the quarian girl? Still… she worries. She fixes, she calibrates, she modifies and improves what she can. Shepard fills her thoughts. She's worried.
Weeks pass. Her heart jumps when she receives a message from Liara.
Meet me at Omega.
There's nothing else. The message is strangely efficient. Tali has never even heard of Omega. She finds where it is, takes a junker ship, a skeleton crew and goes.
Omega is a dirty place full of sketchy individuals. It's nowhere she wants to be. She isn't sure why Liara asked to meet her here. She goes into Afterlife, drawn by the heavy pounding base that leaves her feeling chilled and alone. She quickly grew accustomed to spending time with her people again, in cramped quarters, getting to know others. This looks like the kind of place you go to avoid connections, at least, any meaningful ones.
She watches the asari dancers glide along the poles, dip down into impossible positions. Men and women watch them, expressions thick with what she thinks is desire. She likes to dance but she wouldn't be one of these dancers, isn't sure that anyone would ever want to watch a quarian move that way. She isn't sure that her legs can bend like that.
A krogan smashes into her as he moves past and Tali glares at him as he moves along unapologetically. She wishes Wrex were here. As it is, she doesn't know where to start the search for Liara. Liara told her to come to Omega but nothing more. Afterlife was a bad idea. She recalls going to Flux on the Citadel and seeing Shepard take to the dance floor. Tali laughed—at least there are some things Shepard isn't good at. Shepard tried, in vain, to get Liara to dance with her. Liara complained of the volume and if she had ears, Tali is sure she would have covered them. The tired, worn down expression on Liara's face was a treat in itself. Tali had never seen anyone so put out.
"I would like to get a copy of this to take back to the Flotilla!" Tali said loudly to Shepard who stood in the middle of a group of women, each dancing more ridiculously than the previous one. A turian enthusiast was Tali's favorite.
"You like music?" Shepard shouted.
"I like a lot of things!" Tali said. Shepard dragged her onto the dance floor, asking her to repeat herself. Tali lifted her face, close to Shepard's ear, fingers tentatively pushing her hair back. "I said I like a lot of things."
"Yeah?" Shepard remained close, the better to hear her. Her proximity nearly destroyed Tali. "Such as?"
"Um. Well. That is. Music. Music."
Shepard smiled. "Let's go, before Liara gives me the silent treatment," and sauntered off the dance floor, leaving Tali behind.
Where is Shepard? Maybe—maybe she'll be with Liara? Tali hopes so. She'd like to see her. It would be wonderful to see her, even if she's being a complete bosh'tet and acting as if she hadn't just disappeared for weeks.
"Ah. There you are."
Tali turns. Liara stands in a black and white hardsuit, a pistol at her side. Any innocence in her face has long gone. How strange. She looks like another person altogether.
"I've been doing some checking up on everybody," Liara tells her in an indifferent way, moving to one of the more isolated regions of Omega, Tali behind her. "I know you've been worried about Shepard."
"Ah, well, yes." Tali stops at the railing, looking at the blood red skies, watching cars zip by like bullets. "It's been a few weeks." She sighs. "Though in some ways it feels as if it just happened. Seeing the Normandy go down that way was horrible. I still have nightmares about it."
"Have you?" Liara queries, considering her words as if to test their validity. "I haven't dreamt. Perhaps I've been too busy." Liara walks further along, trailing her fingers along the grimy railing that separates them from the endless sea of space. Her gloves come away black and dirty. "I remember looking at you when it happened. All I could see was the reflection of the burning Normandy on your mask."
Tali frowns. The Alliance soldiers were in shock. Some sobbed uncontrollably. Liara cried. What does Liara mean by saying such a thing? Is she trying to say that Tali didn't feel it?
"Anyway…" Liara says, "what I wanted to tell you couldn't be sent over a network and I have some business to attend to here. I don't have much time, however so I'll get straight to it. Shepard's dead, Tali. Move on."
"Wh— what?" The air has gone out of her. Is this a joke? "What do you mean? No, no, no. This is a joke of yours. No, a joke of hers. You don't tell jokes. Shepard?" she looks around, she must be here somewhere. She wouldn't die. Liara wouldn't tell her like this, as if she were reading off a casualty report, data, nothing significant. She looks at Liara's expression, steely and put together. "You're lying." She turns, looking in the shadows, looking at the people walking along. "Shepard!" she's desperate.
"Stop it."
"Why would you say such a thing?" Tali shoves her. Liara stumbles but only for a moment and then she's well put together again. "If Shepard is dead it would be all over the networks, all over the extranet! There's been nothing! Where is she? Where is she?" she demands loudly.
"In a box. You could fit her into a box. A small one." Liara sighs as if Tali were a terrible nuisance. "I thought you'd want to know." Tali looks at her helplessly, faint, as the tears run down her face. What is Liara seeing now? Her own blank expression? "Shepard always thought you were a little girl. She was right." She looks at her omni-tool and makes a few punches. "That's my cue. Goodbye, Tali'Zorah vas Neema. Don't hang on to this, to her. You won't be doing yourself any favors."
Tali grips the railing, hyperventilating, unable to sob as Liara leaves her. She settles to a sitting on the disgusting Omega floor, covering her face with her hands. Men and women walk past, ignoring her.
Tali retrieves supplies for the Flotilla, some crates of paste to eat and a good deal of scraps that she finds on Omega for next to nothing. She promises Han'Gerrell she would find supplies and she did. Anything to help the Neema or the Flotilla, is valuable, makes any trip worth it.
She delivers to Han'Gerrell a list of the supplies retrieved. Her voice sounds normal enough. With significant effort she can keep the shake from it but she can't manage any cheer. Tears are caked along her cheeks and neck.
Quarians are an open people, another thing they have little choice about. They can't see anyone's faces, can't tell their expressions. The only thing they have is body language, their voice, the openness of their words.
Tali doesn't want to share her sorrow with anyone. No one could possibly understand how much Shepard meant to her, not even if she was the Spectre who saved the galaxy. Even if Shepard was inappropriate and teased her, no one ever treated her so kindly. Maybe she babied her sometimes… ultimately, Tali wished that Shepard treated her more like an adult, like an equal—but in her own way, Shepard was trying to protect her.
Weren't they supposed to have a drink together? They'll never have that drink now.
You could fit her into a box. A small one.
Keelah. What was Shepard reduced to? Did Liara see her? Is that why she was that way? Broken? Not even a person anymore, made into some cold machine?
It will be okay, Tali. I promise.
"Shepard…" Tali heaves for breath before leaning into a wall, forcing herself to calm. "You liar."
The news of the Cerberus attack ripples through the Flotilla. There is not a soul she passes that isn't talking of the news. Golo, again! The bosh'tet isn't even worth a ship name. To have been exiled ten years ago for trying to sell young quarians to the Collectors is unforgivable enough—but to return to the Idenna after being shown mercy and to murder so much of the crew—all for the sake of what? Credits? For Cerberus? A terrorist organization that despises any race that isn't human?
As usual, Cerberus isn't above doing anything to further the human's cause. Tali doesn't know who Gillian Grayson is other than that she's a biotic. She thinks of Kaidan. From her understanding, human biotics are rare and are not comparably powerful to the asari. To kill off the majority of the crew of the Idenna, however, for some human biotic, to kill anyone for selfish reasons…
Tali has never hated anyone or anything. The geth are the closest she's come but even then she understands that the geth were fighting for survival. Cerberus isn't fighting for the survival of humanity. They're fighting for power at the expense of anyone else, damn those who stand in their way.
Shepard knew what a menace they were. Tali wishes someone would do something about them but no one else wants to acknowledge that they even exist. Were they really an Alliance black ops program? She can't take them out. She's only one quarian against an army of well-armed, well-funded soldiers, scientists, politicians? Who or what exactly is Cerberus? Besides an agent for chaos.
If Shepard were present the attack may have been stopped before the casualties reached the numbers they did. But the quarians have always been a self-sufficient people, taking care of their own matters. There's no use in thinking of Shepard. Shepard is dead. As painful as it is, Tali has accepted it.
Maybe if the quarians were better armed—no, no, not even then could they have taken the Cerberus agents down. What's worse is that the attack was so unexpected. The Flotilla isn't like the turian or human fleets, the batarians or the krogan. Their enemies consist of faulty wiring, ships that have taken too many beatings on their journey through the stars. Not groups or mercenaries specifically hunting them to get at something. They weren't prepared. They couldn't have been, even if they'd been given advanced warning.
What would Shepard do?
I'm not here to philosophize why they exist. I line up the shot and take it.
Tali smiles ruefully. Awful advice. Or maybe great advice. Next time she sees Cerberus, next time they think of interfering or hurting her people, she'll line up the shot, she'll take it.
Two years pass.
Shepard's death still isn't public knowledge. All they've done is replace her Alliance recruitment ads with some person she doesn't know. As if the Alliance can do better than Shepard. She tries not to be bitter about it. All she knows is that quarians would never be so disingenuous, would not just spit on the sacrifices made by a person and relegate them to nothing. She wonders what Shepard's mother thinks about it.
After all her talk of Shepard not contacting her mother, Tali hasn't seen much of her own father. She isn't sure whose fault that is and even taking the guess makes her feel guilty. Quarians are supposed to be more respectful, more reverent of family. Her father is an Admiral on the Rayya. He's a genius. It makes sense that he doesn't have time to return her messages or even make the meetings they arrange.
Tali accepts that he doesn't really care about her. She was always closer to her mother anyway. When she died, her father buried himself in work and politics, military strategy. He left her with Auntie Raan. She's the one who took care of her and listened to her cry.
Raan's voice always put her at ease and she never tires of telling her, just as Tali never tires of hearing it, how she synchronized suits with her mother, just to be there for her birth. When Tali found out about Shepard's death, it was Raan she visited. She never spoke of Shepard, not like she did before, but Raan's very presence was a comfort. Raan knew she was unhappy but she eventually stopped pressing.
Tali sighs thinking of her and stands from the small table she's been waiting at for hours now. Her father is not coming. If only he were as good at making their meetings as he is at pressing her to deliver whatever geth material she finds.
That's what the last two years has been. Raiding small geth outposts, officially to eliminate them—that's why Kal'Reeger goes, that's why Prazza, brash and stupid as he is, joins her. Unofficially she keeps returning pieces to him. He has become oddly specific in what he wants, recently. Tali does her best but some part of her feels that he is disappointed in her discretion. Tali doesn't want to think of what would happen and she was careless, she sent something that could spring to life.
She opens a message on her omni-tool: I take it something important has come up. Don't worry—I'm used to being the Admiral's daughter by now. Let me know when you have some time and I'll meet you at a destination of your choice. Love – Tali. P.S. How were the last pieces I sent you?
She receives a message back almost immediately. Tali brightens, hoping her father is on his way and she only need wait a few minutes more. The message pops open. Freedom's Progress has gone offline. Tali frowns. Veetor's there. Sweet, nervous, skittish Veetor. How does a human colony just go offline?
She fires off a message back, leaving the small restaurant, her father forgotten.
What do we know?
Freedom's Progress scares her. This is a colony of nearly a million people and there is no one in sight. What has happened here? What could have cut communication off so thoroughly? She has heard of human colonies disappearing. Is that what happened here? How are they disappearing? Where are they going?
Where is Veetor? Here somewhere. She has tracked him to a warehouse and now he's armed all the mechs on the premises. Fantastic. Poor Veetor. He must have been terrified to do that. They need to find a way to bypass the security he has set up. He's always been fragile. She's sent another small team of quarians ahead to alert her of any changes in the situation.
"We should go ahead," Prazza tells the two other quarians, Lazia vas Neema, Rilos vas Neema, "we don't have time to play with encryptions. Whatever he set up, we'll get through it."
"No way," Tali says sharply, looking away from the security board. "We've come too far to screw this up with recklessness. I know how you like to go in guns blasting but this isn't like fighting geth. Veetor's counting on us." Prazza's eyes narrow on her. The others look impatient. "In case any of you have forgotten, I'm the one with the most field experience and I'm in charge."
This wouldn't be a problem with Kal'Reegar. She told him not to come, that this would be a routine investigation, likely ending quickly and peacefully, now she's not so sure. Kal'Reegar is a good marine to have at her side. A fantastic soldier, thoughtful in battle, never one to fight recklessly. He's also too polite to her; she's unsure if he's intimidated by her father or by the legend that the quarians have made of her. It's sweet but she wishes he'd let his guard down around her. She's not so intimidating, is she?
Lazia peers out the window, looking to the sky. "Someone's landed. A shuttle."
"A shuttle…?" Tali doesn't know who could be here. Maybe the Alliance has sent out a reconnaissance team. "Keep an eye on it. Prazza, Rilos, guard the entrances. I'm going to keep working on an override. The faster we can get Veetor out of here, the better. "
"Yes, ma'am," Prazza grunts.
She glowers at him. She can tell he wants to belt her one. Hotheaded quarians like that are the reasons so few of them come back from ops. Tali returns her attention to overriding the security protocols Veetor has put into place.
"Three headed this way," Rilos says.
"No blind shooting," Tali warns, "nothing happens until I give the word, understood?" Rilos and Lazia nod but Prazza says nothing. "Prazza, have you gone deaf? I asked if you heard what I said?"
"Yes," he says through gritted teeth.
"Good. Soldiers who can't follow orders don't live very long." Except Shepa… She swallows the sharp sting of pain that coils around her unexpectedly from time to time, always blindsiding her. Tali hears the lifting of weapons as the door to the building hisses open. The shouts of Cerberus are in the air before Tali can even stand. So, Cerberus is here, too. But no, they can't start a firefight, not while Veetor is still here. Prazza is rushing forward, assault rifle at the ready, the others following his lead. No doubt they resent how quickly she rose in position through the Neema but she won't be soft and make bad decisions just to be popular. She stands agitatedly, glaring at the group, "Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this."
She turns to the group. Cerberus agents. Two of them she doesn't recognize, the stunning woman with cold eyes, the man, handsome, warmer but still Cerberus. Not to be trusted. The last. Her breath catches in her throat. Her lips move soundlessly. Not that anyone can see, can know the shock she's in, the sudden weakness in her limbs. "Shepard…?"
Prazza and the rest of the squad have been wiped out. The objective was to retrieve Veetor—she will be able to return him to the Migrant Fleet but the loss of her squad weighs on her. Their blood has soaked into the ground of the colony. Enough waiting. She doesn't want to leave Veetor with Cerberus for a moment longer, even if Shepard is inexplicably with them.
Tali walks into the dark cabin. The monitors display snow. One has gone black. She spots a bullet hole and looks at Shepard who smiles as if she's been caught in the midst of mischief. The bastards are trying to take Veetor back with them. Shepard thankfully sides with her. If she hadn't, if she'd let them take Veetor… She doesn't want to think of it.
Shepard has signaled for pickup. Tali ignores her as best as she can. Veetor is the focus and he needs her now. She goes to him; he's taken a seat on the chair again, head in his hands, rocking back and forth. "We'll have you back to the Flotilla soon, Veetor. Then this nightmare will be over."
"The swarms, the swarms," he mutters, "they took everybody, everybody."
"It doesn't matter now. You're safe." But it does matter and if Shepard is here and she's worried, it's unlikely that anything will stay safe much longer.
Jacob and Miranda (as Shepard has introduced them) look bored and irritated by her. She leaves the cabin with Shepard alongside of her, feeling as if she's in a dream or some bizarre nightmare. Snow falls slowly, clouding her facemask. She sighs.
"Figure you'd be looking more at me than at that cabin," Shepard tells her.
"Sorry, Shepard—but I'm not comfortable with leaving Veetor with those people, even if it's only for a few minutes."
Shepard barks out their names. They come to the entry of the building. "Go wait for extraction at the landing zone."
"You've got it, Commander," Jacob dutifully says, walking past them. Tali glares at him. Miranda rewards she and Shepard with a roll of her eyes.
Tali knows next to nothing about Miranda but she doesn't like her attitude, her superiority, how cavalier she is about an attack that killed too many of her people by an organization she is proudly involved in. "I cannot believe this Shepard. I cannot believe that you are working for Cerberus. You know what they've done. You've seen it first hand and you would still take their hand. Don't you know that they're tricking you?"
"I don't trust them, Tali. I know you're worried. This is greater than our past history with them," Shepard says dogmatically. How infuriating. As if Cerberus' attack on the Flotilla was so long ago! "The Collectors are kidnapping human colonies. Christ, they took this one." Tali doesn't know who Christ is. "Cerberus is the only one willing to do anything about it. Sometimes the ends justify the means."
"If you're saying something like that, then I'm really worried."
"It's always been my policy," Shepard tells her sharply.
Has it? Butcher of Torfan. Maybe Shepard's right. Maybe Tali only romanticized her. Oh, what a stupid girl she was! "That woman would have had you beat Veetor and drag him back to Cerberus. The only thing Cerberus cares about is Cerberus."
"Miranda's a bitch, no question. Great ass, though." Her eyes twinkle brightly. "She's earned the right to be a little cocky." Shepard tells Tali as if she wants to hear it. It doesn't matter. "Jacob's ex-Alliance but he's still Cerberus. This is why I need someone I can trust with me."
Yes. That's what Shepard mentioned before. Weeks ago Tali would have jumped at the chance. Even hours ago. Things aren't so simple anymore. It can't just be about what she wants. Going with her would be a betrayal to her people. They wouldn't understand that she was working for Shepard, not Cerberus. Not without convincing. "No way, Shepard. Not while you're with Cerberus. I never thought I'd see the day when you stood by them."
"You're pissed. I get it."
"You say you get it but I don't think you do." If she really understood could she dismiss everything so easily?
"Can't you just let me be happy to see you?" Shepard snaps. Tali looks at her. "This hasn't been easy for me. Two years have passed. Everything's gone to hell while I've been laid out flat on an operating table." Tali frowns gently, taking a seat next to Shepard on a cold, oversized crate. "For everyone else it's been two years but for me it's been weeks." There's a long moment. "Highlight so far has been hearing you bark orders to your squad. You're one hell of a spitfire."
"Maybe I had a pain in the ass commander for inspiration." Tali hesitates. It's so easy to be drawn back into conversation with Shepard. She still looks and sounds like Shepard. But she's missing scars. From her eyebrow, from her chin. They've been wiped away. Tali almost lifts her hand to touch her face but it isn't as if it'd feel any differently beneath her gloved hand. "They'd still be alive if they'd listened."
"You did what you could. I can't believe how different you are."
Tali smiles wryly. "Oh, you can tell, can you?" How? She's never seen her face. Is she taller?
"Sure I can. The way you carry yourself. You're talking back, that's something else. The last time I saw you, you were a girl. Now you've got a new suit, now…" There's a beat. "I die and you grow up. Circle of life?" she smirks.
Tali doesn't know what to say. She wonders if Shepard has remembered quarian tradition or if she's… no. No, she isn't doing that second thing. She'd be fooling herself if she thought that for a moment. Anyway, Shepard is with Cerberus now. As much as Tali may want to go with her she can't allow it. And she still has work to do. "Have you seen any of the others?" she asks.
She shakes her head. "I was going to ask you."
"Nobody since…" she takes a breath. "Since everything. There was Liara," she admits. "She's the one who told me about… about you…" she curls her fingers.
"The ship blowing to pieces didn't give it away?" Shepard asks lightly. Tali doesn't respond. How did Joker, who shatters upon taking a step, survive when Shepard didn't? "How's Liara?"
"Different." Terrifying. Is Shepard in love with her? Was she ever? Tali doesn't want to talk about her. "Anyway… as much as I'd like to stay and talk, I have to go. Veetor needs medical attention. I called for pick-up. They'll be here any minute and I'd prefer that they didn't have to deal with Cerberus operatives when they arrive. Unfortunately that now includes you."
"Isn't there any way I could change your mind?" Shepard asks. "Come on, my adventures are more fun than the Flotilla ones. They've gotta be. I have booze."
She acts like the same Shepard. Never taking anything seriously. "Even if that's true, Shepard…" she bites her tongue. She sees what she can only presume is the Cerberus shuttle sweeping in for pickup. "There are certain things that are expected of me. I can't run away from them just because you've asked."
"This was easier when I was your captain."
"Yes, but you aren't anymore." She begins to return to Veetor.
Shepard looks after her, her expression somewhat vexed and frustrated, the petulant child who didn't get to steal the toy she wanted. "I can be stubborn too, Tali'Zorah. You're going to be a part of my crew again, even if I have to kidnap you and throw you onboard until you change your mind."
"Then maybe Cerberus suits you," Tali says sharply. She has responded too vehemently to something that had clearly been a joke.
Shepard's features soften until the only indication of an expression on her face is the line along her brow, contemplative or sad, angry, she isn't sure. Tali wonders if she's terrible at reading faces. "I'm real sorry that my getting spaced was inconvenient for you."
Tali pales and goes cold. Keelah, that is not what she meant. She takes a breath. "Shepard. Don't get the wrong idea. No matter what happened here tonight—seeing you again…alive… is the happiest moment I've had in two years."
Shepard smirks faintly. "Me too." Snow blows through the air, settling on Shepard's hair and armor. She looks at Tali. "Promise me you'll be careful?"
Tali shakes her head. "Promises between people like us are dangerous things."
She looks at Tali, jaw tightening before bringing her fingers to her earpiece and turning away. "I'm heading your way. Prepare to evacuate."
Tali looks away from her before the snow takes her, before she is swallowed again before her eyes. Cerberus is here and Shepard is working for them. So much for lining up and taking the shot.