(Episode 2) Chapter 2: Fast Times at Yancy Academy
"Fast Times (The Best Years of Our Lives) by Billy Squier plays
Percy: Man it's like a dream come true! My evil math teacher was replaced by a hot blonde and the only thing that's making me remember she ever existed is…
Grover Underwood runs up
Grover: Hi Percy
Percy: Hi Grover-
Grover: What? Who's Ms. Dodds? What are you talking about?
Percy: [sighs] As usual Grover, I didn't say anything about Ms. Dodds
Grover: Who now? What Ms. Dodds? I don't know who you're talking about
Percy: You know sometimes I wonder why we're even friends
Grover: I'm telling you Percy! There's never been a Ms. Dodds at our school
Percy: [groans]
Later…
Percy: Man studying for the finals is gonna be really tough for an ADHD kid like me. I think I'll concentrate on Latin since Mr. B my favorite teacher
Six hours later…
Percy: Alright I think I've got it. Aphrodite is the king of the Gods, Ares is the love goddess, Dionysus rules the Underworld, and Apollo is the wisdom goddess…[checks book]...Damn! I'm more screwed than the whores at that brothel next to my apartment back home! I guess I'd better ask Mr. B for help...or apologize for the big fat F I'm about to get...probably the second one.
Percy runs to Mr. B's...I mean Chiron's...I mean "Mr. Brunner's" office when he hears…
Grover: ...worried about Percy sir
Percy: Say what now?
Grover: [loudly] Whisper whisper! Summer solstice deadline! Whisper! Kindly Ones! Whisper!
Mr. Brunner: Stop saying whisper! And don't worry. The Mist will soon convince him that Ms. Dodds never existed
Grover: Yeah I've been doing my part in that as well
Mr. Brunner: All we need to do is keep him alive until for the summer
Percy drops his books loudly
Percy: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Percy runs and hides in a classroom. Through the door he sees the silhouette of Chiron in centaur form and hears the clopping of hooves
Mr. Brunner: Oh it's probably nothing…
Grover: But sir I could have sworn I heard someone say fuck really loudly several times
Mr. Brunner: I said it was probably nothing!
Mr. Brunner and Grover leave. Percy runs back to his room
Percy: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
After the Latin finals exam the next day…
Mr. Brunner: Don't feel bad about flunking out of Yancy Percy. You don't belong here really
Percy: Wow thanks Mr. B
Mr. Brunner: Well what I mean to say is….you're not normal Percy
Percy: That's ok Mr. Brunner. In our teen society, being abnormal is something that's looked up upon
The last day of school…
Rich Kid No. 1: Huh huh! My dad's taking me to hang out with Brad Pitt! Huh huh!
Rich Kid No. 2: Heehee! Yeah well my dad's taking me to go to Las Vegas to get laid! Heehee!
Rich Kid No. 3: Nyeck nyeck! (yes those are laughing noises) Oh yeah well MY dad's taking me to Brad Pitt to get laid! So there! Nyeck nyeck!
Crickets chirp
Rich Kid No.1: Uh...so what are you gonna do Percy?
Percy: I'm gonna do nothing because I'm poor
Crickets chirp
Rich Kid No. 2: Right…[turns to No.3] What were you saying about getting laid with Brad Pitt?
Later…
Percy: Man I gotta get outta here before-
Grover: Hey Percy!
Percy: Man my life sucks
Grover: Looks like we're going back on the same bus
The two sit in silence
Percy: So uh...who the hell are the Kindly Ones?
Grover: I don't know any Ms. Dodds or any of the other Kindly Ones!
Percy: Grover you're a really crappy liar
Grover: [sighs] alright just take this in case you need me
Grover hands Percy his card
Grover Underwood
Keeper
Half-Blood Hill
Long Island, New York
(800)-009-0009
Percy: Now I'm supposed to have dyslexia but somehow I was able to read this normally. What the hell is Half-
Grover: Don't say it! It's my uh...summer address
Percy: What?! You're a rich kid too?! Does your mansion have an arcade?
Grover: Uh no...the truth is, I'm sorta supposed to protect you
Percy: No arcade? What kind of rich kid are you?
The bus grinds to a stop. Black smoke, along with the smell of rotten eggs, pours from the dashboard*
Little kid: Hey mommy I think someone farted! Hehe! I said "farted!"
The passengers all get off the bus; on the bus's side of the road, there's merely a few trees; on the other side of the highway is a fruit stand with delicious looking fruits and three old-ass ladies knitting; the one on the left and right each were knitting a huge-ass sock and the one in the middle held a basket of blue yarn; they stared right at Percy
Percy: Hey Grover look! Those cougars are checking me out! Which one should I hook up with, the one on the left, the middle, the right...or all three?
Grover: No Percy shut the hell up
The old lady in the middle takes out a pair of shears
Percy: Okay not that one...getting cut is a bit too kinky for me
Grover: Let's get back on the bus
Percy: But I wanna hook up with them!
Grover drags Percy onto the bus but Percy still sees and hears the old lady in the middle cut the yarn.
Percy: Ouch! That girl has some serious issues! I guess it was a good idea you pulled me outta there Grover
The bus driver has fixed the bus; the passengers cheer and the bus continues on
Grover: Percy...what did you see?
Percy: I saw the old lady in the middle use her scissors on my dick...I mean that yarn!
Grover: No...not good…they never live past sixth grade...promise me you'll let me walk you home?
Percy: Sure thing Grover. I'll totally let you walk home with me once we got off this bus
The End
The book does mention a smell like rotten eggs
Yes Atropos is the kinkiest of the Three Fates