AN: This is just a funny idea to me. I like to imagine them as best friends, constantly getting themselves in trouble that Fury doesn't know about. I also love the trope of someone yelling 'scatter' before everyone runs. Also, if you get the refrence in this you're a real one.
"I can't believe you keep going with me," Hill said over the cell. "Whatever, I'm not questioning it. You almost ready?"
Natasha rolled her eyes as she put on her cherry red lipstick. "Almost." She popped her lips together and picked the phone back up, taking it off of speaker. "And don't question it," She let out a chuckle. "I'll stop going."
This little tradition of theirs had started a little over two months ago. Saturday nights at Avengers Tower were surprisingly quiet. Steve always sat by random windows all over the tower trying to sketch the skyline or whatever he spied. Tony and Bruce spent their nights in the lab working on whatever was their new invention or passing interest. Thor normally went back to Asgard for a few days every weekend leaving Avengers tower pretty much empty. For a while, Natasha would go out to a bar, read a new book or get in a good night workout. That was until Hill told her what she did over the weekends.
Apparently, Hill had a cover she used as a young teen before she got into Shield. Robin Scherbatsky. Natasha remembered her saying that the cover Maria used was supposed to be a Canadian. As a teen it worked just great, getting her into every club and rave she wanted. Slowly her name changed over the years, making her now go as Robin Sparkles. A show name really, her fake ID had her real fake birth name.
Lucky for both Hill and Natasha, Robin Sparkles was on a list for the hottest rave in town. The party was always at some run down abandoned factory on the outskirts of town. Natasha had expressed her boredom over the weekends in passing just once when Hill pulled her aside and told her about in hush about her weekend outings.
"You wouldn't dare," Hill snickered. "Anyway, I'm leaving to that address I texted you. After that, it's like a mile or two till we get to the warehouse for the night."
"Yeah," Natasha nodded. "I'm leaving soon too. Left my purse in the common area." With a push of a button, the elevator descended.
"Ohh, not afraid that Tony would go through it?" Hill teased. "I once caught him going through mine. He couldn't walk right for two weeks."
"Normally I would be," Natasha said pulling down her black crop top so it showed more of her chest. "But it's Saturday. They'll all be busy. Tony was talking about how he wanted to try a new… I don't know… thing with his suit and Bruce offered to help. They should be busy all night."
"Good, always good them being busy," Hill breathed a laugh. "Oh, this ass just cut me off. Speaking of sweet ass. What about Thor and Steve?"
"Thor left yesterday morning," Natasha checked out herself in the mirror like doors of the elevator door. "And I told Steve just how great the sky looked from the gym's top window."
"Smart smart, oh what you wearing this time?" Hill asked. "I'm going with some booty shorts."
"Smart," Natasha laughed walking out of the elevator. "I went with pants I got at this place called Hot Topic? Lila told me all about it." Her pants were black with no seam, but shoelaces going up from her heels to where her pockets would have been.
"No pencil skirt this time?" Hill laughed.
Natasha laughed as she walked into the common area, her purse her only objective. "Are you kidding?" She dug through her purse to find her fake ID for rave night. "Last time I wore a skirt when we went out I ended up with," Why did something feel off in the room. "Two men trying to get up it."
"Like you weren't loving it?" Hill scoffed.
"Oh, cause I just love having four pairs of hands up my…" She turned to leave only to see the sight before her. Thor, Banner, Steve, and a grinning Tony all sat before her with a deck of cards and freshly opened beers before them. One was unopened in a free spot. "Damnit."
"What's wrong?" Hill asked slightly panicked. "Your cover isn't blown is it?"
"In a way?" Natasha answered as smirks grew on everyone.
"Don't you dare rat me out, Romanoff," Hill snapped. "You make it to the rendezvous place. You got an hour. I'm pregaming without you."
With that, her line went dead. With a sigh, Natasha closed her phone and walked over to the group of men smirking at her. "What are all of you doing here? Don't you have inventions to make that'll blow up the world? Or a sky to draw?"
"We thought you felt left out on the weekends," Steve smirked. "We were just about to have Jarvis call you down for a game night."
"Looks like Red's got games of her own to play," Tony snicked. "Tell me Little Red, where were those four hands?"
"None of your business," She snapped shoving her ID and a few dollars into her top. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm going out." She started to walk to the elevator again.
"Where are you going?" Tony asked as they all got up and hurried to stop her.
"Out," Natasha answered.
"Jarvis hold the elevator," Tony ordered.
Natasha sighed and rolled her eyes. "Tony let me go."
"Not dressed like that young lady," Tony crossed his arms. Natasha was worried she would roll her eyes so hard they'd sprain.
"Nice try, Stark," She crossed her arms. "But last time I checked my dad was dead, not you."
"Dark," Bruce muttered.
"Jarvis," Natasha turned back around. "Elevator."
"Jarvis hold," Tony overrode.
"We're not saying you can't go out, just wondering where you're going dressed like-" Steve began.
"Some corner market discounted whore that had Hottopic vomit on her," Tony looked her up and down. "I mean, not that I'm complaining about the skimpy skin-tight outfit, just wish I was more a part of it is all."
Natasha sighed deeply, counting backward from ten in her mind. "I'm going out to a rave."
"Where is this rave?" Tony asked.
"I don't know yet," She answered with a tight-lipped smile. "I'll find out in another hour or so."
"Who are you going with?" Steve asked.
"No one," Natasha lied.
"Then who was on the phone?" Thor asked. "You were speaking on a phone right?"
"No one," Natasha felt herself becoming homicidal.
"Jarvis who was Natasha on the phone with last?" Tony asked.
"Agent Hill, sir," He answered.
"Hill?" They all asked.
"I'm done with this," Natasha turned around. "Jarvis, command code Override_Starks_Dumb_Ass_122315."
"Override accepted," Jarvis answered opening the elevator.
Natasha stepped into it backward with a dark smile. "See you in a few hours. Don't have too much fun without me."
"It's 10 am," Steve said cleaning breakfast. "Shouldn't she be home by now?"
"Not sure, Wonderboy," Stark said from his computer. "We never really pay Natalie much attention unless she's dressed to kill." He looked up from the screen. "And that could mean any number out outfits."
"I do hope Lady of Spiders arrives home soon," Thor said thoughtfully, two pop tarts in hand. "Else wise we will need to go and find her."
"I'm sure she and Hill are all right," Bruce tried to sooth them as he prepared his tea. "I mean, even if she isn't with Hill, it's Natasha Romanoff we're talking about. I'm sure she's fine. Probably just crashed at Hill's."
"I'm not so sur-" The elevator dinged, interrupting Steve as he spoke. Out walked two females who looked like they'd been to hell and back. Both of their makeup was streaming and smeared all over their face as well as what looked like some mud and blood. Natasha was now in a tight, Zebra print plastic dress wearing a bear fur pimp jacket holding a purse that she hadn't had to leave. She also had on two different heels.
Hill's hair was light blue, for some reason, she was wearing Natasha's tube top and a pair of leather pants instead of her booty shorts. She had on flipflops and was holding a Lui Vaton purse which she also did not have at the beginning of the night.
"What the fuck happened to you two?" Stark asked as they hobbled over to the kitchen island.
"Food," Hill groaned resting her head on the counter top.
"Coffee," Natasha rasped doing the same. "Haven't slept since four am yesterday."
"This is going to be such a fun story," Tony said hopping onto a countertop after closing his laptop. "Whenever I came home looking like that I had the best nights."
"It was terrible," Maria whined as Steve started some toast for them.
"It wasn't too bad," Natasha's scratchy voice spoke.
"What's with your voice?" Bruce asked.
Natasha sat up, tilting her head back to show a bruise. "Punch in the throat about four am."
"I am near perishing to hear your tale of last night," Thor gaped.
The girls shared a look as Bruce sat down cups of coffee in front of them.
"It all started out normal, right?" Hill began. "We met up at some dive bar on the outskirts of town like normal. Flirted with people a little. Drank a lot and then I got the message of where the rave was. It was only like a three-mile walk right? Nothing. So we pay our tab and start walking….
Natasha and Hill laughed as they walked, only a few blocks from the rave, as a car pulled up next to them. "Hey, you two, how much for a night?"
"We're walking, not working," Natasha answered.
"Not even for two grand each?"
Nat and Hill stopped walking, instead, looking at one another then back at the man. "What we talking here?" Hill asked. "Full on? Hand? Over the clothes?"
"You guys hooked?" Steve yelled making each the hungover woman cringe.
"Full on, two on one male."
"Lilly?" Hill asked Natasha.
"No thanks," She shrugged. "You go for it though if you want."
Hill leaned down shaking her head. "Sorry, we're off tonight and just wanna have a girls night. I hear we had some of our good girls working about four miles south of here though."
He leaned his head out slightly, a large scar over his left eye. "Thanks, ladies, see you around another night." With that he sped to the corner, turning due south.
The two women laughed. "I love messing with them," Hill laughed.
"Yeah, Fury doesn't pay us that bad." Natasha agreed.
"After that we were doing alright, having a normal night out," Hill explained. "Until someone went to the bathroom."
"Robin, Robin, Robin," Natasha stalked up to Maria, her eyes dilated.
"What up Lilly," Maria asked.
"So you know how people like to do coke in the bathroom?"
"You did coke?" Stark asked overly impressed. "Shit Natasha."
"You didn't Lilly!"
"Some dumb coke head laughed her gram into my face," Natasha said panicking only slightly. "I got as much off as I could but I'm very certain I have some in my system."
"Shit," Hill finished her shot and turned around to the exit, dragging Natasha behind her. "Let's get going."
"This must be what Steve feels like all the time," Natasha smiled. "I feel strong."
"Yeah, well, you're gonna be feeling like the Hulk if we don't get you to the med wing fast." They stopped dropping to their knees as an explosion went off.
"THIS IS THE POLICE EVERYONE HANDS UP!" The cop in the hole yelled.
"SCATTER!" Some teen screamed.
"Fucking shit," Hill muttered Natasha in a sprint behind her.
"Cops ended up getting us in the raid," Natasha explained. "We didn't want to hurt them by fighting back."
"This is bad," Hill cursed in the back of the cop car as she shimmied her body thought her arms. "Furry will kill us if we go in. Not to mention how Stark will taunt us."
"They said we were prostitutes," Natasha grunted as she undid her handcuffs. "I'm starting to think we need to rethink our fashion."
"Agreed," Hill nodded getting her cuffs off as well. "Ready to run?"
"After that, we sprinted a few miles away," Hill said biting into her toast. "But they knew what we looked like so we traded outfits with some girls."
"God I love those pants," A street worker said offhandedly at Hill and Natasha panted for breath at a street corner.
"You want 'em?" Natasha asked.
"Oh, I mean-"
"No, trade me," Natasha stood up. "Your dress for my outfit?"
"But why?" Her friend and coworker asked.
"My friend Robin and I just got spotted by… a bad guy. He'll be looking for us, we need to get out quick." Natasha explained.
"I don't know, I don't want any trouble," The blonde said stepping back. "Especially if it was Snake Eye, he's a bad man ya know?"
"Snake eye?" Hill asked.
"Yeah, the guy that drives round in that like the limo looking car?" Her friend explained. "He's got this really big ugly as fuck scar over his eye. Goes by Snake Eye."
"Rumor is he's big into human trafficking," The blond said rubbing her hands. "He's picked up countless of our girls only for us to never see them again, ya know?"
"It's not him," Hill said quickly. "Some other pimp trying to trick us. We just gotta get back to ours in the next hour or our asses are good as dead."
The women nodded in solidarity. "You can have my dress, and you, take my pants okay?" They went into an alley and changed together, the two hookers walking out as Hill and Natasha in their new clothes running through the corners.
"After that, we were lost for a few blocks," Natasha explained. "We had to find our cars to get back home. Turns out we wondered a few miles in our run from the cops. We probably would have made it back if someone didn't need to steal a pair of flip-flops."
"My feet were killing me!" Marian yelled back.
The two were running down back alleys again as panting as the police sirens blared in the distance.
"You're an agent of Sheild and you get caught shoplifting?" Natasha screamed at Hill behind her.
"Oh, I'm sorry it's not like I'm still drunk as shit and you're high on coke or anything!"
"I only did a little coke!" Natasha snapped kicking open a basement window to a seemingly abandoned building. "And when the fuck did you dye your hair blue?"
"What?" Hill looked at her hair as Natasha slithered into the basement. "Well, when normal people go to the bathroom at a rave they get their hairspray dyed by strangers, not high on coke!" Hill worked on getting herself into the basement. "Did you hear me… oh shit." She sighed holding up her hands next to Natasha as Snake Eye and his goons pointed their guns at them.
"Well," Snake Eye hissed. "Would you look what good graces slipped into out lap tonight boys? Two new beauties to sell. Put them with the others."
"You were almost sold into sex slavery?" Bruce asked wide-eyed? "What the hell?"
"After that, we got shoved into a room with like five other girls, including Misty and Buttercup. The girls that traded clothes with us." Natasha explained.
"Nice girls, really," Hill shrugged. "We're going for lunch with them next week."
"We ended up beating the shit out of the guards and trying to sneak the girls out," Natasha explained. "But we weren't fully sober at the time and ended up stealing some of their goods."
"Hence the purses and pimp jacket?" Tony asked more than amused.
The girls nodded, full of shame. "Yeah."
"The cops showed up, like right as we were escaping," Hill groaned.
"We're almost out now," Natasha whispered to the girls behind them. They snuck out the back door to be blinded by police car lights. All the women froze as the cops began to yell commands at them, everything went to chaos as Snake Eye and his men opened fire on the police who returned it.
"SCATTER!" Natasha screeched sending all the women sprinting in different directions.
"Hill and I were split up and trying to find one another took a few hours after that," Natasha explained.
"We never did make it back to our car," Hill shook her head. "We walked here."
"Does this happen every day you two go out?" Steve asked.
Hill and Nat looked at one another with a smirk. "Most of them." They answered together.
"Can I go out with you next time?" Tony asked.
"No." They answered.
The elevator opened to reveal Furry standing just waiting to rip them a new asshole.
"SCATTER!" Tony screamed throwing down a mug of coffee, shattering it on the floor as everyone scrambled out the commons area.