Author's Note:
There's a lot to unpack in this one, so sorry ahead of time if it gives ya'll emotional whiplash, lmao. Also FF won't let me double space between flashbacks/present and I wanted them to be broken up a little more, so ignore a random periods between them. I just wanted the shit to be more legible, and with it all crunched together it didn't seem to be.
PART II
"So… tell me how Yen's doing?"
Triss was surprised her voice did not crack as she sat next to Geralt in that dank warehouse. Although, even if it had, she was certain Geralt would take it the wrong way anyway. Their relationship had run its course, but Triss did not mind. It was not him who she wanted anyhow. He had always been just a means to an end, even if he did not realize it.
Geralt side-eyed her. "How did you know I found her?"
How did she know? Because finding Yennefer had been the only thing on Triss' mind for the last five long years. How did she know? Because she made a point to. She always made a point when it came to Yennefer, although she doubted Geralt knew that. If he had, they would no doubt be having a different conversation.
Triss purposely deflected the question by accusing him of doing the same thing. "You didn't answer my question. How's Yen?"
Geralt hesitated before he answered, as though trying to figure out how to word this so he wouldn't 'hurt' Triss in the process. It said more than actual words ever could. "She's fine."
'She's fine'. 'She's his again', was what that meant. Triss knew she should be happy for her, just happy that she was alive and safe, yet her stomach began to weigh heavy with a sorrow she could not name. It twisted and burned up her esophagus, threatening to choke the breath from her lungs as Triss struggled to say something, anything.
"…That's good."
Geralt side-eyed her once more, and Triss was really beginning to not like that look. It seemed an awful lot like pity, which made her feel about an inch tall. "Asking about anything specific?"
Yes, but Geralt already knew that. He may not know the real question, but he knew that Triss had one.
"Never mind," Triss sighed softly, averting her gaze to stare out the dirty window of the warehouse. "I got my answer."
[x]
Triss watched her portal fade after she and Philippa had stepped through it. The situation with Dijkstra certainly didn't go as smoothly as she and Geralt had hoped, but Philippa was safe; at least for the time being. Radovid still wanted her dead, but considering Dijkstra was planning to assassinate him with Geralt's help, Triss knew the likelihood of that continuing to be problematic was very low.
"Where are we?" Philippa asked her, getting straight to the point. It had been months since they had seen one another, since Radovid had cruelly blinded her and she fled from Loc Muinne, and all Triss could do now was stare at the blindfold over the other woman's eyes and ache inside. She had heard the story from Geralt, but seeing it for herself, seeing her like this… it was somehow so much worse. Triss could not even imagine what she must have gone through, and the violent urge to enact vengeance on behalf of the other woman suddenly coursed through Triss like a raging fire.
She tried to control it, yet all she managed to do was allow it to burn through her until she was left with nothing but devastation as she looked at the woman in front of her, hating that she would never be caught in her piercing gaze again. Philippa once had beautiful eyes; they were like two black pearls that reflected the night sky, and Triss had often found herself getting lost in them.
Not now though. Not anymore.
Triss felt sick.
"Uh. My safehouse," she stumbled, trying to hide the fact that she was emotional over seeing her again, considering Philippa seemed to be allergic to anything resembling human emotions. "In—in Novigrad."
"You're nervous," Philippa noted, her tone holding a hint of surprise. Turning to face the sound of the other woman's voice, she questioned, "Do you no longer trust me?"
"What?" Triss asked, genuinely surprised by the question, even though there was a small part of her that wished to point out that the last time they spoke, it was Philippa who no longer trusted her. "No, of course that's not—I just. It's been… a long time." She fidgeted a little, then bit lightly on her tongue. "You… how are you?"
"Fine, all things considered; although being trapped as a bloody owl for months was not fun, I assure you," Philippa answered a little defensively. Her brow squinted around her blindfold and suddenly she asked, "Why are you fidgeting?"
Triss' brow rose. "You can see—? Oh," she realized, feeling a little foolish for not realizing. "Magic, of course."
"Obviously, but it is rather draining, so I'd rather you not force me to use it too often. What's wrong? You're acting strangely and considering that there are quite a few people out there who wish to see me dead, I am not enjoying this unexpected shift in your mannerisms."
Offense and shock at the mere suggestion hit Triss at full force. "You honestly think-? I would never betray you like that; I can't believe you'd even consider it!"
"Well then tell me why you're acting like this and perhaps I'll believe you!"
Losing her sight, it seemed, had caused Philippa to become more paranoid. She used to be so certain of herself, so sure of everything that was going on, yet now it seemed that she no longer trusted her own instincts.
"I just—!" Triss began, feeling frustrated and emotional. It began to overwhelm her, and tears sprung to the back of her eyes as she reached out, her hand falling short of the other woman's blindfold. It hovered in the air for a moment, this look of utter devastation crossing Triss' face before she allowed her hand to fall back to her side. "I hate seeing you like this," she breathed sadly. "And I know that you don't want me to get all emotional over it, so I tried to just—but I… I can't."
Philippa suddenly looked very uncomfortable, so of course she immediately dismissed the conversation. "My eyes are of no matter to you, and will be a nonfactor soon anyhow. I suggest you don't get yourself all worked up over it."
Triss exhaled an exasperated breath. She hated when Philippa dismissed her like that. "Yes, Heaven forbid I give a shit."
"Do you?"
Triss looked at her in surprise, her hand clutching her chest. "Of course I do. How can you ask me that?"
Philippa did not answer, and her expression gave nothing away. Instead, she circled back to the situation with her eyes. "Regardless, I do not plan to be blind forever, so to weep about it now will only prove pointless."
Pointless. Right.
Triss sniffed back her tears, wiping at the underside of her eyes. If Philippa didn't want her to cry, didn't want her to care, then fine. "I know what you plan to do, Phil, and it's dangerous. Vilgefortzbarely managed it himself!"
"Vilgefortz is not me," Philippa reminded her, standing tall as pride over her own abilities flooded her. "And I didn't follow you here to listen to a lecture, so spare me."
Triss shook her head, the center of her chest beginning to feel hollow. Philippa was dismissing her at every turn, and she didn't understand why.
Philippa found a chair with absolutely no difficulty and Triss watched her sit down in it as though it were a throne. Her arms lightly rested on the arm rests; one leg crossed over the other. "I hear Yennefer is alive."
Triss' stomach twisted in her gut. "…Yes."
"I bet you two had a fabulous reunion; that is, if she decided not to kill you for jumping on Geralt's cock the moment she was assumed dead. But it's not as though something like that is out of character for you, is it? I have to say, for someone who claims that they are in love with her, you certainly spend a disproportionate amount of your time making her feel inadequate."
Okay, that hurt. Yes, she had made some mistakes involving Geralt, but her aim was never to hurt Yennefer. Triss suddenly did not like this conversation very much, and she certainly did not like the tone that Philippa held when she initiated it. She sounded angry with her.
"I… I haven't seen her yet," was all that Triss managed to say, feeling awfully guilty for some reason. Didn't Philippa always say that she didn't care? That they were not exclusive and that they never would be because 'emotions made people weak'? Yes, they both got a little jealous the last time that they saw one another, but since Triss knew that a relationship would never be something that Philippa wanted - as she had been very clear the last time they toed an emotional line - Triss didn't think much more of it.
Besides, it wasn't like Triss had enjoyed the fact that Philippa was fucking her leashed sorceress, but she wasn't a bitch about it either when she found out. And this? This was… this was bitchy. And she wasn't even fucking Yennefer!
"Oh? How surprising; I would have thought you'd have nearly tripped over yourself in order to get to her as fast as you possibly could."
Why? So she could see her and Geralt be happy and in love? No, thank you. She would rather prolong that heartbreak as long as possible.
"I have other responsibilities here. The mages and—and why are you acting like I've done you some great wrong?" Triss demanded, feeling attacked. "Last I checked, I wasn't the one fucking someone else!"
Philippa outright laughed at that. "If you actually expect monogamy from sorceresses, pet, I regret to inform you that you will continuously be disappointed. We are not built for such nonsense."
Triss' chest weighed heavy with confusion and upset. She had missed Philippa terribly, yet when they were finally reunited, it was as though Philippa could not stand to be in the same room with her anymore. "Then why are you acting like this?"
"I'm not acting like anything; this has nothing to do with you and I," Philippa insisted, despite every other indication pointing to the contrary. "I simply have too much to do and your incessant need to vomit your feelings all over me is growing taxing. There are more important things to do right now, Triss. I aim to reform the Lodge, and I need you to—"
"Fuck the Lodge,"Triss interrupted scathingly, Philippa's words having dug a hole straight through her chest. Triss' eyes stung with furious tears, her breathing growing shallow as she stared at the woman across from her. "And fuck you too."
If Philippa could roll her eyes, Triss was certain she would be doing it right now. The exasperation was present in her tone though when she said, "Triss, stop acting like a child—"
"No! You don't get to call me childish! I might be considerably younger than you, but I am not infantile, and you need to stop dismissing me as such; I am a woman, damnit!" Triss shouted at her, her emotions getting the better of her. "I am a full-grown woman and a more-than-competent sorceress and if you can't respect me as such then maybe we really are done here!"
Philippa scoffed. "Oh, don't be so—"
But Triss wouldn't let her say anything. Everything inside of her felt as though it were bursting to get out, and the longer she kept it in, the more it devoured her from the inside. "And maybe I am an asshole, okay?" she shouted. "Maybe I'm awful for loving her but wanting you, but I tried to hide it from you because I knew it wasn't fair and you—you are the one who brought it up! You're the one who dragged it out of me and made it a problem when chances are it eventually would have died with the memory of her, or I'd find my closure some other way. She might be alive, but she will never want me, so just let me—let me get over her at my own pace, alright?! It's not a competition, and even if it was, you've made it very clear you wouldn't want what you'd end up with if you 'won', so I don't understand why you even care!"
Triss' chest was heaving with emotion, her cheeks blotched and red. She stared at Philippa, who suddenly looked considerably stiffer in that chair. "…I don't care," she finally told her, and something inside of Triss broke at those words. Suddenly the righteous anger that was holding her up disappeared, leaving her to fall to her haunches, her clasped hands falling over her face. She couldn't keep doing this with her, she couldn't.
Even if it was nothing more than a defense mechanism, it hurt.
Philippa shifted uncomfortably in her chair, yet kept her head held high. "You overestimate your importance. I told you why I was acting the way I was; there is no need to embellish it to further the drama in your life. I care about you, Triss, but I have little in the way of patience for such things. Now, are we to discuss your position with the Lodge or not?"
Triss' voice hitched in the back of her throat as she began crying without any hope of controlling it. It seemed like something flickered across Philippa's expression once she heard it, but it was gone as soon as it came. Triss' vision blurred as she stood, taking a step back from the one person she used to always run to.
"No," she struggled to say through her tears, knowing that she probably just lost something that had always held great importance to her. "…We're not."
[x]
When Triss received Yennefer's invitation to join her at Kaer Morhen, she almost threw up.
It took nearly an hour of trying to collect herself before she was able to open a portal, and even then Triss looked awfully pale. So many emotions were running through her; anticipation, happiness, absolute, mind-numbing fear. Triss had no idea how Yennefer would react to her, as she no doubt knew the history between her and Geralt now. But it wasn't like she could just not go. They needed her; Ciri needed her.
And so she went.
The portal opened in the courtyard of Kaer Morhen, and Triss tried to keep herself steady as she walked through it. Her heart was pounding in her throat and with another wave of her hand, the portal disappeared behind her. Vesemir looked up from sharpening his sword, inclining his head in greeting.
"Ah, Triss. Yennefer told us we should be expecting you."
"Hello, Vesemir," Triss greeted politely before her gaze anxiously flickered around the courtyard, half-expecting Yennefer to appear from the bushes brandishing a knife. Vesemir, however, assuming she was looking for her instead of wishing she could hide from her, nodded his head towards the tallest tower as he slid a grinding stone down her blade.
"She's in the observatory, if you wish to inform her of your arrival."
"Right. Of course. I'll—yes. I'll find her," Triss responded, knowing she sounded absolutely foolish and yet not knowing how to stop herself. She was half-certain that she was going to throw up before she even made it to the door. But before she moved towards the castle her eyes suddenly landed on what looked like the remnants of a bed. Her gaze rose higher, and Triss saw one of the windows were broken, as though the entire thing got forcefully thrown from it.
What was worse, was that Triss knew what room it had come from.
She pitched forward, her hands clutching her knees as she tightly shut her eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Vesemir chuckled softly once he realized what Triss had seen. Triss wanted to shout at him and tell him that this certainly was not funny, but she was too busy trying not to empty the contents of her stomach all over the courtyard. "The worst of it has been over for awhile now," Vesemir assured her, his words being accented with each stroke of the stone against his blade. "And she knows that we need you. She was the one who invited you, after all."
"Yeah, to murder me," Triss mumbled before she focused her breathing; in through her nose, out through her mouth. It began to get her nausea under control, and finally she could hold herself upright.
"You made a mistake," Vesemir reminded her, which was such a vast understatement Triss didn't even know where to begin. "Own it; do not run from it. She will be more open to offering forgiveness that way."
"Do you know Yennefer?" Triss shot back, not believing his words for a second. Yennefer could be very unforgiving sometimes, and this wasn't exactly the first time that she had done something like this to her. She no doubt ran out of chances a long time ago.
"Do you?" Vesemir countered, one eyebrow rising in challenge. "After all, it has been a very long time. People change. Grow."
"Get stronger. Flay the flesh from my bones. You know, whatever," Triss said beneath her breath before she pinched the bridge of her nose. She needed to get it together; whatever was going to happen now, Vesemir was right about one thing – she couldn't run from it.
But it seemed she wouldn't get the chance to anyway.
"Triss!"
Triss looked up in surprise to see Yennefer exiting the castle, nearly taking the steps two at a time to get to her. The younger woman froze, unable to move or even speak as she stared at Yennefer as though she were a hallucination. She was beautiful, but more than that, she didn't look infuriated by her presence; if anything, she looked quite the opposite, and Triss had no idea how to take that.
"I thought I felt your magic," Yennefer greeted before she did something Triss never would have thought would happen in a million years, and wrapped her up into a hug. Triss could barely move she was so shocked, yet somehow she managed to get her arms around her, staring past her like she was almost certain now that she was dreaming.
When Yennefer broke the embrace, Triss could see Vesemir out of the corner of his eye looking amused by the blatant expression of shock on her face. "Did you get here alright?" Yennefer asked, before she too seemed to realize Triss was a bit broken, and her brow knit. "What's happened?"
"Nothing, I just—" Triss tried, but she still seemed to be a bit stuck. Her gaze moved past Yennefer to the broken bed outside, and the other woman followed her line of sight.
"Ah," she realized. She almost looked amused by her friend's reaction, and she noted, "You're rather terrified of me right now, aren't you?" Her tone said you should be but her expression said you're overreacting, and it gave Triss emotional whiplash.
"Don't worry; I'm not going to bite your head off. I've grown weary of fighting over him," Yennefer told her, which was so… unlike her that Triss didn't know how to process it. "But do not think you've gotten off easily," she told her in a sterner voice and finally, she sounded like herself again. Triss exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, finding a strange comfort in knowing that the other shoe would drop eventually. "We will speak of this when the time is right and I do expect you to grovel for my forgiveness, but for now, I'm just glad to see a dear friend again after so long. Shall we go inside? We have many preparations to make before everyone else arrives."
"I… yes, of course," Triss responded, although with how she was feeling, Yennefer could have told her to throw herself in the swamp and choke on a frog and she probably would have done what she asked without hesitation.
Yennefer took her hand then, leading her towards the castle with a smile, and suddenly Triss felt as though she couldn't breathe. It had been five years, five damn years since she had seen Yennefer, and it hardly felt real. The raven-haired sorceress looked exactly as she remembered, yet Triss could feel there was something different about her. Maybe Vesemir was right; maybe people did change. Maybe it was only Triss who felt stuck.
Because seeing Yennefer again was like being slapped in the face with the past. All these old feelings began rushing to the surface again, causing Triss' cheeks to darken in embarrassment as she tried not to stare so blatantly as she was led up the stairs. But just as those feelings returned, so did her insecurities. She was not good enough for Yennefer and even if she was, she would most certainly choose Geralt over her regardless, and so there was this huge part of Triss that ached to just get some real closure so she could just move on, and possibly find some happiness.
The problem was though, was that this was all she had now. Whatever she had had with Philippa had been shattered due to her own stupid obsession with the woman who was now leading her up to her observatory. Triss felt utterly and completely alone, and in order to not feel hollow she held onto her feelings for Yennefer with both hands, hoping that it would fill the hole that Philippa left behind when she walked away from her.
It was that stupid feeling that caused Triss to practically blurt out of nowhere, "You look beautiful, Yenna."
Yennefer turned around, looking a little surprised by the outburst before the corners of her mouth turned up into an amused smirk. It was like she thought she was nothing more than an adorable child, and Triss' cheeks burned a deeper red as she realized that she would really never be on equal footing with the older sorceress.
"Thank you, dear."
Triss wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
[x]
Night fell in Kaer Morhen and Triss found herself in bed, incapable of sleeping. She was still unable to wrap her head around how easy it was, being around Yennefer again. Even though the woman had every reason to despise her, she… she didn't. And maybe that was because she had spent a disproportion amount of her life before being worried about every woman who found themselves around Geralt, and now she either did not care, or realized that she had Geralt so tightly wrapped around her finger now that she no longer needed to worry, but she was… fuck, honestly? She was the person Triss fell in love with so many years ago.
And that sucked.
Triss wished Yennefer would scream at her. Hate her. Tell her that she would never forgive her for what she did with Geralt behind her back, because then it would be easier to move on. She didn't want to lose Yennefer's friendship, but she also didn't want to be hurt because she was continuously yearning for something that was forever unattainable.
But the thing was that it hadn't been, once. A long time ago, before Geralt; before Triss had even left Aretuza, before she had finished her studies and became a full-fledged sorceress. Yennefer was not there often, but when she was, it seemed she had taken a special liking to Triss. She was always helping her with her studies, or enjoying a bit of light discourse with her over glasses filled with Toussaint's finest wine.
At first, Triss thought Yennefer merely saw her as a little sister, and perhaps she had – still did, to some degree – despite what had happened between them. Their relationship with one another – along with Geralt and Ciri – had always been a little weirdly incestuous. Philippa had made sure to mention that more than a handful of times and although it embarrassed Triss, she couldn't help but feel like on some level, that Philippa was right.
It was a mess. It still was, and Triss had no idea what her place in all of it was anymore.
She could still remember as clear as day how it happened though. They were enjoying a glass of wine in one of the private libraries, taking about this, that, and everything in between, when suddenly Yennefer mentioned something that Triss was not expecting, for she had expected an altogether different outcome.
.
"I hear Philippa Eilhart is considering taking you on as a leashed sorceress."
Triss blinked back her surprise, the wine glass hanging in the air just above her lips. This was the first she had heard of such a thing. "What? She— she is?" She had never even spoken to Philippa before; at least not directly. The woman had lectured once about Polymorphism and while she was brilliant and absolutely terrifying, Triss wasn't certain what a sorceress like that would see in her. It wasn't like she was anything special.
Besides, she had been hoping that someone else would have been considering such a thing, and she was a little disappointed that that did not seem to be the case.
Yennefer took a slow sip of her wine, watching the expression change on Triss' face. "I'd have thought you'd be happier. Philippa doesn't just take on anyone, you know. She only reserves her time for the best – you should be flattered that's she's even considering it."
"I thought you didn't like her." Because Yennefer had made it no secret when she was upset, and apparently Philippa was able to push her buttons better than most.
"I don't, but that doesn't mean that I'm unable to recognize what a great opportunity this would be for you," Yennefer reasoned. "Philippa may be irritatingly arrogant, but she is very skilled. You could learn a lot from her."
Triss pursed her lips.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I mean—" Triss fidgeted in her seat, both of her hands wrapped around her stemless wine glass as she stared at the contents inside. "I know Philippa is talented, and I know that if she's interested in me then that means that maybe I'm not barely above adequate like I thought, but I guess I just—I mean, you and I, we've gotten so close, so I just assumed…"
"Oh," Yennefer realized, understanding what the problem was now. She smiled patiently at her. "Triss, I am very fond of you, but I'm not one to take on a leashed sorceress. Other than not having the bloody time for it, I also don't need that kind of ego boost. Philippa, on the other hand, is someone that enjoys getting her arse kissed, and considering you are quite the people-pleaser yourself in what I'm sure are more ways than one, you might actually make a fairly decent match."
Triss' mouth dropped open in quasi-offense. Part of her knew it to be true, but the other part didn't enjoy being called out like that either. "Are you calling me subservient?"
Yennefer smirked, her cheeks flushed from the wine. "Are you trying to convince me that you're not?"
Triss blushed a furious crimson, her gaze falling to the floor. Yennefer chuckled, swirling the contents of her glass for a moment, pondering something.
"Have you ever been with a woman, Triss?"
Something hot burned in the pit of the younger woman's stomach at the question, and she shifted a bit in her seat before she silently shook her head, admitting that she had not. And it wasn't as though she wasn't curious or anything, but the opportunity had never presented itself to her.
"If she chooses you, Philippa will no doubt try to seduce you," Yennefer informed her, keeping careful note of the reaction she was getting. "She enjoys having her pupils being utterly devoted to her, whether in academics or in bed. She gets a power trip from it, I'm sure; like every other exaggerated thing that she does."
Triss swallowed, feeling a rush of excitement course through her at the thought. Philippa may terrify her a little bit, but she was incredibly attractive. The thought of a woman like that wanting her…
Yennefer smirked, taking another sip of wine. "I see you're not averse to the idea."
Triss flushed once more, terribly embarrassed that her expression gave her away. How wanton and virginal she must look right now, despite the fact that she had been with more men that she could count. Women though… women were different.
Triss looked up at the other woman from beneath her lashes, gently chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to form words; something, anything… but it was then that Triss realized that Yennefer's expression had changed. She was staring at her lips in a way that made Triss ache inside, and the younger woman suddenly realized that, apparently, Philippa was not the only one who enjoyed when others were subservient.
A fresh wave of excitement coursed through her, but this time, it was for someone who she considered to be a dear friend. Triss had never contemplated the idea of Yennefer as a lover, but because of the look on the other woman's face it was almost instinctual to start playing up her vulnerabilities – acting shyly flirtatious as she blushed again and looked down.
Yennefer placed her glass of wine on the table next to her, her voice having gotten noticeably deeper. "You don't have to play coy, Triss. I know what you're doing."
Triss wanted to ask, 'and what about what you're doing', because she was the one who brought up being with a woman, she was the one who was looking at her like she'd suddenly want nothing more than to rip her apart and claim her for her own, but at the end of the day, they both knew Triss would never have the stones to voice such an accusation out loud. So instead she stayed quiet until Yennefer finally instructed her with,
"Come here."
Triss' breathing shallowed, her heart beginning to pound heavily beneath her ribcage. Suddenly she was very nervous, and because of that she noticeably hesitated.
"Don't make me repeat myself."
Triss stood faster than she thought she ever had in her life. She nearly tripped over herself in the process, making her cheeks flare bright red again as the corners of Yennefer's mouth quirked upwards in amusement. She crossed the distance between them, but once she got to the chair that Yennefer was sitting in, she didn't quite know what to do. So she just stood there silently. Awkwardly.
Yennefer allowed the silence to stretch on for much too long, no doubt amusing herself with how nervous it was making her. Finally, she said, "You honestly don't expect me to sit here and look up at you, do you?"
Triss' breath caught in her throat, her mind going a million miles an hour as she tried to figure out what the hell the right thing to do in this situation was. Was Yennefer supposed to stand? Was she supposed to get another chair? Was she—
"Triss."
Triss looked at the other woman, panic evident in her eyes. She had no idea what she was supposed to do! But it seemed Yennefer realized that, so she subtly inclined her eyes from Triss to the floor. Suddenly, Triss understood, and she blushed again for the umpteenth time over being so bloody stupid before she crouched down, falling to her knees. The position made her feel so utterly subservient that it caused a fierce heat to course through her body, dilating her pupils and shallowing her breath. Yennefer smiled, settling back in her chair as she looked down at the woman before her.
"Tell me what you want, and perhaps I'll see it done."
Triss couldn't even look at her. She was uncomfortably wet, to the point that she actually feared that Yennefer could smell her. Her breath caught in the back of her throat, embarrassed to voice what it was that she desired, even though it was probably foolish to fear at this point that Yennefer might not give it to her. At some point, she would no doubt tire from playing with her food, and would eventually devour her whole.
"Speak."
"—Teach me," was the only thing Triss could blurt out, internally wincing at how stupid that sounded. Yennefer however, merely quirked an eyebrow.
"Teach you how to please a woman?"
"…Yes," Triss breathed, finally allowing herself to look up at the woman sprawled out in the chair before her. She was radiant, domineering, beautiful. She smirked then, this expression that just screamed, I own you, and Triss noticeably shivered in anticipation, not realizing how badly she needed this to happen until she was practically begging for it.
But 'practically' it seemed, was not good enough for Yennefer of Vengerberg.
"…Only if you ask nicely."
.
Triss closed her eyes at the memory, feeling the same familiar heat begin to course through her veins. Oh, she begged Yennefer after that. She begged shamelessly. She begged for the most filthy things because Yennefer wanted to see just how far she could push her, until finally she got what she asked for and she had supple thighs wrapped around her neck and a face-full of one of her closest friends.
The sun was starting to rise and Triss couldn't believe how little sleep she had gotten, but in all honestly, that fact was of little importance right then. She was too caught up in her memories and before she knew it, she was throwing the covers from her, feeling as though she might burn alive if she did not get some relief. Her nightdress was unceremoniously hiked up, her knickers were tossed to the other side of the room, and once her fingers finally slipped through her own slick heat Triss sighed loudly, allowing her mind to wander back to what had happened all those years ago.
.
She had pleased her well, albeit with explicit instruction. Still, it seemed Yennefer wished to reward her for her service and suddenly Triss found herself being bent over one of the desks in the library, the litter of books that were once strewn atop it being pushed brusquely onto floor. She was already stripped nude, as Yennefer had wanted something pretty to look at while she was getting fucked, and Yennefer quickly smacked the inside of Triss' thigh, silently encouraging her to widen her stance. The younger woman did as instructed.
"Don't turn around."
Triss could feel herself literally dripping down her thighs, and all she could do in response was whimper and bury her head in her hands. This was… this was so much more than she was ever expecting, but she certainly was not complaining. Perhaps Yennefer was just doing this this way to prepare her for Philippa, as she had made a point to tell her that the other sorceress enjoyed having her pupils being utterly devoted to her, both academically and in the bedroom. But perhaps this was also just how Yennefer liked things and honestly, Triss did not care to ask which one it was, for she reaped the benefits either way.
She felt Yennefer return by a gentle touch on her hip. Triss shuddered, bending over as far as she could against the desk, practically presenting herself to her like some kind of wanton whore because she needed it. She needed it. She needed it now or she was certain that she might burst.
And then she felt it.
A thick phallus gently teased between her thighs, and Triss exhaled a desperate moan. She tried to push herself back towards it, but Yennefer's fingers dug into her hip hard enough to bruise, stilling Triss in her tracks.
"If you want it, beg for it."
"Please," Triss groaned desperately. "Please, Yen, you must see how wet I am for you. Please." Gone was her shame, her timid vulnerabilities. Now, all Triss was was a mess of desire and need, and they both knew she would do damn near anything to get relief from the one person who held it in the palm of her hand.
Thankfully, Yennefer was feeling forgiving. The cock slid inside of her with little resistance and Triss pitched forward, exhaling a deep moan as she felt it fill her. "Yes, oh… oh, Yen…" But it seemed as though this wouldn't be as easy as Triss had hoped, as suddenly Yennefer had a fist-full of her hair, pulling her upwards so that her back was flush to the older woman's breasts. Triss gasped sharply.
"I didn't hear a 'thank you'."
"Thank you…!" Triss exhaled urgently, not wishing for Yennefer to take it away from her once she had finally gotten what she desires. "Thank you—Yenna, thank you…!" But her words began to fall away to desperate moans and grunts as Yennefer kept a firm hold on her, beginning to pound mercilessly inside of her. Triss still tried to thank her though, tried to say anything and everything she wanted as Yennefer absolutely destroyed her, but all she was reduced to in the end was a sobbing, incoherent mess as she was given the most intense orgasm that she had ever had in her life.
.
Triss pressed harder against her clit and hissed in pleasure, squirming beneath her own hand. Yes, Yennefer had easily given her the most amazing orgasm of her entire life back then, but she had lived for much longer now. And as her pleasure began to build deep in her gut, Triss' mind began to wander to a time just after Philippa had unleashed her, and suddenly Triss wasn't just fucking herself to the thought of Yennefer anymore, but to the woman she foolishly threw away in favor of a unobtainable fantasy.
Because fantasies were all she had now, weren't they? Them, and her own right hand.
.
"I… I can't—!"
"You can, and you will," Philippa breathed against her lips, gently coaxing an eagle-bound Triss towards another orgasm. She wasn't atop her anymore, wasn't commanding her or acting like the owner that Triss had always known her to be though; perhaps because it had been many hours since they began this and Philippa had grown weary of the games she often liked to play, or perhaps it was something else altogether. Regardless, the woman was now flush to Triss' side, one leg thrown haphazardly over her captive's while she watched the fruits of her labor with interest.
Triss was panting heavily as Philippa carefully began edging her, causing the young woman's breathing to become uneven and loud. Her chest had flushed a deep crimson, and beads of sweat littered her forehead. She pulled helplessly at her bindings and whimpered as Philippa's fingers twisted inside of her. The woman knew what she was doing; of that, there was no doubt. Yennefer might have taught Triss some things, but she had been a leashed sorceress to Philippa for over four years before she was released and the things Philippa had taught her were beyond anything she had ever fathomed before.
Triss loved her. She loved her as a mentor, she loved her as her mistress. She loved her like a pet loved their attentive owner, and as she looked up at the woman who had both broken her and put her back together again to make her stronger, smarter, better, her lips parted and she exhaled a throaty, "—Please, Mistress."
It was the only name that Triss knew her by. So much in fact, that in order to not slip up in front of colleagues Triss took to never talking to, nor referring to Philippa directly, since she had become unleashed. It amused Philippa to no end, but it was no doubt a sign of good training, at the very least. That, and they never stopped fucking once Triss became unbound to her, which was apparently a rather unorthodox thing for Philippa to do anyway.
"Please what, my pet?"
Triss swallowed, her chest heaving as she looked up at her, feeling incredibly vulnerable in that moment for some reason. "…Let me touch you."
Philippa was silent. Triss thought that perhaps she had asked for too much, but then the other woman glanced at the bounds that held her tight to the bed and with a wave of her own, released Triss from all four of them. Triss was, at best, expecting to only be released from just one of them, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She immediately grasped for the woman on top of her, crashing their lips together in a fierce kiss.
Philippa twisted her fingers inside of her again and Triss whimpered, grasping the other woman's face once they parted from their kiss. She could feel Philippa's breath on her lips and as she began to climb that torturous ascent, she caught the other woman's piercing gaze and said something she had never uttered before in her life.
"Phil…"
For a moment, Triss was certain that Philippa would reprimand her for her use of not just her name, but a nickname. But she didn't. Instead Triss watched the woman atop her inhale an unsteady breath before it was her turn to close the distance between them, kissing Triss with more passion than the younger woman believed she had ever felt from Philippa before.
And it did something to her.
Suddenly, a barrier had been broken and Triss was no longer her compliant subservient, but a partner with equal passion as she grasped for the woman above her, pressing their breasts together and digging her nails into her back. Philippa bit down on her bottom lip and Triss moaned deeply, one of her hands finding its way between them to touch her lover how she herself were being touched.
Sliding her fingers through Philippa's slick heat made the woman hiss in pleasure, her forehead dropping to rest against Triss'. The younger woman's pupils dilated and, suddenly feeling emboldened, allowed her free hand to tangle in Philippa's hair. But before she could pull her down towards her, Philippa reached out with her free hand and placed it just below Triss' throat. A warning.
"Don't get cocky."
But it was said in a tone that made Triss smile as she looked up at her, seeing the woman's beautiful locks frame her angular face. "I won't," she promised her softly, gently untangling her hand from the other woman's hair. She touched her face then, softly tracing the other woman's bottom lip with her thumb until she was one to coax a smile from Philippa and then…
And then they both realized that they were suddenly treading a line that they should have never, ever gone near, and everything fell apart.
It was strange, how someone could feel so comfortable and safe one moment, to absolutely terrified the next because what the hell were they doing? But perhaps it was just the fact that they had been fucking for the better part of the last couple of hours, so of course things were bound to get intense and emotional. Regardless, it seemed neither women were ready for whatever may or may not have been developing, and suddenly Triss was grasping onto the hand that was just beneath her throat, encouraging Philippa to actually choke her.
And Philippa complied without hesitation, because she wanted nothing to do with this nonsense either.
.
After that, Triss was allowed to call her by her given name, however they never got that close again. Triss had wanted to once, had thought that perhaps getting closer to Philippa would help her get over Yennefer, but Philippa was having none of it. It seemed that the second she felt anything more than just desire she shut completely down, and so Triss continued to be kept at arm's length, which was probably fair anyway, considering that she felt strongly for another.
But oh, that orgasm. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the fear they were both having, or perhaps it was the way Philippa choked the breath from her lungs the moment she felt she was coming, but that woman made her see stars. And as Triss furiously rubbed against her clit now she tossed her head to the side, bit the pillow, and thought of her.
And that was how she finished herself off; realizing that perhaps she had been focused on the wrong thing all this time because that? That moment? That meant at one time Philippa actually did care for her, despite her insistence otherwise. That moment meant that Triss was actually capable of seeing only her, when she had believed for so long that everything she did with Philippa would be tainted by her infatuation with Yennefer. But it wasn't. They both might top her, but at the end of the day, they were two very different people, and Triss had only touched one of them like they were worth more than what their body could give them.
And it hadn't been Yennefer.
Triss was off the bed faster than she probably should have, and almost stumbled when she found that her legs were wobbly. After steading herself, Triss grabbed her knickers off the floor and slipped them on, followed by some actual pants. She needed to call Philippa via the megascope in the observatory, and she needed to do it before everyone got there and everything became too crazy.
And honestly, she knew Philippa would probably just curse at her, or worse, outright ignore her, but she had to try. Triss just felt like this giant idiot all of a sudden, and in her desperate need to just fix it, she hadn't noticed that she put her shirt on backwards as she ran out of her room… and straight into Yennefer.
"Did you feel it too?" Yennefer asked without even a word of greeting. She looked torn between being excited and terribly anxious, and Triss blinked, not realizing what it was the other woman was talking about until she took a minute to get out of her own head, and actually become aware of her surroundings.
And then she felt it.
Triss' gaze met Yennefer's, and as they both realized what it was that caused a strange surge of magic to surround Kaer Morhen, they both uttered in surprised unison:
"Ciri."
TBC…