Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Angel or any of their associate characters. They belong, unfortunately, to Joss and ME. I'm just using them for my imagination and entertainment purposes.

Author's Note: flashbacks are in Italics.

Old Soldiers

He walked out of my life...again. It's funny how much practice we had with that.

The last few days had been...complicated and tiring. There had been so much emotion that ran through me, through us. Not to mention the search for Adam still. Maybe fear had been thrown in, I'm not so sure about that part, though.

"Not in my city!"

I don't actually blame him, now that I think about it. He was right; I just wanted to get my revenge. But I had a right to it. Faith played with my life, took everything that I had and made it hers.

I walked down the stairs, not knowing what to expect. Maybe I think there was fear involved with what I might find there. But when I did look, my jaws dropped, and I almost meant literally. Angel and…Faith. On the bed. Hugging. Oh God, he has his shirt open. Just then, I'm heart felt like it just got ripped out and being stepped on.

He looked at me in surprise. He started to button his shirt, "Buffy, I didn't know you…"

All I could manage was "What?" Is this really happening…again?

I couldn't process any thoughts at that moment; my mind was fixed on the scene in front of me. I could understand how Riley would have not realiised, but him…He knew what Faith meant to me, all the things that she had done to me, but still, he wanted to play the white-knight-in-shining-armour. And the worse thing was, he hit me because of Faith. I could feel the tears trying to squeeze their way out onto my cheeks. I tried to hold my position, can't let him see me crumble before him. But seriously, I didn't know how long I could have hold out.

In the end, I let my emotions get the better of me.

"I have someone in my life now." I wanted to make him jealous. How dare he talked about his city. "That I love." God, I can't believe I just said that. But it's too late to take it back. Seeing his reaction, I can't bear it, but it gave him no right to choose Faith over me. "It's not what you and I had…It's very new." I had to make it clear that he is dealing with Buffy Summers. "You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him."

"That's great. It's nice, you moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember?" That hit a nerve. No, don't go there. "I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me!" Well, it cuts me up inside too, you know. "So don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home!"

I left. I was furious that he chose Faith's side. I might had been hard on him, but he knew me and he knew what my reaction should have been. I couldn't believe that our relationship was not important enough for him. I thought that I could put him behind me, but he always come back into my life.

I saw Angel, in a pretty bad shape. God, is he okay? How did he…? No. I can't allow myself to think about him. Not after he…But really, I didn't have any time to reflect since Riley was also in the room, on the other side of me. He's got a gun. No doubt what he wants to do, not that it would work against the vampire. This can't be happening. Not here. Not now. I can't deal with this.

I said the first and only thing I could form in my mind, "You've got to be kidding me." I looked at Angel. He just can't walk in here thinking that he could pummel my boyfriend. "This is why you came?"

I really didn't know what to think when I saw my past and my present collide. I was still angry at him and seeing the bruises and wounds on both of them just escalated my emotions. I couldn't deal with the two of them in one room, and since what happened in LA, I didn't know if I could handle him at that moment. This was not how I imagined they would meet. Actually, I was thinking that they wouldn't have to meet…at all. To see the daggers in Riley's eyes, especially after he concluded that Angel was evil again. Oh God, no. My eyes went wide as I searched my mind on who told him the trigger to the curse. What was worse was that he thought Angel and I…

He was right though. What he said in LA. We don't live in each other's worlds. He did come to apologize, so really, what can I say to him? I know that I can't stay mad at him, even though I couldn't deal with seeing him with Faith, but in the end, he was right about me barging into his city and ask him to do things my way. I should have stayed calm thought about it rationally. But when it comes to him, all logic and reasoning shuts down and everything automatically switches to emotions.

"I couldn't leave it like that." He smiled, "the way I spoke to you…I came to apologize. I had no right."

He had a right, and he was right. "Look," I couldn't begin to describe the frustration that I had now turned to confusion. And the truth is…I know…that I still cared about him and his opinion really mattered. Oh how wish it was much simpler. "You weren't entirely wrong, what you said in LA. We don't live in each other's worlds anymore." Yet I still manage to walk into his, just like he would if it was me. Let's just attempt to stick to our plan. "I can't just barge in on yours and make judgments."

I need to go, and start forgetting. But me being in LA, him being here in Sunnydale. It makes it that much more harder, like it wasn't already difficult to began with. Why do we have to go through this crap every time? Why can't we just pretend that we don't care anymore? That we don't know each other? That our feelings are wrong? Oh, who am I kidding?!

He wanted to know if I needed help here. I think he knew what I was thinking even though I couldn't say it. Of course I wanted him to stay. Every time that question has been asked, my answer never seemed to change for some reason. But we both knew that things are different now. It is not just us that we have to worry about. It also includes the people that we love, the cities we were meant to save. He knew the reply I would give him, even though my insides were screaming the opposite.

"I'm still sorry." He was sincere, and I finally had peace of mind for that.

"It means a lot that you came." And that was the actual truth.

We smiled and he left. Just like old times. I hope he'll be okay with that limp. And I thanked him for telling me his thoughts on Riley. Even though I already suspected as much. Maybe that was why I loved him so much, and the fact that I still do. Oh, I have to stop thinking about that. We have our own lives now, trying to move on from him. And that world with him in it, where I can find the rock and wall in him, and I don't have to be the strong one? Even though I can't have that, at least I can lock the memories away forever.

I looked at the door to my other world, the one I have deal with now. The one with the monster that I can't beat, the boyfriend I have to comfort, and the friends that I have to look after. I grabbed the handle and rested on it for a second.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. I have to go back to my reality.

But before I did, I looked once more at the world that walked away from me. We are still old soldiers, still fighting side-by-side. And even if we can't have what our feelings want, we still have the war stories left to remind us of each other's importance and presence in our lives and our worlds.

I smiled. I guess we'll always be two old soldiers…