A/N: I decided to make a hilarious twist on the identities of the prisoners.
PART II: PRISON BREAK
That night, Chrom woke up in a prison, still wearing his swimsuit. He looked around. His Falchion and magic were gone. All he had was one Concoction, and that wasn't enough to subsist on. Chrom screamed like a little girl at his horror of being pathetic and without a way to defend himself.
For two days, Chrom didn't know what to do. He was bent on escaping. But after a while, he had a clever solution. He decided to climb up the window and try to break the grating. A guard noticed him.
"HEY! YOU THERE!"
The guard rushed into Chrom's room and started to beat Chrom with his stick. Chrom ran out of his cell and saw the seven other cells in BAY C, six of which were occupied. He looked inside one of them and saw a burly prisoner. He opened the door with a button and let the prisoner out. Chrom ran around freeing more prisoners. The thugs beat the guard to death.
Chrom entered the empty cell farthest from his room. He did some fiddling around with the blocks until he found a way to the roof. He saw that it was full of barbed wire.
"Oh my gods!" said Chrom. "That looks super-duper painful!"
Chrom made sure to walk carefully. For some odd reason, this didn't hurt Chrom. Actually, it helped Chrom reach the switch on the other end. Chrom pulled it, opening a trap door. Chrom climbed down the ladder and found himself in an air duct. He walked forward and fell through the air duct. Another guard was there, but took no notice of the freak in the green swim trunks. Chrom saw a switch, and pulled it. This opened the gate to BAY C. The prisoners ran in and killed the guard. Then Chrom noticed something weird - the prisoners had zippers on the backs of their necks.
Chrom asked about them.
"Who are you guys?" asked Chrom.
One prisoner pulled his zipper down. It turned out that he wasn't even a man - it was Chrom's little sister Lissa. She was wearing a sexy yellow one-piece swimsuit with a skirt over it. The other three prisoners took off their disguises. One of them was a brunette man in a black thong. The second was a white-haired man in a purple and lavender striped speedo. The third was a woman with short red hair in a red and white bikini.
"Frederick? Robin? Sully?"
"Those bastards arrested us too because we were suspicious," said Sully. "We made these costumes so we'd look like stereotypical prisoners. Then the guards wouldn't think we were really Fire Emblem characters. Those pricks."
"Here's Keycard Type A," said Robin. "Hopefully, it will get us out of here."
"We're all trying to escape," said Lissa. "But we don't know the way out."
"I'll help!" said Chrom.
"Okay," said Frederick. "Do you think I'm sexy?"
Chrom ran over to the other barred door and put the keycard in. He went into BAY D. He made his way to the bathroom since he needed to poop. He chose one toilet, and started to sing Sittin On Tha Toilet while he pooped. Then he flushed. He pushed a button, going into the storage room, and pushed the big boxes around. Then he jumped into the room above. He flipped the switch to flood the storage room. Then he swam through the room to another top room. He ran around laughing until he found himself outside.
"Too bad I can't jump off the roof," said Chrom. "That would be cheating."
He ran across the roof, jumping over a barbed wire, until he reached a room with a switch. He pulled the switch. Then he made his way back along the roof. He eventually found himself in the empty kitchen. The way out was blocked by a fan.
"I wonder what prison food tastes like," said Chrom.
Chrom tasted the prison food in the pot. He barfed.
Chrom pushed a button to open the door. He left the room and saw two more buttons. He pushed both of them, letting out a guard. Chrom ran through the kitchen and made his way back to his friends, who had put their disguises back on just in case. Frederick beat the guard to death and Chrom stole the guard's Concoction.
"Thanks, guys," said Chrom. "You can take off the disguises now."
"No problemo," said Robin. The four of them took off their disguises.
"Good luck getting us out!" said Lissa.
"But first," said Chrom, "let's steal the guards' food."
The five of them stole the guards' food from the office and ate in the mess hall. On the way, Chrom had pushed the button. This removed the gratings around the fan. Chrom bade his friends farewell and made his way to the fan, carefully passed it, and made his way to the crawlspace. Then he crawled through.
Chrom saw a ladder at the edge. He climbed it to the top, reaching a room with another prisoner, who was talking to himself. Chrom recognized his voice. It was Ricken. Chrom pulled the zipper on the back of his neck and saw Ricken with stilts. Ricken had on a dark blue speedo. He looked at Chrom.
"Aren't you a little young to go to jail?" asked Chrom.
"They thought I was suspicious too," said Ricken. "Those freaks with the sticks are evil. Donnel and Henry sent me to distract the guards. How do I get out?"
"I don't know," said Chrom.
Ricken used the handprint scanner to open the trapdoor above. Chrom climbed the grating on the wall until he reached BAY E. Ricken followed him since he was getting a little scared being all alone like that.
Chrom picked up the Concoction. Then he turned around and saw Ricken.
"Ricken," said Chrom, "this is dangerous for a little boy."
"I'm not little!" said Ricken. "I'm big!"
"Well, big boy," said Chrom. "Stay here near the grating until I say it's safe. There's a guard at the top."
Ricken agreed. Chrom ran up to the top, distracting the guard. Since to the right was a gun turret, Chrom figured to find another way to distract the beast. He ran downstairs to a prison cell, where he saw two prisoners. One of them responded when Chrom opened the door with the button. The other just lay on the bed and laughed. Chrom led the prisoner up to the guard, and the prisoner beat him to death. Chrom snatched the Keycard Type B from him.
The prisoner took off his disguise. It was Donnel. He had on a light blue speedo.
"Howdy!" said Donnel. "I ain't used to rassling those guards, but I sure kill 'em good! Yeehaw!"
Ricken came upstairs, knowing it was safe.
"I'm here, Chrom!" said Ricken.
"Okay," said Ricken. "I'll wait with Donnel."
"Sure thing," said Chrom. "Just don't get beaten to death."
Chrom used the keycard to open the control room. He stole the Elixir inside, and pushed the button to turn off the gun turret. Chrom then ran passed the gun turret, blowing a raspberry since it couldn't kill him, and went down to the sandy area below. A guard was patrolling, so Chrom ran into the hallway to the left, which was connected to the hallway where Donnel was. Chrom opened the door. Inside were two more big guys. Chrom led them to the guard, where the big guys killed the guard. Chrom stole the Yellow Security Pass from the guard.
The prisoners took off their disguises. It was Gregor and Lon'qu. Gregor was wearing a red thong. Lon'qu was wearing beige swim trunks.
"Gregor is very grateful for Chrom having freed him," said Gregor.
"Is anyone else here needing to be freed?" asked Chrom.
"Tharja, Cordelia, Maribelle, and Stahl have all escaped," said Lon'qu. "Nowi and Tiki were here too, but I don't know what happened to them. And there's one more prisoner in the room near us. Guess who he is."
Chrom went to open the door to the other hallway. Then he saw Donnel and Ricken with the weird prisoner.
"I bet you can't guess who this is!" said Ricken.
Ricken pulled the zipper off the prisoner. It was Henry. Henry was clad in a black speedo.
"Ooh," said Henry. "Those guards are bleeding all over the place. Isn't that nice?"
"Yup," said Chrom. "That's Henry, all right. You five stay here. I'm going to go forward."
Chrom bade them farewell, and used the Yellow Security Pass to open the hangar. He made his way to the hangar area. He saw a plane inside. Chrom then went forward and saw a guard. He crawled through the space. Then he went to the switch. As the guard came around, Chrom flipped the switch, frying the guard. Chrom jumped over the switch and ran through the hallway to a second BAY C.
At the end of the hallway, Chrom saw a huge satellite tower.
"WOW!" said Chrom. "THAT THING IS SO...BIG!"
Chrom explored the satellite tower, amazed at the huge thing. He explored some tunnels that led to a control room. Maribelle was there. Chrom was a little shocked that she was out of her disguise, which hung on the walls. Instead, she was wearing a pink dress over a pink swimsuit.
"Isn't it dangerous to be out of that creepy disguise?" asked Chrom.
"I don't want to spend all my time in that sweaty, peasant disguise," said Maribelle. "Plus I disposed of the guards already. They told me to rig the computers until it was ready to move the satellite. Just press that button."
Chrom pressed the button. It moved the satellite, which made a weird sound. Chrom made his way back to the tower. He jumped down the hole that was under the satellite, screamed like a little girl, and fell in the water. He surfaced in a room and climbed ashore. He jumped around a bit until he reached a corridor. He ran the long corridor to the end, where there was a switch. Chrom pulled it. It opened a door. Chrom went back to the pool room, swam through the underwater door, and made his way to another room.
Chrom entered the crawlspace and saw a guard. Unfortunately, there was no one who could kill him, so Chrom needed to avoid him. He carefully went to the right. He climbed up the ladder, leading him to the base of the tower. He ran around and climbed another ladder and went up the hallway. A guard at the top looked distracted, so Chrom walked to the right, climbed into the duct to take a second Yellow Security Pass, and went back the way he came. When we went back to near the room with the guard, he used the Yellow Security Pass to close a hatch over the fan. He climbed the nearby ladder to a room above the pool, and dropped down. He swam down, taking an Energy Drop, and swam down the long, winding tunnel, picking up a Concoction on the way. Chrom used the Concoction to heal himself. Then he quickly got out of the tunnel, opened a hatch with a lever, and surfaced. He jumped over the lasers and swam into the white-walled tunnel nearby. Then he surfaced.
Chrom found himself in a big room. He saw a prisoner.
"Chrom," said the prisoner, "I know where your Falchion is." The prisoner had a woman's voice. The prisoner led Chrom to a room and pressed the button. She then took off her masculine disguise. It was Cordelia. She had on a blue bikini.
"Thanks, Chrom," she said, smiling.
"No," said Chrom, "thank you."
Chrom ran inside and saw an Elixir, his magic book, and his beloved Falchion! He took all of them.
"Now I can kill and cast spells," said Chrom. "I'M STRONG AGAIN!"
Chrom took a long way back to the room with the satellite. He killed the guard near the ladders. Then he went to the room with the second Yellow Security Pass to kill the other guard. Chrom took his Keycard Type B to open a hatch. Inside there was a book with some dark magic.
"This will be useful," said Chrom.
Again, Chrom took a long way back to the big room near where he found his Falchion. He ran up the hallway with a conveyor belt. He stabbed a guard on the way. At the top two prisoners wer trying to fight four guards and a German shepherd. They looked overwhelmed, so Chrom decided to assist them by using Goetia to kill them. He took a Blue Security Pass from one of them. The prisoners then took off his disguises. It was Stahl and Tharja. Stahl had on a dark green speedo, while Tharja had on a red bikini.
"I wish I didn't have to fight in that sweaty disguise," said Tharja. "No one could see my sexy ass."
Chrom wolf whistled.
"Is that everyone?" asked Chrom.
"Just about," said Stahl. He looked over to the gate. "Over there's the exit, but you've still got to find Nowi and Tiki. They're in Area 51. Looks like you've got to free them. I'll go to the main control room to summon the others. You go to Area 51."
"I'll meet you up later then," said Chrom.
Chrom bade farewell to Stahl and Tharja and climbed up the ladder near the top of the ramp. He used the Blue Security Pass to open the room. Inside was a guard, who Chrom stabbed. Chrom pushed the two buttons in the room. One opened the gate outside, and one turned on the conveyor belt.
Chrom made his way back down the ramp and back into the big room. He climbed onto a box, and climbed up the ladder to the ceiling grating. Chrom made monkey sounds as he swung across. He carefully avoided the moving hook. made his way to a room with a guard, and killed the guard. The guard dropped a third Yellow Security Pass. Chrom took it and went back the way he came.
Before going to use the third Yellow Security Pass, Chrom went up the ramp. He saw everyone he freed at the top, near the open security gate.
"Now we can get out of here," said Lissa.
"But I can't," said Chrom.
"That's okay," said Robin. "We won't leave this desert until you're out of here."
"I wonder what they do in Area 51," said Ricken.
"They do all sorts of gory experiments with aliens," said Henry. "It's so cool - and full of alien blood and guts!"
Chrom gulped. He said bye to everyone and ran back down to the big room. He put in the Yellow Security Pass and opened the gate. He ran through to Bay X, which was the loading dock. He killed a few more guards, and stole a Concoction. He then walked inside the truck. Afterwards, he heard some guards coming. He hid behind a box and watched as the guards closed the truck. He took a can of Coca-Cola out of a box and drank it as the truck rode to Area 51.
"I bet Area 51's going to be fun."