Summary: Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman are chosen to command the annual civilian training trip off world. Besides the fact they're babysitting a bunch of eggheads for three days, they've got bigger problems. Like the freakin' stargate not working.
Author's Note: Thanks for all the wonderful feedback last chapter! Free hugs all 'round. Oh, and special thanks to Zandra's's Ashes who's great advice helped me tweak this around and make it better (hopefully!). Once again, reviews are love, flames will be used to heat my house!
Oh, and the times for the obstacle course are probably awful, and nowhere near what they should be, cause I'm just guessing here!
Disclaimer: 'Fraid I don't about Stargate Atlantis, or any of the Stargate franchise. Wouldn't say no to owning Major Lorne though.. ;)
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"Up and at 'em sunshine!" Laura yelled, banging a pot loudly. "We gotta lot of ground to cover, and not a lot of time to do it in."
Groaning and moaning reached her ears, and Laura sighed.
"Don't make me force you outta the tents, 'cause you aren't gonna like that."
At that, disgruntled scientist's began to emerge from the tents, half dressed and looking rather tired.
"Everyone have a good nights sleep?" She asked, smirking.
"I can't sleep outdoors.." Dr Alistair Harris grumbled.
"I liked sleeping in a tent. Reminds me of back when I was a teenager, at summer camp." Dr Eilish Murphy yawned. She was the only Irish astrophysicist on the expedition, and talked non-stop.
"What did you do as a teenager?" Alistair grumbled. "I never slept in a tent."
"That's cause you didn't have a life when you were a teenager." Eilish retorted. "Is there any coffee?"
Laura pointed towards Evan's bag. "In there."
Eilish shuffled toward the bag, and rifled through it. "Eh, Lieutenant? Hate to break it to ya girl, but theres no coffee here."
"Really?" Laura was surprised. "Could have sworn I through that in Major Lorne's bag.."
"Check your own." Evan said from his position on the opposite side of the little camp.
Laura bent down, and had a look through her own bag. "Huh. No coffee there either. Guess you'll have to do without.
The scientists had begun to panic as soon as she stood up empty handed. For a bunch of total geniuses, they really depended on coffee.
Tory Biro looked like she was going to have a heart attack, Alistair, Radek, and Dr Aimee Jones had all gone various un-healthy shades of red and white, and even Eilish's almost permanent beaming smile had dropped off her face.
"Um, sir? Colonel Carter didn't happen to give you a 101 on living with coffee deprived scientists for three days, did she?" Laura asked.
Evan shook his head. "I think most people just run the other way when they don't have coffee, but that's not an option here."
Before anyone could say, or do anything else, Peter Kavanagh emerged from his tent.
"Wazz goin' on?" He asked his eyes blearily, and full of sleep.
"Theres no coffee." Eilish explained in a slightly horrified voice.
The half asleep scientist immediately woke up. "No coffee? Are you being serious?"
Laura nodded slowly.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
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"My ears are still ringing from Kavanagh's scream-a-thon earlier." Laura moaned, shaking her head to the left and right.
"Just like the rest of us." Eilish grumbled. "How much longer are we going to be waking?"
It was about the millionth time someone had asked them that, and Laura was just about ready to swing for someone.
"You'll know," She began in a deathly calm tone. "When we get there."
"And when will that be?" Peter piped up.
Laura felt every sane thought go out of her head, and the red mist came down.
"For Christ's sake! If one more person asks me if we're there yet, how long are we going to be, or can we stop, I swear to god I will shoot you!" She screamed, loosing her temper.
"Lieutenant.." Evan said warningly. They were bugging him to, but threatening to shoot people wasn't such a good idea.
Peter did complain about everything, and it was ignored by the SGC and higher up's as a general rule, but they might take reports of Laura shooting the guy a little more seriously.
"I'm sorry sir," She said, not meaning it. "But I will have to shoot them, or myself if they don't shut up."
"Preferably yourself.." Peter mumbled under his breath.
Evan whirled around. "What did you say?" he snapped, his own temper beginning to wan. Cadman was one of his best friends, and really didn't like hearing that.
Peter looked nervous. "N-nothing Major." he stuttered.
Evan ignored him, and turned to the rest of the group. "You can thank Kavanagh and his comment for the extra hike you'll all have to do before we stop and set up camp." He said, returning to his usual calm and collected persona.
"I think that hill there would be a good place to start, don't you Lieutenant?" He asked, looking at his 21C, pointing out a steep hill.
"I think that's a great place to start, sir." She smiled sweetly.
Evan nodded. "Off we go then."
They set off at a fast pace, the five other scientist's mumbling insults at Kavanagh. The two officer's up front barely held back laughter as they heard the childlike insults, and more colourful insults directed at Kavanagh.
He really didn't try make people like him, did he?
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It was mid-morning by time they made it over the hill, and everyone was pissed off.
The scientists were annoyed because they had to climb a mountain because of Peter damn Kavanagh, and Evan and Laura were pissed because they had to listen to all their whining.
Thankfully, the scientists had realised a few hours before that constantly asking when they were going to get there was an extremely bad idea, because it only made Evan and Laura go slower, and take more detours, but their arguements over TV shows, and movies, and games, and theoretical astrophysics were enough to drive anyone up the wall.
The two soldiers had tried to block them out by starting up their own conversations about guns, and movies, and cars but Peter's whiny voice always seemed to interrupt them.
Lorne stopped when they arrived in the clearing John had found for them when he surveyed the planet in a puddle jumper, and dumped his bag on the ground.
Laura followed his example, rolling her shoulder's to get the stiffness out of them.
The six scientists stumbled into the clearing, promptly collapsing in a heap.
"Alright, you lot set up camp." Evan ordered.
Cue the chorus of moans, and groans.
"Its part of the course." Evan interrupted. "And you're all gonna do it."
"Where are you going then?" Peter asked.
"Myself and Lieutenant Cadman are going to set up an obstacle course, which you will all have to run about ten times if camp still isn't set up by time we get back." Evan answered.
"Have fun!" Laura said sweetly.
They set off through the trees that almost completely surrounded the clearing, so where John said he Teyla, and Ronan had started to make some sort of obstacle course.
The pair walked in silence until they came to another clearing, where the course was.
"Whoa. Did Colonel Sheppard said he started making a little course?" Laura asked, her jaw almost hitting the floor. "'Cause that is anything but a half finished little course."
Evan nodded in agreement. "He said that Ronon added in some Satedan stuff, so that should be fun."
"What we have to finish? Sir?" Laura asked as the looked at the structure.
It looked like any military course you'd find on earth, with climbing walls, ropes to climb, nets to crawl under, with odd looking Satedan and Athosian obstacles thrown into the midst.
"We'll have to give it a go to find out." Evan smirked, and he ran for the first climbing wall.
"Cheater!" Laura yelled after him, running to catch up.
They were only a quarter of the way through when screaming make them stop in their attempts to climb an almost sheer wooden wall.
They both dropped down almost simultaneously, and ran for the camp, worried.
"This planet is un-inhabited, right?" Laura asked, shoving a branch out of her way.
Her CO nodded. "Yeah, Dr McKay and Colonel Sheppard did a full check of the planet."
"Then what the fuck is wrong?"
They burst into the clearing, to see what the hell was wrong.
Two of the tents were on fire.
"Christ! Did anyone think of putting the damn thing out?" Laura screamed, grabbing a bucket and bolting for the stream near the clearing, Evan close behind her.
After a few trips to and from the river, they got the fire out, leaving them looking at tow completely ruined, smoking tents and six freaked out scientists.
"What happened?" Evan demanded.
No answer.
"What happened?" He repeated.
"Peter though it would be a good idea to lit a fire." Tory mumbled.
"At two in the afternoon? Smart Kavanagh." Laura rolled her eyes. "Did you try light it inside the tent or something?"
Peter shook his head. "I lit it kind of close to the tents, so we'd be warm."
"And you didn't take into account the fact that the wind was blowing towards the tents?"
Peter shook his head again.
"I swear to god, you're like a bunch of children." Laura sighed, and began pulled the ruined tents from the ground.
"No one's sleeping comfortably for the next two nights now, thanks again to Kavanagh." Evan said, looking at the tents. "Who's tents were they?"
"Mine and Lieutenant Cadman's." Eilish said.
"Mine and yours." Alistair mumbled.
"Great." Now Evan had nowhere to sleep. "Dr Harris, you bunk in with Kavanagh and Radek, Dr Murphy you bunk in with Dr Biro and Dr Jones."
"But, they're only tow an tents!" Alistair groaned.
"Once again, thank Kavanagh." Laura said, wiping her ashy hands off her BDU.
"Where are you and Lieutenant Cadman going to sleep?" Aimee asked
Evan turned to his 2IC. "How does the great outdoors sound Lieutenant?"
"Great sir."
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"You're going to be timed running this course, and your aim is to beat a certain time." Laura explained, holding up a stopwatch to the group.
"What time would that be?" Tory piped up.
"Mine, and Major Lorne's." Laura replied, handing her stopwatch to the woman. Evan handed his to Radek, and the two officers lined up at the starting line.
"No cheating this time sir." Laura warned, getting ready to run.
"Look who's talking!" Evan retorted.
"I loved that movie." Laura laughed.
"So the jarhead has a soft side? Who'd have guessed?" Evan teased.
Laura looked at her commanding officer. "I hope you can actually fly, flyboy, 'cause imma 'bout to whoop your ass. Sir."
"Ready?" Radek asked in his heavily accented English.
They nodded.
"Go!"
The six scientists watched as Evan and Laura took off over the first climbing wall at a ferocious pace.
"I think they genuinely enjoy doing these courses." Alistair said in wonder.
"That is madness." Radek shook his head, wondering how anyone could enjoy getting muddy and climbing over wooden structures. "Madness." He repeated.
The scientists stood in silence, until the yells and shouts of Laura and Evan broke the silence.
"So close flyboy, but so far away!" they heard Laura tease. "Sir."
"Yeah, we're not done yet!" was Evan's replied. "There's still- shit!"
"What?" they heard Laura ask.
"Look in front of you."
They heard both officers burst into peals of laughter, and that was the only sound around for the next few seconds.
The pair came into view again, covered in mud from head to toe, and laughing as they raced each other to the finish line.
Laura was just ahead of Evan, but the man skidded as they near the finishing point, and made it over the line seconds before Laura.
"Bastard." Laura laughed, flicking mud at her friend. "Sir." She added.
They were on duty after all.
"Time Doc?" Evan asked, returning the favour and flicking globs of mud at Laura.
"For you Major, one minute, 26 point one seconds." Radek replied.
"What about me?" Laura asked the small, and scary pathologist.
"One minute and 28 point four seconds." Tory replied.
"I demand a re-match, sir!" Laura laughed.
"Now now Lieutenant, let everyone else go first." Evan said, pretending to tut as he took his stopwatch from Zelenka. "Zelenka, Jones- you're up first."
The two scientists walked towards the first climbing wall, Radek grumbling in Czech under his breath.
"Three, two, one, go!"
///
"Harris, four minutes 53 point 9 seconds." Evan said as the English scientist shuffled past, covered in mud.
"Biro, five minutes, 19 point seven seconds." Laura announced. "Murphy, Kavanagh? Its your turn."
The final two scientists walked up to the wall, Peter looking like he'd us been put to death, Eilish rearing to go.
"C'mon Peter! Cheer up, it might never happen!" She said to the now depressed and whiny doctor.
"Actually, its happening." Peter said gloomily.
"I'm actually excited. Used to do something like this back when I went to summer camp. Great laugh it was! I was always terrible mind." Eilish chattered. "But I always had fun. Getting muddy was the best part and,"
"GO!" Laura yelled.
Eilish grabbed onto the wall, able to reach high because of her height. She was almost six foot tall!
The Irish scientist pulled herself over, standing on Kavanagh's head in the process.
"Whoops!" She giggled. "Mind yerself there Peter."
Peter just gave her an angry glare, and muttered something about writing to General O'Neill as soon as they got back to Atlantis.
Nothing happened for a few minutes, until they heard Eilish laugh hysterically, and Peter scream like a little girl.
Evan raised an eyebrow, and he ran for where Eilish and Peter where.
"Major, he saw the Wraith dummy that fella Ronon put up, and his after fainting." Eilish explained through her laughter.
"Oh, that's great." Evan sighed, looking at Peter, who was sprawled on the ground, completely unconscious.
He picked up the skinny scientist, and lifted him up with ease.
"Will I keep going sure?" Eilish asked brightly.
Evan nodded, and headed for camp.
"What happened?" Laura asked, looking at the passed out Kavanagh.
"He fainted when he saw the Wraith dummy."
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