Promise: To Herself

AN: Ok, I'm still trying to answer all of my reviews, I'll get to you all eventually, I…promise lol. Now, this chapter is very important. It's not the date yet, that's next chapter. This chapter is Rika getting ready for the date. Now, the reason this chapter is so important is that it provides the basic outline and background for my interpretation of Rika, and why she was the way she was at the beginning of the series. There is a brief mention of her eye color, which is actually something that checks out if you're interested, just pay close attention to the first few episodes, then the last few episodes and you'll see it (at least it looked like it to me anyways). Also, if anyone is interested, the information I provide regarding Rika's family IS ACCURATE. The characters might be fictional, but her grandmother's family name is not. The Hata are a REAL clan that lives in Japan today. I actually enjoyed looking up all of the background history on them, and found some really cool stuff that will be used later for the big fic. Lastly, a bit of a warning, this chapter is a bit…dark in some places. It's not bad, but its dark compared to most of my work.

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, I own a DVD set of it now (03, the best season ever) but that's it. Digimon and its characters are the property of Bandi Namco Entertainment.

Promise: Pledge-Something delivered as security for the keeping of a promise, the payment of a debt, or as a guarantee of good faith.

For once in the seventeen years of her life, Rika was actually glad that her mother was gone for the week.

Not that she didn't love her, far from it actually, but there was a very big difference between her mother, and her grandmother, one that she would be eternally grateful for.

Her grandmother wasn't a snoop.

Sure, her grandmother tended to poke a little bit here and there, and she had no qualms with giving unsolicited advice, or making knowing comments at every turn. But she had never once tried to pry into her granddaughter's painfully small and nearly nonexistent private or social life. She trusted her granddaughter with the upmost confidence.

Besides, Rika knew that Renamon couldn't, and wouldn't lie to her, which was an extra incentive most of the time.

So, when she woke up later than usual and disappeared back into her room shortly after eating breakfast, Seiko had respected her privacy and let her be.

Her mother on the other hand, would have been all over her playing multiple rounds of fifty questions regarding her daughter's 'odd' behavior for the last week, especially today.

What Rika didn't know, was that Seiko left her alone because she already knew the reason behind her behavior, having overheard just enough of her conversation with Riley the previous week to put the pieces together. Still, the Hata matriarch was determined not to interfere any further, she had done enough already. From here on out would be in the hands of Rika and Takato.

Rika's 'date' was supposed to be at eleven thirty, so she had plenty of time to decide what to do, and how to go about doing it. She wasn't one to tear her room apart looking for what to wear because she already knew exactly what she owned. Five pairs of jeans, three pairs of shorts, twelve short sleeve shirts and eight long sleeve shirts. She didn't own dresses, though there were several in the house her size, they were not hers, they just happened to be in the same room as her closet.

"It's a bit chilly out there still, but I should be fine with a jacket. It's not like we'll be eating outside or anything," she mused going back to her closet.

Looking over her three light jackets, she decided to go with her usual denim one since it was the one she was seen in most often these days. Riley had said to 'act like herself' after all.

"Even if I'm…not the same…not anymore."

That was another thing that had been giving her trouble with since her conversation with Jeri the week prior. Since that little 'chat' she had been acting differently from how she did in the past. It wasn't by much, but she knew her friends had noticed it. Ryo of course had been the only one brave enough to voice his observations.

But she just ignored him, as always.

While for the most part she acted and looked the same, she just didn't feel the same. She felt somewhat calmer, and hadn't snapped as frequently as she would in the past. Not that she hadn't at all, just not as often or as badly. She had actually tolerated Kazu for a good five minutes before biting his head off earlier in the week, a new personal record for her. The weirdest thing though was that she even found herself mildly enjoying herself during the course of the school week. She still didn't care for school, but it had been…tolerable, like it wasn't actually a complete waste of her time.

It was strange and confusing to her, not to mention a bit frightening. She had thought that her no longer completely subdued emotions would cause nothing but trouble for her, but they seemed to be doing just the opposite. She almost felt like a little kid again. Not the 'happy go lucky innocent to the world' type, more along the lines of 'learning what to do in the big wide world' type. This was all still very new to her, and given her cautious nature, unsettling.

"How am I supposed to act like I always did when I don't feel the same?" She thought as she looked over her shirts. Frowning, she felt something in the back of her mind. It was almost like a sting, but nowhere near as painful.

Everything that she owned was a solid color. Straight white, blue, purple, or black. The only thing she had with anything close to a design on it was the mysterious 'broken heart' shirt that had appeared in her bag last week at the Matsuki's. She still owned the 'healed heart' shirt her mother gave her some years back, but it was too small to wear anymore, but she still kept it for sentimental reasons.

"Why am I…annoyed? Is that what it is?"

For some reason, looking at her rather bland selection of clothes was giving her the same feeling as hearing Terriermon snore or listening to Kazu talk. It wasn't anger, but it wasn't a good feeling either. Something just didn't seem to sit well with her as she stared at the contents of her closet.

"Not like it matters, they're just clothes," Rika decided pulling a short sleeve white shirt from her closet and tossing it on her bed. Her jeans were pretty much the same, the only difference being the one black pair she had bought some time back.

Given everything the Tamers had been through, the group had learned much over the years. One of those things was that sometimes, you had to be sneaky. They weren't a paramilitary group or anything, but they did have 'stealthy' clothing. These were just regular casual clothes that happened to be very dark, along with a black pair of sneakers. None of them owned ski masks or war paint.

Well, aside from Kazu and Kenta, but that was a different story.

The more she looked at what she owned however, the more the stinging sensation poked at her. She almost reached for her black jeans before deciding against it.

"Jacket, shirt, jeans, that's…pretty much it…"

Again that sting.

She had decided against wearing her red sweatbands for once, but that was a minor thing in her eyes, she doubted that he would even notice their absence.

Looking back at her clock she saw that it was close to ten, leaving her with an hour and a half before she was supposed to meet him.

"Ok…just…calm down. You can do this, you WILL do this. I just need to keep my head on straight," she coached herself.

After taking a quick shower and dressing in what she had picked out, she went about her normal morning rituals. It was oddly different though, just as it had been all week. She once again found herself staring at her reflection while she was brushing her teeth, something she rarely ever did in the past.

Now, to be fair, she did check herself every morning, just to make sure there wasn't anything on her face before going to school or heading out wherever, but she didn't do 'sprucing' either. She couldn't remember the last time she honestly paid any serious attention to her reflection, it just wasn't something she did, it wasn't her.

Her face was still fairly round, but she could see hints of her mother starting to emerge, especially around her mouth and jaw line. Aside from that however, she looked very much like her grandmother had when she was her age. Her noise was still small and somewhat angular; and her light red eyebrows were still very thin. Despite these known details, she couldn't help but feel that her face just looked…different. Even though she looked exactly like she had ever morning for the last few years, something just seemed different to her, like something was slightly off.

However, even if it seemed to be somewhat different, she still had the two main traits that had helped her earn the title of 'The Digimon Ice Queen' aside from her general mood and temperament. Her skin was still several shades lighter than her mothers, not exactly albino or anything like that, but still far paler than her classmates. To her, she looked like someone who had been standing outside in the cold for too long. She actually had tried tanning a little a few years ago, but it didn't seem to do anything, it was almost like her skin rejected sun light or something.

The second trait however was undoubtedly the more prominent of her features, her 'icy' eyes.

These had actually changed in the last four years, which confused her quite a bit. She knew that it was not uncommon for a baby's eyes to change color a few months after birth, but she had never heard of anything like this happening to someone her age. She also knew that it wasn't just in her head either, she had the photos (thanks to her mother) to prove that her eyes were violet when she was younger. Sometime after meeting the others however, but before defeating the D-Reaper, they had changed, going from violet to an almost amethyst color. It wasn't a huge difference, but it was one that both her family and Renamon had noticed.

"Still…why would they…"

Shaking her head, she spat out the toothpaste, rinsed, then set to the next and final thing on her to do list.

Taking a deep breath, she reached behind her head and gripped back of her scalp as tightly as she could with her left hand. Then, using her right hand, she carefully collected her hair together from just beneath her clinched left. While not one to primp, she was very careful about her hair, very likely more so than most people her age.

When she had been very young, her father had commented on it many times. Telling her how beautiful it was. Upon his leaving her family however, those compliments were discredited, and she quickly grew to hate it.

Her hair was a very dark shade of red, not bright as with most Americans, but a deep, almost earthen shade of red. Still, this meant that she was a redhead.

In Japan.

As such, she had a 'special' set of circumstances to deal with growing up.

Since most Japanese had jet black hair, or even the odd dark bluenette that popped up every now and then, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she wasn't exactly 'completely' Japanese, and that she was the result of mixed parenting. This, when combined with her father having left her family, had made things especially difficult for her growing up. She hated her father, she hated him with every fiber of her being, but what she hated the most about him at that time was that he had cursed her with his families genes, that he couldn't have at least had black hair.

In most countries, children that were obviously of mixed parenting had it difficult; they were never completely accepted by either side. In any Asian country however, they were outright ostracized. This was only further compounded by the fact that she went to an upper scale private girl's only school. So not only was she 'the odd one out' but she was 'the odd one out' of a bunch of snobby stuck up rich girls.

Needless to say, school was not a source of enjoyment for her.

Ever.

Picked on relentlessly, she quickly changed from the happy and cheerful little daddy's girl she had been growing up, into what she was now. A tough as nails mean as a snake and just as happy to strike you tomboy.

Still, even with threats of pain, and carrying out said threats of pain, the near hazing levels of teasing had continued.

This of course only increased her hatred for her father. To her, it was a lasting score, a mark of him that would stick with her until the day that she turned grey or she died. It wasn't enough that he abandoned his family, it wasn't enough that he had left her mother a sobbing wreck for weeks, it wasn't enough that he had destroyed a piece of both she and her mothers hearts that would never completely heal, it wasn't enough that he had turned her fifth birthday into a black day for the rest of the family.

No, he had to mark her so that she was denied the chance to have even a single friend growing up. Those who didn't outright target her avoided her, not wanting to be 'marked' as targets themselves.

Her temper continued to grow, she continued to get into trouble, and her mother wasn't even there to help her, having poured herself into her job to get away from it all at the time.

She actually didn't resent her mother for this, she knew, despite being only five years old, she knew that as badly as she was hurting, her mother was hurting far more than she could imagine. She could see it in her eyes; she could even sense it whenever her mother was home. Even now she would admit (if only to herself) that if she had a job back then, she would have done the exact same thing.

But she couldn't, she didn't have a job to burry herself in, she didn't have friends to play with and tell her things would be ok.

She had school.

After a full year and having established a 'rap sheet' most convicts would have been proud of, she finally had enough.

She was only six, and she was emotionally distraught, so her logic wasn't exactly the best at the time. But she had a plan to make all of the pain, and all of the teasing go away.

Her father was the source of all this, it was the fault of her fathers 'mark' that she was picked on, so, if she removed the proof of him, if she removed his 'mark' it would all go away.

So, one night, after waiting until it was very late, she snuck from her bed and into the bathroom with a pair of her grandmothers sowing scissors.

Looking at her reflection now, she could almost see the moment play over again in her mind, she could still see her reflection from that night eleven years ago, when she took a tight hold of her shoulder length hair with one hand, and raised the scissors with her other.

Only to have them pulled out from her tiny hands.

Flashback

"Rika, sweetie, if you wanted a haircut you should have just told me, you know that," her grandmother said with a warm tone. It was obvious that she knew what the six year old was planning, but she was trying to disarm the situation, not 'fan' it.

Looking for all the world like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, Rika looked away in shame. Without saying a word she jumped down from the sink counter and started for her room. She wasn't surprised to hear her grandmother call out to her, but she was surprised by what she had said.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you stay up with me for a little while? I've been having these awful dreams lately and…well, I wouldn't mind some company," Seiko asked with her usual warm and tender voice, the one that could guilt even the most hardened of people into willingly doing her bidding.

Rika stopped cold. On the one hand, she wanted to run back to her room and cry at having been caught, but on the other, she remembered all the times her grandmother had stayed up with her whenever she woke up from a nightmare.

It was hard for her, but she did it. Turning, but still not looking up to meet her grandmother's eyes, Rika nodded her head and followed her.

The two were soon in the den, with Rika waiting for her grandmother to return with warm tea. Her mind was a flurry of emotions, all negative in varying degrees, but she was determined to at least try and repay her grandmother for helping her through her own difficult times in the past.

The older woman soon returned and sat across from her after setting down the two small cups.

After a few minutes of silence, Seiko made her move.

"You know, it's not such a bad thing to be different."

Snapping her head up, anger clearly evident, she was cut off when the older woman continued speaking, determined to finish before the younger girl could mount any sort of 'defense'.

"It's actually pretty common with our family it seems," she finished with a sigh.

That did it.

"No its not! You and momma never had anything like this!" Rika hissed.

The older woman remained calm, but shook her head and smiled sadly.

"Actually Rika, both your mother and I went through the same thing, we just happened to be a bit older, and it was for…different reasons," Seiko admitted.

This made the young girl blink in surprise.

"Really? Why?" She knew that her family wasn't perfect, but she couldn't remember ever hearing her mother or grandmother ever mention anything like this before.

The older woman thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain something as complicated as discrimination in any form to a child that was only six and it make sense.

Even if it still didn't to her.

"Well sweetie, a lot of people didn't like that your mother was marrying someone who…wasn't like herself, someone that wasn't born here in Japan. As for me, well, let's just say that your grandfather's family didn't think I was good enough for him," she answered carefully.

"Why?"

There it was, the question she had dreaded.

Seiko shook her head and closed her eyes before responding.

"I really don't know why, but I wish I did. To be mean to someone in any way just because they are different…I hope that when you grow up, you're not like that, that you don't become the same as them," Seiko answered sadly as she looked back down at her tea.

The young girl's face still showed anger, but now it also had a flash of determination to it as well. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she would never let herself become like them.

"I promise grandma, I won't be like that," Rika quickly replied, the comments of some of her classmates still very fresh in her memory.

Seiko smiled warmly at her young granddaughter before rising to sit beside her.

"I'm glad to hear you say that, and I hope you keep that promise. It would have made your grandfather very happy to hear."

The young girl once again blinked in confusion, which caused Seiko's smile to grow even further. She couldn't help it, but her granddaughter's face was precious whenever she would get confused. Her eyebrows would scrunch together; and her eyes would narrow, combined with the way her lips would pout it made the perfect picture of innocence.

Seeing that she had the younger girls attention, Seiko decided that perhaps it was time for Rika to learn a few things about her family's history. Not too much, but just enough for now.

"How about I tell you a story, and then you go back to bed, ok sweetie?"

The younger girl nodded, still confused by what her grandmother was saying, but she was happy just to have something like a friend, even if they weren't her age, to talk to, and listen to.

Flashback end

That had been an important night for both her and her grandmother. While they had gotten along well enough before, they had never exactly been close. She had grown up a daddy's girl before he had left, and had then sealed herself off after he did.

But that night, for the first time in over a year, she opened herself up to someone.

Her grandmother had told her much that night, some of which she was still trying to understand even now, but one thing had become very clear. If she ever became like the girls she went to school with back then, she would do well to throw herself under a bus.

She had learned that long before her mother and father had met, long before they had even been born, her family had already been immigrants. Nearly three thousand years ago, her family had actually lived in Korea, and then moved to China where they lived for several hundred years before finally settling down nearly two thousand years ago in Japan.

Her father hadn't made her an outsider, he couldn't have; he had only made her slightly different. After all, how could she blame him for making her 'mixed' if her family's roots had never even been Japanese in the first place?

After everything she learned that had happened to her family over the generations, after learning everything that made them who they were today, she knewshe had no excuse to judge others because of their family's history. To do so would be the highest form of hypocrisy imaginable.

That did not mean she had to be nice to them however, just that she couldn't attack them or berate them for no good reason. Stupidity and annoyance both fell under 'good reasons' in her book.

After that night, she and her grandmother continued to grow closer. Rika was very thankful for her taking the time to be her friend, for being there for her whenever she could. So, in return, she tried very hard to learn more about her grandmother, her hobbies, her interests, and what she liked to do so it wouldn't always be one sided.

That was how she became interested in her family's history, and through that, the ways of old.

Many would be very surprised to learn that her grandmother, despite her age, was a skilled practitioner of Subak, an art that had been taught to her by her mother when she had been very young. She used it to, in her own words 'keep from getting old'. After a little bit of convincing, Rika had even managed to convince her to teach her a few kata as a way to cool off and work out her aggravation without hurting anyone.

As more time passed and the two continued to become closer, and Rika learned more about what her grandmother had gone through in life, she became even more interested in learning about how in the face of everything that had happened, including all the turmoil her father had caused, she had maintained such a calm and peaceful air to her.

Once again, her grandmother surprised her. It turned out that she had learned how to act that way for her late husband's sake, to help appease his family, something that had taken many, many years to accomplish. She said it was 'proper' manners of an age gone by, and that it took a great deal of effort and dedication to learn and maintain.

Of course the older woman knew why her granddaughter was curious about this, and while a part of her was glad that she was trying to find a way to get through each day with her class mates, another part of her was saddened that she was so much as thinking about suppressing herself or her emotions to such a degree.

It had taken Rika a good long month of begging and pleading, but her grandmother finally gave in to her request, and taught her the secret of 'masking'. Several more months had passed, but before the school year was half way over, she mastered the art to the extent she had wanted.

While her grandmother could cover all traces of emotion at will, Rika had only wanted to learn how to cover pain and hurt.

Not anger.

She changed that day; she was no longer the same Rika she had been. She was colder, almost unshakable, and nigh unapproachable. From that day on, for a number of years, the only person to ever see her without her 'mask' or her 'armor' was her Grandmother. Not even her own mother was given that honor; though Rika would on occasion go without her 'mask' she never lowered her 'armor' in her presence. As time passed, she learned how to lower pieces of it at a time when around the select few people she trusted, but had never been willing to completely lower it, not even for Takato or Jeri.

Still, despite the fact that Seiko was the only one she would never conceal her 'true' self from, she had wanted to find a way to thank her grandmother for teaching her, she wanted to find a way to show her just how much her help had meant to her.

After spending several days looking up information on the era her grandmother had been teaching her about, she found what she believed to be a satisfactory answer.

Though Rika never told her exactly why she did it, she didn't have to.

The next morning, when Rika emerged from her room for a quick breakfast before heading off to school, it was there.

At first Seiko had simply smiled warmly and stated that it wasn't necessary, but she did appreciate her granddaughter's gesture.

A year later however, she understood just how thankful Rika had been, and the strength of the young girl's conviction.

Now, ten additional years later, Rika still wore her hair up in a modified topknot, almost exactly the same way someone in her family would have in the ages of old. She had surprised both her mother and her grandmother with just how dedicated she had been with this silent display of gratitude. As far as any of them knew, Rika had allowed no one outside of Renamon, her mother or her grandmother to see her hair down willingly in over eleven years.

That was why she was having so much difficulty at the moment. She had never sworn or made an actual agreement to such a thing, but it was her way of showing her grandmother her gratitude, and she wanted to keep that promise if at all possible.

After ten more minutes of staring at her reflection, Rika made her decision.

"Well, it's not like I've been wearing it exactly right to begin with…I…guess…it should be ok…I just need to keep it up and together."

Trying to keep it as close to her standard topknot as she could, Rika picked up her scrunchie and tied her hair into a tight narrow ponytail that started close to where her usual topknot did.

It might have looked almost identical to her normal hair from the front, but all one had to do was see her from the side or back to notice the difference.

How she managed to make her hair look as if it hadn't grown an inch in four years was a secret between her and Seiko, but she had grown her hair out more than just a little since back then. She still had it cut, just nowhere near as often or as short.

Turning to the side, she looked at her reflection carefully, and frowned.

"That's not too much…but…Riley said it wouldn't hurt to do something a little bit different."

Seeing that her ponytail reached down well to her shoulder blades made her a little bit nervous. She let her hair out only around her family's home, and even then only late at night.

Still, she had to admit that she liked the look, even if only because it was something different from the usual.

Looking over at the clock on her bedside table, Rika's eyes widened in alarm.

"How long was I staring at the mirror for?!"

Rushing back into her room, Rika snatched her jacket and threw it on while at the same time quickly stuffing her feet into her shoes.

"Kami I'm going to be late! There's no way I can get there in ti-"

"Renamon!"

The yellow fox appeared before her, calm as ever.

"Yes Rika?"

"I need a big favor from you, can you get me to the…the pizza place by the Matsuki's," Rika asked catching herself just in time.

The yellow fox nodded her head silently, though Rika knew something was going on in her head.

"I'm heading out grandma! I'll be back in time for dinner!" Rika shouted as she stood from tying her shoes and grabbing her D-Arc out of reflex.

"Alright sweetie, but you'd better be home before six, your mother wants to eat dinner with us tonight remember?" Seiko shouted back.

Rika grinned.

"Yeh, I know grandma, I'll be back long before then!"

"This should blow her socks off. For once I actually have something to tell her when she asks how my day went that she'll understand."

There was no doubt in her mind, today was going to be a great day, she knew it, she could feel it.

"Let's go Renamon!" Rika shouted over her shoulder as she ran out from her room and into the yard.

The vulpine warrior silently scooped up her Tamer into her arms, and darted for Lower Shinjuku at top speed.

End chapter two

AN: So? What did you think? Interesting find, but its one hundred percent true, Rika is not of Japanese descent, but Korean (going really far back) there are some additional facts about this I'm not ready to divulge yet, as they will be somewhat important to my big fic. Still, I think its cool that she's based on an actual group of people rather than made up completely. As for her having difficulty growing up due to being a mixed child, I sadly know this to be true from personal experience. I'm not 'mixed' but I do have family that is, and I did my research before using this, so I know it checks out that Asian countries are particularly bad about it. I thought it did a good job of explaining her personality from the beginning of the series though.

I hope the wait was worth it, and that you'll continue reading this thing until it's finished. There will be five, possibly six more chapters. Please let me know how I'm doing though, reviews are what help me improve and what keep me going!

Till next time, Ja Ne!