"Ugh, I can't believe my family disowned me!"
The heiress slammed her tray as she sat on the table right beside Yang. Her eyes were completely bloodshot, and her cheeks were red like roses. A trickle of blood dripped its way down Weiss's right nostril just next to a caked layer of powdery white substance. Her overall attire left much to be desired, considering there were splotches of blood, powder, dust, and dirt all over it.
As Pyrrha observed her four friends sitting next to her, she leaned forward to take a bite out of her nice, juicy Big Mac from McDonalds. Considering she was a pro-star athlete, she could afford to eat eight times as many cheeseburgers as everyone else without incurring indigestion. Plus, she needed to eat that many McDonalds cheeseburgers so she could make her butt grow fat and get Jaune-sempai to ask her out on a date. The radio station said that men liked big butts, so maybe Jaune too would appreciate her more if she emphasized her own features.
Pyrrha liked big butts. Thats why she always crept on top of Jaune-sempai every night and touched his warm butt cheeks with her clean, Spartan hands. It always made her feel warm and cuddly inside.
Blake, who was sitting right next to the champion of Mistral, folded her arms in a sense of smug superiority, "Look at how the mighty has fallen."
"SHUT UP!" shouted Weiss. She leaned over and pulled a large, silver canteen out from under her dress, and chugged down its contents. It didn't take a tactical genius to figure out that the canteen had alcohol in it. "AW YEAAAAAH! THIS STUFF IS THE BEST!" The heiress threw the canteen into the table, causing its contents to spill out.
"Uh, Weiss," said Jaune. "Maybe you should stop…"
"SHUT UP, YOU DOLT!" Pyrrha instinctively ducked when Weiss reached for Myrtenaster, but Yang managed to grab hold of her arm. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I NEED TO TEACH THIS STUPID DUSTING DUNCE A LESSON!"
"Sorry Weiss," said Yang, "but this is for your own good."
"You really need to lay down on the alcohol." Blake added. She was a cat.
"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! I'M NOT DRUNK! I JUST HAVE A NATURALLY OUTGOING PERSONALITY!" Weiss fell face down into the table, and then hiccuped.
"Way to go, Snow Angel," Jaune commented. Jaune-sempai's crush on Weiss was obvious even to someone like Pyrrha, but now that Weiss was an alcoholic wreck, his feelings for her were lessening day by day. Naturally, all of his love and sexiness would gradually gravitate to Pyrrha. And then he will be mine forever.
But even in the midst of Pyrrha's daydreaming about Jaune-sempai, he wasn't the only thing on her mind. She turned to Yang and asked, "So, uh, any news on Ruby?"
"Not a thing. I'm still mad that she stole my Bumblebee, but I just hope she comes back." Ruby had gone out sometime last night and had never come back. She said something about having a craving for Mexican food, but Pyrrha didn't know of any restaurants in Vale that served that type of cuisine. In any case, the police couldn't find her, so it was up to teams RWBY and JNPR to find her, though some members were a bit incapacitated at the moment.
Blake shook her head, "The police are useless, as usual, and the professors don't know anything either."
"Yeah," nodded Pyrrha. So far, no one had heard anything about Ruby, and Ozpin seemed to have gone missing as well. She couldn't say for sure whether it was because he was hiding or whether something had gotten him.
After half a minute of silence, Yang turned to her. "So… how's Nora holding up?"
"Still under the weather," the Spartan replied. Ever since last Thursday, Nora has been sick with a high fever. She already took a visit to the doctors, and they've been taking care of her ever since. Ren has been visiting her in the hospital every once in the while; that was why he wasn't there dining with them. When Pyrrha last spoke with him, he said that Nora's been coughing up blood. She just hoped it wasn't too serious.
"Man, I just hope she gets better soon," said Jaune. He was always caring and considerate about other people. Why couldn't he direct his consideration towards her instead of all those other girls?
Right around then, Sun walked by around Blake and Pyrrha.
"Sup, Sun," waved Yang.
Sun scratched his head. "Yo, have any of you seen my DVDs?"
"WHY IN DUST DO YOU THINK WE'VE SEEN YOUR STUPID DVDS? NOBODY GIVES A DUSTING CRAP! YOU'RE… YOU'RE… A STUPID DUNCE! AHAHAHAHA!" Weiss slammed her fist on the table, because she was laughing.
"Is she…"
Everyone else nodded in the affirmative.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? I'M NOT DRUNK! I AM THE HEIRESS TO THE SCHNEE FAMILY DUST COMPANY! WHY WON'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?"
"Dude, you…"
"SHUUUUT UP!" She threw one of the metal forks at Sun, who swiftly dodged it. "I'm… I'm going to take my meds."
Weiss pulled out a plastic baggie with a white, powdery substance.
"Is that…"
"IT'S POWDERED SUGAR, DUNCE!" She was about to raise the bag up to her bloody nose, but then she suddenly stood up. "I'm just going to use the restroom for a second." And like that, she was off.
"Well," commented Blake, "that was something."
"Shouldn't we be worried for her?" said Jaune.
"Man," remarked Sun. "there's been some weird stuff happening lately. Ruby and Ozpin are gone, my DVDs are missing, and Weiss is acting, well, like that. And then there was that incident over in the mall."
"Speaking of which," said Blake, "would you happen to know anything about Ruby's disappearance?"
"Nah, though I did see her getting chased by the White Fang the other night. They looked pissed."
"Well, that's useful."
Jaune-sempai suddenly stood up. "Excuse me guys, I've gotta go take a whiz for a second." Pyrrha wanted to go after him so she could watch him while he went poo, but then she remembered that she'd get in trouble for that. Too bad I'm not rich enough to afford a camera. Maybe I can ask Weiss for some money so I can spy on Jaune-sempai.
Then, her stomach rumbled. Everyone else looked at her immediately.
Yang cringed. "You okay, Pyrrha?"
"Jesus, girl, how many of those things do you eat?" asked Sun.
"I… I gotta use the restroom." The champion of Mistral quickly stood up and rushed out of the cafeteria. When she got into the hall, she quickly passed by Jaune, considering her own farts allowed her to run faster than the naked eye could see. The girl's bathroom was all the way at the far end of the hall, right next to the door leading out back into the main campus.
Once inside, she saw Weiss standing over by one of the mirrors, powdering her nose. The girl was laughing at her own reflection, holding onto the puke-filled sink for stability. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said. Even someone like Pyrrha could see that the former Schnee heiress was seriously drunk.
The Spartan warrior walked into one of the empty stalls, passing by the heaps of Weiss's poo next to the urinals. She turned around, locked the stall, and laid the last remaining seat cover onto the seat.
-PLOOP!-
Within the blink of an eye, all of Pyrrha's doo-doo from eating eighteen McDonald's hamburgers started going out like a dozen White Castle sliders ground up into diarrhea. Pyrrha had remembered to pull down her underwear before she pooped, because she wasn't a stupid dunce-head like Ruby was.
She didn't even need to pray to Shrek, because she had absolutely no idea who that guy was. It didn't really matter anyway, because Shrek was dreck.
"Ah, that was such a relief!" Pyrrha said when she let out the last bit of poo. It made her think of Jaune-sempai.
"SHUT UP, DOLT! CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME HAVE DUST IN PEACE? UGH! IDIOTS!" Pyrrha heard loud footsteps as Weiss stomped out of the girl's bathroom.
Pyrrha leaned forward to reach for the dispenser, but she soon found that it was out of toilet paper.
"Well, it looks like I'll have to improvise."
So Pyrrha reached down with her right hand and wiped the sticky poo off. When she reached her hand up to her face, the tips of her three middle fingers were covered in liquid, yellowish-brown poop.
It smelled real good, like fresh barbecue ribs straight off the grill.
So she put her fingers into her mouth and started licking them. They tasted really good, like freshly cooked onions.
She reached her hand down into the toilet, letting her fingers soak up the soggy wetness of the toilet's pristine-clean water mixed with her own greasy, liquid poopies. She scooped up some of the dirty water and poured it into her mouth. When her dry tongue tasted her own crud, she felt a surge of happiness well up from within.
It was like Jaune-sempai was inside her.
Pyrrha thought about doing other things with the poo, but then she remembered that this story was rated T and the TV networks can't show the kind of stuff that goes on between Mommy and Daddy when buy brothers and sisters from the evil stork-man, even though most people would be grossed out if they saw their favorite characters playing with their own doodies. So, seeing that she couldn't do much else with her own poop, Pyrrha was simply content with drinking her own muddy elixir.
But then an idea came to her. What did Jaune-sempai's poop taste like?
The Spartan girl stood up from her seat, spun around, and performed a spinning back kick to the door.
-RIIIIP!-
"Well, that's unfortunate…" Because she had forgotten to pull up her pants when she did the kick, her underwear was now in remnants all over the floor. She didn't have any time to think about that, though. She had more important things to take care of.
I need Jaune-sempai's poo inside of me.
Forgetting to flush the toilet, Pyrrha rushed out of girl's bathroom faster than a blue hedgehog. Some of the poop was now dripping onto the floor, since she didn't wipe herself off completely.
Neptune passed by on her left, dressed in his most fashionable attire. He waved. "Hi Pyrrha how's it…"
But when he looked at Pyrrha, he instantly turned to the wall and puked all his dinner out. She also passed by Sky Lark, and he too threw up when he saw the Spartan girl. As she ran down the hall, she heard their cries of pain and agony, but she had no time to think about that.
Jaune-sempai. We must become one. I must have you inside me.
She drew out her spear and broke down the door to the boy's bathroom. She would probably have to pay the school for property damages, but she didn't have time to think about that.
"Jaune-sempai!"
Although Pyrrha didn't see anyone else in the boy's bathroom, one of the stalls was closed. When she peeked under the low-hanging door, she could see Jaune's pants and shoes dangling underneath.
"I'm coming for you, my future husband!"
Without any regard to the rules she was breaking, the undefeated Spartan warrior kicked down the stall door once more. But, much to her dismay, the person inside the bathroom stall was not her beloved Jaune-sempai.
It was the killer.
"Good evening, madame! How would you like some fine caviar for tonight's dinner?"
Later that night, the students of Beacon found the stall where Pyrrha met the killer covered in feces. A couple of students said they saw Pyrrha enter the boy's bathroom, but no one ever saw her come out. Nobody heard her scream either, as she was tough enough to endure whatever sinister designs the killer had for her. The remaining members of teams RWBY and JNPR investigated the scene of the crime, but they could find nothing but piles and piles of doo-doo. Pyrrha's body was nowhere to be found either.
Whatever the circumstances, it was clear to everyone there that they were in a mess way over their heads. Still, even though none of them had any idea what was going on, two questions lurked on everyone's minds. Who was the killer, and more importantly, who among them would be next to fall victim to the killer's insane, twisted designs?