Regretful Weeps
Part 2
After school, Maka and Soul headed to his car, but this time he only dropped Maka off at her apartment since he had a date with Elizabeth. He then returned home to Maka and she seemed to be in an awful mood.
"You are late." She mutters angrily as she looks at the thick small Tv of hers. "It is nine and you said you would be here at seven."
Yeah, things had gotten to a good start at his date. A little making out and he got to feel those tits of hers up. He couldn't wait until he got to feel them without her damned clothes on.
"Sorry. I lost the track of time." He took a seat beside her, but she immediately moves away from him.
"You mean you were too busy being an irresponsible douchebag by playing with her breasts than going to your group therapy."
Shit! He had completely forgotten everything about the meeting!
"Was that today? Oh man! I'm sorry."
"Zip it!" Maka raises her hand. "I don't want to hear any excuses. It's late and I'm in a bad mood. Leave."
"But―"
"No! Shut up and leave!"
"No." Soul grabs Maka's shoulders and forces her to look into his eyes. "Listen, I'm sorry. I will make it up to you." He caresses his thumbs on her shoulders. "I just came here wanting to talk to you and hoping you would offer me a place to stay for the night."
She snorts and looks away. "You just failed at spending the night at her place. That is why you want to stay here?"
"No. I want to talk to you and I hoped we could watch a movie or something." He sighs and shakes his head. "I'm not perfect. I'm far from being perfect. You deserve to have someone who you love and care about as the father of your child, but now I'm here and I promise you I will do my damned best in order to be a good father for our child."
"You better, because she doesn't deserve having an absent father because of an irresponsible drunk night. She deserves more."
Soul nods and he releases his hands from her shoulders. "You know our daughter deserves to have the best, and she deserves two parents. I was thinking we could move into a nicer apartment and live together. We both work great together and that would give us maximum time with our daughter."
Maka seems to relax and for the first time that night, smiles at him. "I would love that."
He smiles wide and grabs her hands. "Really?"
She nods. "Yeah. Our daughter deserves two active parents in her life and just because we aren't together doesn't mean we can't raise her together."
"Great. I will start looking for an apartment right after school."
"Just don't forget work and therapy."
Soul could only smile and cuddle close to her. "Deal."
Something had been going on. Something that set Soul into a really bad mood. When he came to visit Maka late at night Black*Star was there with her. They were all cozy up, watching movies as he rubbed her belly. He had taken his place at her side. There was no longer room for him to rub her stomach or feet. It wasn't just one night, every night and after work he came to visit her, he was there.
It bugged him a lot. It pissed him off. He was supposed to be seated beside her and feel their daughter's kicks. Not Black*Star. He is jealous of them. He is jealous of Black*Star sitting on his seat and he just breaks at watching them interact. Her smiling at him and the small affectionate glances at each other.
They like each other and he doesn't like it one bit. He hates the thought of them together.
In order to separate them from each other, Soul invites Maka over for dinner at his house and hopefully he will manage to convince her to spend the night in order to gain as much time with her alone. The last thing he needs is Black*Star coming to ruin everything.
"Thanks for inviting me." Maka smiles at Soul as she walks inside of the house. "It was very sweet of you."
"No problem." He closes the door behind her. "I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up, by the way. My mother was killing me with questions."
"Understandable." She puts her hands on her belly and rubs it. "I just need to sit down. She has been kicking more than usual."
"Oh." Soul immediately lash onto Maka, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulls her close to him. "Are you okay? Has she been bothering your ribs?"
She doesn't even have time to answer him before she hisses and holds her stomach. "Please." She breathes heavily. "Carry me."
She doesn't even have to ask him since he sweeps her off her feet and carries her inside of the living room. Gently he lays her down and cups her face, looking into her beautiful green eyes. "Talk to me. How are you feeling? Is there something I can do to help you?"
She groans and slowly nods. "My hips. They hurt."
"What is going on here?" Soul's mother walks inside of the living room and right up to the couch.
Soul ignores his mother. "Do you want me to rub your belly? Do you want me to call the doctor or give you something for the pain?"
Maka gasps loudly and winces. The next thing he knows is the sudden wetness on the couch. His eyes suddenly widen when he realize what had just happened.
"I'm only 35 weeks in." Maka suddenly says, her eyes wide like a deer caught in the lights.
"Oh dear." Soul's mother says.
Soul immediately picks Maka up from the couch, she wraps her arms around his neck. "We need to get to the hospital. Now." He starts walking toward the front door. "Mom, you bring clothes that fit Maka and clothes for the baby."
"Right. Drive safely."
Soul runs out of the house with Maka in his arms. He helps her inside of the car and she starts moaning and grunting in pain. As they are on the road, the pain only grows more intense for her. She curses and screams at the top of her lungs, her nails digging into the leather seat of his car.
"Soul!" Maka screams and throws her head backwards. "Don't leave me! I'm scared! Don't you dare leaving me!"
It is hard for him to concentrate on driving with Maka in pain. He would have the gas pedal on the floor, but since he has Maka in the car without seatbelts on and his daughter getting out prematurely, he can't drive faster than the speed limits. He needs to keep his cool and make sure they get there safely.
"I'm not going anywhere." He puts his hand on hers and squeezes it. "Not for a single second. I will be there every second of the way."
It was hard for him to pry her hand off of his when he had to change gear, but they did get to the hospital. He quickly parked the car and carried Maka inside of the hospital. Everything was going fast. Nurses got her in hospital clothes and a bed for her. A doctor came and checked how open she was while nurses hooked her up to a heart monitor and gave her something for the pain. Through the whole time, he was right beside her, getting her out of her clothes and into the hospital gown and holding her hand.
He is a guy and even thought the circumstances, he found a naked Maka was a very attracted Maka. With her large belly and her slender legs. Her tits were round and filled with milk, and he couldn't help but find her even more attractive than Elizabeth.
Maka groans as she holds his hand. He looks into her eyes, and he finds them absolutely hypnotizing. He doesn't like the discomfort in her eyes, but the shade of green is absolutely amazing. "I thought of a name." She murmurs, her eyes half-lidded.
"Let's hear it then." He says as he rests his head on the bed, just in front of hers. He caresses her hand with his thumb.
"I played around with my origins, and I thought of the Japanese name Ayumi."
Ayumi. It isn't the first name he thinks of, he would have thought of Amber, Ashley or Juliette, but the sound of Ayumi does have a good sound to it. Ayumi. If she wants their daughter to be named Ayumi, then so it is.
"I like it." He whispers back to her and brushes a hair strand behind her ear. "Ayumi it is. Are you excited? We are going to meet her soon."
Even though she is in pain and high on painkillers, she still manages to smile weakly at him. He had a strong girl alright. "Absolutely. I think our apartment search will have to be put on hold for a while."
He smirks and playfully pokes her nose. "Not so fast, my mother has actually found a place and you can move in with me for the time being if you want."
"Sounds like a plan." She squeezes his hand and winces in pain.
"Breathe." He cups her face. "Just like we practiced."
She nods and takes deep breaths.
The door suddenly bursts open. "Why didn't anyone call me?"
Soul wants to shoot himself when the blue haired man walks inside of the room. "I heard you were in labor and I rushed here as soon as I could. Why didn't you call me?"
"Why should I even call you in the first place?" Soul narrows his eyes at the man and bares his teeth. He wants to rip his head off and throw him in the gutter so he would never get anywhere close to Maka. "It's not your baby. We have no obligation to contact you."
"Soul." Only her voice can snap him out from the tense anger toward the man. "Don't fight. Please, don't fight. Ayumi wouldn't want to be brought into this world in the middle of a fight."
Maka. He can snap him into place even in this condition.
"Okay." He takes his seat beside her and squeezes her hand.
Black*Star takes the seat next to her on the other side of the bed. Instead of a verbal and physical fight, it becomes a battle of stares. He feels threatened by him. He is for the first time afraid of someone. He got the potential of stealing his daughter and the role as a father away from him. He knows, he and Maka might miss the romantic feelings toward each other, but something between her and Black*Star grows. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it one bit. What if Maka gets together with Black*Star and she moves in with him and she takes Ayumi with her? That would break her. He can't lose his child and he definitely don't want to lose Maka. He loves hanging out with her and he wants to take her to prom. He wants to show her the good side of him he never lets anyone see. He wants to be vulnerable in front of her.
He doesn't want Elizabeth. He wants Maka. He would rather hang out with her and take her to prom. He wants to give her what she deserves. He wants to be that person for her.
Because he likes her.
The heart monitor suddenly goes flat and Maka's eyes widen. "What's going on?"
Nurses rush inside of the room and push both Soul and Black*Star away from the bed. They take the bed out of the room and quickly roll her down the hallways, with the two guys following suit.
"Soul!" Maka hollers. He can hear tears in her voice. "Please!"
She begs for him. Not Black*Star.
"Miss Albarn, you are going in for a caesarean section. You can only take one of them inside of the operation room." A nurse says.
"Soul! Come!" his heart skips a beat and quickly he lash onto her side, holding her hand. He was right, she was in tears. "I'm scared."
The doors close behind them and doctors in green surgery clothes pulls up her shirt and prepares her for surgery as quickly as they can. A nurse puts a mask on her mouth and nose. "It will be okay." He caresses her cheek, wiping away her tears. "She is our daughter. She is strong. She is a fighter and we won't lose her." He murmurs soothing words at her as he holds her hand and caresses her face. It seems to have an effect on her since she relaxes as much as she can under the circumstances.
A cry of a baby breaks through the air and he smiles wide at her. "Our daughter." He says and looks into her eyes. "She is okay." He looks away from her and looks at the bloody baby in the nurse's arms. She takes their baby away to clean her up and do ordinary procedures.
"Is she beautiful?" She asks into the mask.
"She can only be beautiful. She has you as a mother." He leans forward and his lips settle on her forehead, kissing it gently. "You did a great job. I'm proud of you." He murmurs against her forehead.
To his surprise, Maka weakly holds his jacket, keeping him in place. "Thank you." She murmurs. "You could have abandoned me with Ayumi, but you didn't. You stepped up and now you are here with me to take care of Ayumi. I'm so proud over you too." She releases his jacket and she moves away the mask from her face, she pulls his face to hers and kisses his cheek. "Please, don't disappoint me or Ayumi."
His cheeks heat up and he can't help but to cup his cheek where she kissed him. Even getting laid had never made his heart race like this or his stomach to tumble around like a cloth in a washing machine.
"I won't." He gulps. "Can I tell you something?" He has to get these feelings out. He can't keep them inside of him anymore. They have a family together and he wants her in his life as something more than just a friend or the mother of his child. He wants her as something romantically.
"You know I'm always all ears for you."
And that is why it makes it so much more difficult for him. She is so sweet and kind and he is, well, not the ideal boyfriend. She's so smart and beautiful and perfect. Too perfect for him. She deserves someone like Black*Star, someone with a clean past who will always be there for her even though Ayumi isn't his child. But he doesn't want to let her go. He wants her and he wants to be good enough for her, but he knows he won't ever be good enough. She deserves a man with a great education and a great job to bring in large cash for the family. And he is lucky he got a job flipping burgers.
"I―"
"Here is your daughter." A nurse walks inside with their baby wrapped in a towel. "She may be prematurely born, but she is very healthy. Her lungs function properly and her vitals are fine. You have a fighter as a daughter."
Maka lights up as the surgeries clean her up and leaves them alone. "Let me see her."
"Unfortunately due to the stitches you won't be able to hold her. You will be put on bed rest for two weeks here at the hospital until you will resume your bed rest at home." The nurse hands the baby to Soul and she is breath taking. She has blond hair, so blond it can't be the dirty blond hair of Maka. It is his white hair and her eyes are red. Red as blood and so beautiful on her. She has Maka's beautiful bone structure and her porcelain skin.
"Let me see her." Maka says.
Soul complies, leaning toward Maka to show her their child. She seems to be just as taken with her appearance just as he is. "She got your hair and eyes…" She whispers, her eyes wide as her fingertips hover over her cheek.
"She got your face and skin." He smiles toward her. "She is perfect. Can you believe we made something as beautiful as her?" Oh yes. They slept together. He only wishes he hadn't been so drunk and high that night so he would remember how he took her virginity and remembered the faces she made when she came. He wanted to remember what sent her in pleasure and the sound of her moans. He want to do it again and this time, sober and with love in their veins. Love for each other.
Which would most likely never happen.
"I may regret what we did…" Maka whispers. "But there is no way I could ever regret the outcome. I can never regret having her."
"Me neither." He leans down and kisses Maka's cheek. He can definitely get used to this. "Go to sleep. I and Ayumi will be here when you wake up."
She had fallen asleep like a light and he had stayed beside her with his child in his arm. He had been there alone with the girl he likes and the daughter he loves as long as he could before nurses came and rolled her into an empty room.
Soul's mother had been overjoyed when she met Ayumi for the first time. Black*Star had been taken back by the appearance of the baby and that is understandable since she looked exactly like him.
Soul stayed at the hospital with Maka as long as he could with their child. He would leave late at night and return early at the morning with breakfast for her. His new everyday life was so different. He had prepared himself for this for so long, but he was still not ready for Ayumi, he had to get ready for Ayumi's sake. Fast.
He had the most beautiful daughter in the world and it was hard being a father. Every time she cried, he stood like a question mark not knowing what to do. It ended up being Maka who knew what she wanted and gave it to her, which hurt him. He wanted to be just as an amazing father to her as she was a mother.
After her birth, something had changed between them. When he wanted to hang out with her and talk to her when they had tugged her in for the night, she always had an excuse. Either it was homework from her online classes or she needed to do laundry or some other excuse. She had been avoiding him and it hurt him, and when he got back from his job to talk about apartments, Black*Star was always there. She seemed to have all the time in the world to hang out with him, but when it was about hanging out with Soul, she always had an excuse. What hurt him the most was the fact he was good with Ayumi. He rocked her in his arms and hummed on a lullaby and she would fall asleep immediately. Something she had never done with him.
Elizabeth had been blowing up his phone about prom and he was very reluctant at first about going to it, but Maka had talked him into going, which he hated. She pushed him away when all he wanted was to be with her. He still hadn't told her about his feelings. With the chemistry going on between her and Black*Star, he lost his fighting spirit. He knows he should fight for her, but he just couldn't fight a lost case. He had fucked it up royally in the past, there was no way she would even consider giving him a chance when she had such a strong bond with Black*Star.
In the end, all he could do was see how things went with Elizabeth and hope she was enough to distract him from the growing pain of watching Maka and Black*Star fall deeper in love with each other.
"How do I look?" He asks, standing in jeans, a t-shirt and dress jacket. Nothing too fancy.
"Good." She says without taking her eyes away from Ayumi. "Isn't your ride here?"
There she goes again, trying to push him away. "Not yet." He sinks down next to her on the couch. As on instinct, she moves away from him slightly, like he was a magnet repelling her away from him. "She is cute. I like the skirt you picked out for her." He tries to keep a conversation alive with her.
"Yeah. She suits in orange." Dead end like always.
He clears his throat and leans back in her couch. "About apartments―"
"Not now Soul. We will talk about it later." She says and smiles wide at Ayumi, rocking her in her arms. "I'm trying to get her to sleep."
He shakes his head. "No. Maka, almost a month has gone since you gave birth to her. We were supposed to be settled in an apartment by now and we haven't even packed a box in your apartment."
"Like you have packed anything in your room."
"Actually, I have." Which is true. "All my belongings have been in boxes for a while now." He sighs heavily. "Are you serious about us moving in together because it feels like I'm the only one here who wants us to live together and raise her together full-time."
"Soul―"
"Do you even want to live with me or do you want to live with Black*Star?" The words pour out of his mouth before he even has time to stop them. "I have seen how you two act around each other. I understand if you want to be with him."
Maka sighs loudly and for the first time, she takes her eyes of Ayumi and looks up in the ceiling. "I just don't think it is the right thing for us to move in together. We have only known each other for a couple of months and we are parenting well like this. I just want to keep doing this until we know each other better and know where we stand."
Stand? Does that mean… she could possibly hold feelings for him?
"Maka, do you―"
The front door suddenly opens and in strolls Black*Star. "I brought some Chinese and rented a movie. Your favorite."
Their moment alone was ruined.
"I think your ride is here." Maka says, looking back at Ayumi without even glancing at him. "Have a good time. I will see you tomorrow."
The conversation hits a dead end again and he couldn't do anything about it. He kissed Ayumi's head and told her he loved her before he got up and walked toward the front door.
"Soul." He turns around and sees Black*Star strolling up to him. "Listen, man, I see you are struggling with her."
"I'm not."
"You are bad at being a father and you know it." Black*Star says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Look, I'm just telling you the truth. You know as well as I do you aren't fit being a father or a provider for Ayumi. You won't graduate high school this year either and Maka and Ayumi needs someone to take care of them, not a high school dropout. I'm offering you an exit out of all of this. You can walk away right now and forget everything about them. I will take care of them and be the father Ayumi deserves."
He knows he won't graduate high school. Even how much he had studied with Maka there was no way he would pass senior year. He would only end up as a burden to Maka and Ayumi instead of helping them.
Black*Star was a better father than him, he had such a bond with Ayumi than he had with her. He and Maka had something and as much as it hurts him even thinking about it, it is the best for him to walk away. Both for Maka and Ayumi. No one of them would even notice him going away.
"I see your point." That was all he said before he walks out of the front door and closing it behind him for the last time.
There was nothing there for him to return to. His child didn't need him. Maka didn't need him. No one needed him. He would never be good enough for anyone. No one would never need him. The only person who every needed him was his drug dealer who could make money off of him.
Who was he thinking? Of course he couldn't be a father. Of course he couldn't receive love. Not from the single girl he wanted love from. It was over for him. He isn't needed and all he can really do is go back to where he was, go back to the pit of despair and sorrow he crawled up from. Even Maka told him she would rather raise the baby on her own without him. He was a bad influence on Ayumi and he agrees. There isn't anything good about him. Nothing.
He doesn't care about prom. He walks around in circles around the quarter with his hands in his pockets. He ignores all the calls and text from Elizabeth. All he could think about was the two girls who stole his heart and made him into a better person. A better person for what? Just to not be good enough for neither of them and give up.
Give up. That was what he had done. Given up on Maka. Given up on Ayumi. And given up on himself. He had to stop giving up all the time. Parenthood isn't easy and he can't just hightail out of there with his tail between his legs, he has to step up for his child and at least try. He loves Ayumi dearly and when she grows older, he can be proud knowing he wasn't a perfect dad, but he still was there.
Quickly, he turns on his heel and runs toward the apartment. If he is going to be a father, he needs to be true to himself. He can't keep his feelings for himself. He needs to lay his feeling on the table and confess to Maka even if it would end in heartbreak. He likes her too much for his own good and even if there is only a small chance that they would actually work, he is willing to take that risk and go all out for her and Ayumi.
He isn't going to give up. Not again.
Her apartment comes into view and all he can do is run faster. Run faster up the stairs and up to her front door. He stops and raises his hand to knock on the door when his eyes look through the small window on her door, looking inside.
His heart breaks. Inside sits Black*Star and Maka on the couch, kissing. Heavily. Ayumi is sleeping in her crib by the couch while the two of them are practically devouring the other's face. Her delicate hands roam over Black*Star's body. Her innocent hands wander lower and lower and he looks away.
He wasn't good enough.
Black*Star had already taken his family from him.
His daughter and his girl.
He would never be enough for anyone.
Slowly he turns on his heel and walks away.
Soul gasps loudly and sweat pours down his face and chest. He breathes heavily and runs a hand through his hair, the moonlight seeping inside of the room through the curtains. His body trembles with shock of what he had seen.
A dream? It was all a dream. Just a horrible nightmare.
An arm sneaks around his waist. "Another nightmare?" A tired female voice says.
Blond hair and exhausted emerald eyes peek at him through the darkness. He can tell exactly who it was and he immediately relaxes at the sight of her. It was all a nightmare. He had won. Won his family and the girl he loves. He hadn't run back to Black*Star and Maka kissing, they had been talking about maybe giving their relationship a shot, but Soul hurried inside and he had shouted his affection toward Maka so loudly he woke Ayumi. She had rejected him at first because she didn't want to get together with him just to have her heart broken by him a week later. Soul never gave up, she did like him, but she was just too stubborn to give them a chance. It had taken him a week of constantly stalking her and constantly telling her how much he likes her and how he would never break up with her before she broke. She accepted him and Black*Star was totally out of the game.
He couldn't have been happier.
One drunken night that people would refer to as a mistake, had turned his life to the better. Ayumi had straightened him up and made him fall in love with the greatest girl there was. There was no way he would break up with her. He loves his family more than ever. The family he had created, and the family he was born into. His mother and he got along better than ever and he could actually look his father in the eyes without feeling degraded. His parents were happy for him and so was his brother.
He snuggles close to his girl and kisses her forehead, feeling her bare chest caressing his own equally naked. "Yeah. About you and Black*Star."
"Don't worry about him." She whispers with her eyes closed. "I love you and I always have. I have never loved Black*Star or even felt emotionally connected to him like that. You know that."
"I know." He holds her close to him and caresses her silk hair. "It's just, I was so close at losing you and Ayumi."
"You would've never lost me." She yawns. "I was hooked on you for such a long time. It was weird at the beginning having a huge crush on someone who did drugs and constantly got into fights."
He chuckles. "Why did you even like me? I mean, you could get so many good guys and in the end you chose me. Why?"
"Why? Because you are damned hot and through that tough guy act, I could see there was a little puppy just in need of care." She yawns again and caresses his chest. "Go and check on Ayumi, won't you? She will wake up soon and she will be hungry. I need another hour of sleep."
He smirks and kisses her cheek. "I will do it just because I went a little overboard yesterday." He playfully spank her bare behind and gets up from his bed he and Maka shares.
"If it wasn't six am and I wasn't tired, I would totally go after you." Maka groans with her eyes closed.
He chuckles as he puts on a pair of underwear and sweatpants. He walks out of their room and gently closes the door behind him before he heads to Ayumi's room.
Even though they had have Ayumi now for a little more than a year, he still hadn't learned her patterns. He knows she wakes up at a terribly early hour. It was mostly Maka who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it. Without her, he would be totally lost.
Like Maka had predicted, as he came nearer to her room he could hear her cry. Hopefully Maka shut off the baby watcher before she went back to sleep. He walks inside and walks up to her crib, picking her up and starts rocking her in his arms.
"God morning Ayumi." He smiles wide at the baby as he walks toward the kitchen. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." He kisses her forehead as he takes out a jar of baby food from the fridge and grabs a spoon for her. He puts her down in her chair and opens the jar, taking a spoonful and puts it on her lips. She eats it eagerly. Spoon after spoon she eats it and occasionally food drips down from her lips.
He smiles gently as he feeds her spoon after spoon.
He absolutely loves her. He had heard the nightmare scenarios about teenage pregnancies and he has to say, they were none of them. His family had been very supportive of them and their baby, helping them pay the rent and helping Maka get into a fast-track college to a good career as a nurse and Soul, well, he had finished up the courses he had flunked in his high school years and had now a high school diploma. He good a decent full-time job at a record studio and was making good money for his family. He knows as soon as Maka manages to finish her studies and get a job, their lives would be perfect or more like, more perfect since a life with Ayumi and Maka was perfection at its finest.
"Look at you," a pair of arms wrap around his waist, "you are in deep thoughts, Ayumi had managed to steal the spoon from you."
He blinks his eyes and she is right. Ayumi had managed to take the spoon and is now biting at it. "Oh, sorry." He says, taking back the spoon and fills it with baby food.
"Don't apologize." She kisses his cheek. "Are you still thinking about the nightmare?"
He shakes his head and feeds Ayumi. "Nah, I'm over it."
"Then what were you thinking?" She positions her head on his shoulder, gently hugging him from behind as she watch him feed Ayumi.
"About the future. What we are heading toward and that kind of stuff."
She raises her eyebrow. "Why?"
"Why?" He lays down the spoon in the empty bottle of baby food. He turns around and looks into her emerald eyes. "Because I want to marry you and lock you down, you know."
Oh yeah, how he would like to lock their future together and truly be a complete family with rings and a beautiful baby with love filling their home to every corner. He has no plans on ever leaving this girl or his child. He enjoys fatherhood and boyfriendhood too much, well, boyfriendhood a little less, he would rather upgrade to husband.
She blushes madly and playfully pinch his stomach. "Then you will have to work your ass off in order to get a yes from me."
Oh he will work alright even though he has a feeling it wouldn't take much to get a yes out of her.