I hated myself. I hated everything about me right now. It was the end of the world, there were dead people walking around, and I was wearing a fucking dress. Negan had given me clothes and this what it. He didn't let me wear anything else. The man acted like he was God. Like he was the absolute holy ruler of all of us. Of his men, of the people he kept here. It was not okay. I didn't understand how he had such a following, so many men were willing to blindly follow his sadistic orders.
The dress made me feel like the Southern Belle of a housewife I always refused to become. I never wore dresses before all of this, I didn't need to start wearing them now!
Hunter and I had been here for less than a day. We'd spent last night here in a bedroom with a bed. I had slept next to my son—but slept wasn't quite the right word. I had not gotten any sleep whatsoever. I stayed awake for most of the night, just thinking about the past, thinking about Ryan and our previous lives together. I missed him more than words could come close to describing. I tried to keep my tears as quiet as I could, cuddled next to the only living thing I had left. I was grateful to have my son, but I couldn't keep my mind away from the man who had put me in this situation.
Negan.
Sitting across from the son of the bitch who had put me in this hell was almost too much to bear. I wanted to be sick as I picked at my eggs. Admittedly this would be the most appetizing breakfast I'd had since the outbreak, if it wasn't ruined by the sick bastard across the table and the extenuating circumstances. Hunter, on the other hand, didn't seem phased by everything as much. He was so young; I knew that he was still in shock and his basic need for food was kicking in and overriding anything else on his mind.
"You should eat," Negan said, I knew it wasn't a simple request. "You're thin," he added. I self-consciously looked down at my body. I was thin, thinner than I'd ever been. When I'd showered, I could feel the indents of my ribs and I could see my hip bones.
"Yeah momma, it's real good," Hunter stated, scooping up some more eggs. I had to remind myself not to get frustrated with Hunter for not being upset. He was just a kid, he probably didn't realise the gravity of the situation. He just knew that he hadn't eaten in a long time, and now he had an abundance of food right in front oh him. So he ate.
I didn't say anything; I took a full bite and looked down at my plate some more. I heard Ryan's voice in the back of my head Whatever it takes, for Hunter. We've gotta keep him safe. You know that, darlin'.
Taking a deep breath, I ate the food on my plate. I took small bites and slowly eating most of what was there. "That's what I'm talking about," I looked up to see Negan's grin. "I provide you with this food and you eat it. We'll talk about the price of everything later."
But I already knew the price. The price was not one that I was willing to pay. I needed to find a way out of this, I didn't know how long I would have, but I needed to get away from all of this before the bill came up.
XxX
Negan was parading Hunter and I around like we were his new prizes. He showed around the structure that he had built for his community. The entirety of it had a chain-link fence around it, there were walkers directly outside. Why would he allow them to stay close? Perhaps their smell was to ward off others and cover up our scent. There were so many people, most of them were men, there were very few women, all of them were dressed like me. In ridiculous dresses, looking like we were supposed to be some stupid house wives. I noticed the way Negan walked through here, he did own the place. He held so much confidence, leader wasn't the proper term for him, he was a ruler. He took charge of the saviors and nobody questioned him.
Throughout the day, I kept my eyes open for opportunities for escape, anything. I looked for chances to get weapons, but nothing. I had to keep myself focused on what was important, keeping Hunter safe. Somehow, I had to get the two of us out of here. I just had to. I couldn't let Hunter be influenced about what was going on around us.
The day was over quickly and we were back where we started at the table. There was even more food this time. While the rest of the world was starving, we were had food fit for a king. It wasn't right. None of this was. How did he get all of this food?
It didn't matter. I needed a plan to get out of here. "Have some wine, Carlee," Negan touched my shoulder as he placed a glass in front of me and poured a hefty amount. I cringed. "Drink up," he leaned close to my ear, whispering. I could feel his breath on my neck all I wanted was to run away and jump out the window.
I took a deep breath and sipped the wine. I had to clear my head. I needed a new strategy. I needed a new way to get out of here and I knew it would be later, rather than sooner. I wouldn't be able to get out tonight. I had to bide my time as much as possible.
I could get close to Negan. I could make him trust me as much as he did his loyalist man. I could do it. I just didn't like what I would have to do. I just kept Ryan's words in my brain. Whatever it takes. That was what I had to do to keep Hunter alive, it was the only option.
So I would do it. I would get close to Negan, however I could, even if that meant sleeping with him. I would get close to him and bide my time until I could make a proper plan to get out of here. That was all that I could do in this situation. I'd have to sleep with him regardless.
AN: I'm sorry this chapter is so much shorter than the last one! I was short on ideas and I hope it made sense. I loved your reviews, thank you for the follows and everything. I'll do some editing on this tomorrow and hopefully make it a little longer. Have a great weekend, every one!