A/N: OK, so i'm not sure if this is really what you wanted but this is the way the muses anchanting song led me so...
thanks again to Sarah and Jess. You two are the best!
Thanks also to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you guys rock. I know i didn't get the opportunity to thank you all in person...i will get around to that. Without much further ado, the next chapter if you please:
Chapter 2:
Catherine and Sara weren't given a case to work together for the next month; Grissom trying his best to avoid a dispute. He didn't know they had already had words over it. He didn't know what had transpired between them. Hell, Sara didn't know.
Every now and then Catherine would catch Sara studying her curiously and she would send her a smile causing the confused look to cross Sara's face once again. By the time Grissom finally deemed it safe to pair them together Sara had gotten used to the idea, in fact the thought of it brought a smile to her face. She was flattered.
Now, while working a case, Catherine would compliment her one a job well done. She didn't bother to pretend she wasn't staring. To Catherine's surprise when Sara caught her staring she grinned causing Catherine to smile. Sara's smile really was beautiful.
The change did amazing things for the team. Sara and Catherine were unstoppable now. Every case they worked together they solved. Both their personal solve rates, and also the team's solve rates, went up. They found they balanced each other perfectly, Catherine's people skills to Sara's analytical ones; Sara's determination and dedication with Catherine's common sense and reason.
The change was noticed by the guys in the team as well, Grissom happily paired them together on more cases. The guys became more relaxed in their presence, not scared that something was going to set them off into one of their arguments. Sara was, on the whole, happier and with Catherine watching her back she was healthier too. The older woman made sure that Sara ate during a long shift, and she insisted that she get some sleep. Sara grumbled but surprisingly she allowed the blonde to take charge. Now that she understood her motivation she didn't continually think that Catherine was trying to out do her, she realised she was looking out for her, and it made a nice change.
--
"Happy birthday Cath" Warrick beamed as Catherine opened the door dressed in her cotton pyjama bottoms and a singlet top. Behind him the rest of the night shift was standing on her front porch, identical grins covering their faces.
"We come bearing gifts and party food" Sara announced, "You going to let us in?"
"I specifically said I didn't want a party" Catherine sighed, stepping back and opening her front door to allow them through.
"You really thought we were going to ignore your big 4 0?" Nick asked grinning.
"I'd hoped so, yes." Catherine replied not able to wipe the smile off her face. "Like I need all of you reminding me how old I'm getting."
"At least you don't look it" Grissom chided, wrapping her in a one armed hug and kissing her cheek.
"Besides, we brought booze" Greg grinned holding up the bag he was carrying which bore the local bottle shop's name across it in bold letters.
"Well, in that case, come in" Catherine stated, only half sarcastically.
--
They were all sitting on the floor around Catherine's coffee table, Lindsey included, laughing and chowing down on the Chinese food and pizza they had brought, most of them sipping a beer or, in Catherine's case, a glass of wine.
"You got any more glasses Catherine?" Sara asked standing up.
"Sure, cupboard above the fridge" Catherine replied leaning back against the couch as she enjoyed the first opportunity she had had to eye Sara's body since she got here.
"Thanks" Sara smirked, fully aware of what Catherine was doing.
Catherine beamed as she watched Sara walking into her kitchen, noticing the extra sway in Sara's hips for her benefit. Once again she was grateful she had told Sara exactly how she felt. Sure things had been awkward for a time, but now they were good. Not fantastic, Catherine thought with a pang of wishfulness, but good.
"Pass the bottle?" Sara asked as she settled back to her spot on the floor.
"You've got the night off then?" Catherine asked as she handed her the bottle of red wine she had uncorked earlier.
"Yup" Sara answered, pouring herself a glass.
When they had finished eating Lindsey finally broached the subject of gifts, "When are you going to open your presents mum?"
"Now" Greg answered for Catherine as he scrambled to grab the bag he had carefully placed behind him.
Catherine smiled eagerly as she was handed her first present, the label saying it was from Greg. As she slid her fingers under the tape Greg handed the bag around so each person could get their gift out and hand it to her personally.
Catherine smiled as she crossed over to the CD player, placing in one of the CD's Greg had given her and pushing play. "They're a compilation mix thing" Greg explained. "Just a whole lot of songs to—broaden your musical appreciation" he smiled.
"Thanks Greg, they're great" Catherine smiled warmly.
Her next present was from Grissom and it was a book, one of the new thrillers that she had been considering actually bothering to buy, thinking she might get time to read it in the next ten years.
From Nick she received a pair of earrings and from Warrick a bottle of her favourite perfume. Catherine had saved Sara's gift for last on purpose. Of course, she wasn't expecting to receive what she really wanted.
Sara bit her lip as she handed her present over to Catherine, it was just a slim silver envelope, but she figured the blonde would appreciate it.
"Dinner at the Bellagio for two huh? In one of the private rooms?" Catherine was stunned.
"Yup, for you and whoever" Sara shrugged but her eyes never left Catherine's.
Catherine suddenly felt her heart flutter, she had to be imagining things. It had been almost three months ago that she had confessed her feelings for Sara, surely if she had felt the same she would have done something before now. "Pity I don't know anyone who wants to come with" Catherine remarked lightly.
"I'm sure you can find someone" Sara responded with a smile. "Just make sure it's someone you like."
Catherine felt a huge smile spread across her face.
"I'm sorry Catherine but it looks like we have to get going" Grissom stated getting to his feet.
"That's fine, duty calls" Catherine nodded her head, getting to her feet as well to see them to the door. "Guys?" she called after them as they crossed her front lawn to their cars. "Thanks for coming"
--
When Catherine returned to the living room she found Sara still sitting cross legged on her living room floor, only now Lindsey's head was resting on Sara's knee. "I think it's time for bed, don't you?" Catherine asked from the doorway.
"But mum, I was talking to Sara" Lindsey protested.
"You can talk to her another time" Catherine insisted.
"But Sara doesn't come over here, not ever" Lindsey whined.
"Well…how about Sara stays the night" Catherine suggested, her heart in her throat as she turned her attention to Sara. "That way you can talk to her in the morning, and I can talk to her now. And she won't have to fork out money for a cab."
"You sure Cath?" Sara suddenly looked nervous.
"Sure I'm sure" Catherine beamed at her. "If you want I can make up the guest room."
"Err…ok, I guess" Sara agreed tentatively.
"Great" Lindsey grinned enthusiastically. She wrapped her arms around Sara and hugged the surprised woman tightly, "See you in the morning Sara." She smiled.
"See you in the morning" Sara replied, still seemingly surprised.
Catherine was looking decidedly amused. "C'mon Lindsey, bed"
--
When Catherine came back down stairs after tucking Lindsey in Sara was staring into the middle distance looking thoughtful. "What are you thinking about?" Catherine asked sitting down beside Sara. Now that it came to it she was nervous, she didn't know what to do or what to say.
"You, us, Lindsey…Eddie" Sara sighed and sipped her wine, avoiding meeting Catherine's gaze. "That's we were talking about, me and Lindsey…"
"Oh?" Catherine enquired, a little confused.
"She misses him." Sara stated, staring at the ground. "When I was working the case…I told her about my own father, how he was killed when I was thirteen. She was asking me if I ever stopped missing him."
"What did you say?" Catherine asked with baited breath. She knew enough to know that this was the make or break conversation. From here she and Sara would choose one of two paths, either friendship, or a relationship.
"Truthfully, I don't think I actually ever missed him." Sara confessed. "I was relieved…the beatings stopped…he…he didn't…he didn't come into my room at night" Sara heard Catherine's gasp and bowed her head. "But…I told Lindsey I missed having a father.
Catherine found her hand was trembling as she reached out for Sara's. Finally the brunette met her gaze, offering her a sad smile in spite of everything. "Y'know, I never thanked you for that" Catherine whispered. "For Eddie's case. I know you tried your best…I wanted to thank you, for that and for kicking my ass when I needed it. And…also, I'm sorry for what I said that day. I didn't mean it."
"Yes you did." Sara whispered, "At the time you meant it, and you were right. I'm sorry I couldn't solve it." she whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry for" Catherine protested vehemently. "No, I mean it Sara. You tried your best, and in your shoes I would have done the same thing"
Sara smiled, "Thankyou Catherine" she stated.
Catherine smiled back, noticing the indication of how far they had come since the Julie Waters case. Sara was now accepting compliments gracefully. "Well done" Catherine congratulated her, pleased. She liked to think that Sara's increased self esteem has something to do with her.
Catherine felt the smile leave her face as Sara fixed her with a serious look. "There's some things…some things I need to tell you" she started. "You need to know before…before we can try anything, ok?"
Catherine nodded gravely.
"I told you my father parents beat me. I told you my father used to…used to sneak into my room at night and…he used to…used to touch me" Sara struggled with the words, her eyes now steadily fixed on the floor. "I told you my father died when I was thirteen…my mother killed him…she stabbed him to death with a kitchen knife…and I was the only witness. I grew up in foster care…so…I'm not used to people caring…it…it might take me a while…to get used to this." Sara looked up at Catherine hopefully, "That is, if you still want to give us a go."
Catherine was shell shocked for a moment, she had never imagined that something so terrible could have happened to Sara. The younger woman always seemed so strong; how on earth could she bear that burden without it showing?
Sara mistook her pause as hesitation and reluctantly she pulled her hand away. She couldn't blame Catherine, could she? She was damaged goods. Messed up. No one deserved to have to deal with that.
"No, Sara." Catherine protested reaching out for Sara's hand again. "I do, I want to try this, us…I was just shocked, that's all. That someone could survive all that and turn into the wonderful person that you are." Catherine pulled Sara's hand towards her, placing a soft kiss into her palm. "I want you" she said seriously causing a red flush to colour the younger woman's cheeks. "Now, I need to set some ground rules. You already know that I like you a lot, so you probably know that I don't want just a fling. This has to be the real deal Sara. If you're not prepared to go the distance tell me now. I'm not saying forever, but I'm saying that might be a possibility" her gaze was serious and Sara felt her own hand start to tremble at the idea.
Once forever might have scared her and sent her running, but now the idea of forever, while still terrifying, was some how exciting; something to look forward to, maybe to aspire to. She nodded slowly. "I can go that distance" she answered truthfully.
"Are you sure Sara? It took you three months to get around to even asking me out after I let you know I was more than interested."
"I'm sure." Sara answered with conviction. "Three months is long enough to work out what I feel for you, don't you think? Long enough to consider all the possibilities of where this might go wrong and whether you're worth it. And you are Catherine. So yes, I can go that distance."
Catherine coloured under Sara's intense stare, her chocolate brown eyes dark with want and promise, Sara's fingers brushing lightly against her hand. "Good" she croaked out, averting her eyes for a moment to regain some composure. "Also, there's Lindsey. You know me well enough to know I will never choose you over her. She is a part of my life and you need to be able to deal with that. As we've established forever as a possibility I want you to have some role in her life. Previously I've kept Lindsey and my love life separate to protect her, but not this time."
"I can do that" Sara nodded. "Like I said, three months is long enough to think about this, and everything that might effect us. Lindsey is a great kid Cath, you've done a fantastic job with her, and I would feel privileged if you'd let me be a part of her life."
"Good" Catherine sent Sara a wide smile.
"Now I need to set some ground rules" Sara started. "I have baggage, it might not be as tangible as a child…but you have to understand that at times…the past comes back to haunt me. I have nightmares from back then, if that happens you need to leave, I don't want to hurt you. Also, sometimes there will be periods where I can't stand to be touched, it might be for just a minute it might last a few weeks. Understand that I need my space when that happens, and it's got nothing to do with you. Most of my previous relationships ended because my lovers couldn't understand this, so I need to know you know what you've getting into, ok?"
Catherine nodded slowly, "I can deal with that Sara, but I don't know if I can leave the room if you're having a nightmare." She knew she had to be honest otherwise the first time Sara had a nightmare and she didn't leave Sara would take it as an indication that they wouldn't work and she would leave Catherine.
Sara's eyes darkened as she scowled. "You have to Catherine. You don't understand how bad they get. I get lost in my head and you know enough to know it's not pretty in there."
"I don't care." Catherine insisted, "I couldn't leave you"
"I should go then" Sara stated, her jaw clenching as she turned her eyes to the ground again.
Catherine sighed, glancing up as she blinked back tears; she could almost feel her heart breaking. "You promised Lindsey you'd be here in the morning" Catherine pointed out. "I'll go and make up the spare room." Slowly she rose, unsteady on her feet. With a leaden heart she ascended the stairs.
A/N: please please please review...elsewise i won't make it better.